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Zetetica

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About Zetetica

  • Birthday 07/04/1984

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  1. Transgender & Lesbian - Part 2 of My Testimony --- Hello, as some may have read from my testimony, I used to be "transgender". That is, I identified as the gender, opposite to the sex I was born. Thanks to God, I did not go through with any sort of hormone treatment or surgery. I'm writing this here for you all today as a second testimony, a beacon of hope for those who are still afflicted with this confusion. Please be patient and hold your anger if you should have any. When I was a child, I already had some gender identity issues. This was not aided by the fact my grandfather wanted a boy, rather than a girl. It was not aided by the dysfunction in my family or the tension in my mother's and father's relationship. Neither was it aided by watching cartoons, media, or playing video games with androgynous characters. Neither was it aided by the public school system or by my family's willingness to tolerate their little girl, acting as a little boy, choosing not to correct her. Neither was it aided by the religious tension in the household; my father was an Atheist, pretending to be Christian. The things I mentioned are factors which likely aided gender confusion, not what originally caused it. Children, even in Christian households can become confused about a lot of things. It's the job of the parents to correct them and steer them to sound understanding. For me, the original cause of my gender confusion was demonic. Some might ask, how could demons interact with a child? The answer is that my family was a broken thing, meandering in the darkness. Demons readily seized their opportunity and got to work, stirring tension and confusion in the family and by this, they stirred up the child, causing them to go in an unsound direction. As I was explaining, demons were the original cause of my gender confusion, and I suspect they didn't hesitate to push it along where they could. As I developed, I was exposed to talk of sexuality from my father's mother. I also became curious of what my mother and father watched together on television in the late nights. At age 13, I found out that it was pornography and would watch it. If my memory serves here, my family didn't find out I was watching this until I told my mother, when I was in my late teen years. I had access to the internet at age 13 as well. I'd listen to Art Bell and read stuff about alien abductions and UFO sightings, among other topics, likely not appropriate for a child of my age. For example, pornography and strange chat rooms, full of strange people, discussing strange topics. Anyways, the internet lead me to some dangerous places. For example, it lead me to new age chat rooms, full of people into "talking with the dead", "spirit guides", and those crazy alien abducees and contactees. Through all of this, it's not difficult to understand why I was filled with confusion. Neither did it help that God, "striking me with lightening" if I lied was used as a constant threat by my mother. Right there, my impression of God was shaped to assert that He was judgmental and mean. I recall being afraid of God, and by connection, assuming Jesus Christ was not God but God's Son instead. I'd pray to Him, fearful of God's anger. Amidst all this, I was being visited by "aliens" (demons). My nights were filled with horrible nightmares where the lights would not turn on and "aliens" were in the room. I'd pray a lot to Jesus during these times, constantly afraid of the night time because of the "monsters" (now "aliens"). As time passed and I studied into the alien matter more. I dumped my religion (Christianity) and sought contact with these beings. I got my wish and the nightmares evolved into experiences, resulting in physical marks on my body. From here, after my parents got divorced, I began into the new age, spiraling into "spirit guides" and channeling, and so on. Was my gender confusion aided by any of this? No, it just got worse. Why did it get worse? First, I was far away from God now, following after "strange gods". Second, I became accustomed to behaving "boy-like" and my mother didn't correct the behavior, excusing it as me being a "tom-boy". Third, I was literally talking to demons, masquerading as "spirit guides". More time passed, and my appetite for pornography grew. Yes, it's true that pornography is an addiction and it will result in a need for more extreme pornography as satisfaction will continually be diminished, unless one "gets a bigger hit". Did this help my confusion? No. Did it increase it? Yes. More time passed, just as my "spirituality" "advanced". I wasn't satisfied with "spirit