dolphin39

I think its time to get out of that relationship i wouldn't even try working on it sounds like to me your just being used *HUGS*

We've all been unfaithful! The Bible says there is none righteous, no not one. All we like sheep have gone astray. None of us is perfect. There are multiple ways to be unfaithful to a spouse, and sexual adultery is just one of them. If God the Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, can forgive me, then who am I not to forgive others? Remember the story of the woman caught in adultery? What was Jesus' response to her? First of all, he began writing in the dirt on the ground. I wonder if he started writing some of the sins of those who were standing there in condemnation. Her accusers all left. Jesus told her that he did not condemn her either and that she was to go and sin no more. Perhaps if you could take a good long look into your own heart and see where you have failed to be the wife that you should have been in any area at any time then you will, too, throw away your stones and leave them behind. None of us has the right to not forgive another. I have been forgiven much so that I can forgive much and I can love much. I am so glad that God forgave me! Ive never been unfaithful to my husband.........................i have been a loyal and wonderful wife to my husband...and i would call you sitting in judgement by saying that

My situation is a little different than yours. I recently have been unfaithful to my wife. I felt bad about it and I told her what I did. She recently left me and I don't know if she is coming back. We have 2 beautiful children together. I love her and them very much and I am very remorseful for my actions. I want my family restored. When the affairs took place I was under an enormous amount of stress and I was looking for comfort in the wrong places. I didn't feel like she supported me. At the time I felt like a different person. Like it wasn't me but someone else. I am suffering from some psychological problems and take anxiety medication. At the same time I was drinking alcohol to help deal with the stress. I know that I will not have any more affairs again. I am asking the Lord to intervene somehow. We have been married for almost 10 years. Can she ever trust me again? How can I prove to her that I do love her and want our family restored? You know before i got saved i had the urge to have a affair several times because i wasn't getting what i needed from my husband,i was ignored,was never showed love from him i was pushed away and i so longed just to have him hold me and comfort me and hear me.there was NO communication what so ever all he wanted was his alcohol and that was all.but even though i was a sinner in the back of my mind i knew right from wrong i knew that commiting adulty was very wrong and i said to myself now how would i feel if he cheated on me well at the times i said that i didn't know that he had already done it but i asked myself i wouldn't hurt him because i wouldn't want him hurting me,and i NEVER went through with the urge.i just stayed and prayed and hoped that one day he would show me affection.well he got saved Dec of 2005 and let me tell you its like i married a different man, the old man is dead! he now shows me the most affection anyone could ever ask for ,we communicate(unless its something he don't want brought up)...he comforts me..he now hears me ..he has be sober for a year this month hasn't had the desire to drink again .the one night stand caused him mental problems the alcohol supressed it but when he became sober the mental problems are now noticeable..he has much remorse and when he tells me he will never ever do it again i believe him because he has been in several situations after the one night stand where he has told the ladies NO iam a happy married man and i don't want to hurt my wife and to leave him alone. so when he tells me it want happen again i can say i honestly believe him.so the phrase once a cheater,always a cheater isn't true. so the question is can she ever trust you again?trust it something that has to be worked on she can't trust you again over night it takes time..and how do you prove to her that you love her? my husband has done everything under the sun to prove to me that he does ..start off with apologizing to her ,sit down and have a heart to heart talk mean it from your heart that you truely love her and that you want to show her that you truely do ..ask her to go to couseling tell her you will get couseling..ask her does she deep down inside love you and does she want to be with you and if she does tell her that you will change whatever she wants you to change it may not work but then again it may....im still working on things and its been 8 months of me knowing it takes time but you have to understand this is a hurtful action betrayal is very hurtful! maybe she need time away to figure out what she wants but in the mean time if you aren't saved you may want to look into getting yourself right with god it will turn you into a brand new man! ......hope all works out

I love him with all my heart,he was my first real love we have been married 22 years..thats why iam still here and thats why it hurts because i love him so much!

