QUESTIONS CONCERNING DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

[Smalcald]

FOC:

What would you say in the case of marriage vows? Since most christians take vows(though admittedly I've never found them in scripture). Anyway, most christian couples give and take vows, usually containing the phrase "for better or for worse," and "for as long as we both shall live" or "until death do we part" or both, at their wedding ceremony, and yet the highest divorce rate in America is in the church itself.

Why is that? I mean I have seen the statistics on that and I just don't understand how we could be failing as a Church so badly in this area?

[irishcowboy]

I am totally confused about the divorce and remarriage and committing adultery. There are so many different views where some pastors are saying you can be forgiven for your past sins and remarrying is ok. There are some that say I am in a continued stated of adultery because my first husband is still alive. I am puzzled about my situation because, I am a Christian and I have divorced and remarried. My first husband and I were 20 when we married and did not understand what we were getting into. He deserted me and I believe he was involved in other affairs, especially since I found him living with another woman. However, I did forgive him for this before we were actually divorced and we remained intimate and our plans were to reconcile since we were separated.

However, I met another man and I began sleeping with him so I myself was committing adultery. I divorced in 1988 because I wanted to marry another. I remember talking to a former pastor and he explained to me after my first marriage was over not to be hurried to get into another relationship. However, I did not listen because I

[Elihu's Girl]

Great Site

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It is an issue of gravity. Marriage (or any vow) should not be entered into lightly. Divorce should be taken even more seriously.

"We don't get along." "Irreconcilable differences." Hmm...

[Razberry]

Let me just give you a run down of what the Bible teaches concerning divorce and re-marriage.

Matthew 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Many of the religious teachers of Jesus' day were teaching divorce was ok for any reason. Jesus spent much of the sermon on the mount straightening out false doctrines of his day, and giving God's true position on different subjects. This teaching goes hand in hand with what was taught in the law of Moses.

Deuteronomy 24:1 "WHEN a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleaness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house." The religious teachers were taking this to mean that a man could put away his wife for any cause, but Jesus explained that "uncleaness" meant sexual immorality. In the scripture in Matthew 5:32 the only cause acceptable for divorce is fornication. The word fornication is from the Greek word porneia which means harlotry (incl. adultery and incest): fig, idolatry.

Deuteronomy 24:2-4 concerns a person that is divorced and re-married returning to their first spouce after a second divorce or even if they become a widow or widower.

2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

The Bible clearly teaches that once a person is divorced and marries another, they may not ever return to their first spouce. Also, regardless of which spouce was guilty of adultery, the innocent party is free to put them away, and after they are put away, they are free to re-marry. This would be a situation where they were put away because of "uncleaness" or "fornication."

Next to the question of whether or not they are still bound to their first spouce forever in the eyes of God, and whether or not God recognizes 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. marriages. We can already see that God does not consider them still married to their first spouce by these verses in Deuteronomy, but does he recognize other marriages as being marriages?

In John 4:7-30 we find the story of Jesus' encounter with a woman of Samaria. The woman was a sinner, but Jesus came to seek and save the lost, and she was no exception. How does this story answer the question about marriage? Let's jump down to verse 16.

16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.

17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband.

18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly."

This woman, according to Jesus, had been married five times. He refers to them as marriages, showing God recognized them. She is now living in fornication. This shows God sees the distinction of a person that is married, as opposed to someone "shacking up." He does not defend her many marriages, but does recognize them. With this, combined with the scriptures in Deuteronomy, it is without question, a person divorced and re-married is not bound to their first spouce, and God recognizes their current marriage, whether it is sinful in his sight or not.

Will God forgive someone who is repentant if they are divorced and re-married, or will they remain in a permanent state of adultery?

Matthew 12:31 "Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men." Since Jesus said "all manner of sin" shall be forgiven unto men, that would include adultery. If one will confess their sins unto God, he will forgive them. God hates divorce, and as such, it would make no sense for him to want a second marriage dissolved, so as Jesus once said, "Go and sin no more." In other words, don't add to your transgressions, but commit your current marriage to God and go on.