guides" and "light work", I had to get more knowledge, more power; I got into the occult. From in the occult, I became convinced that morality was a big wall, an obstacle to be overcome; it was holding me back. My fascination with pornography grew and due to my fixation on amorality, everything became "totally permissible" and even "advisable" to consume. More time passed and Satan got his wish, I wrote and signed a contract with him, seeking a teacher in the occult as part of my request. I got exactly what I asked for, a human teacher who had been a Satanist for around 19 years. He taught me much, including how to read Tarot without the book, from the opening of the mind to spirits. Later, I designed a ritual for him to do, so he'd be indwelled by Satan. Did it work? I don't know but a shadow moved behind him, and his eyes darkened. Two weeks later, I lost contact with him and I highly suspect he died. Having no teacher, I went off on my own, convinced that my ritual had killed him. It made me feel powerful, and I proceeded deeper into Satanism. Needless to say, the journey was long and if I keep going into detail, I may loose the point of this writing. Anyways, since it was already a habit for me to be "non-feminine", choosing to wear only men's clothing (including under-garments) was easy. For around three years, I wore men's clothing exclusively, though decided on being "a-gender" or "gender neutral", using "they" or "them" or "it" as my preferred pro-nouns. Do you notice a trend? This was Satan's work, causing a creation of God, made in God's image, to see themselves as little more than an "it" (object). What did I spend my time doing? Practicing the occult, promoting Globalism (one world government), promoting Agenda 21, promoting transhumanism, debunking conspiracy theories, attacking Christians and Christianity, playing with hypnosis and mind-control, watching and reading violent pornography, and seeking to destroy "who I was" to become the ideal dark archetype. At this time, my devotion was fully on Satan (who I called Lucifer at the time). This is when I founded my first semi-successful occult organization. Before this, I had tried but only had failures. Now, as they say, "here is the kicker". It was when I was 33, the age I expected to be profound for my occult involvement that my paradigm was shattered. I now firmly believe that God authored this , knowing it was the only way I would ever be humbled enough to be willing to dare consider anything but the religious path I was on at the time, much less be open enough to receive Him. This is also why I don't pin my entire faith on my current paradigm. I know God can use the good as well as the bad to bring His sheep to Him. The rest? It's history. I left my religion (Luciferianism), renounced Satan, and disposed of my occult objects. From here, I suddenly felt guilt for all my evil, and apologized to God. From there, I repented, and from there, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. A few days after coming to Christ, I realized I wasn't attracted to the same-sex anymore. I also realized I didn't have body image issues anymore and that when I looked in the mirror, I saw a woman and I was content with that. I soon became disgusted by how I had kept myself. I no longer liked my short hair, and I detested my masculine attire. I began to grow my hair (something I detested before to the point I'd have nightmares if it was even slightly long)and stopped wearing men's clothing. I now wear loose fitting, modest woman's clothing. While this has been a long bit of writing and a bit all over the place, I hope it will help some to realize that through Christ, healing like this is not only possible, it's probable or even, God willing, guaranteed. If you suffer from gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction, remember, I did too and I was healed from it. As for my prior sexual issues, God healed me. As for the demons I was plagued by? Those I called into myself and around me? God removed them. As for my broken family? God is working in their hearts and has healed many chasms. As for my depraved fascinations and dark obsessions? God changed my heart to desire good things and abhor evil things. God can do anything, period. God is awesome! If anyone should ever tell you that God "can't heal you" or that same-sex attraction is "natural" or that gender is "just a social construct" or "you're born that way", they are wrong. While it's true that Jesus Christ loves us, even while we were still sinners, and died for us then, He won't leave us in such a horrible condition. He makes us new, and causes our hard heart to soften, and our mind to be sound, and to desire good. Jesus Christ is truly to be praised! King of Kings! Lord of Lords! Light! Truth! Living Water! Bread! Everything!
