LadyRaven Posted July 20, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I was dumped a week and a half ago after liking this girl for like 18 or so months and she liked me for a year and we were boyfriend and girlfriend for 5 months. She claimed she thought it was God's plan and all and I didn't really feel that it was but nonetheless, you can't are against that. After about 2-3 attempts of going On Bended Knee(Boyz II Men fans know what that is) failed, I pretty much gave up and realized it was pointless... Even though she still likes me and I still like her... But the main thing is... Is going in rebound a bad thing? From my past relationship(before I was a Christian) I went in rebound and got over the girl... When I say rebound, I don't mean dating her because I know a lot of people do that... I mean just letting yourself like another girl to try and take away feelings for your ex... What ya'll think? Lemme say this...my exhusband and I both decided to like each other on the rebound. I did not realise that he was a rebound relationship as i had actually not been near the person I got with him to get over in over a year. I actually had figured I was *over* the guy. He decided he liked me two weeks after breaking up with someone else. However, since I had just moved to the base where we were both stationed (we were AF), I had no idea. I just knew some crazy guy jumped out of a second story dorm window to ask me out. (How's that for attention getting, better than a stupid line any day). Years later, during marriage counseling, I found out exactly what had happened and it tore me apart to find out that I wasn't his first choice. See, that is what finding a person to try to take away the feelings for your ex actually is...it's PlAN B. This didn't work out so I'll find someone else, not for who they are, but for how they can make me feel, or not feel. So, yeah, IMO it is wrong. It is also wrong for another reason. When we date, if we are believers, we are attempting to find a spouse. Not someone to canoodle with, but someone to spend the rest of our lives with. The search has many aspects, only one of which are those pesky 'feelings' that happen to us. In fact, in the long haul, those feelings are the least important part of a committed marriage because they are the most changable. There are times when you wake up next to the person you married and go "gee, I dont know you anymore, and what I do know I'm not sure I like very much.' The next day, though, you could be totally in sync with them and feeling pretty good about things. By focusing on losing feelings for someone by replacing them with feelings for a new individual, your search is focused on one thing that will kill a marriage if it is the number one priority. Instead you should be focused on looking for other things, and the feelings soon follow. But this is what is typically wrong with the dating model as used by most people in our culture, it's all about attraction and then all about feelings. When these fade or change, you just move on to something else. Unfortunately, you train your brain and your soul to jump ship when things get bad, which is the one thing a believer who would please God would never be able to do. So you are setting yourself for misery at best and failure at worst. The best thing to do when you break up is to spend more time with God and with yourself. What did you learn from this relationship? What do you want to make sure does not happen next time and what do you want to do the same? What did you learn about your own foibles and frailties and the condition of your soul? How does that square with the biblical model of a married man? Because, if she's a woman of quality, she is looking for a single man who has the makings of being a good married one. To get Mrs Right, you have to become MR Right first. Then you have something solid to offer a woman. Everyone and everything we encounter, good or evil, is placed in front of us by God to teach us something either about Him, Life in General, or our Selves, and usually its all of the above. Two weeks is not enough time to have done your spiritual homework and gleaned the lesson from your last episode. I'm nto saying you're not a good spiritual man, I don't know anything about you at all, but everyone on earth today can improve at least a little. After a breakup when your soul is raw is when you should be working on it; Not looking for another relationship before you learned what that relationship existed to teach you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menelope Posted October 12, 2008 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 63 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/12/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted October 12, 2008 It's deceitful to be with those you can't be honest with. Keep in mind they are people too, don't break any hearts when you don't need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
followerofjesus Posted October 13, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,013 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/08/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 13, 2008 When I was single I went to the beach and an older woman was there . She wanted me to leave w/ her and I know why. She was on the rebound and my cousin who is female told me don't do it. I took her advice and didn't go. I'm glad I didn't because she was a stranger and anything could have happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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