Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus

On 11/26/2017 at 10:48 AM, Justin Adams said:

Sometimes the ones that hurt you have the state on their side and cry 'abuse'. They might be the ones that are actually the abusers. When you get those regular phone calls out of the blue accusing and berating you. Or if you get into the fallout of an angry outburst that suddenly hits you at the oddest times. I do not like the word 'abuse' really since it has connotations that are not necessarily concomitant with those needle jabs and 'mutterings' behind your back, 'because you deserved it'. Often this is an ongoing thing that you think you deserve and you'll do anything to just keep the peace if you happen to be the one receiving the weirdness. It is funny that the mechanisms to somehow ameliorate these angry outburst are probably themselves a show of frustration and hopelessness. I just hate conflict of any sort, so if I can re-direct those outburst to somebody else I felt a little better. Like; 'phew! missed me that time!' This is really bad because you try so hard to be everything to everyone, that eventually lack of peace and good sleep might turn you into something much less than you really are. Then in the end, the state gets involved and the psycho-heresy brigade - after that it is all over barring the invoices.

yes i understand what you saying in my case i had the abuse and lack of sleep too so well the state CPS said seeing i was the stay at home mom i was the one abusing the kids and why the kids acted out badly even in abusive ways to others no one even asked if my hubby was abusing me or even really talked much with me without hubby being there too  he pretend to be the good loving  hubby and daddy to the kids but he was a monster when we was home alone to me and the kids too yes i believed i deserved it too as how dad and brothers treated me i know no other way that the sad part too and yes looking back i did abuse my kids in some ways too it was because of my lack of knowing right way to raise kids but the abuser who was over us all was my hubby he in the end lost his parental rights i did too but the state let a very very abusive women adopted the kids she abused them a few years then they was taken from her sad my kids payed in the end a very very dear amount too i not see or talked to my kids in 16yrs now they are all but one still in state care so can not even know how there doing but i changed my life now but feel it to late in a lot of ways too

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/25/2017 at 6:37 PM, Abby-Joy said:

 

Hello, Lily ... I can relate to so much of what you've shared. I distanced myself from 100% of my birth family and relatives shortly after I married.  My family was/is full of abuse, drama, back-stabbing, betrayals, etc, etc.  Very much like you, I was my mother's sounding board, her scapegoat, the one who would take on the blame so she didn't have to bear it.  I never saw it was abuse until I was well into my adulthood.  I always thought it was true, that I was to blame for her pain.  I always could make her better (temporarily) by taking the blame when she went off on a rage.  I protected her from knowing her own husband (my dad) was sexually abusing me, because I didn't want to hurt her.  Funny (or not so funny), the things children do for their parents.  I saw her as broken and fragile ... and I needed her to be okay.  My mother wasn't innocent in her part in the abuse/traumas I suffered ... and as an adult, I learned she knew all along what was happening.  

All that to say.... after all those things (and more), I still have felt guilty for creating space between myself and my family... especially my mother.  The words you wrote are exactly what I've felt ... that I've hurt her by not being with her.  She is in her late 60's and in bad health.  To this day, I still protect her from things because I know she couldn't handle knowing.  

When I think of my children, I realize I made the right choice.  It's not ideal or desirable not to have extended family in your life... and in the lives of my children.  They've been deprived of many things they should've had in relation to relatives.  But we've made the best of what we were given.  

I have kept a respectful attitude and prayed for my family/relatives. I've been able to love from afar... to help my mother financially at times... and witnessed to my dad before he passed away, and he came to Christ.  God will open the doors at the right time, Lily... when the time is right to bless your parents in ways He leads, it will be clear.  Take your time and receive healing.... be strengthened... continue to pray for them.  

