cindydiane Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/31/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hello. I am cindydiane. I have a 14 year old son. There is a 13 year old girl that really likes him and last night asked him if he is allowed to have girlfriends. He told me about this. I told him he is too young to have girlfriends. He then approached me with You don't trust me. Maybe I don't. He is a very trustworthy young man, but I still feel he is too young and he shouldn't spend his time with any girls right now. Any advice? Do I sound like I'm being contradictory? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabowd Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 112 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,489 Content Per Day: 0.48 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted March 31, 2006 About a year ago, after listening to pre-teens and teens around my age complain about not being able to date (or complaining about all their dating problems), and also after considering the advice given to me by very wise and mature believers...I came up with this list to sort of help a person decide whether or not they are really ready to date. It's not an exhaustive list by any means, but it's a start. Maybe you could show it to your son and see what answers he comes up with: 1. Are you responsible? * You follow through with things * You do things to the best of your ability * You consistently make wise decisions 2. Are you obedient? * You respect and honor your parents * You have a good attitude * You do what is asked, the first time 3. Do you have self-control? * You can control your temper * You don't over indulge * You can resist temptation 4. Are you a leader or a follower? * You're not easily swayed or influenced by others * You're firm in your own beliefs * You will take a stand for what is right, even if it means standing alone 5. Are you desperately desiring God's will? * You constantly pray for guidance * You study Scripture to grow * You surround yourself with wise counsel 6. Are you self-less? * You put others needs above your own * You look for ways to bless others * You don't seek to have your own way 7. Are you patient? * You're able to accept delayed gratification * You can save money, rather than blow it all * You're slow to anger 8. Are you trustworthy? * You've earned your parent's trust * You're able to protect the secrets of others * You always tell the whole truth 9. Are you keeping your mind pure? * You avoid putting your eyes on unholy things * You meditate on Scripture, renewing your mind * You know how to take your thoughts captive 10. Do you love God above anything or anyone else? * You would give up anything or anyone for His name's sake * You worship Him regularly * You obey Him ...if nothing else, maybe it will be a discussion starter and help him see areas where he (and this other girl) need to improve or mature. My opinion is that dating shouldn't be done casually, but should be reserved for those who are prepared to take on the responsibility of marriage. Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse, not discovering one's self or "having fun". People who date around (from person to person) are setting themselves up for disaster, they are preparing for divorce, not marriage. That's why I think it's wise to wait until you are older to enter into serious relationships. Take time to develop you're own identity (and your identity in Christ), before you attempt the responsibilities of sharing your life with someone and meeting someone else's needs. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.L. Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/27/1971 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Yea. Tess you are talking about courting. Your list is perfect for courtship, which in my world is the only acceptable method. Dating to us is teasing with regret. At age.... first off, I tell people I'm around 30 so of course I'm older then that, Male, have an awsome wife and two very strong headed children (they get that from their mother). At age 14 there is no way I would put my son through that. I tell him that if he has an interest in a girl whom he wishes to spend the rest of his life with, and be a partner, then begin the courting process under the guarded eyes of both fathers. As fathers we want success. Like any good investment it must be closely watched and steered in the right direction. This starts and 18 IF he can prove to be able to provide for her by both father's standards (with reality in mind). A great friend of ours told us about his son when he was 18 thanked his mom for not allowing him to date. He'd say it sucked but he honostly liked not having to be involved in that "she likes you" "so are you going to date her" "who do you like best" etc. He's married now, with absolutly no baggage or regrets. Give him the best reason why he can't date anyone, its not that he doesn't like her, its just my parents won't let me until I'm 18. Nate (the son's name) became the most sought after kid around. I still hear of storys of girls waiting for him to turn 18. God's Speed to you! K.L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.L. Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/27/1971 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Oh yea Cindydiane welcome to Worthy Boards. Nice to meet you and hope to read more from you. K.L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckthesystem Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,706 Topics Per Day: 0.26 Content Count: 3,386 Content Per Day: 0.51 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/12/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/10/1955 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I hope I am not seen as trivialising an issue that obviously concerns you, too much. When you say to your son "stay away from girls" (or words to that effect) he might take it to mean that either girls are bad and might corrupt him or he might see it that there is something mysterious about going out with girls that you are keeping from him and he might get all the more curious and perhaps resentful. I don't really see what harm there is with a friendship with a 14 yr old boy and a 13 yr old girl. Providing it is no more than a friendship. I look at my husband's grandparents. It seems they were "going with each other" since primary school and it turned into a happy and wonderful relationship for 70 odd years. What is so magic about age anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carant2000_2001 Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 145 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/30/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/12/1957 Share Posted March 31, 2006 hi cindydiane first i like tess' list sounds right, but age 14, i think is way to young for dating. tell him to give it time the Lord will bring that special person into to his life when the time is right. i have a 15 year old will pray for you both. God bless in Christ, carolyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.L. Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 27 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/27/1971 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I hope I am not seen as trivialising an issue that obviously concerns you, too much. When you say to your son "stay away from girls" (or words to that effect) he might take it to mean that either girls are bad and might corrupt him or he might see it that there is something mysterious about going out with girls that you are keeping from him and he might get all the more curious and perhaps resentful. I don't really see what harm there is with a friendship with a 14 yr old boy and a 13 yr old girl. Providing it is no more than a friendship. I look at my husband's grandparents. It seems they were "going with each other" since primary school and it turned into a happy and wonderful relationship for 70 odd years. What is so magic about age anyway? Friendship is not dating. As for making my son think girls are bad, not at all. In fact my five year has already picked out his wife in school and TOLD her she was going to marry him. She said, Ok. My son watches my wife and I, and I need to make sure that looks to be the most attractive deal in life. If he wants that, he'll need to know how. K.L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindydiane Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/31/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hello. I am cindydiane. I have a 14 year old son. There is a 13 year old girl that really likes him and last night asked him if he is allowed to have girlfriends. He told me about this. I told him he is too young to have girlfriends. He then approached me with You don't trust me. Maybe I don't. He is a very trustworthy young man, but I still feel he is too young and he shouldn't spend his time with any girls right now. Any advice? Do I sound like I'm being contradictory? Hi Tess! Thank you so much for your response!! I can see by this list that there are several areas in which my son needs to improve!! I was glad to hear from you. I am going to show him this list. My daughter and I were studying Bible this morning and read how Paul was battling Spirit against Flesh every day of his life. I told my son about this, because he thinks he would be able to handle any situation that comes up with no problem. Maybe he can, but who knows what Satan can do??? cindydiane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindydiane Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/31/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 About a year ago, after listening to pre-teens and teens around my age complain about not being able to date (or complaining about all their dating problems), and also after considering the advice given to me by very wise and mature believers...I came up with this list to sort of help a person decide whether or not they are really ready to date. It's not an exhaustive list by any means, but it's a start. Maybe you could show it to your son and see what answers he comes up with: 1. Are you responsible? * You follow through with things * You do things to the best of your ability * You consistently make wise decisions 2. Are you obedient? * You respect and honor your parents * You have a good attitude * You do what is asked, the first time 3. Do you have self-control? * You can control your temper * You don't over indulge * You can resist temptation 4. Are you a leader or a follower? * You're not easily swayed or influenced by others * You're firm in your own beliefs * You will take a stand for what is right, even if it means standing alone 5. Are you desperately desiring God's will? * You constantly pray for guidance * You study Scripture to grow * You surround yourself with wise counsel 6. Are you self-less? * You put others needs above your own * You look for ways to bless others * You don't seek to have your own way 7. Are you patient? * You're able to accept delayed gratification * You can save money, rather than blow it all * You're slow to anger 8. Are you trustworthy? * You've earned your parent's trust * You're able to protect the secrets of others * You always tell the whole truth 9. Are you keeping your mind pure? * You avoid putting your eyes on unholy things * You meditate on Scripture, renewing your mind * You know how to take your thoughts captive 10. Do you love God above anything or anyone else? * You would give up anything or anyone for His name's sake * You worship Him regularly * You obey Him ...if nothing else, maybe it will be a discussion starter and help him see areas where he (and this other girl) need to improve or mature. My opinion is that dating shouldn't be done casually, but should be reserved for those who are prepared to take on the responsibility of marriage. Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse, not discovering one's self or "having fun". People who date around (from person to person) are setting themselves up for disaster, they are preparing for divorce, not marriage. That's why I think it's wise to wait until you are older to enter into serious relationships. Take time to develop you're own identity (and your identity in Christ), before you attempt the responsibilities of sharing your life with someone and meeting someone else's needs. Hope this helps. Sorry, Tess, I replied to the wrong post (my own!). cindydiane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindydiane Posted March 31, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/31/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Yea. Tess you are talking about courting. Your list is perfect for courtship, which in my world is the only acceptable method. Dating to us is teasing with regret. At age.... first off, I tell people I'm around 30 so of course I'm older then that, Male, have an awsome wife and two very strong headed children (they get that from their mother). At age 14 there is no way I would put my son through that. I tell him that if he has an interest in a girl whom he wishes to spend the rest of his life with, and be a partner, then begin the courting process under the guarded eyes of both fathers. As fathers we want success. Like any good investment it must be closely watched and steered in the right direction. This starts and 18 IF he can prove to be able to provide for her by both father's standards (with reality in mind). A great friend of ours told us about his son when he was 18 thanked his mom for not allowing him to date. He'd say it sucked but he honostly liked not having to be involved in that "she likes you" "so are you going to date her" "who do you like best" etc. He's married now, with absolutly no baggage or regrets. Give him the best reason why he can't date anyone, its not that he doesn't like her, its just my parents won't let me until I'm 18. Nate (the son's name) became the most sought after kid around. I still hear of storys of girls waiting for him to turn 18. God's Speed to you! K.L. K.L. Thank you for your input! This is definitely going to help me. cindydiane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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