Hi all, new here, obviously. Before I get into this, I'll bore you brefly about why I'm here.
I'm in my early 40s and looking for the answers that have been evading me for quite some time. I've researched, I've spoken to people....I'm not finding what I'm looking for. I've got beliefs in my head and in my heart that I am hoping so hard that someone, somewhere, will tell me I'm wrong and show me in a way that is meaningful and makes sense so that it sinks in and I can get over it and move on to where I need to be. I want so badly to be wrong and to be where part of me really thinks and really wants to be, but there are these blockades that are stopping me.
Please understand that I am not trolling, trying to cause trouble or begin a debate for the sake of arguing. I am genuinely looking for answers.
A few years ago, I began writing things down here and there about my thoughts. It first started out as just jotting down ideas like in an outline format, but then I kept adding to it and as I got older, decided to add additional comments to it so that I would later remember exactly what I meant by what I wrote. Ultimately, it ended up in more of an article form but I let it go because I feel it better clarifies what points I'm trying to make and explain better how I'm feeling/thinking. It has a strongly sarcastic tone, I'm sure, as is my nature. I would prefer we not focus on the way it was written and instead focus on the content of what is written. I know there are a lot of helpful and well-meaning folks out there who will tell me I need to pray, ask for forgivness, ask God this or that, but honestly, until I get my questions answered and make sense of things, I might as well be asking my fridge to bring me a piping hot pizza and set it on my desk. I say that not to be rude, but to emphasize where I am at, spiritually.
That said, here goes.
First of all, I’ll go over what I think I know to be true according to the Bible.
God creates man who is perfect; free of sin. Sin does not exist.
Satan, a fallen angel, convinces Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge – against God’s wishes.
Eve convinces Adam to eat of the fruit and both are in trouble when God shows up.
God creates a perfect man and woman. No sin. They do absolutely nothing wrong in the eyes of God. Then along comes the devil and convinces Eve to eat of the tree of knowledge and now they are in trouble. Ok, here is where my issues start to begin.
Tree of knowledge. Really? And this is there for what reason? Why in the world would this even have been created in the first place? What sense would it make to create stupid people and then put a tree of knowledge in their yard? Even if they weren’t ignorant, why would God even create this tree? And have it be that when they eat from it, they suddenly get smart? This not only sounds like fantasy (kiss the frog, turn into a prince) but it also makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for it being created in the first place.
All-knowing God. There is nothing He doesn’t see or doesn’t know. Did He not realize that they were going to *** mess *** up the master plan and eat from this ridiculous tree that should never have been created in the first place which bears fruit that will immediately raise the IQ level of the person eating it? Did He not give this a passing through?
Satan. And here’s where it all boils down from. Satan is an angel who *** messes *** up and gets tossed from Heaven. Satan then intentionally turns God’s new toys (people) against his wishes by having them break God’s rules. So why did God not kill Satan or simply make him not exist? Or better yet, why bother making him in the first place since God knew what was going to eventually happen? You can’t say he didn’t/couldn’t see into the future because we can see into the future in the Book of Revelations.
So… God created an angel who He knew would turn against him. But He did it anyway. God allowed said angel to live, knowing that he would corrupt the world. But He did it anyway. God punished said angel but allowed him to have power and influence over people that would turn them against him. But He did it anyway.
Now, I’m supposed to have faith in someone who is either:A really, really poor decision-maker Someone who isn’t working with a full deck. A manipulator because he knew darn well how things were going to go and decided it was a good plan…make them miserable and have them come begging to Him
So, if manipulator is the case, the plan the entire time was to…
[*]Create an angel to act as the bad guy
[*]Kick him out
[*]Create a couple of perfect, innocent and unthinking people
[*]Set them up for failure by placing a tree of knowledge which develops fruit on it that will suddenly make the person smart
[*]Tell the people they aren’t allowed to eat from it
[*]The bad guy will convince them to break the rules
[*]Punish the people to live hard lives
[*]Convince them it’s their own fault
[*]Guilt them into accepting it
[*]Let the bad guy corrupt the world
[*]Have a standing offer to anyone willing to submit to Him that He’d make things better
[*]Add in the catch that their lives would really get *** worst *** because of *** messing *** with them just to see how badly they want into Heaven. Call them trials and tribulations.
[*]Promise them eternal life in a place that’s care-free and peachy-keen.
Faith and prayer. What is faith and how are we supposed to have it? What are we supposed to have faith in? Are we supposed to just blindly accept the rules of a being that only very few have ever seen or spoken with directly which took place over 2,000 years ago and nobody has seen nor heard from since? Does praying actually do anything other than make those praying feel better and giving them a sense of hope?
So let’s look at faith when someone is in the hospital, either injured or sick. Generally, there are two things that are going to happen: they are either going to get better or die. People say they will pray for the person and all should have faith…..faith in what? That they’ll get better? If they get better, then yay for God for listening and answering prayers. And if the person dies, well, it just wasn’t in God’s will that the person should live.
So it’s it all falls back to God’s will. So, let’s start back at the beginning with the person in the hospital. God already knows if this person is going to get better or die. So why are we praying and what are we having faith in with this case? Are we praying to God to change his mind in the event that God's will is for this person to die (for the person to live/get better)? Well, it’s His will if the person dies, so changing His mind to letting the sick person live is going to mean changing His plan. And if He knew that He was going to end up changing His plan and letting the guy live, then He wouldn’t have made that initial choice for the person to die to begin with; therefore no change of mind would be needed. So, ultimately, the end result is whatever God had planned from the getgo and the prayers don't influence anything other than giving those who are praying some simblance of hope (which is nothing more than a wishful gamble). As for having faith, I’m not sure what to have faith in for this scenario. Faith that the person is going to get better and live? I’m told that’s wrong to do because it’s God’s will either way, so don’t have faith they will get better/live. So am I just to have faith that God is going to do what God wants? Well, that’s kind of a given, isn’t it? I mean, who’s going to stop Him?
God used to perform all kinds of epic (seriously epic) stuff like parting the red sea, bushes on fire but not burning, smiting entire cities...VERY epic. But why is He not doing anything anymore? Some argue that He is, but where? When? what? with the modern age of technology where almost everyone has a camera/video recording on their phones and sites like YouTube, surely someone would have captured these events, miracles and workings and posted them for all the world to see....or did God simply just give up on us because we are too rotten? But if so, would He not have known how we would have ended up and wouldn't He have done it differently from the getgo?
Do I believe in God? I believe I do, although I find myself questioning things more and more often. Regardless, I'm just not happy with the God that I think exists. Not much of it makes sense but I feel as if it should.
