DesertSW

There are couples who were on the verge of divorce and went through this 5 day course and now are happily married. 5 days is a short time period and a small effort to save one's marriage. My wife wouldn't even give up 5 minutes on the phone to try and save the marriage. That speaks volumes about where her heart was and how willing she was to have God come in and save the marriage. The honest truth was that she was NOT willing to have God save the marriage. Her mind was made up when she originally left without notice. She NEVER sought Godly healing and Godly restoration. If she did, she would have given our pastor or the counselor some time on the phone to discuss the marriage and her reasons for wanting a divorce. She didn't. She told me she "didn't have the time" to even watch a 5 minute video about marriage from Casting Crowns: Casting Crowns - Broken Together Video

I am not saying that living together as Christians and not marrying is the answer. The Bible is clear about sex and marriage. I am just stating that marriage is a risky proposition in today's day and age with the high rate of divorce. Like my ex-wife and her parents did, there are Christians who make light of divorce, and don't seek Godly healing and restoration but seek the "easy" way out by bailing and divorcing. Each case is different but in my case there was no abuse or adultery. I was a very loving and caring husband. Nobody is perfect but I was a good husband.

I wish that was true but the reality is that true Christians sin and they sometimes commit sins like divorce. No offense but the old label them an unbeliever if they sin response gets old and lame. I've heard it for 25 years and whenever a true Christian does something that is sinful, the auto response by some is to label them an unbeliever. It's the easy way to discredit them and avoid the true issue which is that born again "real" Christians sin and these sins are sometimes egregious. Even let's say we use the most conservative number out there, which is 26% of born-again, evangelical, conservative Christians divorce, that's still 1 in 4. It's better than 1 in 3 but still pretty bad that 1 in 4 end in divorce. As someone put it regarding Christian marriage & divorce: Would you get on a plane if you knew they flight had a 1 in 4 chance of crashing?

I have no reason to lie or hide the truth. I am being 100% honest. I have never cheated on my wife, never abused her, never got drunk, no drugs, no addictions, etc. I loved her like Christ loves the Church. I'm not perfect but I was a good and loving husband. Compared to what else is out there in the male Christian realm, I was a very good Christian husband. She left and gave no reason except she was "happier" living in another state by her parents. She refused any and all attempts to reconcile the marriage by Godly means and Godly counseling. She even stated that her "choice" to divorce was not agreeable by everyone but it's "her life" and she could do as she chooses. I have cards and letter from over 11 years of marriage, written by her, telling me that she loved me and that I was a good husband. They take up 2 shoeboxes (as I still have them in my possession). Then, at the divorce, she told her friends that she never loved me. It's like a cruel nightmare but it's my reality. Looking back, I grew as a Christian husband over our marriage, she as a Christian wife, did not. I never faulted her for it, I never even brought it up, but she as a Christian wife was not a very loving and godly women. It's sad but true. She even said she was a "bad wife" at times (her words-not mine) throughout our marriage. I never faulted her for it but she had her issues but refused to confront them or acknowledge them. Instead of trying to change and become a better godly wife, she took the easy way out and pressed the "eject" divorce button and left the marriage. It was easier in her mind to do that than to try and change and grow our marriage through Godly and Biblical means. I didn't bail, she did, I didn't leave, she did, I didn't want the divorce, she did, I didn't stop loving her, she stopped loving me.

