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About HikerMom

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  1. HikerMom

    Wife fell out of love

    Hi Onedirection, My thoughts are that it is worse for kids to be IN a broken home rather than FROM one. It sounds as if she is determined. If it were me, I'd let her go. I think you handled yourself beautifully. You are so right. You cannot change her. She will probably live to regret not trying to work things out. I am so sorry you are facing something like this. But if she is determined then I think your hands are tied. I have had two sisters go through this as well. They begged for counseling but their husbands refused & were determined. I would never, ever beg someone to stay that didn't realize my value. It's just another time of needing to let go I think. I think what she is doing is to you & to the kids is AWFUL. She has a husband who has wants to work to make things better, & she does not appreciate it at this time. Her heart sounds so very, very hard, and she sounds very misguided about what love is. I am so sorry & am praying for you.
  2. I personally do not believe in generational curses as God punishing us for our parent sins. But i do believe we feel the consequences of their sins & that it is very, very difficult to break sinful cycles in families. I try to reconcile scriptures like these with the Bible as a whole. I could be completely wrong but as the verses mentioned from Ezekiel & from the gospel about the man born blind say, I don't believe God punishes children for their parents sins. The verses do sound contradictory, but I have always been comfortable with not being able to understand everything I read in the Bible perfectly. I don't believe God punishes us any more. I believe Jesus took all out punishment. Yes, we face the consequences of our sins on this earth. And God allows us to suffer for our won growth, for testing, to glorify Him & in order to be more useful here on earth. I recently heard a quote in a sermon that "this earth is a soul-making machine." The sufferings we go through are to prepare us for heaven. But I truly believe we are under grace & that Jesus already paid the price & took our punishment on the cross.
  3. HikerMom

    Wife fell out of love

    Glad you’re feeling a little better… it sounds like you’ve been grieving but also you sound so much more at peace… letting go and letting God is such a hard thing to do but we are powerless in so much & God is not. I think when we let go and give up control there is always some grieving that we do. I am glad to hear you putting your focus more on God instead of your circumstances. That will lead you to peace whatever the outcome is. So sorry for all you are going through... Saying a prayer for you tonight...God is able.
  4. HikerMom

    Wife fell out of love

    on@onedirection....it's not about being clever...you are too much in your head analyzing & not enough in your heart. Put yourself in her position & try to understand her. It's not up to you to hold her accountable. She doesn't need a parent. She needs a partner. Sure you need to have good boundaries..but that is about protecting yourself NOT about trying to change her behavior in some way by holding her accountable. You cannot change her!! Henry Cloud has some great books called "Boundaries in Marriage." I just think you are thinking, thinking, & overthinking. Try just using your heart a little more. It is a big piece of what's missing for you....
  5. HikerMom

    Wife fell out of love

    Hi onedirection..... I know you want to save your marriage but maybe you are making that an idol? Maybe I am getting the wrong impression but it just seems your focus is in the wrong place. You can't change another person. Work on yourself & your relationship with God & quit trying to change your wife. You can love her & respect whatever decisions she makes. It just seems like there is so much manipulation going on at times here in your actions & in some people's advice. You can't control how this turns out. You can love her & leave her free to make her own decision just as God gives us free will. And yes, I agree with Marilyn....what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart. You are bitter & demeaning & somewhat judgmental of your wife. She is trying to help you by being honest. I think you need to learn what love really is. Sometimes we are so broken from the way we were raised that we don't know how to love another person. Saying a prayer for you today.
  6. HikerMom

    Why I left my church and family.

    Hi Pinkbelt... I agree with Estrella and DebP.. I hope you will find a more Biblical church. The one you are involved with doesn’t seem to have sound doctrine at all. The truth is SO important. Jesus said the truth will set you free. Believing in lies can destroy your life. I don’t think any human being has Scriptire interpreted perfectly, but your particular church sounds way off and that’s detrimental to your relationship with Christ. We must worship in Spirit and truth. Sticking with God’s truth isn’t popular but his truth brings life both here and in eternity. As for the situation with your parents, I do feel for you. I did have to cut off communication with my father 10 years ago. The abuse was so horrible that I knew I couldn’t be a good mom and always be trying to recover from his abuse at the same times. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I’m not saying I think it’s the right decision in your case. I would say be careful and make sure you don’t have unforgiveness in your heart because it will spill over into all areas of your life if that’s the case. It seems to me that you are looking for validation of your decisions which indicates to me that quite possibly you don’t feel so certain about them? Saying a prayer for you!!
  7. HikerMom

    OCD or more than that?

