readytogiveup
-
Posts
11 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by readytogiveup
-
-
Thank you so much for your advice time and opinion.... Things took a turn for the worst... I actually HAD adviced he take time to work on himself. To collect himself,pray,and work on his temper. And honestly,when I have asked him to leave,its always been with the hope and faith that the time away would be medicine. But he is a very proud, angry person, and in the past has instead used his "freedom" to talk to other women! I thought this time it would be different. Since before we weren't legally married and we were younger. But I came to find out its not so. He was talking to an ex girlfriend and when I asked him about it, he claimed it was to talk to her about God! I'm now almost 7 months pregnant and he left when I was a less than a month along. Hasn't given a dime of support and hardly has seen the kids...Yet has traveled to Baja,California,and WHO KNOWS WHERE ELSE. I'm so tired. So exhausted physically and emotionally. Tired of hoping,tired of waiting. Tired of being on this wicked planet,where the bad is abundant,and the lies and injustice seem to provail ? I know this place isn't our home. I just so desperately want to hear those trumpets blown as our savior comes to just end it all
-
1
-
-
11 hours ago, Butero said:
Your situation is clearly worse than the way it came across, especially with him holding you down to keep you from leaving, and punching holes in the wall and being destructive. It sounds like he is on his way to becoming violent without psychiatric help, which you said he refuses to get. At the same time, if you head bopped him and he didn't lay a hand on you, I am not so sure about that. Cleaning up behind you just sounds like Felix Unger on "The Odd Couple.: It seems like you could have just let that slide. Still, the other stuff is serious.
I do have one thing I still don't get. You said your husband works and has three sources of income. When did he start working? Has he been responsible to hold down a job? How long was he out of work?
The head bob started when I got tired of him hurting my wrist from how hard he was holding me. Then it progressed to bear holds,to where I felt completely trapped.
Cleaning after me wasn't so much what was harmful. What affected me was how irritated he seemed, and actually told me a few times that my mother didn't teach me how to clean. That he had to do everything so it was done right. Made me feel worthless ?
He couldn't really ever hold a job down. He would get in fights with the boss. Or decide he didn't like being told how to do his job. Then he finally got approved by SSI. And just got comfortable with that for years. Until he discovered Uber...Tried that for a while and actually was VERY good at it. One of the top drivers in our area! But the car we had got to be past the allowed age. So he became the stay at home parent,while I went out to work. But then THAT got to him,being home all the time,routine. Long story short, I ended up helping him get the car for him to Uber. After 3 weeks of having the car,when I asked him about if he was now going to help with bills,he exploded and started being very rude! It got so bad, I had no choice but to ask him to leave. So now he lives elsewhere and pays close to nothing in rent,has no bills(other than car payment,which he's behind 2 payments on)He comes and goes as he pleases announcing himself as single,without a worry at the least about his kids. Uses the bible to suit and fit his convenience, and ignores the rest! Idk WHAT to do anymore
-
14 hours ago, Butero said:
Throwing someone out of the house because they lose their temper to cool off is not a good idea. It is one thing to walk out of the room and cool off, and another to throw someone out. It doesn't sound like he was any threat to the kids. There was no actual violence. He just raised his voice and said bad things to you, if I understand you correctly. I personally think that this marriage can be saved. Is it really about the kids? There are two ways to look at that. It is bad that they hear arguing. I grew up listening to fights, and yes, it got on my nerves, but I wanted both of my parents around. I would not have preferred they split up for peace. Thankfully, they remained together. How often does he blow up, and what leads to the fights?
In looking back at some of the things that were said, I wonder who engineers the deals about how things are to be run. Who came up with that idea about him taking care of the house and you paying the bills? I would have never put up with that kind of arrangement, so I doubt it was his idea. He may have agreed to it, but did he really want that, or was it forced on him? There are too many questions here about why things got the way they are. Biblically, the husband is supposed to be the head of the house, and it doesn't sound like he ever was. It sounds like there was a power struggle taking place. When you said you carried all the expenses, it gave the impression he didn't work. Did you mean that you literally paid all the bills out of money you earned, and he kept everything he made, or did you just mean you handled the finances? If you just handled the finances, I can see him being upset by such an arrangement. If you mean he kept everything he earned personally, then I can't see why he couldn't afford a car. I know there are details here that are missing that are important to understanding what is taking place.
