I read your post and must say it's challenging (to say the least) where to begin. But through our (your) Lord and Savior Jesus Christ keep your focus on God. Everything earthly is temporary, spend time each and every day in God's Word, Jesus will (ALWAYS) give you peace (of heart and mind), Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. God will give you strength to endure and wisdom to be content with what He provides. Hardship and heartache build strength and perserverance. God's timing isn't always man's timing. Please don't compare your life to others, God doesn't expect you to be just like another person; each one of us are special and unique. The time we spend here on Earth is only but a proving ground for where we will spend all of eternity. Our trails and tribulations are (at times) "tests" to prove our worthiness. Please don't be so concerned with that which is seen, but rather, spend more time and meditation on that which is unseen. For the seen is temporary and will surely fade away. while the unseen is forever. Through Jesus Christ, talk with God daily, His "line" is never busy. Lastly, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable --- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy --- think about such things (Philippians 4:8) and God Bless.
A Brother in Christ,
Ripplingh2o