Pete66

Just a quick note to let you know I'm still about.

A thank you to each that took the time to read this post.

A thank you to each that commented with well-intentioned, and I'm sure heart-felt, words of encouragement.

A thank you to each that prayed for me. 

May God bless each of you for your care and effort.

My sincerest thanks and gratitude!

"Don't draw attention to yourself", I am repeatedly told.

"You're just seeking attention", I am accused.

This is why I don't ask for prayer requests. This is why I don't tell it like it really is because, as it would seem, folks don't want to hear it.

I honestly don't know how to answer my accusers.

But I need prayer...and now. I feel the darkness pouring over and in me. I don't fear it but I definitely don't enjoy it. I know Jesus is there, has overcome, but that's of little consolation when the lights go out inside. I'm supposed to be a man, supposed to be a father, supposed to be a husband....this is not good what I'm experiencing.

Please pray. Please.  Please.

Yes, micro-archaeology would be great if we were dealing with a civilized and reasonable person.  The Temple Mount is full of archeological evidence to prove the existence of Jews before islam was founded, but the Palestinian authorities destroy everything they find and conceal the truth from the world.

My bad. I didn't mean micro-archaeology. I meant that form of archaeology that uses DNA analysis to trace the migration paths of humans about the globe. 

So all North American Indians have who as their forefather? Or were they created there about the time Adam and Eve appeared in the garden?

Let it be written! Let it be done!!

The sense of loss and abandonment can be a cruel burden to bear.  Sometimes so cruel as to render the Word of God seemingly null and void.  You want to believe you are not alone, just as the Word says, and yet you are unable to disperse the darkness that has settled upon you.

What would it take to make you feel better?

Of course, those of us who do call upon the Lord would want for you to know His wondrous touch in your great time of need. Think upon passages such as Psalm 23 or Ezekiel 37 where God breathes life back into those who feel alone without hope.  Think upon the great Resurrection of our Lord, a singular and mighty act that overcame the ultimate place of darkness and hopelessness, death, enabling those who trusted in Him who rose from the grave, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, to once again find hope unto life.

Know that many prayers are going up on your behalf.  Acknowledge Him and your despair will be turned to joy, as the Scriptures say, "put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness."  You are not alone...by His Spirit may you know this fully!

What proof does he have they were here? What proof do the naysayers have they weren't?  I suspect microarchaeology might be able to lend a hand.

"Resistance is futile. You will be [angry]"

So goes the story of the human condition.  Each of us carries that one thing that stands out from the rest, even AFTER we have come to the Cross for salvation. In your case it is anger.

Can it be controlled? I am not so convinced. Can it be overcome? Well, according to Scripture, it already has been. Now all that remains is to come into the practical experience of the truth that is spoken of in Scripture.

Passages I would encourage reflecting on are 1 John 1:5-9 (walking in the Light) and Colossians 3:1-4 (a life hid in Christ).  These passages, amongst the many others that can be specifically applied to your current situation, can add strength and wisdom to your conduct.

Realize that this approach is not passive. It is actually a very active way to come into the real experience of what Scripture has already informed you of - "You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free."

new news? 'cause the transcript is from December, 1969. That means they've known all this time and not told us. Interesting.

Curious. Sam admits that he may be part or all of the problem, admits that he understands he's being judgmental, yet Shiloh feels the need to press him on that point?!?

I no longer attend a church on any regular basis. I have had former church mates tell me I am sinning and cannot be a "real" Christian if I do not belong to a local body of believers. 

Needless to say I do not agree with this. 
What is the view of this forum? 

"Church" is interpreted by folks in a couple of different ways. One - a building where congregants attend per whatever schedule/activities takes place there.  Two - a gathering of Jesus followers, making a gathering on the street corner as much a 'church' gathering as meeting in a formal site/building.

The first has its place. It is a common meeting ground where the body of believers can do what it does (which hopefully is fully connected to the sharing of the gospel and the growing of disciples). The second, IMO, is the more relevant, in that the important factor is to be gathering with other believers, regardless of physical location, and that that gathering is intended to follow the biblical model found in Acts 2:

42 They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

43 Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. 

44 And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; 

45 and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 

46 Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, 

47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

In both places you will find this harsh reality - failing humanity. However, taking the biblical model upon ourselves in heart and action, we can be part of the molding process - others molding you and you molding others. This is played out very well in the model presented in the above passage.

In the midst of a body of believers infected by failure, it is healthy to remember such passages as these:

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure." (Phil. 2:13)

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6

Be careful that the rationale for not attending church is, as you've been accused of in this thread, merely a pretext for whatever self-serving agenda may be at work.  As the genuineness of God's grace and wisdom works in you, you may just find a way to be involved with a body of believers that thus far have proven themselves unworthy of your presence and involvement.

Of course, the decision is yours.  You must come to terms with this knowing that, ultimately, you and you alone answer to God.  I pray your heart is genuine in this matter and that it will be God who is honoured and glorified by the outcome.