Hi. Well, he is very o.c.d. I would clean and he would always come behind me and re clean his way. So after a while of playing that game, i just agreed to let him do it.As far as arrangement, never really was an actual arrangement. Just kinda happened. He claimed he couldn't work so he took it upon himself to attend to the home instead. He kept saying it was the least he could do. That it kept his mind busy. I ran a in home business, so it did help. And I always did let him know that I appreciated his help. I didn't only handle the finances, I paid all bills. I in numerous occasions did tell him it would be good for him to search for maybe a part time. -just so he can get out for a bit. Would make him feel better,since he struggled with depression. He would get upset and felt pressured.
when he would start to work up anger, and start being mean, I would try to go for a walk, to get away from the situation,since my suggestion he do so, fell on deaf ears. He would imprison me and physically hold me down! In my attempt to get loose,I at times did head bop him,but only to have him hold me tighter. Things did get out of hand. I don't deny my wrong in that. But I considered that in a way self defense. Though it WAS fighting fire with fire.
Verbal wasn't all he did. I can't tell you how many times he destroyed the walls,punching through the sheetrock. How many things he broke.-including my cell phone once cause he thought I was texting with a man.. How many threats he threw at me. The more frequent one cps, saying they would take our kids,split them up in foster homes. My kids would cry when they heard that. These were the moments that made me ask him to leave. Not to get even. Not to humiliate him, not cause I felt like the boss. Just to remove the problem. The evil that was affecting my children...
Yes. He kept his money. Kept saying it was to buy his car. But he never did. He would spend a little on ice cream for kids, taking them to the 2dollar theatre. And I didn't really question,since every man is entitled to feel human, and treat their kids a day out every once in a while. -have a little spending money in his wallet... But I figured he had to be putting most of it away... Well when I asked him if he was close to his goal for car,he said he had nothing saved! This is a portion of why this last time I asked him to leave. Everything just had collected and piled. His financial irresponsibility,his not being greatful or appreciative of anything,his rude and hurtful comments,high irritability towards kids. Overly disciplined them. And when he said something was to be done certain way, I respected it. But when I said something, he stepped on my toes. And he could reverse his decisions, change his mind about whatever as far as kids. But if I did it, or showed signs of wanting to, it would bother him. Just to much to write. To many years,to many tears and heartache
I know the bible says a wife must be humble and submissive. But it also says a husband has to lead with love and patience,and Gods guidance. If the husband does not know how to lead, how can a wife follow. If the husband talks about the Lord one day, and the next day acts like he's been possessed by multiple demons, which do you believe? I prayed hard,and chose to believe in Gods miracles. But in the process, was allowing my kids to be damaged ?
-
4 hours ago, missmuffet said:
If a person is going to marry someone and they know that person is bipolar they had better take a good hard look at that. It is a huge responsibility and having children in that situation is really going to complicate the marriage. It is something that is not gone into lightly.
It would be very difficult not to see that a person is bipolar when spending some time with them.
Hi! Actually, no I didn't know. He didn't act the way he does now.not even close! It was til after we had a couple of kids,that he started to really just have extreme episodes. And even then,we both thought it was ptsd and anxiety. I started to do research and alot of his behavior spelled out borderline.. But I stuck with him regardless, with FOREVER set in my heart and mind. The times I did kick him out,I did it to allow cooling off and to instantly stop the ragefull attacks going on at that moment.-always thinking of the kids.. But I prayed and asked God to take control EACH time,and that's usually when he would show up. So I took it as a sign that God didn't want me to walk away. Things would be good for a while,but then again-explotion.. I never expected perfect. I actually never demanded much.just respect that's it! Seems like the one thing I wanted was the one thing he couldn't give.
