L10

I appreciate your discernment, and do firmly believe this to be possible also. I just have never been a person that believes that things happen for a reason, and it is always for the better. I am not quipping against Romans 8:28, rather sharing that the real time situations that happen; the wife that loses the husband and 4 kids to a firey collision on the freeway (on the way home from getting her a birthday gift from the Christian bookstore), even though therotetical in many degrees, I know of these situations. I don't believe it could have been much worse for this grieving widow. I don't believe it was necessarily God's grand design, but it was something that happened. God can pick up the pieces and make some beauty of out anything, and perhaps that is the greatest point. See the argument with myself here? I agree my circumstances are really messed up 95 out of a 100 score. I also agree that the very next 5 points would be absolutely horrendous. I was mostly touched by leaving my circumstances alone, and going to perspective. You helped me to recall that the Holy Spirit will work thru all this adversity, and I will trust. Understand that my 8:28 comment is not meant to be condescending at all. I always have been mildly puzzled on the perspective that people take on that. I can only share that it may need that we are to be more expedient on focusing on the latter part of that verse [according to HIS purpose]. That needs to be my focus... and thanks.

Plainly put, there is a lot going on, and I feel that it is not just flesh involved. I will continue to trust in Jesus during this time, and during the struggles of each person I pray for. He has not abandonded me, but at times I feel that I may have deserved a break. I know I am not alone in this thinking,,, I know there are plenty who can relate. I wonder, and will continue to; why would Jesus want to erase some beautiful testimonies? Were they just running dry, or not meant to continue? An atheist would have a field day in saying that this is absolute proof that your testimonies are only coincidental, as "your alleged god has turned on you". I know that God has not turned on me, but let be. I pray for Him to be concerned about my health, prayers, and depth. I was hoping to share so many things about Jesus with friends last Spring, and worked on some personal bondage issues that needed. The timing of my wife to do that stuff was on par with an alcoholic deciding to give up the booze, to give it all to Jesus; and then they simply leave that spouse alone. Not only do they leave that spouse alone, but they do such in the alleged calling of God. Ok, that will confuse me period. God could not have been leading me to work on my marriage, all the while He was sharing that His will for my wife was to leave the marriage. That is one thing that no person will tell me is a Biblical truth with sincere results. Something was heard improper, or our own will was manifested. You would not know it from my rantings, but I intend to give it to Him, and now. I cast my anxieties to Christ. I ask Jesus to set me free of the human concerns, to give me right thinking. Please Lord, lift me up to be of interest to people in the area as well, as this significance is so important also. We need each other. Thanks all, for your prayers.

Thanks if you read that all, if you want to reply in short order, feel free to share any thoughts on the marriage.. my sister's health, our combined divorces, loss life, loss of home, new work, Spiritual deception, and my wife not believing it to exist now one bit. She also was incremental to share that the spirit that pretended to be her ex boyfriend would come by her. I have her very disturbing phone message in hand still, when a demon was attacking her at a friend's house. This very same friend required a letter from my wife to share that my wife was indeed not wanting to kill me. Very odd stuff peeps, very odd. I smelt the sulfur of that spirit too, so if you don't believe in that stuff, than dismiss me. It also visited her in 3 of our most extreme fights as a married couple. Three incidents, and all but one where she was rarely intoxicated. Won't go on that.. Feel free to share any helps or advice for me during this time. I am 48, and have been an avid health nut. Sorta slipped off to workouts 2 or 3 times per week now, but my work involves stocking shelves, so pretty decent on the cardio still. Let me know if you have any advice on how to overcome the bitter feelings that I at times have with the Pastor of counsel for my wife and I. I really wonder how much he cares for me, or how much he believes I should man up and be depressed as he was for 3 straight years. Any helps on living in a lesser than beautiful neighborhood, and yet feeling blessed. Anyone that can share how to keep my social blessings going, while working these very odd hours, and in Winter. Thanks so much friends, and especially for reading the drama. I really kept it as minimal as possible. Some of this stuff is just mindblowing, and I really would not be surprised if my sanity were not being tested. I have been shared to be mentally very stable in past, and believe God will keep me. I am sure a few of you are wondering though, bless ya. Gonna go for a jog, and hope my body enjoys that in 20 degree temps. <>< in Christ, L10 Was Jay4jays on another forum, and Jays was our business name. Acronymn for Jesus As Your Savior. It was beautiful while it was around, and we took amazing wedding pictures. Just became to pricey.