wow your mom sounds a lot  like my mom in many ways i had to be tough for her take on blame and yes even pain at times to keep her from having too i saw and still do see mom as weak and well easly  broken too so as long as i was living close to her daily i did not have a life of my own as mom needed me she was emotionally lacking so i had to take on stuff i thought but over the last few years God been showing me i need to back away let mom face her life without me being there to cushion it in away it was not easy to move away as truth parents was all i had i lost my kids due to abuse left my abusive hubby too so family was parents and me mostly too lost my auntie last dec. she passed away i would visit her at times so do miss her a lot too but now i moved away my parents only ones who even talk to me i have two brothers both abused me growing  up oldest one who 4 years older started sexually abusing me at 3yr until i was almost 11yr then he moved on to dating and sex with the more willing at first i thought i did something very bad and he stoped loving me my understanding of love was missed up by way family acted dad raped mom a lot i think brothers say that thought was way you treat girls too i kinda think mom know they was hurting me sexually but she would not leave her abuser so  why would she help me she acted helpless in it all still does she 74yr and dad will be 75 in dec. still together too 53yrs of marriage to a abuser  he no longer can have sex with her and well that part of the abuse has end but dad is very very very abusive in other way she say will he never hit me so it not really abuse i  told her still abuse but she say in it i think she afraid to be alone sadly but for me it not the life to live i want to be more and more Christ like  walk that path but can not do that if i stayed close to family God had me make a very very hard choice in away but i know i made the right one God has to be first in my life not my mom and was told if i trusted God i put my family in His hands too so ya a acted of trusting God too

i sorry you was so abused too by them that should have loved you with real pure love but i think they like my parents did not know what real love is i still learning myself what it is too

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/25/2017 at 1:35 PM, Justice_League said:

Hi Lily,

I do know how you feel on some level. I’ve had to distance myself from my family as well due to those relationships being toxic and emotionally abusive. My mother in particular claims to be a very strong Christian but she is actually an extremely unhealthy person who isolates herself from the rest of the world. Many of these types will play the martyr/victim role and will always try to twist everything back onto others... That can be one of the hardest parts to deal with. Satan’s influence can take on many forms. I’m glad that you have been able to distance yourself from what sounds like a really unhealthy situation and that you’ve been able to find godly friends and support to surround yourself with. I know that the holidays can be an especially hard time when you’re dealing with family estrangement... I know it is for me. I usually have to battle with feeling like there is something wrong with me for not getting together with them during the holidays, especially if I’m having to explain myself to strangers who don’t really understand the situation. But most people will never understand what that really feels like unless they have experienced it in their own lives. Family doesn’t have to be blood if those people don’t treat you like the valuable individual you are. God provides and can bring true love and family into our lives through other means.

God bless!

yes i agree with  you family to me is them that come along side me walk with me and me with them i never felt that around my family  also i can not be the real me around them as i use to try to live up to their demands and expectations too but that never worked as they never pleased with me i always a disappointment  to them sadly never can be what they think i should be i learned  God want me to be who He created me to be the real me not me  faking it to get accepted by family with the people around me now i can be real and even emotional and they stand by me support me too i never had that before so all  new to me now yes i missing what use to be for holidays but thanksgiving was a real blessing this year as i was able to have a meal in peace no fighting , yelling , complaining ect. so different then use too felt good but odd too i do still talk to my parents some but not much they might come see me in December too but not Christmas day i  have other plans already yes i need to keep my space too but it hard as i love them so much too but there toxic too

i do understand you too about your birth family but God gave me new family in away too so i blessed very much by that too your blessed i sure too  yes people who never delt with this do not understand at all most the time so i agree with you there too hope you have a good holiday season count your blessing each day too

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/16/2017 at 1:38 PM, missmuffet said:

There are many counterfeit Christians and hypocrites in our world today. You can weed them out by observing what they say and what they do.

yes i am finding that out also many twist the bible  to mean what they want not way God met it at all my dad does that a lot of the time i use to believe what he said but now i go to God word read it and ask God to help me understand it too and i see He  does that too

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/16/2017 at 2:38 AM, secularhermit said:

Yes!

You deserve to live as an adult, Lily. Give her a change to cope with that step you walked in.

yes i agree time to be adult  it hard at times i just keep praying and doing my best to walk as God  wants me too

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/14/2017 at 10:10 AM, GandalfTheWise said:

I've known a few women that have suffered long term abuse and molestation as children.  I've also read a number of testimonies of women in similar situations on forums such as this.   The majority of them said that God used other people (in the form of Christian counselors, pastors, prayer partners, or other women who've been through this and been through a healing process themselves) to help with the healing.   Emotional and spiritual wounds are every bit as real as physical wounds.  Minor stuff,  we can all toss on a bandaid ourselves and let it heal.  Serious stuff, we might need to go to the ER and let someone with a lot more experience deal with it.  Long term abuse is usually not something we can effectively deal with on our own; God will often use other people to come along side of us to be with us and help us.

As God leads, He might very well start to work through other people.  At some point, God might steer you toward an experienced pastor or a good Christian counselor.  Our church has a few mature Christians trained in transformational prayer ministry (which is basically providing support to people as they pray about difficult things they are dealing with).  A couple of the abused women I know reported that this was a big turning point in God starting to heal them.  The main caveat I'd give is making sure that any people you are starting to work with are mature Christians who've helped other people in similar situations before.

I've heard (some firsthand and others reading anonymously) of women (and a few men) who've been through some very toxic, harmful, and injurious situations over many years that God has emotionally and spiritually healed of the injuries they've received.   Over time, I'm sure that your feelings toward your mother (and other members of your family) will be restored to what God wants them to be.  It's something that will emerge over time as He heals and restores you.  I don't think it's something to feel condemned or guilty about; it's a consequence of what you went through.  Abuse affects our ability to feel things appropriately.  It will take time for that to be healed and restored. 

Edit[I'd also emphasize that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.  Forgiveness is a change within us where we let go and are healed of things that have us in bondage regarding other people and what they've done to us.  Reconciliation is a restoration of a relationship that depends on the other party actually having changed.  If some who has hurt you in the past has not changed, they would potentially do it again.  It is okay to stay away from those people or to put up appropriate boundaries to keep them at a safe distance.  Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to trust them.  Trust is something that is built up over time due to consistent positive behavior over time.]

God has over the last 10 yrs lead me to people both offline and online that have helped me turn to God more that why i am able to 6 months ago move away God been working on me a lot but  trust has been a battle in away too sadly some i trusted turned on me even told  my abusers what i said and the abusers said it never happened ot it was child play sadly too i not going to be with family on the holidays this year have made other plans safe ones that will lead me closer to God too not easy but i doing this to keep me safe too to me Christmas is Jesus birthday so want it to mean a lot too as it really about Jesus not about other people and what they want or demand of me hope you too can have a Christ centered holiday season too

love ya in Christ

lily

On 11/13/2017 at 12:54 AM, missmuffet said:

You just need to put up your protective boundaries. All we can do is pray for those who do not know Christ. Only God can open up the heart.

yes i understand that too but what hard for me is they say they Christians but do not acted Christ-like at all it sad in so many ways but only God knows their hearts too i keep praying and try to improve my life and walk in Christ too

love ya in Christ

lily

On 11/10/2017 at 10:43 AM, Justin Adams said:

Yes. Like MM said. Them condemning whispers are from the dark side. The Lord only convicts and always has an answer right alongside the conviction. He wants you whole and STRONG. The adversary wants you a weak victim.

yes i seeing that now more clearly thank you too just hard leaving everything i know and moving on faith away from a family that not healthy at all sad but the  enemy got a deep hold on them i do pray for them all too as i scared they not be in heaven with me some day too this abuse goes way back too but i want to break away and God is doing it within me to become more Christ-like too that the desires of my heart has been most my life too but i amt i was stuck in the abuse and even married a abuser and lost my parental rights to my three kids have not seen them in 16yr no connection with them at all  but i am praying for them to know Jesus too chaos is what my life been now at times i feel calm and peace and yes it hard as i not use to it at all

thank you for posting to me

love light and hope lily

On 11/10/2017 at 10:40 AM, GandalfTheWise said:

It seems to me like God set this up so that He could heal of you of many things and become who He means for you to be and to walk with Him as He wants you to.  The enemy sends guilt and condemnation to discourage us and drive us toward unhealthy things.  God will at times send conviction as needed to bring about changes to move us in a healthy direction.