  2. 1. My Life Before Christ Before I found my true love, Jesus Christ, I was full of lust and perversion, proud, sadistic, angry, vengeful, argumentative, disrespectful to my family, manipulative, self-hating, apathetic towards life, anxious, God-hating, brute, depressed, black metal loving, Christian hating, evolutionist, Jesus Christ denying Satanist. To give a quick back story, when I was 11, I had an experience with an entity. At the age of 13, I became obsessed with aliens and UFOs to the point I sought contact. After succeeding, I had several disturbing experiences with what I now know to be demons; I thought they were aliens at the time. At the age of 14, I learned about Tarot, and got my first deck at 15. It was at that point I got into "New Age", experimenting with channeling, believing I was an indigo child. At the age of 17, I left the "New Age" and ventured into Vampyrism. Half a year later, I delved into Crowley and briefly looked into Satanism. Near the end of my 17th year, I decided I'd become a LaVeyan Satanist when I was 18; the age I considered myself a legal adult. Six months into my eighteenth year, I became a Theistic Satanist. I stayed in that for a number of years, branching off into generic dark occultism, then to Atheism, and finally as a result of several supernatural experiences to Theistic Luciferianism. During this time, I experienced numerous nightmarish manifestations. However, I was too blinded by pride, stubbornness, and a lust for power and knowledge to care of the end road. I knew I was going to Hell, I knew Hell was real, I knew Satan hated me, and I even went so far as to tell God Himself to scrape off my name from the Lamb's Book of Life. Towards the end, I began building a Luciferian order, gathering members, building doctrine, and so on. It was at this point that I knew I was far beyond the point of no return. 2. How I Came to Jesus Christ God saw it fit to take the things I was obsessed over, the things I worshiped, and shatter them so completely, I could never pick up the pieces. Everything I believed in, He destroyed. Everything I loved and which I would escape into, He obliterated. Nothing remained. At the time, I didn't know God was responsible for doing this and ended up lost in a two-week long depression of the likes I had never experienced before. I literally cried when I would look up at the sky, so I kept my eyes to the ground, secluding myself in the darkness of my room as much as I was able. Once the depression turned into a tolerable numbness, I told Satan I had no interest in lying about things anymore for him. I told him I was simply, "done" with all the deception and didn't care that I was breaking my oath and my contract, nor of the consequences of doing so; I was fully prepared to lose everything. With that, I walked away from Luciferianism, deciding that while I was still going to Hell, I could at least do some good in the world. I felt so hopeless, so confused, and so lost, though I knew not to expect forgiveness from God, though I apologized to Him anyways, leaving it at that. I took everything occult I owned, shoved it in a bag, and to the landfill it went. I deleted all my files, destroyed my organization, renounced everything from my past, and moved on. One week later, despite how unworthy and disgusting I felt about who I was and what I had done, I repented fully to God. Two weeks from that point, when I was still 33 years old, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I prayed that I would come to know and love Him. 3. My Life With Christ The lord has transformed me. Where I was full of lust and perversion, The Lord has caused disgust and nausea to well in me at the very thought of my prior perversions. Where I once championed pride, The Lord has brought me down to show me humility. Where I was once sadistic, The Lord has shown me mercy and compassion. Where I was angry, The Lord has shown me joy. Where I was vengeful, The Lord has made me detest vengeance. Where I was argumentative, The Lord has been teaching me patience and longsuffering. Where I was disrespectful to my family and elders, The Lord has blessed me, healing the wounds I caused, teaching me respect and patience. Where I was manipulative, The Lord has shown me service. Where I was self-hating, The Lord has shown me that I'm made in His Mighty Image. Where I was apathetic towards life and nature, The Lord has shown me the beauty of both, for He made it all. Where I was God-hating and unloving, The Lord has planted and watered a seed which is growing into love. Where I was brute, The Lord has shown me grace. Where I was depressed, The Lord has showered me with peace. Where I was confused, The Lord has shown me knowledge and has lit my way. Where I loved chaotic music, The Lord has turned me to harmony. Where I hated Christians and sought to divide them, The Lord has converted my heart, blessing me with a need to bring unity. Where I was an evolutionist, The Lord showed me the truth of Creation. Where I denied Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ has redeemed me. Where I was a Satanist, destined for Hell, Jesus Christ brought me to the wonderful and precious knowledge of His saving Grace. Praise His Mighty Name! Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that even as far as I fell, You were there, always, and you never stopped loving me. For the unbelievers reading this, know that Jesus Christ is real and so is His Power and Authority. Know that He can save you as He saved me if only you ask Him. Know that He can transform your life and give you real purpose, real love, and real knowledge if only you will turn to Him.
  3. It was good to meet you also. Thank you.
  4. Hello, I'm Zetetica and I'm searching for a forum to call home. I'm a non-denominational Christian. I read the Bible as it's written and believe it's the infallible, inspired word of God. I also believe the Bible is a living book for believers which has layers, intended to be understood with deeper study and as God reveals.
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