What do I do?

[revolutionist90]

Hello,

I really have no idea what to do in this situation and my parent is of no help. I will lay out the problem:

1. Credit Card debt around $2000: My mother and I planned a trip from my college (in MA) to home (in Texas) and the bill was put on my credit card. My mother promised she would help me pay off the debt that occurred but has not due to her own financial problems. As of now the card is frozen and my credit rating is at a stand still. I need to finish it off before or a little after I graduate because I will most likely be going to another state for my postbacc program and need an apartment (The reason for going out of state is because there are only three programs in the country in total that pay for the student to participate in the program- so it is like a real job).

2. Study abroad debt around $1200: due to to my own error in helping my family get out of financial binds during the summer I did not have enough money to cover the costs of my financial aid to cover study abroad in Australia. I also had a miscommunication with my study abroad Dean in which I thought that I would not have to pay for anything but to find out I was suppose to and it came as a surprise. I need to pay off the debt to receive and official transcript and to also officially re-enroll in my home college so I need to pay off the debt quickly.

3. Summer school debt around $2100: to lighten my already heavy load for senior year I took a summer school course last year. My mother was very happy that I did and also promised to help pay for the costs. Since I thought I would have parental help I went ahead and took the class. In the end my mother could not help pay for the class because of her own financial problems and is now helping with $50 a month. I need this transcript before next year because I need to apply for research programs before I can apply for MD/PhD programs the following year. I tried apply for a private loan but my credit is still in infancy and all of my cosigners have horrible credit and thus it cannot be approved.

All of my debts have time constraints but here is the priority:

Study abroad debt

Summer School debt

Credit card debt

As of now I can only get about $1100 loan from my school and that is all I can get due to federal restrictions. That loan has to be divided into two semesters so I will only get $550. I was going to use that towards the study abroad debt.

Upside:

I will be working soon this summer and will most likely receive around $3000. Part of this has to go to food and maybe even the random call from my family who have gotten themselves into another financial pickle. Another part of this has to be saved for spending during the actual school year. I already applied for a Perkins (student loan) for $1100 (as much as I could) to help pay for the study abroad so it has been diminished.

Some solutions:

With that said I was hoping to pay off my study abroad debt with the first $550 received from the loan and the rest to be paid off with part of my summer earnings( around $650). So in total that would be the $1200 needed. I could also pay off the debt totally but that would leave me in a bind if paying for anything else.

I would hopefully be able to to take $1000 and pay for the summer school and the next $550 that is from my loan that will occur next year can help equaling $1550 total towards the summer school loan. Then I will have about $500 to pay which might be payable through income tax return.

Problems:

I do not know what to do about my credit card debt...

I do not know if I can get a summer job until I get back on campus and hit the pavement. I can only work on-campus. If I was able to get a job I could only work about 4 hours a week at 8.00-8.25 an hour. It is better than nothing but I have to pray that I will actually get a job. I also have to be careful that the job is not too time consuming because I will be doing a honors (thesis) project which is already time consuming and demands frequent attention and lab time.

I don't know what to do about my family and their financial problems. They don't do well with budgeting and have a hard time taking responsibility. They frequently ask me for help but give very little when I need help.

Why I am telling you all this:

Well since this is the Finance section I was wondering if you guys had any tips, comments or questions about my plan so far. I also wanted to know if any of you have any comments on what to do with the credit card debt.

I also wondered if any had a possible solution on what to do about my family. I pray for their financial well-being but I also think they need to do something also.

Final thoughts:

My debts are not much (in total around $5500) and I am very blessed for that but they have time restraints. Most have to be paid off before I graduate and one even before I can fully re-enroll in my old school. These are different than student loans since a person can have a somewhat more leisurely pace with paying those off.

