Transgender & Lesbian - Part 2 of My Testimony
Hello, as some may have read from my testimony, I used to be "transgender". That is, I identified as the gender, opposite to the sex I was born. Thanks to God, I did not go through with any sort of hormone treatment or surgery.
I'm writing this here for you all today as a second testimony, a beacon of hope for those who are still afflicted with this confusion. Please be patient and hold your anger if you should have any.
When I was a child, I already had some gender identity issues. This was not aided by the fact my grandfather wanted a boy, rather than a girl. It was not aided by the dysfunction in my family or the tension in my mother's and father's relationship. Neither was it aided by watching cartoons, media, or playing video games with androgynous characters. Neither was it aided by the public school system or by my family's willingness to tolerate their little girl, acting as a little boy, choosing not to correct her. Neither was it aided by the religious tension in the household; my father was an Atheist, pretending to be Christian.
The things I mentioned are factors which likely aided gender confusion, not what originally caused it. Children, even in Christian households can become confused about a lot of things. It's the job of the parents to correct them and steer them to sound understanding.
For me, the original cause of my gender confusion was demonic. Some might ask, how could demons interact with a child? The answer is that my family was a broken thing, meandering in the darkness. Demons readily seized their opportunity and got to work, stirring tension and confusion in the family and by this, they stirred up the child, causing them to go in an unsound direction.
As I was explaining, demons were the original cause of my gender confusion, and I suspect they didn't hesitate to push it along where they could.
As I developed, I was exposed to talk of sexuality from my father's mother. I also became curious of what my mother and father watched together on television in the late nights.
At age 13, I found out that it was pornography and would watch it. If my memory serves here, my family didn't find out I was watching this until I told my mother, when I was in my late teen years.
I had access to the internet at age 13 as well. I'd listen to Art Bell and read stuff about alien abductions and UFO sightings, among other topics, likely not appropriate for a child of my age. For example, pornography and strange chat rooms, full of strange people, discussing strange topics.
Anyways, the internet lead me to some dangerous places. For example, it lead me to new age chat rooms, full of people into "talking with the dead", "spirit guides", and those crazy alien abducees and contactees.
Through all of this, it's not difficult to understand why I was filled with confusion. Neither did it help that God, "striking me with lightening" if I lied was used as a constant threat by my mother. Right there, my impression of God was shaped to assert that He was judgmental and mean.
I recall being afraid of God, and by connection, assuming Jesus Christ was not God but God's Son instead. I'd pray to Him, fearful of God's anger.
Amidst all this, I was being visited by "aliens" (demons). My nights were filled with horrible nightmares where the lights would not turn on and "aliens" were in the room. I'd pray a lot to Jesus during these times, constantly afraid of the night time because of the "monsters" (now "aliens").
As time passed and I studied into the alien matter more. I dumped my religion (Christianity) and sought contact with these beings. I got my wish and the nightmares evolved into experiences, resulting in physical marks on my body.
From here, after my parents got divorced, I began into the new age, spiraling into "spirit guides" and channeling, and so on. Was my gender confusion aided by any of this? No, it just got worse.
Why did it get worse? First, I was far away from God now, following after "strange gods". Second, I became accustomed to behaving "boy-like" and my mother didn't correct the behavior, excusing it as me being a "tom-boy". Third, I was literally talking to demons, masquerading as "spirit guides".
More time passed, and my appetite for pornography grew. Yes, it's true that pornography is an addiction and it will result in a need for more extreme pornography as satisfaction will continually be diminished, unless one "gets a bigger hit".
Did this help my confusion? No. Did it increase it? Yes. More time passed, just as my "spirituality" "advanced". I wasn't satisfied with "spirit guides" and "light work", I had to get more knowledge, more power; I got into the occult.
From in the occult, I became convinced that morality was a big wall, an obstacle to be overcome; it was holding me back. My fascination with pornography grew and due to my fixation on amorality, everything became "totally permissible" and even "advisable" to consume.
More time passed and Satan got his wish, I wrote and signed a contract with him, seeking a teacher in the occult as part of my request. I got exactly what I asked for, a human teacher who had been a Satanist for around 19 years. He taught me much, including how to read Tarot without the book, from the opening of the mind to spirits. Later, I designed a ritual for him to do, so he'd be indwelled by Satan. Did it work? I don't know but a shadow moved behind him, and his eyes darkened. Two weeks later, I lost contact with him and I highly suspect he died.
Having no teacher, I went off on my own, convinced that my ritual had killed him. It made me feel powerful, and I proceeded deeper into Satanism. Needless to say, the journey was long and if I keep going into detail, I may loose the point of this writing.
Anyways, since it was already a habit for me to be "non-feminine", choosing to wear only men's clothing (including under-garments) was easy.
For around three years, I wore men's clothing exclusively, though decided on being "a-gender" or "gender neutral", using "they" or "them" or "it" as my preferred pro-nouns.
Do you notice a trend? This was Satan's work, causing a creation of God, made in God's image, to see themselves as little more than an "it" (object).
What did I spend my time doing? Practicing the occult, promoting Globalism (one world government), promoting Agenda 21, promoting transhumanism, debunking conspiracy theories, attacking Christians and Christianity, playing with hypnosis and mind-control, watching and reading violent pornography, and seeking to destroy "who I was" to become the ideal dark archetype.
At this time, my devotion was fully on Satan (who I called Lucifer at the time). This is when I founded my first semi-successful occult organization. Before this, I had tried but only had failures.
Now, as they say, "here is the kicker". It was when I was 33, the age I expected to be profound for my occult involvement that my paradigm was shattered.
I now firmly believe that God authored this , knowing it was the only way I would ever be humbled enough to be willing to dare consider anything but the religious path I was on at the time, much less be open enough to receive Him.
This is also why I don't pin my entire faith on my current paradigm. I know God can use the good as well as the bad to bring His sheep to Him.
The rest? It's history. I left my religion (Luciferianism), renounced Satan, and disposed of my occult objects. From here, I suddenly felt guilt for all my evil, and apologized to God. From there, I repented, and from there, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
A few days after coming to Christ, I realized I wasn't attracted to the same-sex anymore. I also realized I didn't have body image issues anymore and that when I looked in the mirror, I saw a woman and I was content with that.
I soon became disgusted by how I had kept myself. I no longer liked my short hair, and I detested my masculine attire. I began to grow my hair (something I detested before to the point I'd have nightmares if it was even slightly long)and stopped wearing men's clothing. I now wear loose fitting, modest woman's clothing.
While this has been a long bit of writing and a bit all over the place, I hope it will help some to realize that through Christ, healing like this is not only possible, it's probable or even, God willing, guaranteed.
If you suffer from gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction, remember, I did too and I was healed from it. As for my prior sexual issues, God healed me. As for the demons I was plagued by? Those I called into myself and around me? God removed them. As for my broken family? God is working in their hearts and has healed many chasms. As for my depraved fascinations and dark obsessions? God changed my heart to desire good things and abhor evil things.
God can do anything, period. God is awesome! If anyone should ever tell you that God "can't heal you" or that same-sex attraction is "natural" or that gender is "just a social construct" or "you're born that way", they are wrong.
While it's true that Jesus Christ loves us, even while we were still sinners, and died for us then, He won't leave us in such a horrible condition. He makes us new, and causes our hard heart to soften, and our mind to be sound, and to desire good. Jesus Christ is truly to be praised! King of Kings! Lord of Lords! Light! Truth! Living Water! Bread! Everything!