Mea kakau
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Posts posted by Mea kakau
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On 3/12/2018 at 2:48 PM, BK1110 said:
Praying! Sounds like your husband needs salvation first and foremost.
My husband and I are both saved. Salvation doesn't make you not abuse people. Many abusers brow beat their victims with the Bible, using the words to justify their behavior.
My husband is seeking counseling and has found someone. If that doesn't work out he's going to line up others. He wants to find out why he would treat me this way when he says he loves me. That's a first for him.
My therapist called me yesterday morning and offered me a free appointment to work things out with her. I never expected this scenario. I'm thankful she did and shocked as well. So I'll see her this Thursday. Normally my appointments are every two weeks. Prayers definitely needed for this appointment.
Thank you all of those who are praying for me and my husband.
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This will be a long post as there is a lot going on in my life right now.
For years I've been the victim of my husband's verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. It has contributed to my PTSD which I got from extreme childhood abuse. Two weeks ago my husband decided to threaten me. He's threatened me before about various things. This time he hit me where it really hurts. Anything to do with death triggers me and then increases my PTSD. My husband knows I'm triggered by death. He threatened me with suicide if he doesn't get a puppy by July. I'm not quite ready for a puppy.
One thing led to another and I took him to my therapy appointment. The whole session turned out to be all about my husband and his problems. I never asked for my therapist to step in and "take care of" my husband. The point was to address my husband's threatening behavior. Any time I attempted to say a single word, I was essentially told to shut up. She didn't say those exact words. I tried to comment on his threat to take his life and was told that I shouldn't taint our beautiful relationship with the one incident of abuse.
When I first started seeing my therapist back in August of 2017 I attempted to tell her several times that my husband was a mental/emotional abuser. However she wanted to see this rosy picture of two vagabonds traveling all around the Pacific Northwest. Once, I tried to explain that I was coerced into moving to one place. My husband harped on me for nearly two weeks until I caved. I started to explain this to my therapist and she shut me down saying she only wanted to hear about my vagabond adventures. Every time I shared something she would bring me back to the topic thus silencing me. She's even told me she thought he was a saint to put up with me and my PTSD.
This whole way in which she created a false narrative of my life in her head is what she then based our appointment on this last Thursday, 8 March 2018. Half way through the appointment she sensed something else was going on, and yet she never stopped the conversation between her and my husband. And she continued to isolate me from the two of them as if therapy was now my husband and her. She is my therapist. Period.
When the appointment was finished I was left gutted and shocked that I had been cast aside and disregarded. That I had been silenced. I then I had to pay for my husband's therapy appointment. Huh?
This is my worst nightmare; another therapist turning on me and a woman. I've had three women therapists become controlling on me, nearly destroying my life in the process. This therapist is one of those three. It took everything within me to see her the first time due to past abuse by female therapists.
After this current therapy session I did two things. I told my husband how I felt about what happened. And I called my therapist and told her that she just messed me up big time. That she didn't know what she had done to me. And that I didn't know whether I could ever see her again.
On Friday she called and I couldn't keep it together long enough to make it through the whole phone conversation. I started bawling, not just crying, and finally told her I couldn't talk any more. I hung up. I haven't heard from her since. Part of the conversation was her realizing in the middle of the therapy session that something wasn't right. She never stopped things though. She kept going with them. She never apologized to me on the phone. Though she tried to make it look like she had done everything right. Not true. I tried to tell her the real story of my life and she didn't want to hear it. She wanted to believe that I had a fairy tale life as an adult.
On Friday I also told my husband that I had had it and wanted a divorce. I felt used after the therapy appointment and livid after his abusive words. I had promised myself back in 2015 that if my husband ever was abusive again that I'd leave him. This was a promise I made to myself.
Since Friday and Saturday I've poured out my anger and hurt on my husband, that which belongs to him not the anger and hurt I have toward my therapist. My husband apologized again and again. I've accepted his apology and yet I know this means he'll go right back to doing it again as evidenced by his continued and ongoing abuse.
Now he finally understands that his mental/emotional abuse is just like physical abuse, just like a broken bone except on the inside. No one sees it. No one knows that it exists. That shook him to the core getting this part. At the same time he remembered an incident which happened as a child where his father had emotionally abused him and how it hurt and still hurts. And the fact that I forced him into an anger management course back in 2004/5 where he told me repeatedly that he's not like those men in there: He doesn't break bones and send me to the hospital. Anyway he gets it now. It is the same. He is like those men.