[GoldenEagle]

Hello,

I really have no idea what to do in this situation and my parent is of no help. I will lay out the problem:

1. Credit Card debt around $2000: My mother and I planned a trip from my college (in MA) to home (in Texas) and the bill was put on my credit card. My mother promised she would help me pay off the debt that occurred but has not due to her own financial problems. As of now the card is frozen and my credit rating is at a stand still. I need to finish it off before or a little after I graduate because I will most likely be going to another state for my postbacc program and need an apartment (The reason for going out of state is because there are only three programs in the country in total that pay for the student to participate in the program- so it is like a real job).

2. Study abroad debt around $1200: due to to my own error in helping my family get out of financial binds during the summer I did not have enough money to cover the costs of my financial aid to cover study abroad in Australia. I also had a miscommunication with my study abroad Dean in which I thought that I would not have to pay for anything but to find out I was suppose to and it came as a surprise. I need to pay off the debt to receive and official transcript and to also officially re-enroll in my home college so I need to pay off the debt quickly.

3. Summer school debt around $2100: to lighten my already heavy load for senior year I took a summer school course last year. My mother was very happy that I did and also promised to help pay for the costs. Since I thought I would have parental help I went ahead and took the class. In the end my mother could not help pay for the class because of her own financial problems and is now helping with $50 a month. I need this transcript before next year because I need to apply for research programs before I can apply for MD/PhD programs the following year. I tried apply for a private loan but my credit is still in infancy and all of my cosigners have horrible credit and thus it cannot be approved.

All of my debts have time constraints but here is the priority:

Study abroad debt

Summer School debt

Credit card debt

As of now I can only get about $1100 loan from my school and that is all I can get due to federal restrictions. That loan has to be divided into two semesters so I will only get $550. I was going to use that towards the study abroad debt.

Upside:

I will be working soon this summer and will most likely receive around $3000. Part of this has to go to food and maybe even the random call from my family who have gotten themselves into another financial pickle. Another part of this has to be saved for spending during the actual school year. I already applied for a Perkins (student loan) for $1100 (as much as I could) to help pay for the study abroad so it has been diminished.

Some solutions:

With that said I was hoping to pay off my study abroad debt with the first $550 received from the loan and the rest to be paid off with part of my summer earnings( around $650). So in total that would be the $1200 needed. I could also pay off the debt totally but that would leave me in a bind if paying for anything else.

I would hopefully be able to to take $1000 and pay for the summer school and the next $550 that is from my loan that will occur next year can help equaling $1550 total towards the summer school loan. Then I will have about $500 to pay which might be payable through income tax return.

Problems:

I do not know what to do about my credit card debt...

I do not know if I can get a summer job until I get back on campus and hit the pavement. I can only work on-campus. If I was able to get a job I could only work about 4 hours a week at 8.00-8.25 an hour. It is better than nothing but I have to pray that I will actually get a job. I also have to be careful that the job is not too time consuming because I will be doing a honors (thesis) project which is already time consuming and demands frequent attention and lab time.

I don't know what to do about my family and their financial problems. They don't do well with budgeting and have a hard time taking responsibility. They frequently ask me for help but give very little when I need help.

Why I am telling you all this:

Well since this is the Finance section I was wondering if you guys had any tips, comments or questions about my plan so far. I also wanted to know if any of you have any comments on what to do with the credit card debt.

I also wondered if any had a possible solution on what to do about my family. I pray for their financial well-being but I also think they need to do something also.

Final thoughts:

My debts are not much (in total around $5500) and I am very blessed for that but they have time restraints. Most have to be paid off before I graduate and one even before I can fully re-enroll in my old school. These are different than student loans since a person can have a somewhat more leisurely pace with paying those off.

When you say the credit card is frozen you mean you’re not adding anything to the card? Are you paying the minimum payments on it?

Is your family helping you out with any tuition/funds during the year?

Did you live with your family over last summer? Are you living with them this summer?

If you didn’t have the money to study abroad in Australia why didn’t you back out?

It sounds like you can’t count on your mother to help financially. Is it possible to get help from any other source (grandparents, father, aunts, uncles) and pay them back?

What would taking a smaller load of classes and getting a part-time job do? Could you possible graduate a year later to have another summer for work?

