StJoek

So where's the "quality" Christians? I've never been to a love feast, nor heard of a church that has them. If God is looking for quality I don't think He sees it among this generation, certainly not in me.

So if the road is truly narrow and most don't ever even find it and those that do have trouble staying on it, than the majority of people that live on earth are going to hell right? So how is that a win for God?

This world is the most awful place i could have ever imagined and the longer I'm here the more I see how bad it really is. I wish I at least had somebody to talk to while I'm stuck here. How/where do you go about finding a Godly friend?

Thanks Ted, I'll take you up on the offer, if for nothing else just to hear your thoughts on the situation. My own thoughts have gone back and forth, been double minded, but the further I get in my walk with Christ the more single minded I become, I wish I could say it's a cut and dry one time and I was changed forever event but that's not been my experience, though I've met people that did get that, or claim to. Actually I didn't say that right, it was a one time changed forever event, old things are passed away and all things have become new, but it has taken painstaking stages through my life to put away the old thinking and embrace my mind of Christ. I am tired and I am lonely and that often comes out when I speak my mind, because I don't want to be fake, but if you catch me in the right mood you might get a glimpse of what God is up to in there. I've learned to trust in what God's Word says and conform my mind to what it says, despite what everybody else, including some well intended people, try to tell me. So let's be open and honest with each other but let's make God's Word our reality and throw out anything that doesn't agree with it.

It's not an easy day, well it never is but today is especially hard, as are most weekends, not sure why it's always harder on the weekend, probably because it's our chance to spend more time together and perhaps enjoy life and the enemy doesn't want that so it gets more intense. I don't know and right now I don't really care, I know I'm not suppose to complain and just want out of the trial but endure it with grace and thanksgiving but it just goes on and on and on. I don't know what I'm suppose to do when somebody so close is in so much turmoil and it effects almost every decision we make together, which is pretty much everything I do. I keep praying and trying to wait patiently for God to get through and do whatever needs to be done but it's just the same every weekend, every day, sometimes it's not as tough as others but it always come back with a vengeance and things can turn ugly at any time. I'm just tired, I'd like somebody to just talk to about all this but I've never found a brother in Christ that will listen and try to just have compassion. Why wouldn't God at least send one person I can talk to. I know I know I have Holy Spirit here but when I'm discouraged and doubting like this I don't feel His presence anyway so it doesn't help much. I'll stop, this isn't a good rant, I'm sorry.

Thanks for sharing Abby, my wife agrees too. Most people, even Christians, when faced with a reality too horrible to understand reject it and the messenger as well. We all build a world in our minds that is suppose to protect us from the evils we see all around, even by taking them out of sight completely. However the more we trust in God the more we can look at reality and understand that evil doesn't have the upper hand. I can only imagine the horrors you've faced but I know they are small in comparison to the protective power of God's Love. Unfortunately most church's are still very young in their faith, maybe from living such sheltered lives here in the US and other western countries. But the reality is evil is rampant all around us and will only get worse and worse until our Savior returns. I think if we stay open and make loving a priority we can mature together and create the church's needed in these fallen end times. That is my hope anyway, based on the assumption that there is a whole lot more of us deeply hurt people out there that just hasn't opened up yet. God bless you Abby, I'll keep praying for you too. Thank you also for your prayers Marilyn, and everyone else that continues to pray for us, your truly a blessing.

Thank you for sharing love mercy. I wish I could find a church that where we could find friends. But the more time goes by without those things the less likely they seem.

Thank you JesusGivesLifeMeaning, Unfortunately God hasn't sent anybody into our lives yet, despite me searching for help these last few months. It's getting really discouraging that I can't even find anybody to talk to. To update you all on our situation things are pretty much unchanged. Voices, frustration, anger, distraction, depression all persist. Thank you for all that are praying for us, please continue. God Bless.

Thank you all for your prayers and comments.

