Guest turtle04 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 What are some of the reasons you wouldn't forgive and reconcile with someone you were in a long term relationship with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NITE OWL Posted August 24, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 535 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/24/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/02/1957 Share Posted August 24, 2005 There are no reasons not to forgive. Getting back together with someone requires trust. If either partner does not trust the other, the relationship will not work. I just recently got out of an 11 year relationship. Her choice not mine. I found that she was cheating on me. She wanted her space, so I gave it to her. 18 months later she tells me she made a mistake. Am I going to let her back in? No. My reason's.....I don't trust her. I made peace with myself over what happened. It's not her fault for acting as she did. I know the source of her attitude toward life. But knowing the source doesn't justify the actions. I don't know.....trust is a big issue with me. I try not hang with people I do not trust. That's my reason for not going back. As always...In His name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Faith4me Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 This is truly a tough one. I agree with Owl in that there is no reason not to forgive. While I hold that as a personal value and have before salvation the trust issue is a big one. I think that's what it comes down almost every time. I've been in a similar situation before. Recently in fact. Now while it's hard and hurts like crazy my standards are that I will stand your side through anything but betray my trust and I will walk away. It's a hard one to live by but I belive necessary. Now that I am a Christian and Jesus is in my life and my heart I find this no easier. But the forgiveness comes a bit quicker and my love for Christ gets me through. On your knees and ask. Be wary if you get the answer you don't want, you may not "hear" like I didn't and it caused a lot of pain in my life. I am a new Christian, like I said but already the lessons are coming Have faith Turtle, and remember... God's will will never lead us where God's Grace cannot keep us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Constant Posted August 24, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 128 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,946 Content Per Day: 0.28 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/25/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/06/1979 Share Posted August 24, 2005 People make mistakes. We are to forgive them. But, if there is absolutely no trust in a relationship, or if trust is very much deteriorating, no need to further a relationship. Trust can be earned back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imamom Posted August 24, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 279 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/30/1965 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Yep, I agree completely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working4Christ Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 This is a good question, let's narrow it even more so. After 10+ years of marriage, you find out that your spouse has cheated on you, when confronted about it, s/he admits it, displays true regret and remorse, and earnestly seeks your forgiveness, as well as the Lords. Now, do you forgive him/her? Do you divorce? Or do you forgive, and stick it out? Tough one, especially if you picture your significant other in the arms of someone else. But to forgive them, and yet still seek a divorce... does that truly show God-like forgiveness? Despite human philosophy, to forgive IS to forget. Jesus doesn't keep tabs on our past sins, nor does He trust us any less with His sacrafice. Also keep in mind, if you go ahead with the divorce, then you are only sending the unfaithful spouse down a road that will lead to further sin, shame, and guilt. As difficult as it is, if my wife were to cheat, then seek true repentance (which means not only earnest forgiveness for her mistakes, but also the complete 180 degree turn from sin) then I would forgive her, and try and help her heal from her sins. My concerns would be for the sinning women I love, rather than my own broken heart, my tears will be wiped away when I enter the kingdom for all eternity, but her sins will cost her her soul. JMHO. Have fun! (P.S. My wife would never cheat!! LOL!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisterchick Posted August 25, 2005 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 67 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/09/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted August 25, 2005 JMHO. Have fun! Have fun, after you lay all that on us???????????? I think I know what I would do, but I have never experienced it, sooooooo... I think I would have to have a separation and biblical counseling. If he couldn't go for that, then . I think he would use the kids to try to stay in the house, but that would be a big negative. I couldn't work on things with him in the house. My concerns would be for the sinning women I love, rather than my own broken heart, my tears will be wiped away when I enter the kingdom for all eternity, but her sins will cost her her soul. MY concern would be very selfish and I think that, is biblical. You said when confronted about it, s/he admits it, displays true regret and remorse, and earnestly seeks your forgiveness, as well as the Lords. When confronted?????????????? Only God knows the heart. I can't hold my husband's hand as we go through the pearly gates. He's responsible for his own free will. By allowing him to stay in the house tells my kids that anything goes. "What they don't know, won't hurt me". Well, there are consequences. There is a higher authority. When you get stopped for speeding... "I'm soooooo sorry officer!" But, you still get the ticket. I've seen infidelity in my family and each time it gets worse. I look at my daughter and I couldn't bear to watch her go through that. She is a child of a king. He calls her beloved and MY God does not want that life for his children. He created the universe. Why would he want little ol' me to go through that to get one person into heaven, when I can stand against the enemy and change history (generational sin)? Tough one, especially if you picture your significant other in the arms of someone else Doesn't this nullify the marriage? Ya know, at the beginning of this post I said what I think I would do and you helped me KNOW what I would do. Thank you! Fof His Glory, Sisterchick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imamom Posted August 25, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 279 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/30/1965 Share Posted August 25, 2005 What are some of the reasons you wouldn't forgive and reconcile with someone you were in a long term relationship with? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The question had to do with some reasons. Seems everyone is only looking to infidelity. First let me state that forgiveness is a MUST. Forgiveness is not only a christian act but also imperative to proper healing from a bad situation. Reconciliation? Not for a habitual cheater. Not with a drug or alcohol addict. Not with someone who is physically or verbally abusive. Not with someone who continually pressures you to sin. Once trust is eliminated in any of these situations (and I'm sure there may be more) it is time to let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working4Christ Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 ""When confronted?????????????? Only God knows the heart. I can't hold my husband's hand as we go through the pearly gates. He's responsible for his own free will. By allowing him to stay in the house tells my kids that anything goes. "What they don't know, won't hurt me". Well, there are consequences. There is a higher authority. When you get stopped for speeding... "I'm soooooo sorry officer!" But, you still get the ticket."" Yes, "when confronted". You find out, and address the matter, or they come clean to you. Either way, the sin must be confronted by both partners. Paul teaches that the unbelieving spouse is purified by the believer. If your spouse was tripped up in sin, making them leave could only drown them in regrets and sorrows, which when not handled carefully can lead to more sin, and poor choices. You may still get the ticket even though you're sorry, but you're not drug out of the car, and told to walk, and to go somewhere other than home. ""when I can stand against the enemy and change history (generational sin)? "" But by the path you seem to be choosing, you would not be loving your enemy. We're not commanded to "stand against the enemy" but rather pray for them, and love them. I agree with you 100% about requiring some separation time, and especially the counseling. This would be important in a house with kids, they -would- need to see an example made of the one who sinned, to show it wouldn't be tolerated. But I wouldn't make it a long separation, maybe a week, after that they can sleep on the couch, the floor, or in the basement until further steps are taken to heal. I wouldn't want my kids thinking that I was a hypocrite, forgiving their mother, but not letting her come home to make things better. If there were no kids in the picture, then a separation of rooms is good enough. Remember, this is JMHO. Enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest turtle04 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 (edited) Would becoming involved with someone else after a break up be a betrayal of trust? Is there more than one way to look at that? Thanks for the advice!! Edited August 26, 2005 by turtle04 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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