HikerMom

Ask God to help you with your fears, Acacia!  I think when I used to have bad dreams a lot, it came from not knowing how much God loved me.  I suffered a very low self esteem because of my troubled childhood.  Growing up in a dysfunctional environment created a lot of fear in me.  Then I was always so afraid of what others thought.  Afraid of failure.  Afraid of so many things.  Also sometimes I think taking on too many responsibilities created stress.  Most of the reason I took on so much was the inability to say no.  I was so afraid of someone disliking me or speaking ill of me that I could never say no.  What I ended up neglecting was my own husband, my children, and taking care of myself as well.  That created a lot of stress and I ended up with bad dreams.  A couple of times also there were traumatic events that caused bad dreams.  And the stress of unforgiveness created bad dreams.

I don't like horror movies but occasionally have watched them with my daughter in order to spend time with her.  I do not believe they were ever the source of anything more than one night's difficulty.  The REAL issues were not knowing how much God loved me, People pleasing, and unforgiveness and guilt. Unfortunately I think sometimes we tend to focus on minor issues--not saying watching horror movies is a good idea!!--rather than on the soul killers like greed, gossip, jealousy, envy, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, bitterness.  To me this is what Jesus is saying to the Pharisees when He says that they neglect the weightier matters of the law.  They "strain out a gnat" and then "swallow a camel." Matthew 23:24.  They clean the outside but not the inside.

Philippians 4:6-7 have been wonderful verses for me recently.  Read them and notice the part about thanksgiving.  Praise music is incredibly healing.  If I were you I would consider some godly counseling.  You very likely could have some forgiveness issues....maybe you don't know who you are in Christ...You sound like you are VERY hard on yourself which is not helpful at all.  We ALL sin DAILY and are continually and forever in need of God's grace.  I hope this helps.  God Loves you sister!!!

Saying a prayer for you this morning!

Yesterday morning I had made a determination not to give in to self-pity any longer.  I have told God often how much insomnia hurts, but I really felt that I needed to make sure I was not allowing myself to feel pity for myself any longer about this.  I went on a hike with friends in Glacier Park, but that morning and on the way home from the park I felt so much depression.  When I got home, I spent time asking God to give me peace no matter my circumstances.  After a good cry and asking for peace I felt much better.  I did some singing and it lifted my spirits so much. 

Reading a wonderful book called, "Hind's Feet on High Places."   It is a theology of suffering.  Last night I read chapter 12.  In this chapter, the main character called "Much-Afraid" begins singing praises to God in order to drown out the voices of her enemies--Fear, Bitterness, Resentment, Pride and Self-Pity.  

Thankfully I slept really, really well last night.  But God is in charge, and I know I can't MAKE sleep happen.  So I am determined to not have self-pity to the best of my ability.  I find that singing praise songs really does help me hang on and sometimes really brings me hope.   

Thanks to both of you for the concerns!  What a great song 1to3.  Praise songs really help me right now...so I will definitely add that one to my list!!

This week I have had some rough days but yesterday I really feel that I turned another corner in this journey.  I have been off from work for the summer.  So on a bad day, it is easy to dwell on things and not force myself to get up and function.   But it is also easy to swing the other way and begin to get so busy as to avoid thinking of it.  Neither way is helpful.  

So I decided to force myself to get up and function so as to limit how much time I allow myself to feel sad over this.  I had a good day.  And then the usual anxiety in the evening.  I kept focusing on the verse about how our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  I can see how sometimes I focus so hard on a verse such as this that I am trying to calm myself so I can sleep---and that always backfires.  Somehow it was ok though.  For the first time, as I was able to focus more on the eternal, I found myself able to accept this more.  And I asked God to make me at peace with whatever happens.  I don't know if I will be there again tonight, but I KNOW that is where God is trying to get me and He WILL finish this work He has begun in me.

Last night the fears of different terrible things happening to my kids came into my brain.  God helped me to focus on the eternal plans though rather than the temporary difficult and terrible things that could happen.  And He gave me peace about those possibilities in that way.  And He gave me rest last night.  So I know that if I don't sleep tonight, it is because He is still doing His work in me.....

JTC...Have you thought about counseling?  Is it possible you are doing something to put people off?

2 hours ago, JTC said:

To make matters worse most of my father's side consider themselves Saved.

It sounds as if you don't believe they are saved.  If they feel you are judging them then that may be part of the problem.  Are you open to considering that you may need to make changes?  That you could be doing things that make others want to stop associateng with you?

