kool_kid_86

I think you are right. I took my time yesterday to reflect and I think I am scared of being a Christian. A lot of my friends are atheist and I guess I am afraid of how they will view me if they find out I convert to Christianity. My two closest guy friends (one who was Christian) think that religion causes much more harm then good. My first two girlfriends (my most recent being my third) are both against religion. I guess I am heavily influenced by the people around me. To me, I find safety in the fact that my third girlfriend would have been there to guide me into the faith and to stick to my side even when I am at my worse.

Living forever is like being locked up in a minimum security prison. Sure there are things to do in the prison, but after a while everything will become dull and boring as you will run out of things that are fun as you have done everything already. I do want to know God, as it makes life much easier. Christianity adds purpose to your life, guides you, and God is like an invisible friend that will always talk to you if you listen. My problem is that if I do believe in Jesus, then I will receive eternal life in heaven which is something I am uncomfortable with. My life is already not very great. I have great friends, great job, but I still feel lonely. A year ago, I met this great Christian girl and we became real great friends. 7 weeks ago, we decided to go out. Things are going great but we broke up for personal reasons and because I am an atheist and she is not convinced that I am able to become a dedicated Christian but I know in my heart that I am able to because know I found someone that I truly cared about and I want to spend eternity just making her happy. We decided to take a break so I can work out my personal issues before we take another stab at our relationship. I understand that Christianity is extremely important to her and her parents, and I do want to become a Christian too. I told her that during this time I will continue to read the bible and go to Church, but I will not convert to Christianity. In fact, only she will be able to bring me over to Christ. My reason being is that I absolutely trust her, and that I only want eternal life if she is by my side. She took it as blackmail and was very unhappy with what I said. A bit of background information on me: My girlfriend (well, now ex) and I are both 27. I grew up in a Christian household (both my parents are Christian as well as many of my relatives). I did attend Church when I was young, but had a negative experience there so I only went to church until I was 14. I have had many un-coincidental incidents involving God (I would pray for something expecting for it to not come true but it does), which makes me think that God does answer my prayers and therefore must exist! I guess my point is that: I am afraid of eternal life as my current life is very lonely. I definitely do not want to spend eternity lonely. I however believe the teachings of Christianity, and I do value the perks you get from being a Christian. I found a wonderful Christian girl and we both care for each other deeply. She however only wants to merry a Christian even though she has deep feelings for me. I told her that I will only be a Christian if she was at my side. She felt that I am trying to blackmail her, which is not my intention. My logic for saying this is because I only want to spend my eternal life with her, otherwise I would feel miserable (as I currently feel miserable as she is not by my side during our break). I have not told her my explanation for my decision yet because we are currently on a break, and I was afraid it would make matters worse. What do you think of how I am approaching this relationship? I understand that it is ideal to put religion before a girlfriend, but for me I want to this particular girl to be with me otherwise eternal life will become a torture without her.