Hi! My name is Erika, I am new here, and I need an advice.
You know, I was baptized when I was a baby, I had First Holy Communion and Confirmation, but I was never a real Christian. My parents never talked to me about God or anything in that topic. Since I was born (I am 17) my father was in church (more like because he had to be there) maybe 5 times. My mother used to go, but she has anxiety and she stopped to go when I was 5 years old. I had religion in school but, one class a week? You think that child can understand to something it hears for the first time?
So, I stopped to go to church because I didnt see the point.
Now, when I was 15, I dont know how but I started to feel the need for God. Somehow I knew that He is what I miss in my life. But, I didnt know what to do. So I went to church after all these years. But since then, I have weird mixed feelings. I go to church, and then I stop because I dont want to go there (I dont really know why). I feel like a hypocrite. On the one hand, I speak about God to other people and on the other hand, I cant find a way towards Him.
Imagine that you come home from church, happy and with praise song still in your heart, but all you hear at home is screaming and swearing. You forget everything you heard and you cant think about anything else but when will it finally end.
You know, I have a sin from which I can not find a way out. I say God´s name in vain a lot. And I swear. But, how can I stop when I hear it all around me? Mainly at home.
When I sin and I dont pray I feel empty. How can I get to know God better when I have no one to talk to about Him? I dont understand to many things. How can I read the Holy Bible when I dont understand? I dont know anything from Bible and I feel really embrassed about it.
I dont really know why I wrote this. I have mess in my head. I just need some words of encouragement.
God bless you all.
P.S.: Sorry for my bad English. J
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. (
Psalm 23, 4)