And he said that he doesn't want to treat me like this any more. He doesn't know why he does it to me. And he's willing to go to therapy. He's been in therapy before and never focused on his issues. Instead he complained about mine and his son's problems. This time he says he's willing to deal with his issues. My husband is 75 years old this year! He doesn't want to lose this marriage. He finally gets that he's got a serious problem. He admits that he's causing most of the problems in this marriage. This is a first.
My husband has promised to start looking for a therapist on Monday.
So my prayer requests are many fold:
- For me
- For him
- For my therapist
- For our marriage
- For finding the right therapist for my husband
- And who knows what else... and the renovation of our kitchen and bathroom are not finished because of him stalling and putting it off due to him wanting a puppy and refusing to do anything.
Right now I can barely function due to the PTSD being completely out of whack from my husband's abuse and my therapist's total disregard for my well being.
Thank you for reading this super long prayer request.
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Latest update on my eyes.
I suspected for a long time that I might have ocular rosacea. I have rosacea on my face and have mostly healed it through eliminating everything I'm allergic to in the way of food. My apple cider vinegar (ACV) routine has helped as well. Yesterday my ophthalmologist diagnosed me with ocular rosacea. I saw at times that my left eye, especially eyelid, was reddened often even though I judiciously followed my twice daily eye care regimen. At one point, there was a rash which covered the whole area around my left eye. I found it was due to the food coloring annatto. My eye doctor prescribed an antibiotic in order to increase and change the oil level in my eyes.
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I purchased the homeopathic supplement called Hepar Suphura Calcareum because it fit all of the symptoms I'm having almost to the "T." I was amazed with all the symptoms correlated to it. I've about 75% of them! It arrived today and I started taking it. I've taken homeopathic supplements before.
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So it turns out that both of my eyes have infections and my right one has a corneal abrasion as well. Lovely....no...horrible...painful...eye problems. And my darned insurance company is going to give me the run around and deny the special medication I need. I'm allergic to preservatives and the most antibiotics have preservatives in them. So my eye doctor, a great one who prevented me from becoming blind in one eye in 2006, is doing whatever it takes before the New Year's weekend holiday to get things going for approval of the ointment portion of my antibiotic.
I've had a corneal abrasion before and it's painful. This is a corneal abrasion on steroids because of the infection.
She happened to have this super expensive antibiotic which someone donated to her. It was unsealed and sitting in her cabinet. She gave it to me for free. It is an eye drop which does not contain a preservative. So in the meantime I have an antibiotic for my infections. Though I need both of them.
I'm putting the eye drops in my right eye every two hours while awake and my left eye four times a day for two days. And then it's both eyes four times a day. I can barely do anything right now because of the intense pain in my right eye.I just got finished calling the insurance company and discovered that no preapproval protocols were initiated through the pharmacy which means I wont be getting the ointment until after the new year. I'm on both medications. Thankfully that other medication was given/donated to the doctor or I would have nothing.
Thank you for your continuing prayers.
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So thankful all of you are praying for this woman! Praise God!
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While I can't say much about where I know this woman, I will say that she's intrigued by my walk with the Lord. We're on a support forum for abuse survivors. A missionary friend of hers is also praying for her to come to the Lord.
Without Jesus in my life, I'd be six feet under and would've never known Him. He had a plan. And I believe he has a plan for this woman as well. She has followed my diary online where I've shared my journey. God is good.
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Hello prayer warriors!
Think I figured out the source of my itching. It's an infection in one eye. Started with one side and now the other. I'm seeing the eye doctor on Friday and hopefully get some long needed relief. The appointment was supposed to be for my yearly eye exam. The itching all over is a side effect of the eye infection.
Lots of warm compresses until I see the doctor. The moist warmth has felt good.
Normally these problems dissipate quickly yet I'm under stress with kitchen renovation.
I've been praying.
Thank you for praying!
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I'm still squeaking my wheel to get the estimate for plumbing. I suppose it won't happen until after the holidays. I so much wanted all of this finished by Christmas.
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Itching is a lot better this week. I took Benadryl a couple of times last week.
Thank you all for your prayers.
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On 12/16/2017 at 4:33 AM, eileenhat said:
Every vaccination will produce allergy antibodies.
I stopped getting the flu vaccine because it caused sub-acute thyroiditis every time I got one. Which resulted in a slew of other problems. That was about three years ago. Couldn't be happier not getting the flu vaccine. Of course other vaccines are vital so I do them.
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Thank you for your prayers!
It turns out that my husband's toe was broken somehow. The podiatrist showed him the x-rays which the ED took of his foot. My husband doesn't remember stubbing his toe. He's got neuropathy from Rheumatoid Arthritis so he can't feel much in his feet. The podiatrist gave him a special boot he's supposed to wear so he doesn't injure his foot again. The broken toe led to an infection and then cellulitis.