Ok, a bit of a paradox in seeking joy, especially when chaos and deception are rampant. Let me first apologize for my present state of mind, as there is very much on my heart at this time. I will try to be as brief as possible, and perhaps a few discerning souls will pick up on what I really need for relief. My precious doggie died several weeks ago, the one that my wife and I got on the way back from our honeymoon. My wife filed for divorce on my birthday in August, and this was after my very ardent attempts to simply say that I have failed on finding that perfect job, but won't give up, "will you be my encourager still"? She took short time in counsel to say no, and that Pastor took no time to share what ramifications divorce has upon the future of two believers. So, I had a bit of issue with the Pastor at this point as well. Let me be clear, I am very aware of my shortfalls, sins, and what and how to give to the Lord. I also know that my wife was always going to battle the generational curse of wanting to flee a hot situation, as her Mom had many issues with. I chose to remain sturdy, and our marriage was richly blessed thru so much. My wife was healed of Leukemia earlier in our marriage, and we were so gratefull to Him. We endured lots of loss of life in family etc. Tough stuff, and we kept going. Things calmed down a bit in 09', and one of my larger concerns came to fruition. My wife began to covet a bit more, and I began to get humble a bit more in my needs. This caused a rift with my wife, but not one that was vocally shared often. It only came up in a publc setting, or when I would be ridiculed for not getting rid of the rest of my family heritage belongings. Ok, I keep things, and she throws out everything. No more war of words, rather to share we were overcomers, prayer warriors. I fell one step behind when my wife suddenly seemed to grow frustrated about our family business. She was needing me to help out more, and I was clear in doing this. Then she just let the business go to the wayside, even though this affected my work hours and choices. I needed to figure out what I could do for steady income, and drop my pride for job title, and I needed to do this fast. My wife was seeming to be glad that I was doing this, but all the while she had this secret timeline in her head. Again, I was one step behind, and got the job the day I received inititial papers for divorce. Yeah, on my birthday. So, I started my work, kept believing, kept praying, and was trying to maintain my health and sanity. My wife seemed to enjoy the immediate pain that she placed upon me, for it forced her passive aggression upon me. She took my inheritance money, thus I could not move out if I wanted. Time went by to only anger her more. I became the last Christian man that she wanted to look at. I have grown to really not like her either, and yet I have this love for her still. I know that Jesus did not have this in mind at all, but permitted it. My wife will not listen to any word, email etc, and she believes there is nothing spiritually deceptive about any of this. She says that a pastor told her she will be forgiven, and I won't be there at her judgment. I give up on any chatting with her, and I have all but totally given up. Pray for God's true will to be done in this my friends. I have seen the spiritual unclean of demonic presence, and I know there are bragging rights going on here. I just want to give the marriage over to the Lord, not to satan. Regardless, life has gone on. I have tried to maintain my conditioning, skating, though my work hours are killing me. I try to keep from burdening my friends, but I do have some concerns and issues at times. I am ok most of the time, and have always been so strong for others. I am displaced in my future, though I do trust. My sister is going thru serious health and marrital issues at this same very time, and yet she is the only family I have. Tough to converse, tough. I will be moving out in a month or so, and it won't be as cozy as home. I will be letting my wife enjoy the liberties of her own little walk. I will know that I gave my very best, prayed so incredibly hard, but I was one step behind. I never could know the secret things in my wife's heart, nor can I now. She is not a person to miss at the moment, and perhaps this is part of a way that God quenches some suffering. Some of my friends have noted all that has gone on and just been baffled. They never saw this coming on either, and only a friend or two of hers even shared that they were aware of my wife's financial concerns. "Oh, when the money runs out"... yet we have never been late on one bill period. God has provided, and I never planned to be apathetic. That was my accusation, and my wife even manipulated the scipture that shares for a man to provide for all in his household; it was altered to share that I lost my faith by running lower on employment for a few months. I sought, and I prayed, and I hoped. I even did. It mattered not, for I was accused. It did not matter that the Pastor even shared that this scripture was not saying this, rather that it could imply it. He was giving her a free license to fly away, and HE never knew this. I attempted to let him know of her mind state, but that appeal was not of any concern. He just told me to hold on to the knot at the end of the rope, and otherwise do nothing but give it to God. I have heard from him zero times. My work is going ok, and I have a place to move to soon. It will be a tough place to get used to, but God will provide. This is the road I