Attention: Husbands and Wives

[MeCajunboy]

My fellow christain brothers, I would like to know what you expect from your wives. MY fellow christains sisters, I want to know what do you want from your husbands. Be honest

Well, I'm a male but what I'm discerning from this question.....I can tell you this, "God wants us to be equal in every way. He expects the same effort, love, and respect from both parties involved. I've been married 37 years now, and I know because my wife and I respect each other, we do so much more for each other in the way of household chores, responsibilities and support. It's not surprising when we hear of couples not supporting and helping one another, that problems break out in a relationship. I believe that everything should have balance in life, love and God in the world.

[EricH]

I think women want to know they are loved, and men want to know they are respected

[Guest rsh]

My fellow christain brothers, I would like to know what you expect from your wives. MY fellow christains sisters, I want to know what do you want from your husbands. Be honest

My wife and I wrote our own wedding vows. We centered our vows around the teachings of Jesus Christ. To be faithful, honest, sincere, respectful, compassionate, and most importantly to love and serve one another as Christ loved and served the church. People should expect from other people what Jesus expects from them. And when they sin (and we all do) always forgive and forget no matter what.

[LilyPotter]

I think when people say they have no expectations of their spouse, they're kidding themselves. I have expectations of my spouse and he has them of me. Of course, i also have expectations of what my behavior must be towards him. If my husband decided he was tired of work and so he failed to call his prospects back, laid on the couch drinking beer and eating cheetos, rented pay-per-view porn to watch all day and slapped me amd the kids around, he would not be meeting my expectations. If I decided I was sick of laundry and making meals and caring for the kids and so I let the 4 year old eat out of the dogs' bowl while the older two surfed the internet and I laid in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry's, watching Dr. Phil, I would not be meeting my husband's expectations.

The expectations I have of my husband are:

* Do no harm to me or the kids, physically or emotionally

* Work to the best of his ability to be financially stable and to maintain our lives

* Treat me with respect

The expectations I have of myself are:

* Do no harm to him or the kids, physically or emotionally

* Work to the best of my ability to support his financial production and maintain our home life

* Treat him with respect.

[Guest Biblicist]

I think when people say they have no expectations of their spouse, they're kidding themselves.

Having expectations of another person is focusing on the selfish aspect of the relationship, "What are you going to do for me". When you say you expect this or that from your spouse you are setting both of you up for failure. It's what we do. As humans we fail, we have struggles with the flesh and daily we fail.

But if we expect failure, and learn to rise above it. If we realize that we will fail, but we can still love each other anyway, then we can have a strong, lasting marriage.

Life happens. Sin happens. Failures happen.

Romans 7:14-25

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can't. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life

[Smalcald]

Yes we must all live with each other's foibles and sin, et c.

But I think it is healthy to voice our expectations and think about what they are so we can communicate them! It is very unfair to have expectations that the husband or wife does not even know about, this is what leads to resentment.

Consider basic things like parenting. What if you marry someone with the expectation they want to have and raise kids, and you then find out they have no interest in being a parent at all, or you marry someone with the expectation of having a bunch of kids and they only want two, etc.

What if you marry a woman and have the expectation that she will manage the household, you find out later no, she wants to go back to school and start a whole new career?

The list goes on, we all have expectations and we better communicate them.

[Smalcald]

Love does not fail but is sure can die; just ask the 50% of people who get divorced after being deeply in love.

Marriage cannot be based on if you feel like you love the other person or not.

[Smalcald]

Love does not fail but is sure can die; just ask the 50% of people who get divorced after being deeply in love.

Marriage cannot be based on if you feel like you love the other person or not.

Ummm...no. Real Love does not die...just ask Jesus!

To me Love is not a feeling, although there are definitely feelings associated with it. To me Love is a decision, a commitment, a purpose.

Okay yeah I can agree with that, that would mean that about half of the people who get married were never in love in the first place.

I totally agree that love is a decision a commitment.

[Iryssa]

Yes we must all live with each other's foibles and sin, et c.

