I've been agnostic for about two or three years now and honestly I had no problems with it until just recently. A strong majority of my family is Christian, and so was I until I was around 16. But anyways, a few days ago, a friend of mine texted me out of nowhere asking if I had a religion. And speaking truthfully, I told him that I was agnostic and that I don't really have the faith that Christians tend to have. Jokingly, or at least i hope it was, he replied "Satan has a grip on your heart." I thought it was weird but he tends to say weird things pretty often and our conversation soon derailed into politics somehow. Later that night I had the first nightmare in what was probably years. I was on some sort of camp with a few miserable looking people and we were all working on something, not really sure what. Then all of a sudden, one of the workers just fell and became a heap of decayed flesh. I looked around me and there were just massive piles of gore everywhere. That alarmed me, but the part that really terrified me was that I heard something threaten my life. It sounded evil and horrifying and I get the chills just thinking about it. Now, I'm not really the type of person to get scared at all. I'm an avid watcher of horror movies and I love creepy stories, but nothing scared me the way this nightmare did. I'm sure that it was just a bad dream and all of the horror movies just caught up to me, but I can't shake that fear. I honestly dont even want to sleep because I don't want to dream of that place again. I know it's selfish of me, but I want to find God again. I tried praying to him just before writing this and I just kept crying for some reason and I felt like I was spinning. Again, I don't know if I'm just stupid or crazy but this whole situation just shook me up a little. If anyone has any advice on how to open myself up to finding my faith again, it would be really appreciated. And I'm really sorry for the long post, I literally made this account just recently and I'm not even sure if this will even get approved haha.. But any advice would be really nice.