On 6/5/2018 at 4:24 PM, Christiangal said:

   It’s depressing. I feel the same way, I don’t know why I can’t just be normal like other people, 

Just another thought, Christiangal.  You ARE normal.  We have all been broken to a different extent by the sins of others as well as our own sins.  You are definitely "normal" in that sense.  The good news is that God is always working to redeem what has been broken in our lives.  Be good to yourself.  You are dearly loved.  I hope you are doing ok! 

jen

And in the meantime, Henry Cloud has TERRIFIC  Christian books and materials on the internet for maintaining good boundaries.  You can follow him on facebook.  He has a wonderful book called, "Changes That Heal."  I just think going to a counselor and reading some good Christian material might help you get a grasp of when you are being manipulated and how to handle it.  From my experience, this is a painful process but will set you free from so much.  The truth, even when it is hard to accept, will set you free.  Even if it's that you possibly have parents who are incapable of loving anyone.   My father didn't love me...but it has nothing to do with me.  It is that he is incapable of loving anyone.  And that has never changed unfortunately for me and for him.  But I have the best Father in heaven.  And truly, God has blessed me with the most amazing, loving people that have helped me to heal and move on!!  I know He will do the same for you.  God has a way of making up for what we lose in childhood.

He will redeem the years the locusts have eaten...Joel 2:25

No, you don't.

Praying for you this morning, Christiangal.  Forgiveness is hard (that still doesn't mean reconciliation necessarily).  I remember when I made the decision to forgive.  I cried for hours.  There was so much to let go of.  I always think of Joseph and how loudly he cried when he finally forgave his brothers....

"And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh's household heard about it."  Genesis 45:2

You will get through this but not without some pain.  Forgiveness always means some temporary pain.  And in your case it may mean quite a lot of pain.  Realizing the depth of how much they have hurt you and then letting go of it is PAINFUL and hard.  It means that you leave them to God as Adstar said.  God will handle them.  And then you will be free to live your life.  Think hard about getting Christian counseling.  You are in a position to continue to be manipulated by them to your detriment if they feign repentance.  You must be careful with them.  That is why I say get Christian counseling please!!

your sis, jen

Christiangal,

My heart is broken for how you've been treated.  You have to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  I don't regret not having a relationship with my father anymore.  It has brought me to a much healthier place in life.  I did go through a period of severe grieving over it.  But once I was through that, my life improved dramatically.  

Not everyone is meant to marry.  God has a plan for each of us.  Sometimes marriage is a part of it and sometimes not.  

24 minutes ago, Christiangal said:

I have pretty much decided not to talk to them anymore either. I have to admit I feel relief that way.

Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation.  It was explained to me at the time I made my decision that forgiveness requires one person and, reconciliation requires two.  Unfortunately, my father refused to ever take responsibility or get help.   I hope your parents will come to their senses, but if not, God will take care of you!  Your parents are losing their greatest blessing from God...  Praying for you, sister!!  You are loved....

No it is not normal.  It is the silent treatment.  It is mean and manipulative.  I think you should get some support on setting healthy boundaries with them.  You could visit with a counselor.  Henry Cloud has some awesome books on boundaries.   They are trying to punish or manipulate you.  As someone who has had to cut one parent completely out of my life--nine years ago--I can say that I have a perfect father in heaven even though my earthly father was abusive in many ways.  What is happening to you is emotional abuse plain and simple.  I was able to forgive, but reconciliation for me was a completely different matter.  I didn't want to always be recovering from abuse.  So I chose to cut off all contact and am so much happier to this day.  

I'm not saying that is what you need to do.  But I am saying I would think counseling would help you to see when and how you are being manipulated and help you to have support as you learn to create healthy boundaries for yourself.  Just the fact that you are asking if it is normal makes me think your parents have been violating your boundaries for a long time and you would probably benefit from talking with a Christian counselor.  It might be a blessing from God that you have not married yet.  You might have trouble recognizing who is healthy and who is not.   That is another good reason for counseling.  Sometimes when we have been mistreated then our attractions can be broken.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  It has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM.  As BK110 said, pray for them.  And I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you have a father in heaven who loves you so much...

"Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." Psalm 27:10

your sister in Christ, jen

They sound extremely childish to me.  I am so sorry for you.  You deserve better.

Thanks so much for your encouragement Wayne!!  I couldn't agree more...

And remember...God loves you and knows what is best for you!!  That is why He wants you guys to wait!!

Dear Anonymous26...

