spark

What is your 2nd bucket list. After Jesus and god who and what do you want to see and learn in heaven?

Now tell me why I should want to be a round people like y'all.tell me that god is proud of you. I brought a boy in to this.I told him of the prayer that I said. And now I'm responsible for helping him find his way. I'm one who takes this serious I'm what most of y'all are not. A real friend. True love 

Ok you want the truth?stop reading now if you are a real Christian.you will be wasting your time. Beth you are right most Christians are fake they do more damage than good I'm so angry that I'll probably be banned before all is said and done but if it will stop the b.s. it is worth it. Since I became a Christian I've done nothing But try to learn and understand god. A lot of what I say will become clear by the end just bear with me. I was molested by a priest when I was 9 my mother beat me and broke my ribs because I said something. That's what happens when you are honest. Protect the church and f the people.in my early 20s I buried my true love and daughter. Where was god? I became a drunk so I could live with the pain. A friend helped me back up and brought me into organized crime. 3 yrs later I met some Christians. After talking to them I tried going to church again. The 2nd time I met them at church i was taken to a back room and they were going to pray for me. I found out that because I smoke I have the demon of nicotine. I get mad and I have the demon of anger. I drink so I have the demon of alcohol etc.after fighting 12-14 people and being covered in oil and pinned to the floor with people screaming. I finally gave up I couldn't whip them all.I ended up running thrue a door and escaping. I hated Christians every since I made it a point to overcharge them and to torment them in any way I could . fast forward 20 plus years . a friend of mine from back then looked me up and her and her husband came down and spent the weekend at the house. Something was different with her she found god there was a peace about them. There was a realness. I wanted what I seen.so I started seeking god. I even went to a church that would leave me alone and just let me watch and learn. Well things got out of control and I ended up here seeking guidance and knowledge. I know that because of my past that I'm really dumb about god and it agitates some but I was really trying to learn.I might be dumb in god but I. Know humans and I don't handle rejection well. Only one person here actually tried and I owe them she stood up and protected me from somethin the other night and I'm not sure what was being said. But I trust her. My big sis :-). 

After past dealings with christians I should have learned my lesson. He is real and I know it but it's not ment for me. I've struggled for the last month trying to learn wasted money on book's and cds only to end up with more questions than answers 

No I'm not on meds. I'm tired of wanting answers and seeking only to come up empty. I know that this is my fault for hateing Christians for so long But now I feel even more justified. 

Is death the only way out?be honest for once 

Everyone here pushed getting saved . no one said anything about no way out 

I just want my life back.I can deal with my pain but I don't need any more 

I hate this emptiness in my chest i want out. I can fix myself 

There was only one person who really tried to teach me and I'm sorry for wasting her time. At one point I think she even defended me to something I didn't understand. Yes I'm a let down but I.....tried.the worst part is that I screwed someone else over by telling him about god. And telling him the prayer. I will find a way out I have one heart ach already. I can't take another.

I don't like feeling guilty because I'm dumb.

I want him to leave me alone.I was better off before this 

I want him to leave me alone.I was better off before this 

I want him to leave me alone.I was better off before this 

Yes. But I made a mistake. I'm not cut out for this 

Answer me 

Is death the only way out?

I spoke a prayer to get saved what do I say to reverse it 

I Want out 

I think I messed up by becoming a Christian how do i undo this. I've realised I'm to broken to be fixed. I'm not what god needs. I don't fit in with Christians in life or electronically. I want out no matter the cost. I would be better off dead than to live constantly wanting something that is unobtainable. I already live in that hell. For the most part his people are all the same. I can remember now why not to trust them and why I hated them. I feel like a fool. How do I get away from god?

Am I wrong for wanting more God than social talk. I've learned that he's real and that is all that I desire .is it because I'm dumb or will I become like so many and just take him for granted?

I realize I'm new and that everyone here has sought in the beginning but time makes them passive I don't want to be one of those 

I like the chat room but it doesn't seem that god is the main focus in there 

I feel so pulled . but one friend says I'm wasting my time but god feels so real 

Why does god mean so much to me