When dealing with family (especially coming from a bad situation), it is often healthy to spend some time apart from them and grow spiritually yourself.  Perhaps later (which may be many years), God will have done enough healing in your life that you can start to re-establish some closer family ties on your terms coming from a position of being spiritually and emotionally healthy and strong yourself.

From what you describe, it sounds like you're maintaining respectful and loving ties with your parents as well as starting to learn and enforce what the proper and healthy boundaries are between your life and their lives.   It will be an ongoing process.  Hang in there.   It sounds like God is doing some good work in your life and I would guess within your family as well.

thank you yes God is healing me in a lot of ways too i finding that i am depending on God more and more too i know that is a good thing i do not talk to my two older brothers  as they seem to only want to rejected me and my way of life long story of all kinds of abuse by my oldest brother and others outside the family too but God showing me not all males like that too most my life i was scared of almost all males but am now learning  a lot about that too and God bring healthy Christian males into my life too so that good too sadly my family not healing they choices to stay in their abusive way get no help at all i tryed for many many years to get my mom to seek help as she was abused as a child and still in abuse she 74yr and her health is not good at all so i feel she could pass at any time too i do love her why i still at times talk to her on phone and a few visits at my place too but that it as i need to do what God wants me to do but i feel like a stranger around even my mom it hard as i do love her but i not have a emotionally connection with her i feel might never have it at all God through my new church is bring others in my life who fellow Him it amazing in away bu cool too

thank you

love ya in Christ lily

On 11/9/2017 at 11:04 PM, missmuffet said:

Taking a blind leap of faith is a good thing if you had been praying about it and you feel that your actions are where God wants you to be. You are at peace. Do not worry about the ugly things that Satan is whispering in your ears. Maybe he wants you to remain with your family and be abused. Just continue to give your life to God and ask Him to guide and direct your steps in this new journey of yours. Perhaps it is healthier for you to give your family distance. Let yourself heal. God bless.

thank you missmuffet

i know God was why i moved it was like He was guiding me to change my life i had prayed and cried over this all before i did it at 47yr i left my family and moved i am at peace most the time with this but satan has been whispering in my ear a lot mostly about my mother who in some ways used me in a bad way kinda like even as a child i took care of her emotionally that why i struggling  with a lot as at times i feel i left her in the abuse but she  stay in it i can not no more God been showing me a lot last few days too yes a new beginning a new journey too i know i did right thing in God's eyes at times i feel like the 1.5 hours away is a different world all together it is now to me  thank you again for your kind words

love ya in Christ lily

hi all

i am having a hard time right now i  moved in may away from my family it was a big leap of faith for me  i truly feel God made it happen too after 47 yrs of abuse and drama in my birth family i am away from it daily it been great in many ways  yes i am growing in the Lord too in a lot of way He lead me to a great church and even gave me a new best friend who a very devoted christian in so many way too so i geting healther too here the hard part i still talk to my mom   a few times every few weeks i love them as people but i do not feel conected to them emotionally at all i do not know them in so many way too they say they christian too but not living for it at all

well toight i called my mom as dad had eye surgery on wednesday i wanted to see how he was doing and well i do care about them a lot too so as i was talking to her she said she loved and missed me i told her i love her as i said night too but after i hanged up i started hearing stuff inside my head like how much i hurt her by moving , how worthless i am , how we to honer  are parents, that i abandoned her , all a lot of other stuff i use to live for my mom in that she needed me emotionally i was her 2nd chance at life she lived through me i had no life of my own at all at 47yr i moved away and first time in my life i feel i have a life of my own too but satan hitting me hard about all that means  how much i am hurting them i say i love too i know i did the right thing in moving but well satan attacks me a lot right now on this