These are BORN AGAIN Christians. Barna, which is a Christian organization, did the study. The study showed that Born Again Christians divorced at rates of around 32% or basically 1 in 3 Born Again Christian marriages end in divorce. According to the Barna study: “Born again Christians” are defined as people who said they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents are not asked to describe themselves as “born again.” I've been a born-again believer for 25 years and I can tell you firsthand the stats are accurate and I've seen plenty of disappointments in the Christian realm. Being a victim myself of a divorce from a born again Christian wife, I never thought it would happen, but it did. Not only did my ex-wife betray me, her vow to me, her vow to God but she betrayed the faith and God. Then to top it off her parents (both born-again Christian people who are active church elders) also betrayed me, God, and their faith by condoning the divorce and not intervening and trying to seek Godly restoration and healing for the both of us (their daughter and me the son-in-law). So my world was shattered into 1,000 pieces after this happened. It was like a Mack Truck coming out of nowhere and plowing me over. I never saw it coming. If you would have told me 2 years ago that my wife would leave me for no valid reason and her parents would sit by idle and do nothing. I wouldn't believe you and laugh at the mere idea. Well, sure enough, it happened and a year later after the divorce I am still in shock. I wake up each day in shock knowing that I am divorced and my wife is never coming back. This was the biggest punch in the face in my 43 years of inhabiting this earth. I've been let down by born again Christians before, but this was #1. The other let downs were shockers also. What I would tell a newly born again Christian is "don't get your hopes up about other born again Christians, they WILL let you down, they WILL deceive you, they WILL lie to you, they WILL break your heart and their vows, promises and their friendship". The whole idea or premise that is perpetuated by some that born again Christians are all loving and loyal to God, His Word and to other Christians is a LIE. Yes, there are some born again Christians that are honorable, God loving & following and will love and honor other Christians for their entire earthly lives BUT they are sadly not the norm.

For those who are hurting and actually WANT TO restore their marriage instead of just bailing without attempting healing. Focus on the Family has a program to restore marriages. It's called HOPE RESTORED: https://hoperestored.focusonthefamily.com/faqs/

For those who are hurting and actually WANT TO restore their marriage instead of just bailing without attempting healing. Focus on the Family has a program to restore marriages. It's called HOPE RESTORED: https://hoperestored.focusonthefamily.com/faqs/

If my ex-wife would have only tried to go to the Christian counseling which has an 85% success rate. Of all the couples contemplating divorce, those who attended the class, 85% exited the class no longer choosing or wanting a divorce. That's an excellent success rate. Of course, it REQUIRES that the other spouse wishes to attend, which my wife DID NOT want to attend. That showed me the hardness of her heart. That showed me that she DID NOT want God to heal the marriage. She wanted it to end in divorce, God was NOT in the equation for her. We could have had a healed and prosperous marriage IF ONLY she would have followed God's plan and sought healing, counseling and restoration. Sadly, she chose to bail and run and break her vows to God.

We didn't have any kids but in those circumstances where they do. It is so much more devastating to the children. The hurt and pain it causes is felt for decades afterwards. Divorce also destroys ones finances. We had to sell everything and the home we had was a beautiful home that was appreciating in value so to sell it prematurely due to the divorce, meant a loss. It's valued at $40k - $50k more this year than last. We also lost the retirement assets. It was quite devastating financially. Emotionally for me it was the worst but then a divorce brings with it a financial devastation. So it is a double whammy. Starting over when one is 40 is a lot harder than when they are 20 or 30. Time/age makes everything harder. Lastly, there was the loss of a family. I have NO family of my own so the in-laws were my family and we got along great and they considered me as part of the family. So after 10+ years of having a loving family and then losing it, that was another devastating part. Divorce destroys families and so that is added to the whole loss a divorce brings.

Another thing I wanted to add. While the emotional part of the divorce was the worst, something has to be said for the loss of finances. As a married couple we had a beautiful home, with a garden, koi pond, a cat and a dual income with retirement assets. When a divorce happens one has to divide the assets. The home sold and at a time when it was not wise to sell it since it has gone up $50k in value in just a year. A lot of money was lost. So basically one has to START OVER and rebuild everything. Not so easy to do when in your 40's. That's why when older couples divorce, it is much more devastating since starting fresh at 50 or 60 is not easy.

Blue Minou private emailed me and I responded but I never heard back. Not sure if the PM is working or not

I am not sure. She had some type of issue with the marriage apparently but didn't let me know. We didn't argue, no infidelity, no abuse, no drugs, etc. All appeared well, she even wrote me letters & cards stating how much she loved me and how I was a good husband. Then, out of nowhere, she said she was leaving. So it was a shock. Whatever it was, she reacted drastically by divorcing since it could have been easily resolved via counseling and Godly healing. Four professional Christian counselors all concluded the same thing. Yet, she refused any and all counseling, healing and restoration.

