><>t<><
It would seem, that your entire focus is on self, and your personal problems and struggles; instead of fixing your Eyes on Jesus and what HE would have you do for others. When we do that, we are like Peter when he got out of the boat. As soon as we focus on the turmoil all around our feet instead of Jesus and what He would have have us do for others; we begin sinking into dispair. Try keeping your focus on Jesus and what He would have you doing, and you just may find yourself walking on top the waves that currently are dragging you under, and the Holy Spirit has a way of filling you with JOY, when you are actively doing the LORD's will. I was a Volunteer Prison Chaplain for 15 years, and my wife often commented that when I came home from the Prison, the Joy in me made it look like I was walking six inches off the floor.
I am finding others on this site, who are also walking in dispair, so you are not alone in this struggle. You may find it helpful to see how I tried to encourage them: