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[Guest N.D.M]

i have a friend,we had a misunderstanding and its him who was wrong,so now the other friend of mine is saying i should go and apologise even if i wasn't wrong.so should i go and apologise or just leave this thing and see where it ends?

[Ovedya]

First answer: What is the purpose of an apology?

[Guest destiny_child]

I think the key word here is "misunderstanding" of which should not be resolved by either one just saying SORRY but I think it requires both parties to talk it out. Clear the misunderstanding first before trying to see who's the one in the wrong or who should apologise.

[Annette443pink]

N.D.M - I'd try to work it out. Tell him it was a misunderstanding and you'd like to reconcile, that it's not worth fighting over.

[Guest CheerfulHeart]

I've been in a situation like this, so when you read my reply please know that it's coming from experience. (actually more than one really)

First... pray about your situation, ask for God's guidance. Second, is your friend a Christian? Because if he's not... you need to ask yourself if not apologizing would push him further from God. As Christians we need to make sacrifices, as Jesus has done for us, and that many times means letting go of our pride. Because honestly, what other reason would you have for not wanting to say your sorry? To prove a point? So, you were right and he was wrong... what will it really matter in 10 years? Or in Heaven.... expecially if your friend spends eterninty elsewhere??

But looking at the here and now... is it really worth loosing a friend? I mean think about it... is there nothing you can honestly look at him as say you're sorry for?

With my friend I told him that though I felt he was still wrong to have done what he did, I was sorry for not handling the situation better... and for what ever he might be holding against me. The Bible says that we are to go and reconcile with those who may have an issue with us... before going to God for forgiveness. Now I just paraphrased that bigtime, but I think you know what I mean, right?

God doesn't want us to be at odds with each other. We're commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven..... if you don't speak to this friend any further or just wait to see what happens.... you may never get that chance. Life is precious and short. Don't sweat the small stuff for when you do you let the Devil get his foot in the door... give it to God, let Him lead you... but talk it out with your friend. And remember, it's ok to agree to disagree. It may be that you both may just come to an understanding that you will no longer discuss certain subjects for that very reason. I've done this before, it works and it has allowed me to keep my best friend with me through the years! Amen!

I wish you the best of luck, may God give you the words you'll need, and prepare your friend's heart that all might be resolved and a friendship salvaged. And most of all... may God be Glorified by you both!

Giving God the Glory with Thanksgiving in our hearts,

Julia

Edited April 24, 2005 by CheerfulHeart

[Guest D Smith]

i have a friend,

So you have a "friend"?

I think what you should remember at this time is that you are this other person's friend not because of what you "get" out of this friendship, but rather what you are able to "give" to the other person because of your friendship with them.

Being a good friend to someone means putting aside your rights to just do what you want, and in place of that type of selfishness, you do what you think is best for the other person. This is called "selflessness.

A good friend does not seek to always win every argument against a friend at the risk of the friendship.

Yes, sometimes you may argue with a good friend, but while you do , you must always keep in mind that you are ready to leave the matter alone for the sake of the friendship.

You are not married to the other person remember, you are their friend. As a friend you sometimes have to allow your friend to just be wrong in front of you. You must allow them an easy path back to talk to you when they know themselves they were wrong too.

You must be a good councilor but also an advocate and a ear to listen to problems in your friend's life that might seems silly to you at times, but yet can be a big deal to your friend.

MY ADVICE:

When one of my friends is clearly in error over a matter, and has spoken harshly to me or another about the situation. And if I feel my feelings are hurt, then I have to judge what needs to be said, and what does not need to be said*. I am their friend so Im not interested in "looking" like I won a debate over them.

I dont have anything to "prove" to them of myself...I trust that in the end , things will be shown for the way they are.

Sometimes I catch a friend in a HUGE error...

While I seek to correct their error as any good friend would, I yet know that sometimes my friend is just going to always be wrong in a matter and nothing I can say or do will ever change that.

Thus I try to just leave the matter in the Hands Of The Lord sometimes , and trust Him to handle it where I cant go.

So yes, sometimes even if I know "I was right" I yet make the first step to end some arguments with my friends.

(* There are some matters that are worth risking a friendship over. I caught a new friend cheating on his wife at a motell once. I tried to speak to my friend about what I knew but he rejected my attempts. Later when the marriage fell apart and my friend got divorced and started to live with the person that was the cause of the divorce, I decided that my friendship with my friend had walk as far as it could go. I ended my friendship with them. Thus I do understand that there are some places where "friendship" can not walk as if blind)

Edited April 24, 2005 by D Smith

[Guest N.D.M]

I've been in a situation like this, so when you read my reply please know that it's coming from experience. (actually more than one really)

First... pray about your situation, ask for God's guidance. Second, is your friend a Christian? Because if he's not... you need to ask yourself if not apologizing would push him further from God. As Christians we need to make sacrifices, as Jesus has done for us, and that many times means letting go of our pride. Because honestly, what other reason would you have for not wanting to say your sorry? To prove a point? So, you were right and he was wrong... what will it really matter in 10 years? Or in Heaven.... expecially if your friend spends eterninty elsewhere??

But looking at the here and now... is it really worth loosing a friend? I mean think about it... is there nothing you can honestly look at him as say you're sorry for?

With my friend I told him that though I felt he was still wrong to have done what he did, I was sorry for not handling the situation better... and for what ever he might be holding against me. The Bible says that we are to go and reconcile with those who may have an issue with us... before going to God for forgiveness. Now I just paraphrased that bigtime, but I think you know what I mean, right?

God doesn't want us to be at odds with each other. We're commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven..... if you don't speak to this friend any further or just wait to see what happens.... you may never get that chance. Life is precious and short. Don't sweat the small stuff for when you do you let the Devil get his foot in the door... give it to God, let Him lead you... but talk it out with your friend. And remember, it's ok to agree to disagree. It may be that you both may just come to an understanding that you will no longer discuss certain subjects for that very reason. I've done this before, it works and it has allowed me to keep my best friend with me through the years! Amen!

I wish you the best of luck, may God give you the words you'll need, and prepare your friend's heart that all might be resolved and a friendship salvaged. And most of all... may God be Glorified by you both!

Giving God the Glory with Thanksgiving in our hearts,

Julia

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