God bless,

GE

[revolutionist90]

GE - "When you say the credit card is frozen you mean you’re not adding anything to the card? Are you paying the minimum payments on it?"

I am not adding anything to the card. I asked for it to be frozen because I was recently fired from my longest job and thus could not pay for the minimum payments. I get unemployment (I won't have it for too much longer) but the credit card minimum payments are higher than what I receive for unemployment. I also have to contribute to family with my unemployment checks along with paying for medications, groceries and so on.

"Is your family helping you out with any tuition/funds during the year?"

No.

"Did you live with your family over last summer? Are you living with them this summer?"

To save money yes I am. Last summer I had a failed job hunt but I received a stipend from my school for study abroad. As told before most of it went to family emergencies.

"If you didn’t have the money to study abroad in Australia why didn’t you back out?"

I was on a full scholarship to study in Australia (I am on full scholarship to attend my school also) but there was a fee that I was supposed to pay but it was not fully explained and that is where the study abroad debt came from. I had a full scholarship for both semesters in Australia but this one fee caught me by surprise because since I am on full scholarship I thought I would not have to pay anything. To my surprise my school did want me to pay for this fee (it was a mandatory food plan fee) out of the stipend I receive but like I said before that went to my family since I thought I would not have to pay for anything.

But to answer your question I did have the money to study abroad since my school gave me a stipend. I thought that all of my fees for Australia was covered but there was this one fee that I did not know I was suppose to pay for and the money from the stipend was already gone when I was told I would have to pay for it. So for the most part I was completely set to go to Australia and it would make no sense to back down because I didn't know about the fee.

"Is it possible to get help from any other source (grandparents, father, aunts, uncles) and pay them back?"

No. I only have one grandparent and their expenses are controlled by my mother and their credit is horrible from helping my brother. My father is not in the picture. All aunts are either poor or have bad credit and the only uncle who does work (most do not) is also not in the position to help. Asking family members in general for money is not really big in my family since most are not that financially healthy.

"What would taking a smaller load of classes and getting a part-time job do? Could you possible graduate a year later to have another summer for work?"

To have my scholarship I cannot be a student part-time but I am in the process of trying to find an on-campus job. I think the Study Abroad debt can be taken care of quickly from my upcoming summer job and the summer school debt can have a large dent from summer school job+ loan. I could possibly start on the credit card debt if I could get a good on campus job.

Actually I am a 5th senior already so I am year late. I cannot ask again for another year or semester so this is the final year.

Edited May 25, 2013 by GoldenEagle
<<< Formatting... Bolded questions from previous post for easier reading. >>>

[GoldenEagle]

GE - "When you say the credit card is frozen you mean you’re not adding anything to the card? Are you paying the minimum payments on it?"

I am not adding anything to the card. I asked for it to be frozen because I was recently fired from my longest job and thus could not pay for the minimum payments. I get unemployment (I won't have it for too much longer) but the credit card minimum payments are higher than what I receive for unemployment. I also have to contribute to family with my unemployment checks along with paying for medications, groceries and so on.

"Is your family helping you out with any tuition/funds during the year?"

No.

"Did you live with your family over last summer? Are you living with them this summer?"

To save money yes I am. Last summer I had a failed job hunt but I received a stipend from my school for study abroad. As told before most of it went to family emergencies.

"If you didn’t have the money to study abroad in Australia why didn’t you back out?"

I was on a full scholarship to study in Australia (I am on full scholarship to attend my school also) but there was a fee that I was supposed to pay but it was not fully explained and that is where the study abroad debt came from. I had a full scholarship for both semesters in Australia but this one fee caught me by surprise because since I am on full scholarship I thought I would not have to pay anything. To my surprise my school did want me to pay for this fee (it was a mandatory food plan fee) out of the stipend I receive but like I said before that went to my family since I thought I would not have to pay for anything.

But to answer your question I did have the money to study abroad since my school gave me a stipend. I thought that all of my fees for Australia was covered but there was this one fee that I did not know I was suppose to pay for and the money from the stipend was already gone when I was told I would have to pay for it. So for the most part I was completely set to go to Australia and it would make no sense to back down because I didn't know about the fee.