But I think it is healthy to voice our expectations and think about what they are so we can communicate them! It is very unfair to have expectations that the husband or wife does not even know about, this is what leads to resentment.

Consider basic things like parenting. What if you marry someone with the expectation they want to have and raise kids, and you then find out they have no interest in being a parent at all, or you marry someone with the expectation of having a bunch of kids and they only want two, etc.

What if you marry a woman and have the expectation that she will manage the household, you find out later no, she wants to go back to school and start a whole new career?

The list goes on, we all have expectations and we better communicate them.

*nods* that's my philosophy, for sure!

If I didn't have some idea that the man I was to marry could meet certain expectations, I WOULD NOT, AND SHOULD NOT MARRY HIM.

Of course, sometimes people find out too late that they were deceived in their perception of their spouse's character: this does not remove from us the responsability to love and to honour the marriage covenant!!*

There are, of course, certain expectations that we should NEVER have of our spouses, such as being the source of our own emotional security, or taking responsability for OUR OWN actions, etc. But if you have a reasonable expectation that isn't being fulfilled, communicate it in love (and try to have ideas ready as to HOW they could meet that need)! There's nothing wrong with that! When my husband and I have had those talks it has made our relationship STRONGER, not weaker, because each of us DEEPLY DESIRES to do what's best for the other, so we're happy to hear about ways that we can do that. If my husband is unhappy and there's something I can do to help him (notice that this still leaves him responsability for his own emotions) feel more happy, then I want to know! Like I said before, I don't expect him to read my mind, and I don't expect to be able to read his mind (though sometimes I wish I could ), so when there's a need, we communicate it.

*Here I'm talking about more "normal" circumstances (for lack of a better term), such as finding out that the guy actually DIDN'T want kids, he was just saying he did because he didn't want to argue about it, things like that...for the sake of this discussion, I'm not talking about situations of abuse or repeated, unrepentant acts of unfaithfulness. I'd prefer not to debate what to do with those right now.

[Smalcald]

Yes we must all live with each other's foibles and sin, et c.

But I think it is healthy to voice our expectations and think about what they are so we can communicate them! It is very unfair to have expectations that the husband or wife does not even know about, this is what leads to resentment.

Consider basic things like parenting. What if you marry someone with the expectation they want to have and raise kids, and you then find out they have no interest in being a parent at all, or you marry someone with the expectation of having a bunch of kids and they only want two, etc.

What if you marry a woman and have the expectation that she will manage the household, you find out later no, she wants to go back to school and start a whole new career?

The list goes on, we all have expectations and we better communicate them.

*nods* that's my philosophy, for sure!

If I didn't have some idea that the man I was to marry could meet certain expectations, I WOULD NOT, AND SHOULD NOT MARRY HIM.

Of course, sometimes people find out too late that they were deceived in their perception of their spouse's character: this does not remove from us the responsability to love and to honour the marriage covenant!!*

There are, of course, certain expectations that we should NEVER have of our spouses, such as being the source of our own emotional security, or taking responsability for OUR OWN actions, etc. But if you have a reasonable expectation that isn't being fulfilled, communicate it in love (and try to have ideas ready as to HOW they could meet that need)! There's nothing wrong with that! When my husband and I have had those talks it has made our relationship STRONGER, not weaker, because each of us DEEPLY DESIRES to do what's best for the other, so we're happy to hear about ways that we can do that. If my husband is unhappy and there's something I can do to help him (notice that this still leaves him responsability for his own emotions) feel more happy, then I want to know! Like I said before, I don't expect him to read my mind, and I don't expect to be able to read his mind (though sometimes I wish I could ), so when there's a need, we communicate it.

*Here I'm talking about more "normal" circumstances (for lack of a better term), such as finding out that the guy actually DIDN'T want kids, he was just saying he did because he didn't want to argue about it, things like that...for the sake of this discussion, I'm not talking about situations of abuse or repeated, unrepentant acts of unfaithfulness. I'd prefer not to debate what to do with those right now.

Good points.