I don't enjoy going to church anymore
I love the people there, its just.. so hard. I'm blessed to have a pastor and preachers who preach the Truth and live it, they even admit their faults ( which is what your supposed to do according to the Bible ). But I'm just so sad. I wish we were never giving the option to sin. We could still have free will, but not the will to sin or WANT to sin. I'm so tired of knowing people will go to Hell, and then the Lake of Fire. Yes, people will be in Heaven, but I don't WANT to go to Heaven anymore, and I shouldn't have to. But unfortunately, that's not how it works. I don't want to go to Heaven and forget about the people that's in Hell/will be going to the Lake of Fire. I don't deserve it ( yes, yes, I know " nobody " does, but that doesn't help ). I don't even want to exist anymore, but of course, I'm still here. We should be here because we WANT to be here, not because others want us here ( in my opinion ).
I'm so tired of everything, and sometimes I ask God why He made things certain ways. Usually He will just say " I'm God ". That's great that He's God, but it's almost like an excuse to me now. I understand He can do anything He wants, but that doesn't mean He should ( in my opinion ). Like, I don't want people to be in the Lake of Fire forever, but God does. If He didn't, He would allow them to repent otherwise ( I'm not saying He won't, but if He won't allow it in Hell I'm assuming He won't let it in the Lake of Fire either ). And I know people say God doesn't hate anybody, but sometimes I doubt that. The reason I do is because people go to Hell ( I know this is there choice, and God doesn't WANT them to go ), but He doesn't allow them to repent. He also eventually sends them to the Lake of Fire. He may not hate them, but obviously ( from what I can tell ) He is still mad at them. If He wasn't, He wouldn't send them to a worse place than Hell. And then God talks about forgiveness, but He won't allow them to be sorry, so He won't forgive them. I don't like that, but I guess because He's God, he doesn't HAVE to.
I don't like this. I don't like some things God does, I don't like what Satan does. I don't like what people do, I don't like what I do. And then people say, " then why wont you change it? ". I'm not saying this to completely justify what I do, but I didn't want to exist in the first place, I didn't want to be born the way I was, but here I am! I shouldn't have to change, but at the same time I should ( in a way ). I just wish Evil wasn't made, and God didn't make it where " if one thing exist, then an exact opposite should exist ". And people say we have no excuse for sin ( it may even say that in the Bible IDK ), but that we will never be perfect ( it also may say THAT in the Bible ), then that's contradictory. Sure, we may obtain " perfect faith ", but that doesn't mean we won't sin!
There's other things I'm upset about, but who truly cares the way I want them to? Nobody. Nobody besides myself. And I HATE myself, but at LEAST I have myself for that!
Some people may say " if God doesn't worry about it, then you shouldn't either ", but I WANT to worry about it. Maybe then God can understand me better. Yes, I know the Bible says that God knows how much hair we have on our heads, but I still don't believe He TRULY knows me. If He did, then He wouldn't do certain things, and He would allow other things WITHOUT them being sin to Him. Because He doesn't truly understand. He does understand A LOT about us, and He is very merciful and patient ( trust me, He shows me that a lot! ), but He doesn't truly understand sin. I know people say God knows everything, but for God to know everything, that means He has to understand it, yet He doesn't understand sin? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. If God understood sin ( in my opinion ) He would be even MORE merciful and patient with us, He may have not even made Hell! But these are just my thoughts, and they don't truly matter to Him or else He would come down and understand sin. But I do thank Him for some things He does, and I need to be MORE thankful in some areas, but I don't understand things. And I don't want to go to Heaven just to figure them out. Like I said before, I don't want to go to Heaven and I shouldn't HAVE to want to go.
This post isn't to bash God, but its to tell my thoughts and explain why and how I think certain things.
I am Saved, God Saved me April 16, 2017. But I'm having trouble with so many things.
I know I would be considered " a young Christian " which could explain why I don't know a lot. I even know Jesus had to learn obedience when He was on Earth, but I don't understand that. Also, God wants things to come in certain seasons, but can't God just help us to obtain more information as soon as we ask for it? Like, He could help us take it all in? I'm really confused