have sown, as a could would say. I was busy in a quiet time with the Lord, when My wife thinks I should have been active with "The job". Again, the deception and spiritual significance is far greater than I feel free sharing on here. A recent friend has had her son visited by a ghosly old woman, and him and his friends seek to consult in her. My friend had a scheduled time for some pastors to come over and seek to see if delierance was needed, but the predicatable happened. She changed her mind, coz the woman had left. Gee, did I see that coming, a spirit pretending to leave. Since then, the main pastor has been stricken by a blood clot, and I have not even been able to contact him. He was amazing to speak with at my work, and was sharing some important things about my marriage, spriritual battles. I will pray for him, and hope to see him soon. My health is hanging in there, but my exercise levels have decreased from where they were. Anxiety is up, but I am working on that. I am blessed to have two good jobs, and the energy to make it. I am blessed to have wonderful friends, and even many that are helping me to just move to a place with some essentials. Bless their hearts, for I hope to share they are not enabling. My wife thru that word out about me, and it sorta sticks. OK, it is not bad for a wife to be an encourager when the husband is depressed about his place in life, right? I also always believed that love persevered, kept no record of wrong. Still, these very tender verses were used against me in counseling, and I am sorta tired of it now. I get it, I was not a husband enough at times, but I was being a Christian husband as much as I could. I know I was not perfect, and I am vexed by her. Her Christian friends (both divorced) told her make me leave. Nothing mattered that my inheritance money was stolen by her, nothing mattered that she has 3 other houses to live in, with family. I have zero. OK, a pity party is drawn up for a moment, and perhaps that is why I write this. I fear for my sister's health come next week. She has a heart cath, and is really down. I will be busy with work, but praying. If you ever saw me as another poster on a Christian discussion forum in the past, you would be amazed that I am the same person. I shared the truth with gentleness, confidance, and had your back. It was not about me so much, rather about my thanks for what I have. My name is different now, as is the forum. I sorta need a fresh start. My attorney is helping me out pretty well, and thankfully. I could have just left on my birthday, but my wife would have taken my only dime, and I was to stay in a room with whatever friend would have put me up. First day of work would have been a real trick, as it still was. All those birthday baloons, and me acting like life is good. Pray for my emotional health please, as I note my anxiety is getting the BP up a tad. Pray for my friend (pastoral) John [bloodclot healed]... as well as for my sister. Also please pray for my wife. She already has changed her name, and her many character attributes. I still pray that she be led by the Lord each step. This is hard, and to have it all after giving all your thanks and time so selflessly. Shoot, the karma fools in other religions would say that this is an atoned design for my sins of womanizing twenty years ago, for hurting so many. There is chaos and deception around me much friends, and please pray. I know that Ephesians 6 is brightly illuminated for me. I will stand by the truth and honor to my best. I rebuke satan and any of his emissaries, for I know they have been stalking around. Nope, not a charismatic by theology, but I know what I witnessed. I have also witnessed two miracles in my life. I have witnessed my brother in law surviving a suicide attempt, and even the hospital used the wrong antedote. He should not have survived, and yet I also found him at the brim of a woods line, almost gone. A Celestial being made it clear to my friend and I where He was, and we both are so postitive that God shared that moment for us to find him. We still talk about this on facebook, though we are both married now. Sadly, He is the one that is leaving my sister. The other miracle was even more clear, and the years were compounded. My wife survived the worst type of leukemia, septic shock, and just the leukemia subtype gave her an 18% 5 year survival. I praise Jesus for this too, but you probably see where I am wondering how the divorce bug can bite the miracle work. Wow, almost a movie depiction, If I could only write with better interest. Hey, thanks for taking the time to read this whole submission. I do believe, and hope not to be narcissistic in saying; I feel that I have endured some strange times. I lost my little nurturing friend to the ways of the world, even though God seemed to give us to each other for a season. Too much confusion out there, and she was looking for a mate already. I know I have to wait, discern, think, pray. Anyways, it is also her son that is visited by the demon that appears as an old woman. His grades have fallend horribly, her life has taken her to seek arms of a man, and it is just too much for me. I still pray. I love ya all, even though my look into a future world is tainted now. I have friends that like to say that everything happens for a reason, and it is always for good. Sorry, but I believe that everything happens, and we learn how to seek God, or other ways to deal with it. Anyone got anything to add to that philosophical insight? Want ya to have something to reply to.... love that...

