Im not going to go into detail about what happened to me. Im going to put it into a nutshell.
When i was 14, i got saved. I loved Jesus. Had a very close relationship with God. One day i gave into the world and wanted to be like everyone else, leaving God behind. 5 years later, i am trying to seek God again. I tried repenting. I feel nothing. No renewal. No desire to read the bible or to try and understand scripture. I just still wanna be my old self, but in a way i also wanna follow God and be holy.
I dont get it. Why dont i feel anything.. shouldnt you suddenly have a passion for Jesus after repenting, like the one i gained many years ago? Makes me wonder if God spewed me out of his mouth and just doesnt want anything to do with me.