Beautiful.....and beautiful to see you being taken care of (a la fez) in such timely and beautiful ways.

May God honour your faithfulness to be an inspiration to others in the face of challenging circumstances. And may you know the pleasure you give others by being such!

Dark thoughts can plague a person's mind, heart and even their soul. The thought of taking one's own life....it doesn't get darker than that.

The textbook answer is to recognize God loves you. The textbook answer is to tell you that others love you as well and will be devastated if you take your own life.

The textbook answers are right, and true, but sometimes not enough to remove the darkness that has descended on and in you.

I hope you'll consider those answers.  To the darkened mind, it is not easy, even impossible, to trust them to be true.  But that doesn't make them untrue. So, please, do consider those answers.

And consider this as well - you are not alone in your experience. Many have gone before you and, because of the spirit that is at work in this world, that being Satan, many will follow after. Don't let Satan win that battle in you. Trust in what is true (God loves you, Jesus died for you, others love you), band together with your fellow sufferers (in prayer, if nothing else) and let God show you the way out of the dark place you are in.

I would love to share a passage of Scripture with you that became near and dear to my heart while going through the same as what you are feeling now. It comes from Ezekiel 37. God is explaining the vision to Ezekiel but the great and encouraging thing here is the context in which it was done. You see, in chapter 36, God really rips on Israel for profaning His name among the nations, letting them know how much sin they had committed.  He doesn't pull any punches. Now, if that were me being judged, I would not think there was much hope for me after that.  That's where Ezekiel 37 comes in on the wings of hope and encouragement:

11 Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel; behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope has perished. We are completely cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Behold, I will open your graves and cause you to come up out of your graves, My people; and I will bring you into the land of Israel. 13 Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves and caused you to come up out of your graves, My people. 14 I will put My Spirit within you and you will come to life, and I will place you on your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken and done it,” declares the Lord.’”

 

 

This encouraged me greatly because, like Israel, I felt my bones (my soul) was dried up, that all hope had perished, and that I was completely cut off. But God.....for His name's sake, chose to restore me (like those bones), giving me life, giving me hope, where I thought none was or could be again.

May God bless you and hold you close.  May you bless God and hold Him close.  And may we all be blessed knowing you are safe.

Imagine....taking Christ at His word!  Now if that don't bring one closer to deeper intimacy with God, I don't know what will.

-5 (est)

Any number of reasons exist as to why God would do so, but the short answer to your question is "yes".  Think of the various examples in Scripture - Joseph, Moses, David, etc.  Devotion to God is not the absence of suffering but rather a "very present help" in a world broken and suffering both globally and personally. 

I have a box of plastic bags of plastic bags. Beat that

You say God created you and gave you the life you have..yes, God created you, but the life you have consists of choices you made with or without God. You have free will to choose or not to choose to do things that will make you happy or not...we all do. God does not dictate our lives. If we are surrendered to him for direction and guidance He will lead us but we still choose to follow even then. Sometimes he lets us fall flat on our face before the cross before we see that WE not He made wrong choices and live with those consequences. You need to ask God to take your live and fully direct it for His honour and Glory...ask Him what His will is for your life.

Thanks, Littlelamb. Appreciate the earnest sincerity in your response.

If I may be blunt.....you have to learn how to be you.  I also started my Christian life at full speed, and very soon  jumped into ministry with both feet and it was an awesome time... but I had an eye on being a pulpit pounder in front of a mega church and God had a different idea.  I was fortunate to have a friend who felt no compunction about grabbing me by the nose and slapping me around a bit unto I was in a state to listen.    And God finally got my attention.

 

we are trees.....we don't GO into our ministries...we GROW into them.  God has set us on the path of our service and  when we try and change that course things go awry, the train jumps the track.

 

Take time now to grow into yourself, rebuilt the foundation in you and you will find opportunities will present themselves to you.  They may not be in the way you expect or even frankly, want. But they are the best for us.  God gave you a nature, and He gave it to you for a reason...HIS reason.   When you have reached solid ground and are back in a good place I am sure God will show it to you.  Right now, if your anything like me, if he told you what it was, you would probably jump right in. But the time is not yet...soon...but not yet

 

Sure, you can be blunt. I prefer that (well, at least that's my claim hehehe)

"Grow into yourself" - a curious bit of advice. Sounds rather self-centred which, according to many, is not appropriate. Not saying I disagree with you but curious to find someone who thinks in that manner.

"soon....but not yet" - we'll see if it is "soon" or even a "yet".

Thanks for the feedback.

 

 

It is hard when that which we hold so dear is ripped away from us. And when pride is involved it is that much harder and it sent you into chaos that you have since returned from

 

What your life was....you cannot get back.

 

But a new life awaits and God has set in motion His new plan for our life.

 

Where you are now...is good, keep walking after the Lord and it will get better.

 

If you want to send me a message I will be happy to listen and talk to you

 

I am a 56 year old married man if that makes a difference

Hi, RW.