-
On 9/1/2017 at 8:23 PM, Butero said:
I am a bit perplexed by something here. You said your husband won't work, and won't give you any help with support for you or the kids. What is he doing now? How is he making it on his own if he won't work? How can someone who isn't working going to be able to send you any child support, when that is based on a percentage of his salary? He is clearly in the wrong. The Bible says that a man that won't support his family is worse than an infidel and has denied the faith. Does he claim to be a Christian? Why does he accuse you of being responsible for his failures? What is that accusation based on? You said that he said that since you kicked him out, you are on your own. Does he want to come back, and if he did come home, does he have a job to provide for you and the kids now?
This is a difficult situation because I don't believe in divorce either, and this isn't a situation involving adultery. You threw him out. He didn't abandon you. Still, he isn't stepping up and doing his job as a man by providing for his family. Would that change if he returned now? There is something going on in his head that makes him feel as he does, blaming you for his failures and things like that. Is there any more you can add to why? Being bi-polar is difficult to deal with, but you did make vows that included in sickness and in health. Still, I understand how his lashing out at you will tear your nerves up. That is not healthy for you, and isn't a good environment for your kids. Is your husband on medication to help control his bi-polar condition? That can help.
I get the feeling your husband really wants to come home. I am just going to give advise based on what I know the Bible says. If he is working, he has indicated he won't help you because you threw him out. You can try telling him that if he continues to hold down a job and supports you and the kids, and if he seeks a psychiatrist about getting meds for his bi-polar condition and promises to take those meds faithfully, you will give him another chance. The Bible counsels a Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever to walk before him with a meek and quiet spirit and be an example, with the hope that he will see your good works and get right with God. The easiest thing in the world would be for me to advise you to get a lawyer and make sure he supports you and the kids, but he just doesn't sound like the kind of person who will simply accept something like that without a fight. The kids need a Mother and Father, and bi-polar meds might make the difference.
Again, I don't have all the facts here. Maybe he is already on meds, and they don't work. Perhaps he is violent, though you didn't indicate that. Maybe he won't work even though you cannot. Biblically, the man is supposed to earn a living, and you should be able to be the one that stays home and takes care of the children, not him. If you have had a role reversal arrangement in the past, I don't see how he can make light of your contribution. You are taking on his role. What it comes down to is I understand he is emotionally abusive, and I am sorry you are having to go through that, but there is just not enough information to advise you exactly what to do. Consider the fact that being bi-polar is an illness and whether or not it can be controlled by meds, and if your husband wants to come home. No matter what you decide, this is a sad situation, and I know it won't be easy for you either way, with him or without him. I am sorry you are going through this. One thing I would try to break is this sort of probation mentality, where every time he loses it, you throw him out only to take him back. If he is bi-polar, he will have his episodes. You will just have to accept that. The biggest concern I have is the fact he won't support you and the kids. The fact you cannot work may be what is necessary to force him to step up to the plate as you said. You know more about what is happening than I do, so if you know in your heart what I am suggesting won't work, use your own judgment. The one sure thing I can suggest is that you pray about it. God will give you better help than I can.
Hello! Thanks much for your reply..
He does work. On top of that he collects SSI! Has 3 sources of income.. I wouldn't be contemplating filing, if he didn't. Wouldn't kick him while he is down. -though he has to me. But the Lord gave me such a weak heart.-alot of the reason why I would let him back in. But precisely because I don't want my kids further scared, is why I haven't let him back anymore though he did ask. No point in going in same circles and expecting results. Did that for way to long.
I tried the humble wife approach. But seems like that just gave him wind to be more jerk,and he would literally bring me to the ground in tears. He is VERY verbally and emotionally abusive. This is why I have had to ask him to leave,in a desperate attempt to remove the hate my kids were hearing. But there has been no change and he won't do meds,and says counseling is not for him. What gets me,is,I have two friends that are bipolar. And NEVER have I seen them act the way he does. They respect their spouse,and love their children! So I'm thinking its more of a personality thing.. Or Satan plays with his head. He claims to be Christian.Reads his bible EVERY day. Talks about God to everyone. Yet at home acts like the devil himself! And I would tell him that the love for God starts in your own home. Can't talk the talk and not walk the walk..
