Augustus McCrae

JTC, a lot has changed since my last posts a few years ago. I've gone through growth and maturing, have a great internship I'm working at and I am happily engaged (to an entirely different young lady). Just wanted to fill you in since you asked!

A few days ago, I had a unique experience. Normally, my dreams are of the mundane variety: being back in high school, forgetting something important for something, etc, but the other night, I had the first dream I have ever had that felt "significant" in some way. If anyone can offer an interpretation (it may be meaningless for all I know), I would appreciate it. In my dream, I had something that I felt that was of incredible value, something priceless beyond measure that belonged to be put into the Ark of the Covenant. I do not know why or how, but the Ark was readily available in front of me. In the dream I reached out my hand to open the Ark and put the object in (it seems to me it may have been Aaron's staff or something which should already be in there, ironic because my name is also Aaron). As my hand came into contact with the Ark, it dawned on me that I should not be touching the Ark and that since I wasn't a priest and wasn't grabbing it by the poles (although being a Christian may negate the priesthood part), I may die. When I touched it, the lid opened and I was knocked to my knees as I felt a sense of warmth surround me (powerful, but not harmful). I heard someone in a deep voice then speak in a language I had no comprehension of. The voice spoke what seemed to be a sentence, maybe two. I have no idea whether it may have been Hebrew or something else. I then awakened and sat straight up. I have never had a dream such as this, nor have I "audibly" heard Gods voice before, but now I'm not sure I haven't, although I didn't understand what was said. Can anyone help me understand what this may mean, if anything at all?

I realize the subject matter of my question will be much lighter fare than what is generally asked, but this was the only forum that seemed to lend itself to advice. Anyways, I have recently started dating a girl and for her birthday I am taking her to a performance of the Moscow Ballet's Great Russian Nutcracker. I have received many mixed reviews as to what to wear to such an event in modern times. It would always be my natural inclination to dress up for such an event (formal/semi-formal evening wear at least), but it seems that many people view dressing up for such an event in this day and time as snobbish or outdated. If it was a daytime production put on by a college or local theater, I might agree. However, this isn't a matinee and it is put on by a famous international stage company. What are y'all's thoughts?

Evening y'all. I recently started talking to this girl and she is above and beyond anything I could have hoped for. She is most importantly a strong Christian with firm morals. Secondly, she is of the same political persuasion as I am. On a more attraction-based level, what truly makes me giddy about her is that she is an author (at only 19) who is trying to get her first book published in addition to being a singer/musician/songwriter. You have to understand that two of my greatest loves are reading and music (I've played the piano since I was 5 in addition to playing the guitar and bass). We just connect in such a way; we're kindred spirits. She is simply gorgeous in my opinion (in no way a supermodel, but c'mon, who really wants to date a supermodel?). The single factor that lies against us is distance. I live and go to college 5 hours from both where she lives and where she goes to school (picture an equilateral triangle where the sides lengths = 5 hour driving distance each). We are currently in early stages of talking, but I can tell from the way we've connected that this could very easily move beyond friendship (I'll just say I've never felt this "right" about someone before if that makes any sense at all). I don't think 5 hours constitutes long-distance relationship, but it certainly isn't convenient either (hence medium-distance). Do y'all have any suggestions for such a situation?

Well, there seems to be a general consensus that I should put all my cards on the colloquial table and just go for it. Now the only question is when, where and how. I've had a couple of you say to offer it in a comedic way along the lines of, "hey, you want to help me lose those $10?" It does put me less out there, but it is also less straightforward with all the cards on the table. The other prevailing way is simply bare bones asking her on a date. That is definitely the most direct way. Any advice for how would be appreciated. Something more in depth than you just got to ask her out. I want good in depth ideas so I make the right impression. Where and what is a different question. We have been friends for a long time, so that makes a first date very different. We already know so much about each other and don't have the normal first date getting to know each other discussion topics available. Furthermore, I never dated in high school because I didn't want meaningless dating and broken hearts, so this would be my first date ever in addition to our first date together (should she accept). I have grown up learning how to treat a young woman (i.e. opening up doors, walking on the street side of sidewalk, getting her chair etc.), so I don't really need advice in that area. However, I also don't want to go overboard and scare her off by being too ultra-chivalrous (I mean, you can't be too gentlemanly, but I think you know what I'm getting at). The last thing is when. I see her usually at least once a week, but it's always in our group of four or so and I don't think that's really the right time. I could call or text her, but I think asking her in person is more appropriate and talking face to face can convey so much more just in body language and tone than a disembodied voice can. Any further thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Once again, thank you for all the replies. I can feel that y'all truly wish to help. Also, I remembered a little tidbit from the other night. It was also decided that if dating within the group occurred, the two who were dating would owe the other two double the decided wager. (This is only remotely relevant because it's the first time the topic of dating within the group was ever spoken of as a possibility).

Pro, I love your analogies haha. It is quite clear that you are indeed a writer. I'm going to say that since my dad is a taxidermist, your analogy doesn't necessarily flow 100%, but I definitely got what you meant. I couldn't help but visualize creeping up and tapping her on the shoulder after you said that...

Haha, Matthew T. I am indeed an avid Lonesome Dove fan, hence the name. That was quite sly of you to make that suggestion with intentions that you didn't disclose until I posted my reply, haha. I guess I'll have to watch for more of your tricks lol

Thank you for those replies. That isn't something I thought about. Just some clarification. In response to Shiloh, I think you misunderstood. This isn't a bet between guys. This is a mixed-gender bet that she is a part of. She may have even suggested it. I totally agree about the secrets. I mean, that's the plot of a Hallmark movie I've seen a time or two. Its just that it isn't a secret since she's a contender. That doesn't mean I won't give yalls advice great thought and prayer, it simply changes yalls perspective a little. Telling them to take their money is something theyd gladly do. The only thing I'm pretty sure of is that they would not let me get off Scot free without a full out explanation of how I lost. Us four are very close and two of them (one being her) in particular will pester information out of you as best as they can.

Pro1728, thank you for your very thoughtful and detailed post. You may think that others think it is silly, but I am an avid reader and appreciate your startle at a character more or less "walking out of a book." Although I'm don't like to call things coincidences, I think that qualifies as quite the happy accident and I'm quite pleased that my backstory is interesting enough for a novel (3 at that). You brought up some questions and advice and I would like to address those (I just got back from a weekly get-together and have a couple interesting details to add as well). 1. I truthfully have never seen her truly head over heels for someone. She has had boys approach her like I spoke of earlier and she will talk about typical TV show crushes and the like, but I truly do not know what it would look like if she truly fell for someone. I think you hit the nail on the head when you spoke of girls and insecurity. While she is not overly insecure, I think she has the "normal" (whatever that means, I'm not a girl, so I won't try to apply my own reasoning) insecurities you speak of. It's not as much that she speaks overly poorly of herself, its just that every now and then when the topic about dating comes up, she often speaks of it as if it wasn't likely to happen to her, that it would be far off, calling herself a "potato," etc. 2.In response to me never settling, that is superb advice and something that has been told to me before (once again, another part of that "long story" wherein I was labeled as the "romantic" that I need to get around to telling). 3. In response to her never settling, that is another thing I have thought about. I truly love this girl (in the way you love a very dear friend and want the best for them; it would be premature in the extreme to say the "eros" love) and despite whether or not my relationship with her develops past being close friends, I have already on multiple occasions prayed that she would find someone who would give her the romantic adventure and happy ending that I know she deserves. If that isn't me, I am fine with that because I know the Lord's plans are greater than my own (its just unfortunate - in our eyes at least - that they don't usually line up with our own desires or our own timelines). 4. As to tonight's occurrences, tonight we made a bet between us four. Whoever was the first to "get in a relationship" had to give the other 3 $5 each (just a little bet for fun). When the topic of who everyone thought would be the one to win/lose the bet (I guess it depends on your point of view?) she blurted out without hesitation that she thought it would be me (evidently, I would be quite "the catch" in her eyes, I guess it just comes down to whether or not that would apply for her own desires as well). The other 2 both agreed that they thought it would be me as well (which is odd, since I'm the one who has never really dated and they have never really said anything about my "dateability" aside from my "romantic-ness"). I try not to ever read two much into things, but I thought that was interesting. Once again, thank you for the reply and have a blessed evening.