 

Where I am now...is good? "For it is God in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure."  Yes, it would seem that it is good.

 

That said, it is yet *very* unpleasant. And despite repeated calls to the Lord, the heaviness remains. I speculate something of what wingnut said ("there is something I should be doing") plays into this, but I'm not entirely convinced. Another idea is that of God grooming for something, so that the experience I am having is indeed "good", is not a result of any wrong doing on my part, and will eventually work itself out to my pleasure (for having done something according to the will of God) and His glory and honour.

 

 

And I would speculate that you do not seek to minister again until your spiritual house is in order

 

A sound speculation, which of course is one of the most painful realities of this whole circumstance. It comes down to a question of why such a passion was put in me when in the end I am to be muzzled . The things of this world leave such a bad taste in my mouth, so the relevance of my life has all but disappeared. How tempting it is to say "I just don't know what to do", but I refrain, knowing the answer most, if not all, will give is to pray to God for answers and do what it is He is telling you to do in order to correct the situation. No sense enduring the repetition, right?

Psalm 31 came to mind:

It is hard when that which we hold so dear is ripped away from us. And when pride is involved it is that much harder and it sent you into chaos that you have since returned from

 

What your life was....you cannot get back.

 

But a new life awaits and God has set in motion His new plan for our life.

 

Where you are now...is good, keep walking after the Lord and it will get better.

 

If you want to send me a message I will be happy to listen and talk to you

 

I am a 56 year old married man if that makes a difference

Hi, RW.

Where I am now...is good? "For it is God in you, both to will and to do of His good pleasure."  Yes, it would seem that it is good.

That said, it is yet *very* unpleasant. And despite repeated calls to the Lord, the heaviness remains. I speculate something of what wingnut said ("there is something I should be doing") plays into this, but I'm not entirely convinced. Another idea is that of God grooming for something, so that the experience I am having is indeed "good", is not a result of any wrong doing on my part, and will eventually work itself out to my pleasure (for having done something according to the will of God) and His glory and honour.

 

Hi Wingnut.

 

Correction - not that my life is sinful (but then again, who's isn't. Being saved doesn't mean being sinless, right?) but that the thought of not wanting the life I have is sinful. God not only created me but gave me the life I have. Should the pot tell the potter what meal should be cooked in it? If the life I have is indeed the will of God, and I claim to want the will of God in my life, is it not therefore sinful to "reject" (be unhappy with) the life I've been given?

 

Ah ok, I just misunderstood your post.  My apologies.  No, being saved does not make us suddenly perfect, although our sins are removed in His sight.  Perhaps if you feel incomplete in some way, there is something you should be doing.  I am not really qualified to answer that, but I will be praying for you brother.

 

I had a feeling that was the case. I'm already prepared to trust your heart, seeing sincerity in this and other posts I found your name on.

I have thought on that point of "feel incomplete....there is something you should be doing." The answer to that has not come readily or clearly.

Hi Wingnut.

Correction - not that my life is sinful (but then again, who's isn't. Being saved doesn't mean being sinless, right?) but that the thought of not wanting the life I have is sinful. God not only created me but gave me the life I have. Should the pot tell the potter what meal should be cooked in it? If the life I have is indeed the will of God, and I claim to want the will of God in my life, is it not therefore sinful to "reject" (be unhappy with) the life I've been given?

Hi,

I'm not sure if this 'topic' will actually post as I'm new here and there's a posting policy, but here goes.

I'll jump right into it and let the more gritty details appear as we go along.

We? Ha....I guess that remains to be seen.

Anyway, here's the deal. I'm a believer, who once was filled with such great passion for the sharing of the gospel that I didn't care about anything of this world. The devil and his exploits be damned... I knew God was in control so my circumstances didn't dictate my confidence faith and following of Christ.

Years later, after a great deal of hardship and effort to do what is right, I find myself injured and without fight.  For about a year my heart and mind were buried in darkness. No amount of understanding of Scripture, no amount of looking to those things I can be thankful for, no amount of love from others, nothing, was able to break through. It was, as it were, a path of complete darkness, with no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

I was not suicidal during this time (nor now, for the record), but I didn't want to live. How could I survive, having all that was precious to me, my dreams, my involvement with various ministry efforts, everything, stripped away and taken from me, leaving me with nothing but a broken heart, a distraught mind and a feeling of emptiness that not even the love of my wife and children could take me out of.

Today, well, there was a period of refreshing, where life seemed to count for something, but now that time seems to have dwindled and, I fear, may continue to do so until there is nothing left. I repeat - I am NOT suicidal - but I am clearly not happy, and the life I have, though sinful to say so, I am not wanting to continue.

I need to vent. I need to not keep this locked inside, but those close to me lack understanding and/or seem unable to walk away from my sharing of this without being somehow damaged. My emotions are strong and my thoughts quite penetrating, and therefore I need to be able to work it out... get these out there so hopefully the enemy will lose his grip on me.

I am seriously damaged goods. May God see fit to recover me!