Thanks, I really appreciate your prayers and your absolutely right about quoting the word...i've played it nonstop before too, for about a week. I will try to pray and read more...please pray for motivation and discipline for me in these areas. I will also pray for your marriage as well. God rewards those who persevere.

Thanks to you both. Your prayers are very appreciated. I get the sense that God wants an audience before this is over. Not saying He's telling me that. The only things I've ever heard from God over all these years is: listen, and Love. That's basically it. That's my orders. He's been working on me to pray more. I've never been very diligent about it. I mean I pray throughout the day, little prayers, but lately I've been convicted to get in my closet. So I've been trying to do that, but getting the habit formed isn't easy. You can pray for that too....thanks!

I don't usually do posts in forums like this. I guess it just gives me a lot of anxiety to post something and not get an immediate response. But I'm up against some pretty tough circumstances and I need to reach out to others as I've gotten isolated over the years. So this mainly deals with my wife and the many troubles she's had in her and our past and the difficulties and possible dangers that still linger. I'm not really looking for an answer to our problems. I really just want a group of Christians to surround us and pray with us and cry with us as we wait on God. Both my wife and I have given our lives fully to Christ, and though we still struggle with sin, we live a repentant life, and seek God in all that we do. I'll try to keep things brief because I don't see the sense into going into details of years and years of trauma and pain. It's probably enough to know that whatever I may say is going to barely be the tip of the iceberg anyway, unless i write a book. So I'll start at the point where I first started learning what was happening, about 18 years ago. That was when my wife came to me and asked that we pack up everything and leave town. From the look she had I knew something was going on and I knew it was serous so I decided to trust her and leave. At this point in our lives we were both not very close to Christ, I had turned my back completely, but we were both living sinfully. Anyway after a few weeks of being in a new state and city she finally began to tell me that a person who I thought was a friend had been raping her and had tried to murder her shortly before we left the town I grew up in. That was just the beginning of a long line of abuses and mistreatment my wife had endured at the hands of countless people, and few repeatedly throughout her life. The years went by as I learned of these things and we moved around and familiar people always seemed to be close at hand no matter where we went. At some point my wife began to hear voices and started become extremely paranoid because of the familiar people and more and more memories were coming back to her. I wasn't a very good husband at this point, not at all, I admit. This was about 17 yrs ago. But I did want to help her and not see her suffer so much. I was looking for answers anywhere I could and fortunately the bible was one of those places. Finally when things seemed to be at their worse my wife and I broke down and gave our lives fully over to The Lord. We repented of all the wrong things we were doing at the time and completely turned away from that life. However things were never really addressed. We never got any answers and my wife was still having voices, memories, and paranoia. We did try medical treatment several times but nothing ever helped. We moved again and finally found a home church we were able to stay in for a few years. But everybody has always been standoffish to us. We came kind of close to making friends in our old home church but it all just fell apart when we had to leave because of the things that were coming against my wife. Besides shortly later I had to move because of my job and things just deteriorated from there. We've moved a couple times now and haven't been able to find a home church. Every where we go there's bad memories and voices getting in my wife's head. We don't have any friends. I talk to my mother but she doesn't really know anything that's going on. My wife doesn't have any family to talk to. Whenever we try to reach out people seem too preoccupied or judgmental to be there for us. My wife can barely hear me most of the time because of all the voices. I know you'll say go to a doctor, you need professional help and all that. But I'm sure it's impossible for you to understand how difficult it is. Besides I don't know that modern psychology would be of any help. And like I said I'm not looking for a solution, I just want a friend or two to talk to, and cry with, and maybe see God work in our lives. It's so painful that it's so difficult just to meet one caring Christian. I know it's this spiritual war we are in. That people around us are being manipulated by forces they don't understand. But still I'm discouraged. It feels like there's only love for family and friends....and if your a stranger your on your own. That's just how it feels I'm sure. I know there are loving Christians out there, somewhere.