I'd like to take this opportunity to share a bit about my life, and my walk out of the darkness.
I was raised in a Christian household where we were pushed into faith instead of simply being shown the way. This did nothing more than push me away from Christ, and even though I knew it was the only way to salvation I refused to have anything to do with church or the Bible. I lived however I wanted, even purposely doing things that I knew would displease Him. I scorned God, Jesus, everything about Christianity. As a soldier in my first deployment to Iraq I mocked the faithful around me, instilled doubt and criticism where ever I could, and generally did everything in my power to take away from the glory of God.
Fast forward a year, to my second deployment overseas. I wasn't even supposed to be deployed again due to having a surgery for an injury sustained in my first deployment. However, my surgery was "cancelled" by my chain of command so I could be deployed. To add more fuel to my fire, my wife informed me that she could no longer handle the near-constant separation and she was filing for divorce. Finally, the morning I was to fly out my family suffered a direct hit from Hurricane Katrina's little sister, Rita. I lost contact with them three days before my ship date.
Let's review:
1. I was in pain from an injury and the only means to relieve it was taken away so I could be deployed again, involuntarily extending my military contract beyond my release date.
2. My wife of six years decided to leave me, informing me of the decision after I had been locked down (the unit is under lockdown 48 hours before they fly out, typically).
3. I lost contact with my family after phone lines, water and electricity were cut off due to one of the most severe storms in my area's history.
Needless to say, I was watching my life fall to pieces around me. I was so full of bitterness and hatred (yes, hatred) that I actually began looking forward to going back simply so I could hurt people as I saw fit. However, I had no idea what was about to happen in my life.
I decided that I was going to spend whatever free time I had while deployed *objectively* studying Christianity. I looked at it as, "What is so great about a bunch of stories about people from thousands of years ago, and a man that no one can even prove existed?" Little did I realize that this study would bring me into the faith without even realizing it. As I began reading and taking notes, I began to ask questions about the writing, and the people behind it. Eventually my mindset toward the Bible began to shift more to accepting it as truth than trying to poke holes in what I was reading. I even found myself seeking out other faithful members of my platoon asking questions and looking for opinions about what I was reading. Toward the end of the deployment, a series of strange events occurred:
1. The previously mentioned injury worsened to the point where I began developing nerve damage, prohibiting use of my right arm. This required immediate evacuation for surgery.
2. While in transit (possibly the most difficult time to receive any correspondence) I received divorce papers from my (now) ex-wife. It turned out that she had become a Wiccan, and decided to leave me for her cousin's husband.
3. It was determined after I returned stateside that my shoulder would be permanently damaged and that I would not be able to return to service overseas, despite my separation anxiety from my fellow soldiers.
It has been two and a half years since all of this happened. I have since solidified my faith in Christ, been given a wonderful woman to share my life with, and returned to my hometown and my family with a job that is able to support us well and be able to give to others (You'd have to live here to realize how rare that is). It took the most difficult journey of my life to bring me to this point, but looking back I don't think I would have ever turned away from my "old life".
To answer your question: I will always miss my brothers-in-arms, but I have been rewarded with a second chance at life. I'm in one piece, I have my family, and I have my faith that God will not put anything in my life without a lesson to be learned from it. It is this fundamental lesson that made me realize why we're here: not to compete for things, but to tell others of the validity of eternal life.