I don't personally believe in public confession.  I do believe in confessing our sins to one another.  That is what I see in Scripture.  AA or Celebrate Recovery says to confess the exact nature of our sins to one other human being.  We need grace and we only get it in a relationship.  Healing happens in a healthy relationship.  I would pray to find  a trustworthy friend to confide in.  Sin that is hidden is so much more difficult to overcome.  I think you will feel much better if you can do this and will hopefully have an easier time not giving in to temptation.  Go easy on yourself!!  It is much harder to conquer sin when we are hard on ourselves!! Praying for you and God bless you for your tender heart...and know that God loves you the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  His love doesn't change just because we mess up!!

jen

Thanks, Debp!  I slept over 8 hours last night.  I don't know if I will tonight but I do see that God has allowed it to happen for my good!!  He is drilling in the message that He will help me through ANYTHING.  His plans for us sometimes allow difficult and sometimes terrible things.  But He will take care of me no matter what I have to face on this earth.  I am finding peace with whatever His will is for my life. 

As far as medications and melatonin...I have tried them all and they only work temporarily.  They are not a long term solution.  And my insomnia has been long-term and severe.  Last year I regularly would only get two hours a night for a week until occasionally I would relent and take a pill.  I haven't taken a pill in over 6 months and have probably averaged 5 hours a night for six months now.  So it's been pretty debilitating for a person who usually needs a little bit over 8 a night to feel good.

There was a time when I wanted to rely on pills because I was so incredibly desperate.  I tried to figure out if I could rotate them so as to avoid building a tolerance.  My sweet husband who is a physician and incredibly wise man told me to take them as little as possible.  It has been a hard journey but I know it will have been all worth it....

Debp...if you like Christian books then "Hinds Feet on High Places" is a Christian allegory about suffering that I feel represents what God has been doing in my life with this insomnia.  I have never read "Pilgrim's Progress," but it is apparently very similar to that.  

Blessings and praise God for His mercy!!  He is trying to make me FEARLESS!!!!!!

Cletus I am so sorry you deal with insomnia!  I do have to disagree with you about Rick Warren.  I don't agree with everything he says of course, but that is true with almost any Christian.  I hope your insomnia is better soon!!

My new favorite song on the radio is  "Counting Every Blessing," by Rend Collective!  Anyone want to share theirs and why?

I appreciate it Debp...but when I read that statement like that,  I usually feel like a failure because I have tried and still don't sleep.  I assure you I have tried.  I even went so far at one point as to stay incredibly busy and avoid thinking about it.  But that was me trying to unconsciously get sleep, and all that happened was to build an incredible amount of anxiety from avoiding dealing with what God was trying to teach me.  It is just an incredibly difficult thing to explain to anyone who hasn't been through it.  It is a surrendering to His plan for me no matter what difficult thing that might mean for me...whether is is watching my children suffer and possibly losing one of them or insomnia or whatever He allows into my life...

I recently watched a Henry Cloud video about anxiety.  He said anxiety IS.  It is part of the human condition.  As Christians we often make it a moral issue....A recent sermon from our pastor was that if you had anxiety, you were either sinning or didn't have God in your life..(these type of things are the reason I was in a healthier body!!).  I have been studying Job recently after listening to a Rick Warren sermon where he pointed out that Job had fear in his life....Job 3:25 says "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me."

That has really, really made me relate to Job much more as a human being.  He was afraid of losing his kids one day.  That is why he was always sacrificing for them if he thought they could have sinned.  Maybe he was trying to protect them from God's wrath in case they had secretly "cursed God in their hearts."  It just made me see Job differently. 

One of my frequent prayers has been for God to take my fears.  But He doesn't want me to be afraid of insomnia either!!  

I did sleep 8 hours last night for the first time in many months even though I was somewhat afraid as usual last night.  But hopefully God will completely heal me soon.  I feel freer than I have in a long time.  He is just growing my trust that I can face anything with Him.  I am learning so much about how sovereign God is through this.  It is an incredibly difficult journey meant to grow me in trusting Him!!

Copied and pasted this post of mine from another thread...

I think God reminded me again last night to just know that no matter what happens I will be ok.  Yesterday was rough.  After church I just wanted to stay in bed and cry all day.  I knew that was a BAD idea.  So I asked God to help me get through the day.  And there were some really good times.  I think it grew my faith again to see how God will help me even when I don't sleep.  I think I need to just ignore my fears about other things interfering with sleep.  It just leads to a never ending cycle where I am overthinking everything. 

I think God wanted me to know when my daughter was suicidal that I couldn't control it, and that if she went through with it then He would help me through it...that I would be ok with Him beside me to take care of me.  It's funny that I entitled this thread "Need Advice."  I really don't want advice on this topic...I am hypersensitive about it and going without sleep has only increased that feeling.  It is such a hard journey for anyone to understand.  Myself included.  Most of my family can't be supportive on this journey.  They just think they have the answers to fix it.  I know they don't want me to hurt anymore, but their advice just feels like criticism.  Even when I tell them that the counselor has said don't try to fix it, they try to fix it.  Thank God that my husband knows he can't.  He has been very supportive. 

