George

I personally like to tell the joke using the Athesist going fishing and the Lochness Monster! LOL!

With much agape love,

George

I was just thinking about it today.  Most people think I am the ultra-serious guy since I run the Worthy Network, but that is far from the truth!  But I won't let you know how much fun I really love to have!  LOL!

With much agape love,

George

LOL!

:biggrin:  No problem!  I just wanted to have a balance on the boards.

With much agape love,

George

Church Bloopers

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

6. A songfest was #### at the Methodist church Wednesday.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is ####?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

17. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

19. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

21. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Ouch!  LOL!

With much agape love,

George

THE FALL

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.

He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.

HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"

He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"

"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"

"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?

"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."

"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"

"That's Me."

"God, please help me! I promise if, you'll get me down from here, I'll stop sinning. I'll be a really good person. I'll serve You for the rest of my life."

"Easy on the promises, Jack. Let's get you off from there; then we can talk."

"Now, here's what I want you to do. Listen carefully."

"I'll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do."

"Okay. Let go of the branch.""What?" "I said, let go of the branch. Just trust Me. Let go."

There was a long silence.

Finally Jack yelled, "HELP! HELP! IS ANYONE ELSE UP THERE?"

LOL!

With much agape love,

George

THE GOLFING PREACHER

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

The Lord smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

With much agape love,

George

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere- and let the air out of their tires.

6) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

7) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

8) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

11) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts!

LOL!

With much agape love,

George

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.

9) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

10) School lunches stick to the wall.

11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12) Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute ũ,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to ŭ,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give ฤ,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

LOL!

With much agape love,

George

REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART

Martha's way #1:

I decided to make a new forum to lighten the mood on the boards!  So post funny stories or jokes here.

With much agape love,

George

Amen!

You think you live in a liberal state! LOL!  The joke of Maryland is that we are the Socialist State of Maryland! LOL!

With much agape love,

George

There is no need for personal attacks.  The truth is truth!

With much agape love,

George

Unreal that was in the Washington Post!  I rarely read the Washington Post for stories for Worthy News because of its VERY liberal slant.  We have now come to a place where the call for PEACE from the Palestinian Authority has rung deaf upon the ears of even the most liberal press.  Maybe people will start realizing that you cannot have PEACE unless people are PREPARED for peace.

With much agape love,

George

Revelation 9:5  And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

The scorpion does not have a digestive system.  Since a scorpion is without a digestive system, it infects its prey with its poison which actually destroys its prey from the inside out so that it can be eaten by the scorpion.

Now draw the analogy...

With much agape love,

George

Mark 7:13  Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

Colossians 2:8  Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

With much agape love,

George

I agree with you Ephriam777!

With much agape love,

George

Is that just a LITTLE watered down?  Just wondering what your thoughts are?

With much agape love,

George

Agreed Prime!  For too long the Afghan people have live under such a state of oppression and war, hopefully in a free soceity they will come to appreciate the cost of freedom.  The United States should help rebuild their economy much like in WW2 when Germany and Japan were rebuilt.

With much agape love,

George

Does anyone see the potential prophetic implications involved here?

If Israel believes that it cannot have peace with Arafat, then it may dismantle the PLO.

What would happen if the PLO was dismantled?  Would the arab countries come to the aid of the PLO?  Does anyone see where I am getting at?

With much agape love,

George

Once the al-Qaida has been neutralized in Afghanistan, should the United States keep U.S. forces in Afghanistan as Peace Keepers?

With much agape love,

George

Hello Jeremiah,

A good source to see many of the Cleared up Contradictions of the Bible is on the Apologetics page on Worthy News.

Cleared up Contradictions of the Bible

With much agape love,

George

Just another tidbit about my testimony,

Before I came to salvation, I attended a private Baptist school while I attended this private "Christian" school, I was riduculed and teased more than ANY child should have.