Whether to let daughter go on web site?

[carlos123]

Yes but you parents were teens you act like you don't know how it is to have peer pressures.

Why is it that you think parents act like they don't know how it is like to have peer pressure Angel?

Is it because we seem to easily just ignore it? Or perhaps not take it into account?

It is true that us parents, if I can speak on behalf of all parents , need to learn to be more sensitive but when push comes to shove no teen who calls themselves a Christian should compromise what is true and right out of a desire to fit in and be accepted by their peers. No adult should either.

It is not that we parents don't know what it is to have peer pressure. It is more I think, that teens don't understand how parents can expect them to not give in to peer pressure just for the sake of fitting in. Teens see and experience the pressure every day. Parents are not experiencing the teens pressure as adults who have, hopefully, learned to stand on their own. To interact under such a diferent perspective requires adults to be sensitive to the pressure that teens are facing while still encouraging a righteous lifestyle and stand. At the same time teens need to lean on their parents leading out of a realization that they are in a better position to know what is right and wrong by virtue of not being in a position to be so swayed by peer pressure as the teen is.

Most teens think their parents are fuddy duddies, out of style, and unreasonable. God set up parents to be over kids for a reason. If teens would stop and think sometimes instead of reacting and making decisions on the basis of emotions and hormones they might come to realize that God's best can be found in following the leading of one's parents. Who have been placed there by God for the protection and guidance of the kids.

I know that many parents are terrible but it does not negate God's intention. He has appointed the places of our habitation and who our parents would be. To accomplish His loving purposes in our lives.

Even bad parents want what is best for their kids and will not usually tell them to do what is not in their best interests to do.

But somethings we go through may not be what you've been through.

This statement is all too often used as a cop out by teens Angel. Such that if a teen can find the slightest indication that the parent has not gone through something exactly as they are going through, that it gives them an excuse to ignore what the parent is saying. It can be a subtle form of rebellion in the heart.

You didn't hurt me I am a strong teen or kid which ever you call me.I been through a lot so I can stand my ground.

Angel I am glad I did not hurt you. For sure. But I would encourage you to admit the truth at least from God's perspective. As a teen you are not strong and able to stand your ground. You need the help and guidance of your parents or other adults in your life that God Himself has placed over you for your good. None of us are so strong and able to stand our ground that we do not need the help of God or others in our life Angel.

More often than not such statements are a way to avoid being hurt by being vulnerable and admitting that we often do not know what is best for us and need our parents or others to help us.

Incidentally Angel I would never call you a kid! At least not in the sense that might imply a little child. When I use "kids" I mean as in children. It's just a shorter way of saying "children" which includes everyone who is not yet a full adult.

My parents could careless what I do or anything anymore they act like I am not alive.

I am so very sorry to hear that Angel. I pray that you might come to rely all the more on your heavenly Father who cares very much for you and loves you.

Your daughter may also not trust you or she has tough issues about her real dad.May she figures you will leave her also.I don't know did her real dad divorce from her mom I guessing.She may think if she gets close to you that you will leave her and then she'll have nobody as a father.

Very, very insightful of you Angel. Please read my reponse to Yomo for more insight on this.

Carlos

Edited December 24, 2004 by carlos123

[finding God (angel)]

Stand strong for her daughter she will come to you when she is ready.

God and the people the only people I rely on.God is where I run but for people who live with or live close to I don't tell them nothing.God is everything.

I don't give into peer pressure.If I did I be popular which I am far from.I not the kind of person to give into peer pressure.

I know how you feel about teen slang I get caught up in it myself and use it, but I hardly use it.

You need to let your daughter in any possible way let her know your not going to leave like her father did.I know you love her or you wouldn't be trying to get insight.

Yes most of us teen girls say we rebel because of our hormones.

I can name a lot my parents don't know how I feel and have never be through.

[yomotalking]

Carlos,

I really think that teenagers in North America are no different to teens in England.

Most of the teenagers in my church act in exactly the way you describe, and I feel totally out of place. Having said that I think most teenagers, even the coolest, do it because they need to fit in.

Although on the outside they seem to enjoy being like it, I think that deep in their heart some hate it.

Why do you think that Europeans are anti America and anti Israel. My church is very much for Israel and I hope I might be able to go there sometime. Lots of people I know love Israel .