"Is it possible to get help from any other source (grandparents, father, aunts, uncles) and pay them back?"

No. I only have one grandparent and their expenses are controlled by my mother and their credit is horrible from helping my brother. My father is not in the picture. All aunts are either poor or have bad credit and the only uncle who does work (most do not) is also not in the position to help. Asking family members in general for money is not really big in my family since most are not that financially healthy.

"What would taking a smaller load of classes and getting a part-time job do? Could you possible graduate a year later to have another summer for work?"

To have my scholarship I cannot be a student part-time but I am in the process of trying to find an on-campus job. I think the Study Abroad debt can be taken care of quickly from my upcoming summer job and the summer school debt can have a large dent from summer school job+ loan. I could possibly start on the credit card debt if I could get a good on campus job.

Actually I am a 5th senior already so I am year late. I cannot ask again for another year or semester so this is the final year.

Hey brother,

I bolded my questions in your latest post.

The first observation I'd give you Rev is stop bailing out your family (mother and brother?) with your school tuition. That said you live with your family so are relying on them for this summer. Are you living rent-free? Between your mother and grandparent's income are they able to pay the bills? Are they just not managing their money well? Are they on a budget? Do they spend more than they make? Are they willing to try something different so they're not generally going from one emergency to the next? Is it possible to create an agreement/contract where you determine how much you will contribute towards house expenses, groceries, etc. so you know how much you can save over the summer?

The second observation is you can do one of two things from my perspective... Increase your income or reduce your expenses. What is the $3000 in income for the summer based upon? Do you already have the job lined up? Is that working one job or two jobs? Perhaps working 2-3 jobs for a time this summer would be advisable to increase your income. Is this job for the summer in your hometown or at the city your university is located?

Third some more questions...

What is your field of study?

When you said you had a failed job hunt last summer you mean didn't make any money last summer? Did you live at home or in the city your university is located?

How many credit hours do you lack to graduate?

What is the minimum required to be considered full-time with your scholarship? 12 hours? 15 hours?

Even if you take fewer credit hours you're limited to the kind of work you can do correct? 4 hours a week... What about on-campus work is there a limit there as well?

Sounds like to me if you're able to save up enough you'll be able to knock out the study abroad loan. That's good. Yet you need to pay off the summer school loan in order to apply for a MD/PhD... Do you think you can get a scholarship for that as well?

Trying to get the full picture.

God bless,

GE

[revolutionist90]

Hey brother,

I bolded my questions in your latest post.

The first observation I'd give you Rev is stop bailing out your family (mother and brother?) with your school tuition. That said you live with your family so are relying on them for this summer. Are you living rent-free? Between your mother and grandparent's income are they able to pay the bills? Are they just not managing their money well? Are they on a budget? Do they spend more than they make? Are they willing to try something different so they're not generally going from one emergency to the next? Is it possible to create an agreement/contract where you determine how much you will contribute towards house expenses, groceries, etc. so you know how much you can save over the summer?

The second observation is you can do one of two things from my perspective... Increase your income or reduce your expenses. What is the $3000 in income for the summer based upon? Do you already have the job lined up? Is that working one job or two jobs? Perhaps working 2-3 jobs for a time this summer would be advisable to increase your income. Is this job for the summer in your hometown or at the city your university is located?

Third some more questions...

What is your field of study?

When you said you had a failed job hunt last summer you mean didn't make any money last summer? Did you live at home or in the city your university is located?

How many credit hours do you lack to graduate?

What is the minimum required to be considered full-time with your scholarship? 12 hours? 15 hours?

Even if you take fewer credit hours you're limited to the kind of work you can do correct? 4 hours a week... What about on-campus work is there a limit there as well?

Sounds like to me if you're able to save up enough you'll be able to knock out the study abroad loan. That's good. Yet you need to pay off the summer school loan in order to apply for a MD/PhD... Do you think you can get a scholarship for that as well?

