PurpleDee

Hey. I am blown away by some of these replies. I have come to realize that this desire I have for a "big bang" of a moment that drives home the message that I have forgiven is perhaps an expectation of our world. I want fireworks. I want that stamp of approval saying... You did it, you've forgiven him! Congratulations! Not going to happen is it? Made me tears, and made me give thanks that you got this, it isn't about the other person acknowledging it, and if they never do, we still need to forgive. I do see you laughing and enjoying your mom the way The Lord intended The human side of me wants retribution, wants admission of guilt, wants some judgement now. I know that the only judgement that really matters will come much later, but still... I think I've forgiven. I have trouble in overthinking everything, really everything, so although there hasn't been any fireworks, I don't wish him bad things. I don't wish home harm, or even jail, just better health mentally and physically. The never was a Big Bang was there? Guess there won't be one now. D

Thanks to all I am feeling better about this now having read the replies. I do not harbour anger or resentment, and I am able to pray for blessings for the person. I am no longer in relationship with him, but I'm fairly sure that I don't need to be I order to have forgiven him. Although some around me seem to think that forgiveness means going back, and have tried to shame me with this like its a lack of faith or something. I still don't FEEL like something spiritual has happened to me, but I don't think I could be in this place without The Lord andHis spirit. So I guess something spiritual has happened, guess I was just hoping for...some big aha moment, or fireworks or something. Lol As for my girl, one day she will have to cross this bridge for herself. I pray I'll be able to guide her along. Thanks again for the thoughtful posts. Peace D

I have had times in my life when I've felt very close to God, and others where I can't feel him at all. I think it was kwik that said we walk by faith and not by sight. And even when. Can't feel the relationship, I know he has not left me. I know that by the end of summer, with vacations, camping and visitors, my church attendance isn't what it should be, and I crave getting back there. For those who feel far from God, I'd suggest a starting place would be to get close to His people. Your family in Christ. I think that is how I ended up here last week, I needed a fix. And as was said earlier, go and serve as Jesus served. My walk in this life has been anything but a straight line to God, I spend a lot of time looking for h him, even if I know he's right there with me, so I'm no expert, but those are a couple of things I have found important when finding my way back to Him. D