I agree her behavior was sinful and ungodly on how she handled herself as a wife and her choice to divorce without just cause and without Godly healing. It was and is still shocking but she did what she did. She couldn't justify what she did so she left her home and sought her parents 1,000 miles away, who of course stood by her side in what she did. That's all she needed. She knew deep down inside that our pastors disagreed with what she was doing and she refused Christian counseling. Four professional Christian counselors all agreed that she needed to sit down and discuss things before reacting so drastically by choosing divorce. She refused any and all attempts to sit down and discuss this with the pastors and counselors. People like my ex-wife justify what they do but claiming that if it was wrong, then God would have stopped her. That's what she said. She claimed her "heart" was open to God but God never stopped her from divorcing and she felt NO GUILT in choosing divorce. So that sealed the deal. She was guilt free and justified her actions claiming she was in the Will of God.

I will have a very hard time trusting anyone, whether Christian or non. I'm in my 40's now and I had a few large betrayals by other Christians prior to this and the divorce was kind of the final straw. I'm just burned out on these Christian betrayals. Will I ever get remarried? Nope. Both for Biblical reasons (ex-wife is still alive) and I'm in my early 40's and finding a spouse that doesn't have kids or some type of baggage is impossible. Plus most importantly, I just will never trust a Christian (or any person) fully again. I've been burned way too many times and I am just tired and done with it. The thing is that my wife was NOT an "unbeliever", she was a believer. That's a major point. The divorce wiped me financially & emotionally. I basically have to start over in my life at 43 years of age. Not easy to do. When you are 23 or 33, starting over is doable but now it's just so daunting. The only family I had was my wife and her in-laws. I have no other family. My dad is dead and my mom is estranged (long story - she is Roman Catholic). That's it. No other family around. The divorce made me not only lose my wife but the only family I had. Last Christmas I sat alone at home eating french fries from McDonalds with a stuffed bear. Sad, pathetic, depressing but true. All because a Christian women & wife chose to violate her vows, violate God's Word and chose divorce.

That is true. Christians chose divorce far too easily and throw in the towel. God hates divorce. Yes, it is a painful process to go through. I never thought it would happen to me but it did.

That's a very broad and sweeping conclusion. There might have been a few in there that are not truly saved but it is safe to state the study is accurate and reliable. As accurate as any study can be, plus Barna is Christian based. Whenever I hear of a Christian doing something that is very bad (divorce, adultery, suicide, etc), some people immediately will state "they were never saved to begin with" which is simply a quick & untruthful response to a very troubling problem. Saved Christians sin and do things that are shocking. They are still saved but some people can't understand it so they simply discard them as never being saved to begin with. In my case, the wife I had known for 12 years was saved and she still chose to divorce without just cause and without any attempt to seek Godly healing and restoration. The in-laws who I had known for 12 years were saved and yet they did a 180 on their view of divorce because they were put into a corner and their daughter wanted to divorce. So they sadly took the easier road and gave in, instead of standing for God's Word, they gave in to appease their daughter. So saved Christians do sin, they do divorce and they do things in opposition to God's Word. That is not new news to me & the Bible has many examples of saved people doing things that are very sinful. So when Barna releases a study showing the same, it shouldn't be that big of a surprise. I was surprised that the Christian divorce rates was HIGHER than the atheists. I thought it would be about the same but it was higher which did shock me. The church I attend, probably 1/2 the people are divorced. It's a fundamental Bible-believing church that is about as conservative and evangelical as it gets. Christianity in the world, while it has many champions of the faith, has had a pretty sad history for the past 2,000 years. We (the Body of Christ) have not been much better than Israel (God's chosen people). The OT showed the many failures that Israel had and our history is not as gleaming as it should have been either.

Well said. Barna went into great detail explaining HOW they arrived at the stats. They clearly stated that they had detailed questions they posed to make sure they were properly categorized.

That's key, forgiveness! I Corinthians tells us that " LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS" Going through hardships together makes people grow together. Back in the 50's and 60's, divorce was taboo, even among secular people. Did you know it was Ronald Reagan who invented the "NO FAULT DIVORCE" and passed it in California? Then all the states began adopting the NO FAULT DIVORCE. Prior to that, one had to PROVE infidelity or physical abuse BEFORE a divorce would be granted by a judge and assets distributed based on who did what. Nowadays, one doesn't have to prove anything since it falls back to NO FAULT and IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES. You can divorce your wife just because she didn't make you dinner. After Ronald Reagan passed that in California, the divorce rates began skyrocketing throughout the USA once each state adopted the NO FAULT divorce . My wife took me to hell and back but I stayed true, faithful and loving for over 10 years. She was not easy to deal/live with. I would never have divorced her but she out of nowhere decided to quit her 15-year career, leave her pets and home, jump in a car and drive 1,000 miles away to live with her parents and start a new beginning and she erased me from her life. Quite devastating for me. Never saw it coming.