His toe is pretty much healed and now needs to be protected.
We do have a construction zone in our kitchen so it is possible that he stubbed it on something in there. And he has restless leg syndrome where he kicks his feet while sleeping. Who knows what he kicked during his sleep.
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1 hour ago, eileenhat said:
My thought is to reintroduce other protein sources into your diet and begin to be more available to what the Lord provides, rather than get too tangled up with ideas about lentils being a 'better' food.
Would love to eat red meat yet I've got an aversion to it right now because of PTSD and memories about things which happened during childhood. So no red meat.
I'm not tangled up with the idea of lentils being better food. I happen to like lentils. Though it appears that every food I like a whole lot are the foods I'm allergic to. I used to love carrots and celery until I discovered the reasons I loved them were the reasons I was allergic to them. I loved the reaction I got. I've read extensively about allergic reactions and their side effects being somewhat like an addiction. Then I started getting more and more skin eruptions after eating them. I've been allergic to celery and most of the parsley family my whole life yet didn't know it. As I got older, of course my immune system weakened, and the allergies started piling up and they were all related to the parsley and birch families. Lentils is one of those on the list.
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ED doctor diagnosed him with cellulitis. Yikes! I've had the same thing twice. They took tests of the blister and his blood. That tells the level of and what bacteria they are dealing with. Husband had one dose of IV antibiotics and is set for his second one later this morning. He's also on oral antibiotic. I saw where the ED doctor drew a line around the redness. I pray it doesn't worsen by later this morning. Oh Lord heal my husband's foot. Amen!
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Hello fellow prayer warriors.
Please pray for intense itching all over my body though especially on abdomen and legs. My eyes are reddened too. Last night I ate lentils, haven't had them for a while and last time they caused itchy skin. I just didn't take notice of the symptoms. It happened again last night, several hours after eating the lentils I started itching on my abdominal area. I had something with lentils in it today and had the same reaction. Yikes.
Putting two and two together and it doesn't look good for lentils. And aduki beans were in the mix as well. Cross reaction to other beans is possible. I woke up this morning itchier than normal as well even though I took an antihistamine last night. I just took another one due to intense itching. I love lentils so this is a huge blow to my diet as they contain plenty of protein. I'm mostly a lacto-ovo-vegetarian though I occasionally have fish or turkey. So when I'm not eating fish or turkey I rely on high protein beans.
Thank you for your prayers.
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Hello fellow prayer warriors,
My husband's right foot is now giving him problems. Last night before going to bed his toes hurt, and he took off his socks to look at his foot. Two toes were bright red and one was black and blue with a huge blister on the base of that toe.
He went to the foot doctor this morning and then to the ED this afternoon. I haven't heard back from him yet.
This time he didn't go to the same ED as last time where they didn't do the right thing and told him it was his Rheumatoid Arthritis. This other ED is about the same distance to go yet a better hospital. I believe they'll do the right thing. Plus the foot doctor has privileges at the hospital so he could see my husband in the ED.
Thank you for your prayers.
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Thank you so much for your continued prayers.
Here's an update:
The island and cabinets: My husband and I configured the cabinets ourselves. Then we discovered the kitchen island was just too big for the space. It's been cut down by a foot. That left us with extra re-purposed cabinets (these originally were made for a bedroom), and we found places for each of them in our home. We ordered cabinets which matched the other cabinets making a nine foot island. Nothing has arrived yet though. This is taking way longer than it was supposed to. I'm so frustrated. Difficult when I have PTSD and the renovation.
In the meantime my husband has prepared several cabinets for the next phases. Two of them will be the base for the island countertop. One of them is the base for the wall oven. This preparation is an important part of the kitchen renovation. My husband is doing a professional job of it. He used to build boats and knows how to add fascia to cabinets. I am pleased with the results so far.
The guest bathroom: A plumber finally took a look at the work needing to be done in the bathroom. He promised an estimate this last Tuesday, 12 December 2017. Nothing happened. The flooring company was supposed to oversee the whole plumbing situation. I've had to constantly hound them to get anything done. It's unfortunate that this is the only flooring company in our area. We live on an island in the Pacific Northwest so there isn't much of a choice. The plumber is local and that's an answer to prayer. No surcharges for traveling.
Last night I had a strange dream about the guest bathroom not being finished and my husband renting out rooms in our home and letting the people use our master bathroom which was huge in the dream. It was more like a nightmare. LOL
The electrical upgrades: A new, larger electrical panel has been installed to accommodate the extra electrical needs in the kitchen renovation and other places in our home.