Yes. Those vows are exactly what played in my head everytime he would start attack. But you can only take so much. When you beg someone to stop being so mean and plea they stop because kids are listening,and they just keep going and saying horrid things,you have no choice. kinda like when there's a drunk that is offensive,and being a problem, he is asked to leave.(bad comparison, but true)
have prayed alot. Cried alot.. I have tried to encourage he see the kids. Because regardless of if he helps financially, his kids are still his kids.-no matter what the relationship between him and I. But 9 out of 10 xs when I text him, I get insulted or interrogated or accused.. He questions me if I'm seeing someone. Yet sits there and says what ever he does is no longer my business cause I kicked him out. Then has showed up unannounced and let himself in and parade through my home inspecting every room! Very controlling and manipulative. I'm so tired.
Sometimes I want to get a restraining order. But I think of my kids and how they would miss out on seeing their dad.though they've seen him only twice in the 4 months he's been gone. Just praying for a solution
-
On 8/24/2017 at 2:50 PM, HAZARD said:
Hi again ready, Thank you. I hope this might help you in your spiritual battle. A long post but read it at your leisure, God bless and keep you. If your not a member of this church, your in the wrong one, according to Scripture, its that simple.
Paul never taught Jesus + some church brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + certain sacraments brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus plus legalism brings salvation, Paul never taught Jesus + purgatory brings salvation, Paul never taught circumcision brings salvation,
Paul taught only Jesus + nothing else brings salvation.
We cannot do anything, or add anything to all Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit did to save mankind.
All we need do is believe in Him and in Him who sent Him.
Galatians 1: 6, I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:
7, Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.
8, But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.
9, As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.
10, For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
11, But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.
12, For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christs church is not a building or a particular religious group with some special name? The new Testament Church, of which Jesus Christ is the head is a called out body of people of all nations who have been born again and who have lived a true Christian life and died in the faith. It also includes all those who are alive in Christ today. This present church is called the "ekklesia" of the New Testament times, called out of this world to evangelize the world in this age.
The church, in its largest signification is the whole company of redeemed in all ages, in Heaven and in Earth (Eph. 3:1-11; Heb. 12:23). It is the spiritual people who have been made members of the universal family of God. The church in this sense is the body of Christ, and it does not consist of saved and unsaved. It is not a group of individuals associated together for social and benevolent purposes, as seems to be on every hand in most worldly church gatherings. It is the body of people indwelt by God through the Holy Spirit and through whom God works in the world.
The church is a supernatural body of believers filled with the presence and power of God as individuals conform to the gospel of Christ. The church is like a family in its social life, yet is unlike a family in its formation. Each local church is a part of the universal church in the broad sense. However there are many in local churches that do not belong to the body of Christ, and therefore they are not a true part of the universal church of the New Testament.so good to see someone who understands.. Alot of times I have been questioned about not belonging to a church. We have a personal relationship with the Lord,and that is the important thing. I refuse to go to a church because I'm in need! Would that not be convenience? Therefore would I be attending for the right reasons? Thank you again for your reply
-
9 hours ago, HAZARD said:
Hi readytogiveup and welcome. Never give in, stay with Jesus and continue to be you, God will help, protect and reward you and your children. Rely on the Father in Jesus Name and He will draw you up out of this.
Read Psalm 18, especially verses 16 to 24;
16, He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17, He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18, They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19, He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
20, The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
21, For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.
22, For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me.
23, I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity.
24, Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.Indeed! The Lord is what sustains us... That is a beautiful Psalm. Very appreciative you sent it to me. God bless
-
17 hours ago, da_man1974 said:
I don't think you should feel bad at all if you take him to court. He is not upholding his obligations. You need to do what is best for you and your kids.
Hello. I thank you kindly for your reply and encouragement. The Lord bless you
-
hi there! Bk1110, Thank you for your reply? ABSOLUTELY... My faith is what has me still standing.