“Government statistics and a wealth of other research data have shown that co-habitation increases the likelihood of divorce, yet cohabiting is growing in popularity. " The theory that dating for a long time and then even living together will reduce the likelihood of divorce is a falsehood. Studies show that living together before marriage will actually increase the chances of divorce.

Per Barna: “Born again Christians” are defined as people who said they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents are not asked to describe themselves as “born again.” “Evangelicals” meet the born again criteria (described above) plus seven other conditions. Those include saying their faith is very important in their life today; believing they have a personal responsibility to share their religious beliefs about Christ with non-Christians; believing that Satan exists; believing that eternal salvation is possible only through grace, not works; believing that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; asserting that the Bible is accurate in all that it teaches; and describing God as the all-knowing, all-powerful, perfect deity who created the universe and still rules it today. Being classified as an evangelical is not dependent upon church attendance or the denominational affiliation of the church attended. Respondents were not asked to describe themselves as “evangelical.” “There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage,” the researcher indicated. “Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.”

Those are valid points. Sadly, even those who profess evangelical conservative Biblical views, they change their minds when it comes to divorce. That happened in my situation. My evangelical conservative in-laws went from "Biblical divorce is not acceptable unless it is adultery or physical abuse" and then had a view of "divorce is OK if you are unhappy and want to move on". So while you made valid points. It is still a fact that conservative evangelical born-again Christians divorce at alarming rates and that's because when they are faced with divorce or reconciliation, many chose divorce. It is the easier choice. Rather than working through the problems and seeking Godly healing and Biblical restoration. Many chose divorce, since it's easier to sign a piece of paper and leave. One only needs to read the OT & NT examples of Israel taking the easier road instead of following God's Ways.

The Christian divorce rate is among the highest it has ever been. As it stands now, last Barna study showed that born-again evangelical Christians divorced at a rate of 33%. That's basically 1 in 3 marriages Christian marriages end in divorce. The reasons why? Well, that's a topic for another thread. I've known Christian couples that were married for 30+ years and ended up divorcing. There is no guarantee. Divorce is horrible. It is like a death of a spouse and I just went through one last year and I am still in pain and suffering over it. It takes years to recover and even then, one is never 100%. That's why GOD HATES DIVORCE but people still chose it.

Just wanted to comment on some things you stated. Jesus in Mark 10 was talking about divorce and in Mark 10:9 Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined, let no man separate." Jesus stated that God can and does bring couples together in holy marriage but then man separates them. That is what happens thousands of times a day in the Christian world, including my marriage. Jesus made the factual statement that God puts people together in marriage but MAN takes them apart. It was not God's Will for divorce but my wife's choice to divorce. God did not separate the marriage, but my spouse did. So what God puts together does come apart because of mankind. My other comment is on the dating time length & Christian dating site. As far as time goes. I've known Christian couples who dated for years before marriage and ended up divorcing. I've known couples who dated for 2 months and are happily married after 40+ years. In Jesus' time, people got married through arrangements and never really courted. There is no formula that works for all cases for all people. We no longer participate in arranged marriages in this country and Christian dating sites are just a modern form of trying to find Godly spouses.

Congrats! Your parents are definitely the EXCEPTION to the rule. Most couples don't make it past the 7 year mark in their marriage. 36 years is a long time. Marriage is not east but it's an honor and blessing for those who persevere

The 33% divorce rate among Christians is very high. I believe through the studies/stats that it is mostly due to Christians not following God's Word but basing their decisions on "feelings" of when one can divorce. My ex-wife based her decision on "feeling" that God was OK with it, even though the opposite was true since God's Word is absolute and her decision/feeling was in opposition to the Bible. Yet, she still went forward with it. Welcome to modern day Christianity where words don't matter and feelings supersede the Bible.