As I said, God hates divorce. This is clearly seen in Malachi 2:16. "For the LORD, the God of Isreal saith that he hateth putting away:..." If he hated the first divorce, he will surely hate a second divorce as well.

There is a controversial doctrine in Corinthians involving abandonment. It is found in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. Many are teaching that if a husband or wife abandons their marriage partner, the one that is abandoned is free to re-marry, but the situation is more narrow than that. What it actually teaches is the following. Two sinners get married. Then later on, one gets saved and the other rejects Christ. The believer is not to separate from the unbeliever, if the unbeliever wants to remain married. If however the unbeliever refuses to stay with the believer, Paul teaches the believer is "not under bondage in such cases" implying they may be free to re-marry. I say imply, because it is not explicitely stated. Let's look at what it says, beginning at verse 12.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sancified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Now, someone may ask, where does this say both parties were sinners when they were married? It doesn't, however, as Christians we are forbidden to marry non-believers in the first place. 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

So let me summarize what the scriptures say.

1. God hates divorce.

2. God only allows divorce for the cause of fornication, which includes harlotry, and adultery.

3. If someone gets divorced and re-married for any other reason, they are guilty of adultery.

4. Once someone is divorced and remarries, they may never return to their first spouce.

5. God does recognize all marriages (between a man and woman), even the sinful ones.

6. God will forgive all sin, including adultery, the result of divorce and re-marriage.

7. The abandonment clause is very narrow, and is unclear about the issue of re-marriage.

I kind of doubt this is what you want to hear. In your specific case, the best advise I can give you, is try to work things out in your current marriage. If your spouce is willing to stick it out, remain married, and walk out your faith before him. 1 Peter 3:1,2 "LIKEWISE, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." According to what you said, you were guilty of adultery, and put away for that reason by your first husband. As such, according to Deuteronomy, you are free to be another man's wife, as you are. Nevertheless, you commited adultery, so if you haven't already, ask God's forgiveness. If this marriage breaks up, it is not for the cause of fornication, therefore, if you were to re-marry, you would be guilty of committing adultery in the eyes of the Lord, and the person you marry would also be guilty of adultery. If there is any way you can possibly make your current marriage work, that would be adviseable. If not, Biblically, you must remain single. As I said, I doubt this is what you want to hear, but you did seem to sincerely want the Bible truth, so I have done my best to give it to you. I pray that God will keep you during this severe trial of your faith.

I think Butero's post answers the OP's questions clearly. It certainly answered my own questions.

I'm going thru a very similar circumstance myself and have wondered if God even acknowledges my 2nd marriage, or if He still views my first marriage as valid. I made a mistake by divorcing my first husband (he became abusive after sustaining a serious head injury, but I should have sought help for us both instead of cutting and running). However, he was my first love and I'll always care for him. I now live with the consequences of my decision.

There's problems in my second marriage that comes along with 'step' families. At one point, I thought, "I'll leave him and reconcile with my first husband," who's never remarried, after ten years, and still says he loves me. Without going into detail, God plainly showed me that leaving #2 to reconcile with #1 is not part of His plan.

I've been very confused about this. Thanks for clearing it up, Butero. It's probably not the answer the OP was hoping for, as it's a bit disappointing for me as well. But God's will has to be first and foremost. I wouldn't have made the terrible mistakes in my past had I had that mindset then.

[Smalcald]

Yeah, I think that is a pretty good description.

At one point I was leaning toward believing that going back to the first husband or wife was required as that was the only true marriage, but I think on the whole Butero has cleared this up a little, because it is confusing, and I think that the bible is wisdom and the results of his review produce what I think is wise.

I will just add that sometimes God calls us to walk without a spouse and this is an honorable and sometimes a very wise thing to do. Paul did it, and advised others that it was a life, which was hard but honored by God, Christ gave the same advice. As someone with daughters I worry that we Christians sometimes put to much emphasis on women being paired up in a marriage as their main goal in life. While for men it is not the main goal, thus some women seem to feel this need to constantly be in a relationship with a man to feel whole, thus they are continually disappointed or abused, or falling from one bad relationship to the next. When in fact God tells us that we are complete in Him, totally.