Trying to get the full picture.

God bless,

GE

1. I am living with my family rent-free but it is made up when paying for groceries,gas, emergencies etc and I live rent free because I am not able to find a job and only get a little from unemployment. This is why I usually give money to my mother or brother but they usually ask for a lot more than expected. I have a hard time saying no to my mom but I think I am getting better at it...Between my mom and grandmother's income they are able to pay for bills but my mother is poor with her money. She frequently goes on little shopping sprees to the point that she damages my grandmother's money (my grandmother is in a convalescent home so she never knows nor does it directly affect her). My mother is not on a budget which is why she usually asks me for help. It is difficult to talk with her about finances because she immediately goes on the defensive. They do spend more money than they make usually. My mother is quite set in her ways and we go back and forth when she needs money. She asks me for money, if I have it I give it, she says she is sorry and won't need that much again, it happens the next time she has an emergency.

I have made agreements on how much I will be willing to offer but it is usually broken. Sometimes the emergencies are for light bills and if I am living with them I can't have the lights going out so I give them money. If the money is for car problems then I feel compelled to give her money because she has to go to dialysis and work. I am better though believe it or not....

2. The $3000 is based upon my thesis training and I am all set for the job. It is one job. Before I can commit to another job I have to see what hours I will be working for the thesis training.If they are light then I will be comfortable committing to another job but I have to prioritize my thesis training first because I need to understand how to work certain machines, assays, animals to correctly do research. The job is at my University in MA so I am limited by transportation ( I have to leave me car in Texas for my mom to use).

3.

• My field of study is Neuroscience
  
• I had a failed job hunt but my stipend for study abroad came in and it was more than what I would have made during an internship. That was also the summer I was taking summer classes to lighten the load for my senior year since I knew it would be science heavy. I lived at home again. The problem was that my mother saw how much money my school sent me. My brother was living with us at home during that time but he did not contribute anything financially( even though he worked two jobs) so if my mother needed anything she asked him. And she always needed the money for important things like the car, groceries, bills or other necessities and well I felt bad if I said no because I was technically living there for free. But I should have put my foot down because I had very little money when going to Australia.
  
• I need 32 more credit hours to graduate and the minimum for the scholarship is 16 hours. I have to take 4 classes every semester and they must be for 4 credits each.
  
• 4 hours is for on campus work ( for most jobs) and I have to have a special requirement for off-campus work (off-campus work is discouraged). There is one job where I could work 10 hours a week and that is student security so I was looking into that as a possibility I am just worried about my own safety, lol. Most of my friends seem to do it though without a problem. I have to wait until I am back on campus though to ask around. I have asked the summer school for possible financial aid but they refused since I was just a transfer student. So far with my calculations I have come up with this plan:
  
• Study abroad: $650 from summer work + $550 from school loan or $1200 from summer work. I don't know if it would be better to take the whole chunk from summer work or do half and half from summer work and loan
  
• Summer school: $1000 from summer work + $1000 from school loan
  
• I have to be careful with summer work money because I need a little left over for books/ supplies
  
• Credit card: I am not totally sure. I would have money from loan still left that would help pay but for the most part I am going to have to hope for school employment.
  

Thank you for your help,

money is confusing when you don't have a financially responsible adult to go to...

Edited May 25, 2013 by revolutionist90

[GoldenEagle]

Thank you for your help, money is confusing when you don't have a financially responsible adult to go to...

Sounds like you have a plan in place. We're here for you. I'll be praying for you to find a good job.

A lot of what I learned regarding money was from this website.

http://christianpf.com

By God's grace and a lot of hard work we have been debt free since 2011.

I'm not sure there's an easy answer regarding your mother's spending habits. However, I'd gently point out that by counting on you to bail her out you're in effect enabling her bad money spending habits. I realize at this point in your life you live with her still but at some point this unhealthy financial relationship will have to be dealt with. In particular I think you should check out this article...

