zhuru523

angels4u, yes, I am an un-baptized Christian (if that is possible). I do believe in God and follow his scriptures. BK1110, we both are not ready to marriage, but we are good loving Christian boy/girl friend that can grow into husband/wife. RustyAngeL, I think holding only onto faith for me is quite difficult. I do try and I know that God's will will always be done. It is sometimes hard for me to relinquish control of my life and put it in God's hands. Do you have the same problem as I do? Kwik, sorry, I do consider myself a Christian but I have yet to be baptized. I am wondering how to you tell if there is a perfect opportunity for me to reconnect with her? What if I miss this opportunity? Is the opportunity something that you feel, or that God has told you that it is a great opportunity?

I have been in several relationships throughout high school and college - all which ended horribly. I was young, stupid, and the 'good' I was doing ended up to be manipulative and emotionally abusive. I am very happy that those ex's have left me so they can have a better life. Since then I have met God who has guided me to the peace I have been looking for. I however feel that I'm still a mess and undeserving to be in another relationship. Those relationships I had in school were with wonderful and intelligent girls who loved me dearly yet I ruined it and their lives. Every now and then I would think back to how I have hurt my past ex's and be very sad. I also am very happy that they had the courage to leave me so they can have a better life for themselves. I felt like I don't deserve to be in another relationship. One day I bumped into a girl and we started chatting. We slowly became good friends and then we started dating. I told her about my horrible past and even though she was hesitant I managed to convince her to date me. I did try very hard to not fall for this stranger, but everything about her was beautiful and I thought I was given another chance to make things right. For the very first time I decided to try my absolute best to be the perfect boyfriend and to reflect weekly on my actions so I can improve myself to be an even better partner for her. We dated for several years, and were inseparable. She was very patient and understanding as we guided each other to become even closer. She was a devoted Christian, and she became my Christian mentor. Last month she decided to break up with me because she needed sometime to rethink her life. I understand as she has a lot of personal things to do and need time to re-prioritize her life. She also mentioned that she hates being away from me because she is afraid I will leave her (my past involves cheating on my ex's among other things) and that I may not be there for her when I need her the most. I was very heart broken but I sort of understand where she is coming from. Sadly we broke up. I still miss her very much. I am known to be a very hard worker, and I have never worked at anything so hard in my life. Everything I do I have always tried to put her first. I love her dearly and do want the very best for her. I am thinking of contacting her to see how she is doing, and if she perhaps wants to try to restart our relationship. But a part of me is afraid that I will hurt her more - just like my previous relationships. I feel like it is safer if I don't enter another relationship as I'm afraid I'll hurt my partner very much, as proven by history. But a part of me feels like I am now mature enough to 'grow' into a wonderful partner and to ask God for guidance. I feel that I'm at a crossroad and I don't know what to do. If I wait any longer, I'm afraid I will loose this perfect girl permanently. At the same time, if we do end up together, I'm afraid I may end up hurting her even more and prevent her from finding a better partner. I feel very confused and spent last night and this morning seeking guidance from God. I guess I just don't know what to do, and I just feel very lost.