the thing keep hitting is my other family members are like strangers to me i not know them at all do not talk very much with them either then i get feeling bad about how i feel ect..... do others feel like this can we be strangers to our family what am i to do i do pray for them every day as i care about them but can not live close to them the abuse is to much and scars to deep too so this what going on ask any question you want  this last 6 months been like a dream at times  i never thought i do this move away from them as i was told most my life i was to take care of mom she mattered i did not i do have deep wounds and many scars too  but just not feel contected to my family at all 

love ya all in Christ lily

to me evolution is real but is from God too I believe God put all things into motion and all things come from Him so why could He not use what man call evolution to help all thing a just to what He but into motion just like the weather patterns and other things we see in our life we give words to things we not fully understand at time the word evolution is one of them words we use I think if one really studies both scientic and God word most will see that we are but using our understanding that limited to explain God creation that was put into motion at the beginning of time  this is away of life God make we see things a just to the weather changes and other changes around them man try to make since out of this all but with our limited understanding we really at times confuses our self into thinking that we know more then God  myself I am kinda  believing  that God make evolution just like He made all other things too

love light and hope lily

if they do not like it they need to not go there when I was in school we went to a campus life building right across from the school for lunch was open to all we even had a bible study at lunch time there too was great and many came only for the free pizza  so they end up  getting to know Jesus some for the first time in their life we need this type of thing in this age too I give the people credit for there Jesus lunch

love light and hope lily

praying

praying

Bill (boyfriend) is waiting to here when they setup treatment for new cancer they found on lymph node so it waiting on the doctors right now. he seems a little down lately think this all getting to him it been senses last oct. he been dealing with this all. it hard on me because I so far away from him try to support him online and on phone and praying for him too but at times it seem so little but for now it all I can do he hoping to come here to Michigan sometime in June for a visit and to look into finding a place here more too so please keep praying for bill for healing and for him to be above to move from NM to MI were I live right now he need a apartment in a low income building  thank you again for prayers and support too

love light and hope lily

bill (boyfriend) called me last night after I posted with some bad new the found a small tumor cancer on a lymph node so he looking into more treatment again and more tests too they sure move slow on medical stuff in NM were he at too so not sure what to think or do at this point supporting him best I can and putting our faith in God doing a lot of praying too thank you all that praying for him too can not believe they said cancer free then find more cancer but God  will in this all we put him  in God hands too

love ya all in Christ  name

love light and hope lily

hi alll

boyfriend is doing a lot better he has been to treatment they say he cancer free now but he still struggling with being over tired  so hoping that will get better in time too sorry took me so long to get back to you all I been very sick due to a doctor not giving me right  meds  so now doing better too thank you all for your prayers and support too

love light and hope lily

thank you all well it has taken a long time to hear back from the cancer treatment place  he has another appointment on feb. 22 to see a sugen they want to remove some type of gland that right behind were the thyroid was said they thinking it is not working right  so he gos to see when they will remove that gland also will find out more of what going on too I hoping they do a body scan to see if the cancer has spread or not I am trusting Christ that bill will be ok

he is feeling very tired and down say his get up and go is zapped away so please also pray he will be above to do the things he loves without feeling drained

thank you all again too

love light and hope lily

thank you all he goes to cancer doctor on the 20th  January thank you again for all the prayers too

love light and hope lily

thank you thallase

love light and hope lily

hi all

I like to ask you all to pray for my boyfriend bill he had his thyroid removed because he had cancer in it as they removed that found some of the lymnods had cancer to removed them too he had a scan on the 13 of January and will see cancer doctor on the 20th of January then will have to have treatment too asking people the pray that they got all the cancer and also for his spirit in this all he been depressed a lot too I do not live close to him as we met online but we have met in person too his dream and goal is to move close to me so our relationship can grow but we because of our beliefs do not want to live together so he looking for a low income a apartment were I live our love is rooted in Christ we talk a lot about our beliefs and well that how our relationship began too as a Christian friendship just has very slowly moved into a very caring sweet loving deeper relationship  so guess there two requests here one that he will become cancer free  other that he can move closer to me too

love light and hope lily

within me

whisper

God voice in the wind

peaceful

dove