Hi, to all!
I´ve suffered in psychotic episodes since the age of 17 and finally got diagnosis last year that I´ve Schizophrenia. It has made me a shy person and I´m afraid to open myself up to others. What is the most worst part, I started to search truth in youtube videos in last years, I found new age teachings and they appealed to me, I started to believe that I live in some kind of a Matrix and that life is a game, I started to believe that I was my own God...and that I´m better than others...in last stadium I believed that I am a Starseed (some kind of an alien), and I am here to save the Earth with other Starseeds...I was so lost, and I´m so ashamed of it now. At one day in this year´s May, I was so tired of all of these teachings, I felt that they are leading me anywhere...at one day I suddenly felt my heart warm up and into my mind appeared the name of Jesus Christ. I am not from religious family, my mom actually hates religion...and I have never even given much thought about Jesus. After that day in May, I started to look up videos about Jesus in youtube, every time I saw the part of crucifixation I cried wholeheartedly. He really saved me from all of these false teachings. I repent and ask forgiveness for my sins everyday, I try to read and listen Bible as much as I can, I want to be closer to God and I want to learn from Him as much as I can. I want to be a good person in His eyes. I have right now only one friend, I know that I should be thankful that I even have a friend...but she believes not in God, she believes in some higher forces, but not our Heavenly Father...she believes in Astrology and Tarot cards...and she even calls herself a white witch...she also constantly badmouths others - I know that these are not good in God´s eyes. - I don´t know what to do...I want to be a good person and a good friend...but it makes me sad to hear her talk about all these things.
Thank you all for listening. I keep on reading Bible and don´t give up my faith. I hope that things are gonna get better.