THanks for the info sierra!

sabra i tried to PM you for some reason its not letting me

Okay so this is even more complicated than I thought. He doesn't really have a right to say "oh i dont want to talk about this because it upsets me"- TOO DARN BAD. He's the one that screwed up, and now (albeit 14 years later) he has to suffer the consequences of his actions and work at making things better with you. This is going to sound mean- but maybe he needs a taste of what his life would be without you. He's obviously not taking you seriously at the moment since he refuses to work on things. I don't know what exactly I'm suggesting...just something to get it through to him that you're serious, you have a right to be angry, and it's up to him to show YOU why YOU should forgive HIM. I know that there are counselours who make housecalls...and maybe that's what you need. If he won't listen to you- maybe he will listen to a third party. But again...these are just my suggestions since I obviously can't know the entirety of the situation...

Thanks sierra21 when i bring the subject up he does not want to talk about it,he says he wants to forget about it and not have to be reminded of it ....so therefore when i need to talk to him about how i feel i can't because it reminds him of the past he does not want to remember.So i have to hold in these feelings until i get a enormous amount of angerness and i feel like i want to explode and then he will ask me whats wrong? so i go about telling him and he says i bring him to depression when he sees me depressed you see we are not getting no where with this ..i asked him about couceling he says you can go but i choose not because i don't want to have to bring up the past again i don't want to have to re-live it....so therefore i really can't tell him how i feel about the situation because it depresses him and it brings him down all over again so what do i do? yanno i can tell he feels bad now about the one night stand but during the 14 yrs he kept it a secret he never once acted like something was bothering him...sometimes i wonder if he had no remorse back then..even though he told me after he did what he did that he told himself why did he do that....i don't know im just having a hard time dealing with all of this...

what about me? its like to praise him for his actions so to speak, im the victim here and im getting treated like the villian.......i know he is a new man in christ i see his change but how could he have done something so wrong in the past to hurt me? he knows right from wrong drinking or not drinking its no excuse for what he done in his past....i guess im the bad person by not praising him for his wrong doing in the past.......................

thank you Prodigalson123........to the other posters the reason why i posted it on a christian message board was to not get answers like you have given be quick to jump the gun so to speak....it is hard to forgive some one that has betrayed you ..i did not browbeat it out of him i just asked a simple question which he lied at first but then realized that he should tell me the truth yes it was 14 yrs ago when he did the unthinkable but it was just this past febuary when he told me about it now i don't know about you but 7-8 months of knowing is still fresh in my mind and heart and i can not just get over it.the hurt is still here i don't care if he did it 50 yrs ago the thing is he did it ! im learning to cope the best way i can i came on here asking if anyone has been through the same situation and how they handled it,not to get ridiculed(sp)........so posters that has been through the same let me here from you only! thanks once again Prodigalson123

My husband revealed to me in Febuary this year that 14 yrs ago he had a one night stand with a girl he didn't know, at the time he was a sinner and a alcoholic he says that him and a buddie which was married also pick up a girl rode around with her and that he was begged to sleep with her by his friend as his friend did also,now he claims he was drunk which is no excuse! and that he did say no at first that he was married but they kept on and he did it anyway.....what made him come clean with this is that he got saved in December of 2005 and i always felt deep in my heart that he had cheated but couldn't prove it so one day we were riding along in the car and i asked him point blank "Have you ever cheated on me" this was after he got saved, well he told me NO i already told you that if i was gonna cheat on you i would divorce you first...well i guess he realized that he lied to me and 2 weeks later he sits me down and told me the truth..i have been so hurt by this torn apart, my heart feels like its been ripped outta my chest,this was a man whom i thought would indeed divorce me before he would hurt me but just to know that he did it just ripped my world apart...i want to stay because i love him .he has promised that it will NEVER happen again and that he has total remorse and shame for what he did...my questions is to any of you christians out there if you have ever went through this ,how did you over come it? How do you find trust again? thanks for anyone that will answer this its means alot to me