sarahseeking

Thank you for the thoughts everyone. I have been looking at churches online and they keep having red flags of things that are important to me. Like, for example, the bio of a reverend for one church I looked at was completely about baseball and which teams he preferred. I really don't give a crap about baseball and as I'm sure he was trying to "connect" or be funny, I need a home for my heart and am not wanting to deal with sports. I think, maybe I just need to stick it out for a while. I think my pastor has amazing plans for our church and it will take time for things to change up...Definitely God is alive there, whether I fit in with the people or not.

How do you pick a church, personally--or how DID you pick a church? I think I was hasty in my church picking. I picked one with a phenomenal pastor who brought me to Christ and just personally what what I needed. There are some great people at this church, but I'm feeling like maybe it's not my thing. There are only a few young people, there is only one other single mom (as am I) and we don't click. I don't know. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I really am feeling like I made a hastily decision. I want to connect and bond with people and I'm having a hard time doing that. I don't really care much about specific church doctrine--I figure I won't agree with it all wherever I go and as far as that takes me, they're about the same (except, I don't do the catholic thing.) Whatever we do, my kids will still do wednesday night kids programs there because they love them. Or...maybe the question is what am I hanging onto that is preventing me from being happy?

Well, I'm happy to give you another interpretation of that, but would rather do that through a private message because I don't want to turn this into a debate question. It's just another viewpoint to be considered.

thanks everyone. Jake--you are a great resource at such a young age:-) I sent an email to a friend from our church that is mentoring me and explained my scenario. She emailed me back and said if I wanted to give her specifics that I could. So I did and am hoping the delay in hearing from her is because of Labor day and not because I'm so wrecked in the head that she has to pray a while before writing me. (that's when I think...crap...I've gone too far--now they know).

For starters. almost everyone (with 1 exception that I know of) is republican and very verbal about that. I have many conservative beliefs, but am very liberal, but don't feel I could share my thoughts without judgement or extreme dislike. Also, I see more spiritual truth in the Bible when I read certain things metaphorically than literally (this is huge), I also think that some of my church's views on other religions is false...it's not hard to prove and in the end it doesn't much matter, but it bothers me that I don't think I can stand up for that (because I care about judging and discrimination and integrity). I guess it just boils down to I don't feel like I can be myself, but I don't know for certain if I can or not. There's too much fear for me to find out. I long for community and I need family. I feel like I have to put on a mask to get that.

Hi. I need some help/advice/prayer/etc. I am struggling. What I know for certain: I love God more than anything else. I seek to understand Him and to know Him. I have felt the Holy Spirit since welcoming Jesus into my heart this last January. I have been witness to prayer working in my own life. I am witness to my life totally sucking when I don't follow God's directions. Where I struggle: There are some things in Christianity that I ponder--they don't affect my belief in Him, but some of my thoughts don't reflect those of the greater Christian community. It could be because I'm new or I just might never see some things in the same way. I feel like I have to keep my thoughts to myself and that I would be feared or judged because of the way I see things. This leaves me feeling disconnected from my church family. In fact, I feel disconnected from almost everyone. I am very sensitive to discrimination and judging and I call myself out on it whenever I feel it stir inside of me. Thus, I am also very sensitive to others who judge. My non-Christian friends do not know I am a Christian and I put on my mask of ambivalence when we meet. My Christian friends don't know I struggle with not being "like them." My pastor is incredible and is the one who brought me to Christ...yet I don't feel like our church family has embraced his teachings to enable me to be fully comfortable there. I feel that there is a definite heirarchy of who is most loved. Family members of deacons seem to get the most loving. Single moms like me get the least.... So..I'm feeling a little lost. Today has been really hard and I have felt a total loss of meaning for my life. That feeling comes and goes. As I look over my life--at my adult life, I am also struggling with a divorce of last year. For ten years I was a wife and stay at home mom. That was my job and I was good at it and it was all I needed. Unfortunately, my then husband refused to attend to the pain he was causing our family and not being able to take it anymore, I filed for divorce. I am now going back to school and in the process found Christ. But now I feel like I don't know how to be a part of anything. I feel like I'm on the outside and I don't know where I'm supposed to be. anyway. I'll stop there. I'm just trying to figure out how to make sense of everything. Sarah