I really hope you manage to get a good relationship going with your daughter. I think lots of the things you have said are very wise. If you do get to have a good relationship with her she will come to realise that.

She might not ever look upon you as her Dad, but she could learn to love you as her friend, and if she did she would listen to you and respect you.

yomo

[carlos123]

I really think that  teenagers in North America are no different to teens in England.

Most of the teenagers in my church act in exactly the way you describe, and I feel totally out of place. Having said that I think most teenagers, even the coolest, do it because they need to fit in.

Although on the outside they seem to enjoy being like it, I think that deep in  their heart some hate it.

When I lived in Europe I was in Germany and Spain. I think the teenagers in Britain might be more inclined to be closer to North American teenagers than those in the parts of Europe in which I lived. Of course things have probably changed a lot since the late 1970's so I guess I can't really say these days .

Why do you think that Europeans are anti America and anti Israel.

I read a lot of news Yomo and also a lot of blogs and it is pretty evident that the European mindset as a whole has gone decidedly anti-American and anti-Israel. The U.N. is very much anti-Israeli and if it was not for the U.S. being able to veto things on the security council many more resolutions would have been passed condemning what Israel has done and is doing to protect itself.

Certain countries are worse than others. The French government is much worse than other countries in obstructing the efforts of the U.S. in the Middle East and more specifically in Iraq. Many of the Eastern European countries like Poland are much more supportive of what the U.S. is doing in the Middle East than the old school European countries so it varies.

Overall though it is my impression that the European mind set as a whole is very deceived regarding righteousness and the reality of evil needing to be confronted in our world. Sometimes with force of arms.

I also believe that they resent the U.S.'s leadership in things in which they would want to be looked on as leaders in.

Americans are looked upon as arrogant, uncultured, unsophisticated, cowboys by much of the European elite. Such a view is fed by a steady diet of news that portrays Americans as such and promotes downright lies concerning the logic or value of what the U.S. is doing. No less for Israel.

My church is very much for Israel and I hope I might be able to go there sometime. Lots of people I know love Israel .

That's wonderful Yomo. There are always exceptions to the bent of the general culture. In the case of your church it seems that this is the case. Don't assume that the rest of the culture is that way though. It seems decidedly contrary to that based on my daily reading of news and blogs.

I really hope you manage to get a good relationship going with your daughter. I think lots of the things you have said are very wise. If you do get to have a good relationship with her she will come to realise that.

I am trying. With God's help I think things are improving between us. The hardest thing for me is to see the way she views things given her Christian upbringing and involvement in youth groups. I have to bite my lip sometimes to not get on her case more in the sense of pointing out how ridiculously contradictory her views are from those of God.

Just today we went and saw the movie, Meet the Fockers. I thought the movie overall was absolutely sick! Disgusting in it's portrayal of virginity as something old fashioned, lying to parents as something to do to prevent them being upset, promotion of men as being less than God intended and downright silly, women being wiser than the men in almost everything and putting up with their men and their foibles, sex therapy a la world's version as being legitimate and healthy.... I mean on the whole it was just SICK!!

And my daughter's take on the movie? It was funny! And cute and worth going to!

I just don't understand her viewpoint. How can any Christian who loves the Lord see that kind of junk and get a kick out of it in terms of thinking the movie was cool and recommending it? Absurd!

I laughed during some very funny parts but overall I just sat there and endured the movie until it was over. Our culture is absolutely sick! I mean sick! And our movies tend to embody the sickness within it. This movie is a case in point.

Fortunately the Lord gave me grace to stay focused on the long term view of establishing a better relationship with her such that the Lord might enable me to eventually feed her spiritually. So that her views will end up being more in line with God's to her benefit and to His honor and glory.

Thanks again for your input Yomo. As I said you are definitely wise beyond your years.

Carlos

[carlos123]

Yes most of us teen girls say we rebel because of our hormones.

I was re-reading your post Angel and thought I would comment on your statement here. Hormones or not there is never any excuse for rebellion to authority when it is not condoned by God or in line with His desire for us.

You may not mean it this way Angel but many teen girls might see your statement as a valid reason to rebel. Or as a good excuse to rebel. Instead of acknowledging the inclination within their own hearts to rebel that stems from indwelling sin they put the blame on their hormones which they are powerless to control.