Insulation under the house: Nothing done until the plumbing is finished. The plumbing by the way it was explained is a two part process. Can't wait for this insulation and plumbing situations to be finished once for all.
Thank you all for your ongoing prayers.
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The flooring company called a few minutes after I posted my prayer request. Praise God.
Though, they apparently dropped the ball in one area, they quickly remedied the situation in another. After I got off the phone I was frazzled and I prayed for their company.
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My breeder and her one mother dog need prayers for a very stressful post delivery after 10 puppies. The mother dog, Lacey, was bleeding after giving birth. The vet hasn't found any cause for the bleeding. Two different clinics and no answers. One of the clinics is a vet school and well known for finding and getting results. All kinds of tests done. Mary Ann, the breeder, is totally stressed out having to take Lacey to the vet everyday for the past 6 days. She hadn't been sleeping well and is finally getting 6 hours of sleep because several people have stepped in to help her. Lacey is on the mend and Mary Ann is supplementing the 10 puppies so they get enough milk. They are rolly-polly so I guess they are.
Thank you for your prayers.
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The breaker panel got put in over the Thanksgiving weekend. That was definitely a thanks giving! So now we're ready for the new wiring in the kitchen.
I changed the island configuration because it looked too big. So that has delayed the positioning of the island cabinets and getting them ready for the countertop. New cabinets should be here in less than two weeks.
The plumber promised for ages to put in the new sink, bidet, and toilet in our guest bathroom. He hasn't followed through yet. Nor has the flooring company brought their plumber here for it. We need a plumber to get everything finished so the insulation can be put back under the house and that buttoned up.
Thank you for your prayers.
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I want to thank all of the prayer warriors who have prayed for my husband's infected toe. Praise God it is healed.
I prayed for one of the momma's who gave birth to a litter of puppies. We're signed up to get one of them. She had bleeding after giving birth and she's now doing and feeling better. Praise God.
The new breaker panel got installed in our home over the holidays without a charge because our son did it for us. Praise God.
God is on the move in our home and lives.
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On 11/16/2017 at 2:44 PM, JohnD said:
Have blood sugar tested also.
Discovered my diabetes during an episode of what I thought was gout (but wasn't).
Praying!
P.S. sometimes Doctors overlook the simple like type 2 diabetes.
Yes, blood sugars were checked. A slightly elevated and that's why the podiatrist had him go to the emergency room. They were not even the bit concerned about it. That hospital is known to not focus on the important aspects and not see the entire picture.
My husband's toe is healing nicely according to the podiatrist. With epsom salt foot baths and an antibiotic, the infection is clearing up.
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Apparently, as I have often said to my husband, he should not have gone to that particular hospital. My husband was attempting to articulate that he had the problem with his toes. The ED doctor basically told him that his problem was in the heel not the toes and that there was no infection.
I had a horrible experience with that same hospital. They basically told me that I was a hysterical female going through menopause, and I should take two aspirin and go to bed and never go back there with my symptoms because there was nothing wrong with me. I had chest pain. They obviously thought it was anxiety. That was March 2007. Six months later I was finally diagnosed with a serious illness which nearly killed me. I had pericarditis, and it had gone into my heart muscle as well. So my diagnosis was myopericarditis. When I visited the first hospital their x-ray showed an enlarge heart which that ED doctor erroneously believed was a symptom of under-treated hypothyroidism. In fact it was the pericarditis before it developed into myopericarditis.
My husband made an appointment with the podiatrist two days later. The podiatrist spent over an hour expressing pus out of two toes on my husband's left foot. He placed him on broad-spectrum antibiotics, covered his toes with Neosporin and a bandage, and then wrapped his whole foot and part of his leg in a gauze bandage. The podiatrist saw him again on Thursday and performed the same procedure as the day before. He told my husband that the infection had improved considerably and to keep taking the antibiotics. Then he gave him a routine to follow; soaking his foot in epsom salt, applying the Neosporin, and then bandaging it as he had done.
Prayers are needed for the infection and for my husband to follow the routine the podiatrist set down for him.
Thank you all for your prayers. I am thankful to God that my husband finally got the care he needed for his infected toes.
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I'm not certain of anything as of today. The worker's leg is in a brace. I don't know if he had surgery and what they found. I'll try to discover what transpired as soon as I can.
Thank you all for praying and God bless you.
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ABBY_JOY(SON needs PRAYER)
in Prayer Requests
Posted
Praise God!