Appreciate the advice on this, as I do discern some of the same as well. I hate to believe someone is less than a Christian because they just don't have that fire for Jesus presently, but there are some indicators of issue. I know her Dad is a 32nd degree Free Mason as well, and the many issues with finances, troubled kids; it all gets turned over to discussion rather than seeking a godly alliance. Thanks again for pointing out a few things, and mainly for clarity of being unevenly yoked would not be a good thing. I really don't need to dance around a commitment thing with her, as I am not even forced totally out of my own situation yet. I probably feel most foolish that my friend was sharing to be a friend, a woman of God, and one that was always hoping to grow more. Perhaps God will lead her to these women, but I prayed incessantly for the very same of my estranged wife. Not that I have confused buttons going on here, but there is a whole bunch of deception and chaos around these parts. It begins with me, but it pervades to many other people as well. I take responsibility for the emotions or sins that result from me just being around. I know that I do not even have to sin to cause a Christian to stumble, and it is such a careful road to help upon. I will pray for my friend all the same. I know that God will administer in His ways. I have many other complex issues in life to adhere to, the least not being that I will be moving soon. I'm working hard, but the lack of real social interaction in my 3rd shift work can be difficult at times. This time of year is not easy on a guy that has lost both parents before their time either. I have comfort in knowing they are with Jesus, as with all the rest of family as well. Will share time with friends, and I still will probably not fear my female friends either. God can freely correct me on any indicators on this. I will just be very clear on the communication differences that men and women seem to possess. My very first statement will be that I love the Lord with all my heart, as you know, and I am not even considering what I want in life right now, rather what God wants from me. Shoot, I shared that with this friend... so skip that. Perhaps it would be more profound to share what the Holy Spirit seems to make clear to me right now. "God shares that some will not be given to marriage, and I am very much considering that He will want my attention for some time still; everything else is dependent upon his time and will". It may not be enough to push a wondering woman totally away, but I think it may share that I leaned from being too nice. What ya think? Please consider that I will probably not sever all ties with my friend, unless God shares this to be what is needed. I know that even if I only share a prayer submission that comes to me online, it may be the only Bible that she has.

Just get a little baffled on how the sharing of the Gospel can become complicated by so many factors in the real life world. Ok, not speaking of sharing the gospel in Church, rather where we normally would,,, out to lunch, sport venue, phone call.. So, I have an interested party share that they love God, and that they try to do good. I learn in time that they are very much like us all, and fall short of doing good. I usually will invite to have open bible discussion around this sort of point, as it usually seems to keep things from being "my' interpretation. Recently, I shared a wonderful friendship, which is still in motion, but it has had a snag. My friend has decided that she is already seeking God by talking to him, and by trying to do good. Good for timing... I was able to send an emailed subscription that shares more along the lines of our holiness sought, and via the Holy Spirit. It seems that these message make some sense for a moment, but then the weeds of the world (parable of sower) seem to choke that up on her. I struggle as well, as I have had a painful divorce going on. Sure, read into it deeper and wonder if my friend was ever wondering about us. I invite that in fairness, as it is what actually brought me to the most imperative of Christ centeredness. She needed encouragement while she was depressed months ago, and I believe still today as well. She shared that she always has had a love for me, and was I willing to be committed? I simply shared that I care very deeply, and that I always will give God the ultimate platform, and that He would never bless a relationship of such nature with the complexities of actual divorce going on. I think she understood this, but then noticed she needed to emotionally back away. My problem has come up again, and I am sure I am just going to be told to not share the gospel with a woman any longer,,,, point heard. My friend has a son that has had demon torment, and upon having deliverance intervention by an outside group, the family suddenly decided that it would make divorce stuff to crazy sounding. It just always get deeper and deeper. I never feared to be present during this situation, to share the word, to bring about a discernment that Jesus may not be getting enough attention many times, not just her kids. So, the devil has his little games he plays this whole time. He captivates my mind to show me that I am wasting my time, and the gospel sharing will always be conditional. I rebuke this thought in Jesus' name. What does one do to hope and pray for the person that truly needs this help in their life. I shared the need to find a group, a womens group, a bible believing group at that. We recently sorta decided to spend less time talking with one another, as she is finally getting used to understanding that I will not be her intimate partner at this stage. I shared this from the beginning, but I suppose it fell upon ears that heard only what they wanted to hear. She noted that I was taking interest in her life, in her afterlife. Confusing things got sent out. Now, I can only hope and pray that the strength and mercy of Jesus will bring about some really impotant truths to her, as well as me. She has already shared that perhaps she wants to live a "lifetime" movie, rather than to bother her large family with "born again" stuff. She is a Christian, but one of these types that sincerely does not seek to know our savior better, and from her words... "I know I should want to do that more". I pray for my friend, as she was helpful to me thru my many tough times. Perhaps I made some mistakes that need further repentance, but that is not the main focus of this. The main focus is the Gospel truth getting to the famly, friends. My life may not be perfect, and it may be affected by this or that. The message is not about L10, nor do I ever hope it to be. Lord, please help me to be a better steward in sharing the truth, understanding, forgiving. Lift up this family in your arms, as they are at a serious crossroads right now. I know my friend does not know just how serious it may be.. but I do discern the spiritual dangers. Request some prayers, even though this is not that section. I also hope to hear from a few that have endured similar. This has happened to me at least 4 or 5 times now, though over 20 years. One situation is a praise report at this moment. My friend has told me that He has now fully accepted Jesus as His savior, and that all the old talks made a difference. Yes, I gave up on the talks with him several years ago, as the booze and money were too highly worshipped for me to impart upon. Prayers did not cease, and I praise Him mightily. There is hope.