No woman (teen or adult) can stand before God and excuse rebelliousness in her heart by virtue of going through hormonal changes. Many women seem to act and think as though their hormonal changes give them a valiid excuse for being insensitive, angry, irratable, and so forth. The fact is that hormones or not God wants us to walk in the Spirit and to bear the fruit of the Spirit through our lives. Hormones may make such a thing more difficult but not impossible to do in the power of Christ at work in their lives.

There is absolutely no excuse before God for not honoring and being obedient to parents in so far as God has put those parents over teenagers for their good. Anything less, unless the parent is telling a teenager to sin, just points to the sin in the heart of a teen that must be confessed and repented of.

Carlos

[finding God (angel)]

I know that I not an teen like you think I sure no American actting one

[carlos123]

I know that I not an teen like you think I sure no American actting one

Good to hear Angel. It may also be that my view of American teenagers has been unduly colored by my own life experiences and may not reflect what is actually true of North American teenagers as a group. If more teenagers expressed what they thought, as you did, in a way that helped me to better understand where they are coming from perhaps I would come to believe differently about them.

Unfortunately I do not have much of a chance to interact with teens and talk about these things such that I can come to a diferent conclusion about them in general. So I am very thankful for the input of some of you teens that I have gotten on this thread.

I still think as I do mind you but your all's input has helped me to realize afresh that things are not always as they seem on the surface and that I need to learn to give a teenager the benefit of the doubt until such a time as they may prove themselves to be typically shallow and prone to act like a lemning in following the crowd and not being themselves than otherwise .

Our culture as a whole is provably the most to blame for how teens turn out these days. Or at least seem to. Then again parents don't seem willing to do what it takes to raise them differently either.

You know it's sorta funny but I was watching parts of the Sound of Music a couple of days ago and thought to myself...wow! Why can't teenagers these days be as good and as wholesomely full of goodness as the teenagers in that movie were? I think it is definitely possible but it would be very difficult to raise such teens these days. One would have to isolate them through home schooling, have a full time mom at home, spend daily time with them digging into the Word, model a good life for them, and do other such things to even have a hope of doing so.

A difficult thing to say the least!

Carlos

[finding God (angel)]

Sorry carlos if I was rude to yuo in anyway.How was reading the Bible with your daughter?

[carlos123]

Dear Angel,

Sorry carlos if I was rude to yuo in anyway.How was reading the Bible with your daughter?

You have not been rude in the slightest Angel! The thought of you being rude has not even crossed my mind. I don't know why you might think you might have been rude to me but I can tell you definitively that you have not been.

Instead I very much appreciate your input. In fact it is downright encouraging to have someone on the forum ask how something is going that I said I would do. Most often I post and no one ever follows up to ask me how things are going. So it's great of you to ask.

I have not yet started reading the Bible with my daughter. I am still debating and praying over what to do. Part of the problem for me is that there are other issues involved that complicate things immensily.

My relationship with her mom and my wife is not very good at all and continues to not be so. On the one hand I want to get more involved with our daughter but on the other I am held back in part through the realization of how difficult that will be given my wife's lack of respect and support of me. A lack of respect and support that is exhibited before our daughter in our everyday lives and which undermines whatever role I may want to play in our daughters life.

Just yesterday I felt a need ti tell our dauther to turn the TV off for half an hour followed almost in the next breath with another half hour restriction due to our daughter reacting to me in a snippy sort of way when I asked her some innocent questions like where our dog was.

It's the kind of snippiness that seems to happen most often when my wife or daughter are having periods. But in this case it wasn't that. It's a snippiness which has been developing over time and which even my wife sees. It has to be snipped () in the bud so to speak and I am probably the one to do it. But given that my wife gets snippy like that with me quite often these days it makes it very difficult for me to deal effectively with the snippiness coming out of our daughter.

So yes, I intend to get into the Bible with my daughter to go over sarcasm and to see if I might be able to get her to see how her sarcasm has gone way overboard into something not good. Or perhaps to better understand and learn from our daughter myself regarding good uses of sarcasm.

But it's difficult given that the more involved I get with our daughter the more I will bump against the lack of respect and support I feel from my wife which undermines any attempt on my part to fill the shoes of what a father should be for our daughter.

It's a tough situation to be sure and I would appreciate your prayers for me and my family.

Thanks.

Carlos

[finding God (angel)]

I will promise to pray Carlos.Hey look in the bible and read certain things yuo think will get to your daughter.I hope the reading the Bible together goes well.Tell me how it goes.