Just wanted to write down my thoughts right now on the insomnia I am dealing with....Larry 2 , I am hoping you will see this and possibly respond.  You are one of the few people who has ever been able to understand when I share this journey.  If you don't see this then I suppose it will work as a journal for me.  It is always helpful to look back and see how we have grown. 

My insomnia started when my daughter went through a suicidal period a few years ago.  She is gay and atheist, and whenever she has a breakup the fallout is just devastating.  Every breakup seems worse than the last, and she barely survived the last one.  She isn't a dramatic person and so by the time I hear about it, things are pretty bad.  She has been dating her current girlfriend for over two years and recently moved in.  They are moving out of state to attend the same graduate school.  And my daughter has been talking more about her depression and anxiety.   So I imagine I am likely to have to go through this again in the future.

When she became suicidal, I apparently was trying to control and prevent the suicide by praying too hard.  And so I started jerking awake.  Eventually after she improved, I became afraid of the insomnia.  I tried so hard to fix it.  I made myself really, really ill doing that.  A counselor said to me that what God wanted from me in this was to try not to fix it or figure it out.

I am so much improved from last year.  But I am hurting badly today and the last few days.  This ironic thing has happened where I am afraid to try to fix anything (thinking God wants me to apply this lesson in other areas!) or else I will not sleep.  But the very act of not trying to fix thing ends up being me trying to fix the sleep.  One of the major things I try to work on is my health struggles.  But then I become afraid that working on it is costing me sleep, and so I think you can imagine the vicious cycle I get in.  

I try to remind myself that I do believe that God wants to fix this but there is something more important for me right now than sleep.  I just feel like such a failure at understanding what He wants from me in this.  I want to sleep so badly.  And yet I believe He loves me and is doing this for my good...

Anxiety will sometimes hit me during the day.  Usually, ignoring it turns out the best.  I don't always know why it hits, though I suspect it is usually fear about not sleeping.  Sometimes I try to think if I have tried to problem solve my heath issues or other things too much and if that is the source of the anxiety...always hoping I can stop doing something if it is producing anxiety in my life....Then I become afraid to do things thinking I will make my sleep worse.   

I never know whether I might be trying to fix something and that causes a problem or if I am actually unconsciously trying to fix the sleep....

I think probably when I am afraid to do something then I need to do it anyway because the fear is really just about the sleep.  I don't know...

A few months ago, I would sing my favorite Christian songs when I couldn't sleep or sometimes I would say a verse in my head.....but it made things worse.  I suspect I was unconsciously trying to fix the sleep just as I was trying to fix my daughter's struggles with prayer.  So now I have to stop myself whenever I start to sing at night.  It's just such a nice distraction from thinking, but I guess it is me trying to fix the anxiety which always makes things worse!  So then I get upset and I often ask God to take control of my thoughts.  He usually pulls my mind off everything and then I usually get 6 or so hours of sleep.   

This probably sounds completely crazy!!!  I am thankful for any encouragement you might have...This is such a difficult journey and just when I think it is about to end then things get worse again...

Your sister in Chirst, jen  

I just bought it on amazon Richard.  I won't be able to start it until school is out in a few weeks (I am a school nurse).   I have a big interest in mental health and how God can heal mental health issues.  Looking forward to reading it!! 

Debp...hopefully, yes I could take someone to the ladies study.  I just need to give it a little more time to get to know people.

Steven...I think I am understanding most of what you are saying.  Definitely there are good and bad churches in any denomination, but the doctrine of baptism being necessary and having to agree with that before you can make it to heaven seems to lead to a self sufficiency or self satisfaction that is at odds with being poor in spirit and trusting God....

Larry 2, thanks so much for your great encouragement!!  It's usually very difficult for me to explain! I can see He is using the insomnia to set me free from all fear, worry or control!  And I know He will use it for good!!

Debp...currently I am attending another ladies bible study on Tuesday nights and going to the same church on Sunday mornings with my husband.  I just don't want to add any stress to my husband's life by going elsewhere.  I tremendously enjoyed the first ladies class meeting I went to so we'll see.   My plan is to just keep going to that class and wait for God to make things more clear to me.  One thing I've learned recently is just to ask Him to help me and teach me.  He continues to do those things for me.  It usually takes some time, but He does teach me more and more as time goes by....  If He has a different group that He wants me to be a part of I think He will help me find my way there in His time...