I think that in all of our getting caught up in not judging we lose sight of the 2nd part of what Jesus said to the adulterous women.Yes, we need to realize that we are all sinful and have no place to condemn, but equally important, is that all sinners go and sin no more. Whenever people try to use scripture against us they love to quote the 1st part. We must remember that the 2nd part is just as valid.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I'm debating whether or not to pursue a more "romantic" relationship with a friend of mine. I've known her since middle school, but it wasn't until 10th grade that we actually became good friends (we are now both sophomores in college). Most importantly (to me at least), she loves the Lord and I know her walk with Him is strong. I must admit I find her gorgeous (not in a stereotypical Hollywood hourglass way, but in a simple but elegant way that would not cause the average passerby to doubletake but will captivate the careful eye). She is smart, funny and we both enjoy many of the same things. She, two or three other friends from our high school graduating class and I hang out on a regular basis - whether that be bowling, going to the movies, going out dancing, or simply watching tv and playing board games together. The hardest part in this decision for me is multi-faceted. First of all, a couple of my friends made attempts at dating her during high school, but she rebuffed their attempts. Some of them are still close friends with her, but one didn't take her cues to stop trying and ended up crippling their friendship - which brings me to my second point. I treasure the friendship I have with her. She, along with my other high school buddies are some of the few people who truly understand me (outside of family). I would hate to ever hurt our friendship in any way. Should she rebuff me as well, I am perceptive enough to know to quit there, but you can never go back to exactly the same after making that attempt. You may still be very good friends, but that one time you tried to be more than friends will always be part of your understanding of each other. Thirdly, I have no clue (fail or success) how it would affect the relationship dynamic within our group and how the others would perceive it. I would normally discuss this with two of my best friends, but those two both are close to her and I wouldn't want to put them in an awkward position. I think one of my largest stems of doubt comes from the fact that our group is very platonic in terms of our friendship. Every now and then our discussions turn towards past attempts at dating and lack of romance in our lives. Each time this happens, whether consciously or unconsciously, we never bring up the possibility of dating within the group. This may be quite possibly because the feel of our group is not unlike siblings rather than peers. Although some in our group have romantic history (attempts at least), like I said, it's overall platonic now. One thing I do have in my favor is that she is aware that I am quite romantic (a long story for a different time, you'll just have to take my word that it is true). I have spent a good deal of time in prayer beseeching God to know what to do in this situation. Not so much "God make this girl fall in love with me," which would be a little juvenile, but more along the lines of: "God, help me to become a better person. Make me a stronger man in you so that I am the kind of man that a father would want his daughter to date. Help me not to make rash or foolish decisions and help me to cause as little division or hurt should things not turn out as I planned. Moreover, help me to walk in accordance with your will, so that all I do may bring glory to your name and if this is not in your will, help me to see so so that trouble may be avoided" (that sounded kind of canned, but I wanted to emphasize I'm trying to pray in a more mature and God focused way as opposed to how I might have gone about such a topic for prayer when I was younger and thought as a child).Unfortunately, as of yet, the Lord has been overall silent on the matter. I do not know whether to take this as no, or maybe later. I know sometimes we don't realize how God answered until way down the line, so I've decided to simply trust him to lead and guide me, whether it's silence, gentle nudges, or shoves in the direction he wants. I don't expect any immediate epiphanies or revelations. Relationships tend to be long winding roads, not short sprints (and there's still a great deal of summer left before we must all go separate ways) however, these thoughts have been on my mind for a while and I needed a place to release them and seek advice. Any thoughts, prayers or advice are gladly welcome. Like I said, this will be a long journey and I won't be making any hasty decisions any time soon.