Helping Vs Enabling: How To Know Which Is Which

Christians have a dilemma. We are told to help the needy and we are also told to be wise. The challenge is to do both simultaneously. Is it possible that our “help” isn’t actually helping? Could we be enabling instead? How do we know the difference? What are some guidelines?

First, some definitions:

• Helping is doing something for someone else that they are not capable of doing for themselves.
  
  • Enabling is doing things for someone else that they can and should be doing for themselves.
    
    Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet we all too often find ourselves enabling instead of helping.
    
    
    Why does this happen?
    • Knowing the difference is hard work.
      
      We could simply be too lazy to discern whether we are really helping or not. It is easy to throw money at an issue and pat ourselves on the back, thinking, “Well, I have done my part. How the gift is received is not my problem.” Maybe not, but continually giving without following up on how the gift was used is your problem. Yes, doing so is a hassle, but if you continually buy groceries for a friend who doesn’t know how to manage his moneyyou are not helping.
      • We think suffering is always bad.
        
        None of us like to see someone suffer, but preventing suffering is often not wise. I have a 40 year old friend who vividly recalls the time when, as a teenager, he was arrested for driving and drinking. Upon being notified by the police, his father chose to leave him in jail overnight instead of bailing him out. Furthermore, the dad sold his son’s truck. I know this father and am absolutely convinced that he was deeply empathetic of his son’s plight. I doubt if this father slept much knowing his son was in jail, but he wisely allowed his son to suffer the consequences of his actions. By the way, the son never drove after drinking again.
        • We might like the feeling of control.
          
          This one is more prevalent with enabling parents, but it works like this: mom or dad just can’t allow those apron strings to be cut, so they will allow a grown child to continue to live at home, often paying Junior’s bills and letting him get by with doing little to improve himself. The parent, in a perverted way, allows his son or daughter to become co-dependent so he can maintain control over the child.
          • We can’t deal with the strife.
            

          Again, this one is specific to parents. The child needs to be told “no”, but the parent would rather enable the child than deal with the ensuing strife that “no” brings. Whether it be a toddler who throws a tantrum in the grocery store aisle or the adult child who begs for rent money, mom or dad will too often acquiesce because they can’t handle the consequences of tough love.

          What should we do?

          [*]Realize that God expects us to be good managers of his resources.

          Simply giving without requiring accountability is irresponsible. We need to develop discernment to help us know the difference between helping and enabling.

          [*]Allow God to work.

          When you intervene by not allowing someone to suffer the consequences of his actions, you are limiting how God can work in that situation. Galatians 6:7 tells us, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant”. Allowing another to suffer those consequences is, in effect, partnering with God. Remember: comfortable people have zero motivation to change their behavior. Hebrews 12:11 is an apt reminder: “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way”.

          [*]Guard your heart.

          It would be easy to smugly say, “He is getting what is owed to him.” While this may be true, we need to continue to pray for this person, encourage him and wish him the best.

          [*]Grow a backbone.

          It all boils down to saying “no” when we find ourselves doing things for someone who could and should be doing it for himself. This is especially tough with friends and family, but that “no” can be the best help we could ever offer.

          Concluding thoughts

          God expects us to be both helpful and wise. Part of that wisdom involves monitoring our help to make sure we are not enabling. Sometimes the very best help is a loving and firm “no”.

          Praying for your finances. Your thoughts?

          God bless,

          GE

[revolutionist90]

Thank you for your help, money is confusing when you don't have a financially responsible adult to go to...

Sounds like you have a plan in place. We're here for you. I'll be praying for you to find a good job.

A lot of what I learned regarding money was from this website.

http://christianpf.com

By God's grace and a lot of hard work we have been debt free since 2011.

I'm not sure there's an easy answer regarding your mother's spending habits. However, I'd gently point out that by counting on you to bail her out you're in effect enabling her bad money spending habits. I realize at this point in your life you live with her still but at some point this unhealthy financial relationship will have to be dealt with. In particular I think you should check out this article...