I do not belong to a church. We are non denominational bible based. The Lord has given me strength through the toughest times,and provided for me and my kids numerous times. I don't doubt he will get me through this as well. I just wanted so much to do it in a Christian manner. I never asked for or demanded my kids dads help before. But I think enough is enough and he needs to know that . I REALLY DO NEED HELP. And he should be helping. I am trying to be patient and am feeling bad taking him to court,but at the same time feel like he's taken advantage of my compassion and non desire to burden anybody...
So I am trying to get opinions and advice
-
Hello all, I'm very new here..looking for support/advice from fellow Christians!
I was with him for 16 years. During this time we "seperated" numerous times. I would admit him back after seeing his struggles. It would hurt my soul to see him hurting. Even though when he said the most monstrous things to me,didn't hurt HIS soul one bit ? I wanted to fight for my marriage,since he was and always will be the love of my life. But unfortunately he is Bipolar and let Satan use this far to often. I tried to be understanding but the cuts just got deeper with time. He got so mean and so verbally and emotionally abusive,it started to affect our children.
Fast forward to 2 years ago...I let him move back in because he promised me a list of things... Everything was very good for a while.. But when he would get very upset,he'd aim to kill with his words.
Each of us had our roles at home. I carried all expenses pertaining to the family...rent,car,utilities,toiletries,cell phones-EVERYTHING. He handled household needs like cleaning,cooking,laundry. It worked for everyone,but when he would have an episode,he'd throw it in my face!( the I do everything and you do nothing card).
Towards the end, I went and got a loan for a car he said he needed in order to work for Uber. Handed him 4500 for down payment from a savings account we weren't supposed to touch.. He promised he would pay it back and never screw me over with failed payments.(since he had with prior car I put myself on the line for). Long story short, he's very behind on payments,they called me saying they're ready to repossess! He left almost 4 months ago and not a dime for child/spousal support. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after he left. -which I love my kids but we both promised we were DONE. I was blessed with 4 b, 4 g so it was a perfect even team. I had plans to travel out of state to do a summer gig that was financially beneficial to our family. That was out the window soon as I saw a positive test due to how ill I got. Our last child was only 3 months old!
I got very depressed. And to make matters worse,he'd text me with interrogating,accusing,assuming remarks. Most of the time very rude and abusive.
He hates me and accuses me of his failures and tells me I'm on my own now since I kicked him out ☹ What was I supposed to do, if even after I got him the vehicle he refused to be"pressured" to work! After I brought up the conversation and reminded him he had promised to help,he exploded in such a way,I had no other option but to ask him to leave.
Throughout the years,every time he left, I NEVER asked him for financial support. Even let him take our only vehicle,leaving me and children on foot. But I'm kinda tired of taking the fall. And since I am presently unable to work,due to pregnancy(nobody will hire me) and due to what it would cost for childcare, I feel he should finally step up!
So, I need advice. This a very hard and painful process for me. I don't believe in divorce but my heart can't take any more injury. Any advice greatly appreciated..especially from anyone who knows the steps behind the legal process. Thank you kindly for reading. God bless
Seeking legal seperation after 16 years-6 kids,4 mnths pregnant. Emotionally abusive husband
in Have a problem? Looking for advice?
Posted
hello... Actually its VERY disrespectful and is a betrayal for him to have done that especially since he lived with her in the past. There was a conversation about if they got back together,and in my opinion, that conversation should NEVER have taken place,considering hes a married man! Bible says that if you sin in your heart its like you actually committed adultery. He has talked to other women and presents himself as single... Instead of working hard to fix and try to mend, he prefers to fall farther away and"explore", with the excuse that I kicked him out. Things have definitely not gotten better..and offering him opportunity to move back in is scratching at impossible at this point. He has shown NO effort to even want to earn his family back. But I am at peace with it. I for months cried myself to sleep.. But God has slowly been healing me...I am now 7 months pregnant and focused on my kids and coming baby