I have a couple days to mull over things and pray before I have to return to college, so I thought I would direct my thoughts at y'all. I want to ask the girl I have been interested in on a casual date. It's not that I'm afraid to be rejected for a date or that I'm nervous to ask her, it's that I'm afraid of losing her completely. As I've gotten to know this girl better over the last couple months, I have grown to treasure our friendship. My entire day is made when I get to spend just five or ten minutes simply talking to her on the way to a class. As much as I want to spend more time with her, I'm stricken at the thought of taking a nose dive and suffocating a friendship just starting to bloom. I realize the adage "nothing ventured nothing gained," but it helps to get my thoughts out and obtain advice from a third party. Thoughts? In addition, what are some ideas for a first date? I'd rather not do something that is boring and trite. (Note: We have spent much more time than just 5 minutes a day on several occasions, I simply didnt have the time or inclination to jot down every said event)

Little bit of an update. My "rival" is out of the picture now (not by anything of my doing, just worked out that way). I guess I'll cautiously move forward from there.

Hello again. I have a question regarding the "dibs" concept during pre-dating. I am interested in a girl at my college whom I have slowly started to get to know better in order to pursue a relationship with her. Unfortunately, I am new to dating and a situation I had never considered has arisen. Another person I know is also working towards pursuing her. This "rival" for lack of a better word is more than an acquaintance, but not quite a friend. We watch football on Sundays together and are on good terms, but that is it. He has expressed to me that he is interested in the same girl that I am (he doesn't know of my interest though). Would it be rude for me now to continue pursuing this girl knowing that he has expressed interest, or is it perfectly acceptable for me to continue since him and I are not all that close? If I did continue to pursue her, should I at least let him know of my interest in her as well? Thoughts please. (This may be a stupid question, but I tend to look out for others feelings more than my own because I like to treat others with the respect that I would wish to be given). For clarification, I in no way see her as a prize or a possession for "dibs," I just didn't know how better to express the situation. Update: My "rival" is out of the picture now (not by anything of my doing, just worked out that way). I guess I'll cautiously move forward from there.

Once again, to clarify, we aren't even dating yet, repeat, WE ARE NOT EVEN DATING. The thought of catholic/protestant dating led to a long chain of thoughts that ended in thinking about protestant/catholic marriage and the ramifications.

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general. In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant. Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation? (I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone) ADDENDUM: READ THIS PLEASE- I am in no way considering marriage. I hardly know this girl and I shouldn't have even brought her up. I was only contemplating the ramifications of Protestant/Catholic dating due to my vague interest in her.

It's tough seeing everyone I've grown up with either getting in on the dating scene or getting married. I've never given it much effort till recently due to the fact that I had no interest in meaningless high school dating. However, now that I am in college (and have had my first friend-zoning), I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to find a girl who shares similar beliefs with me. I am in a christian group on my campus, but it is much more "small-group" oriented (small groups are separated by gender). I've grown up in the same church for all my life and the options are the same as they've always been (not quite what I am looking for and I have no intention of leaving my church). Then I look at the college lifestyle and most everyone I am surrounded by is only interested in fast hook ups and drinking while I don't even believe in pre-marital sex. Everyone else is dating for a "good time," while I am truly searching for someone who I can share the rest of my life with. I really have no interest in dating just to date. I have no concerns about myself. I am confident in who I am and most everyone I meet can't help but like me. What's tough is finding the right people when it feels like everyone else is playing with a completely different set of rules, or not even playing the same game. Don't get me wrong, my focus right now is on my degree and my walk with Jesus. I am not in any way looking to get married in the near future. What I am saying is that it is tough to find people to date who I may choose to marry further down the line. Am I being too narrow minded in only wanting to date to find my future wife as opposed to dating (still in a moral context) for the fun of it?