Helping Vs Enabling: How To Know Which Is Which

Christians have a dilemma. We are told to help the needy and we are also told to be wise. The challenge is to do both simultaneously. Is it possible that our “help” isn’t actually helping? Could we be enabling instead? How do we know the difference? What are some guidelines?

First, some definitions:

• Helping is doing something for someone else that they are not capable of doing for themselves.
  
  • Enabling is doing things for someone else that they can and should be doing for themselves.
    
    Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet we all too often find ourselves enabling instead of helping.
    
    
    Why does this happen?
    • Knowing the difference is hard work.
      
      We could simply be too lazy to discern whether we are really helping or not. It is easy to throw money at an issue and pat ourselves on the back, thinking, “Well, I have done my part. How the gift is received is not my problem.” Maybe not, but continually giving without following up on how the gift was used is your problem. Yes, doing so is a hassle, but if you continually buy groceries for a friend who doesn’t know how to manage his moneyyou are not helping.
      • We think suffering is always bad.
        
        None of us like to see someone suffer, but preventing suffering is often not wise. I have a 40 year old friend who vividly recalls the time when, as a teenager, he was arrested for driving and drinking. Upon being notified by the police, his father chose to leave him in jail overnight instead of bailing him out. Furthermore, the dad sold his son’s truck. I know this father and am absolutely convinced that he was deeply empathetic of his son’s plight. I doubt if this father slept much knowing his son was in jail, but he wisely allowed his son to suffer the consequences of his actions. By the way, the son never drove after drinking again.
        • We might like the feeling of control.
          
          This one is more prevalent with enabling parents, but it works like this: mom or dad just can’t allow those apron strings to be cut, so they will allow a grown child to continue to live at home, often paying Junior’s bills and letting him get by with doing little to improve himself. The parent, in a perverted way, allows his son or daughter to become co-dependent so he can maintain control over the child.
          • We can’t deal with the strife.
            

          Again, this one is specific to parents. The child needs to be told “no”, but the parent would rather enable the child than deal with the ensuing strife that “no” brings. Whether it be a toddler who throws a tantrum in the grocery store aisle or the adult child who begs for rent money, mom or dad will too often acquiesce because they can’t handle the consequences of tough love.

          What should we do?

          [*]Realize that God expects us to be good managers of his resources.

          Simply giving without requiring accountability is irresponsible. We need to develop discernment to help us know the difference between helping and enabling.

          [*]Allow God to work.

          When you intervene by not allowing someone to suffer the consequences of his actions, you are limiting how God can work in that situation. Galatians 6:7 tells us, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant”. Allowing another to suffer those consequences is, in effect, partnering with God. Remember: comfortable people have zero motivation to change their behavior. Hebrews 12:11 is an apt reminder: “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way”.

          [*]Guard your heart.

          It would be easy to smugly say, “He is getting what is owed to him.” While this may be true, we need to continue to pray for this person, encourage him and wish him the best.

          [*]Grow a backbone.

          It all boils down to saying “no” when we find ourselves doing things for someone who could and should be doing it for himself. This is especially tough with friends and family, but that “no” can be the best help we could ever offer.

          Concluding thoughts

          God expects us to be both helpful and wise. Part of that wisdom involves monitoring our help to make sure we are not enabling. Sometimes the very best help is a loving and firm “no”.

          Praying for your finances. Your thoughts?

          God bless,

          GE

          That article summed up my problems with my money pretty quickly. I am enabling my mother and her spending problems. If she did not have me she would have to make due somehow like she has before I had some money. I just have never had it put plainly what I am doing and how it is harming my mother. I've already subscribed to the website you posted. The article was helpful so the rest must be good also. Thank you for your help.

[GoldenEagle]

That article summed up my problems with my money pretty quickly. I am enabling my mother and her spending problems. If she did not have me she would have to make due somehow like she has before I had some money. I just have never had it put plainly what I am doing and how it is harming my mother. I've already subscribed to the website you posted. The article was helpful so the rest must be good also. Thank you for your help.

It's all about proper perspective... Check out this thread too...

ChristianPF is a great resource.

Praying!

God bless,

GE