    Have you spoken with a counselor? A Christian counselor would be a good idea I think. Can you see a doctor as well? You sound like you have terrible anxiety and unrealistic fears. God has complete control over Satan and will fight our battles as we trust in him. It’s much better to focus on God than on Satan. God is sovereign and he loves you so incredibly much... Saying a prayer for you!
  8. So sorry about your mom, @turtletwo. I didn't know you were dealing with that or with insomnia either. Very, very tough. Praying for you tonight. I hope you are feeling better soon. Praying for wisdom and peace...
  9. Hi @turtletwo!! Just checking in to see how you are doing?
  10. HikerMom

    Attack of the enemy?

    @Star9799 Although we know from scripture that Satan does work against us, I rarely think immediately about this when I am in a struggle. I think the reason is that God also tells us in scripture to "consider it pure joy" whenever we face trials of many kinds because "the testing of your faith produces perseverance" and perseverance must "finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 Also, I think of Joseph's words to his brothers when he is forgiving them of having him sold into slavery in Egypt for so many years. He tells them, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 For me personally, this tends to bring me peace in the trials I must endure in this life--big or small. I know God will use it for good (Romans 8:28). Blessings!
  11. HikerMom

    I need help with fear!

    Hi Tyler! Glad you are feeling better! God loves you no matter what! None of us can be perfect or else Christ wouldn't have had to die for us! Praying for you! Try not to be so hard on yourself and others! We are saved by GRACE! And we never, ever stop needing it!
  12. Good morning @GandalfTheWise Sorry it has taken me so long to respond! I've been off the grid in Glacier Park for about a week. There is SO much wisdom in all you say. I really don't know all of God's plan in this mess I've been in. Just trying to walk by faith and wait for him. I suspect that in many ways I am still trying to fix the insomnia unconsciously and God is waiting for me to truly let go... As for the church situation, I am just going day to day walking by faith. It just seems to me that God is telling me no as far as going to another church. I really do believe it would be easier to change if it were His plan for me. My husband doesn't want to change which is another big roadblock. He is pretty insistent that he isn't leaving, and sitting with him in church is just such a special time for me. God will give me what I need. The Lord is my shepherd. Blessings, Gandalf and anyone else following this thread!
  13. HikerMom

    anxiety and doubt

    Good morning, @seekingGod97 I just noticed this thread and wanted to respond.... I will just give you my thoughts. I don't think anxiety is a sin. Fear is simply part of our existence but God wants to grow us and help us conquer fear. Perfect love casts out fear. That is what He has done in my life in the past and what He is doing again at my life at a different level now. Henry Cloud has a quote that really helped me.... "It's funny how we try to control anxiety when giving up control is what cures anxiety." I believe it is counterproductive to try to control anxiety...I think it makes it worse. As for doubt. I have often heard doubt being described as the opposite of faith. Actually that was in a lesson at our church just yesterday. But I do not believe this is true. Doubt is part of any faith journey. We need to feed our faith of course and starve the doubt with God's truth and by trusting in His promises. If we feed the doubt then eventually we may give up our faith. But questions are normal. Look at the Psalms. The Psalmists frequently question God but usually end with remembering His promises and His love, and by making decisions to continue to put heir hope in Him. The character of God makes this possible for us. He is SO trustworthy. I once heard a speaker say that the opposite of faith is not doubt, it's actually having all the answers. I SO believe this to be true. When we walk by faith, we don't have all the answers...we are forced to make a choice to to trust Him and step out on the waters trusting He will not let us sink. We keep our eyes on Him and not the storm surrounding us as Peter did. When Peter looked at the waves, he started to sink. So we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. We trust that whatever happens, God will use it for our good...(Romans 8:28!!) This is what I believe SeekingGod97, but I share it knowing I still have more to learn...
  14. On a positive note....I slept 8 really good hours last night...Praise the Lord, I do believe He is healing me...
  15. Thanks, Gandalf. Small groups are pretty much over for the summer. I am thinking of attending a Celebrate Recovery group just to be someplace healing for awhile. I am praying for wisdom and God is faithful to answer. I still think the depression is mostly me not wanting to go back and try to make it work or wishing I hadn't messed it up in the first place. What a mess we can get ourselves into. I haven't had a chance to ask my husband yet. He has been working a 32 hour shift so I am waiting for him to catch up on sleep. I have a feeling he will say leave it alone for now. Right now I feel like I should be patient and give things some time. The depression after church was better this Sunday and so I am hopeful that in time, I will feel better. I am just going to keep trying to do what I think God wants me to do. But I would value your insights as well...