Rain

Thank you, I might take just you up on that . I know what it feels like to forgive and it's an awesome feeling. I do forgive them for what happened, it's the repeating visits that make it more and more difficult to forgive even though I must forgive every time. Not that anything happens necessarily, but it breaks things down in me whenever I hear or see that she visits him. And then again I try to remember how hard it is for me to do the same and refuse to let myself get upset about it and definitely ask God to calm my heart. I don't know what's going to happen. I must let go and let God take control again. It's hard... I know, my way is telling God that I need to help Him. Sorry, I'm learning This is probably the best way to describe it, yes. I do enjoy being needed, and feeling wanted. It's because of this that made it easier to fall into the relationship. I still am like that and I have this need to be liked. Unfortunately I tend to keep people at a distance though. I don't (or rather didn't) have any enemies and whenever someone is upset with me I need to sort it out. I need them to like me again. Needless to say, recently that hasn't really happened, which also weighs heavily on my heart. But advice I have received is to forgive them, and whether they want to forgive me is up to them. It's just also hard, because I hate tension. Especially between family. And I tend to speak my mind which can make it worse. But all the things I would want to defend or argue about will be pointless, because I have asked for advice and I have received it. Now I have to react on it. And I'm genuinely scared. Thanks everyone.

Yeah, I definitely do not want to tell God He had not done enough and that I must help Him. I know it doesn't work that way. I will try harder to see my glass as full. I shouldn't even be worried about the glass being half empty or half full, I must be grateful that I have a glass, and that there is something in it! (One of my favourite quotes!) The young man situation isn't as easy as it seems though either. Unfortunately, the thing that I did 2 years ago, was done by him too, in last year. I do not judge him for it, I had done the same thing. The only thing that makes it hard, is the fact that the woman he had the relationship with was my sister-in-law, and we used to be very close. A lot of betrayal came out of it. I know I must forgive as well, and I have done my best to not hold a grudge against anyone for all the lying (I had been honest about my situation from the beginning with the both of them). So it's kind of difficult to go to family events because it feels like now I'm rubbing him in my brothers face and wonder whether they secretly want to be together. My brother's marriage is also very troublesome at the moment, so I am praying for them to stop doing what they are doing and see each other again for who they were. SO much I can tell you, haha. But I will need a book for that. Don't want to take up too much of anyone's time again!

@SueZQ "I found myself loving people that made me feel safe, that listened and did not judge me." This is what I found in my co-worker after my break up, which makes it hard to let go. But reading enoob57's first reply does help me to think about it differently. But the responsibility I feel though, makes it hard to not feel bad and want to fix it.

@ littlelambseativy "but I will tell you that Jesus understands and loves you and tho' you forgave the one who abused you, have you ever forgiven yourself' Yes, I have forgiven myself for what happened. I know that it wasn't my fault. I have moved past it "You tell all the men about it" I just wanted to correct you there and say I do not tell all the men, only one person close to me knew about it. I tried discussing it with my pastor but eventually found a Christian counselor who helped me through it. And by joining this forum was the first time I had blurted it out to other people. I did not say any of that to play a card or gain sympathy, I merely wanted to explain my situation "It is as though you wish to punish yourself for your part in that first act" You are quite right!! I do feel responsible for what happened and have tried to be as platonic as possible, but Jesus still knows my thoughts. Why am I drawn to this person? Please know that I am not "in search" of a husband. The young man coming back into my life is an effort to see whether we can work things out. But we have different goals. He still wants to get married and I don't. I fear the commitment and not being able to make him happy for the rest of our lives. And then fear that what happened to me now (with my co-worker) will happen to us then. And I will have to swallow it, as I believe it will be my punishment. But I don't want him to have to go through that. "you are now starting a new life... gone is the old one... it is as if it was not you but someone else. " This is easier said than done. How can I just ask for forgiveness and move on as if nothing happened? Knowing that their marriage has fallen apart. It weighs too heavy on my conscious

I've been reading quite a few posts today in search of answers. (I tried to keep it short, I'm sorry i couldn't). A lot of what people have been writing about is what I have been through or experienced. I do not make myself out to be perfect, nor am I innocent. I know I have made mistakes and I am not blind to them. But I do have a few questions. First, I'll tell you my story. When I was young, like so many other children, I was molested by a very close relative. After a very interesting journey to get over the emotional scarring it created, I truly forgave him and it felt great. It was like the little girl inside me was the one who had finally done the forgiving part. Though I had forgiven him, doesn't necessarily mean the emotional scarring had disappeared, I just wasn't angry at him anymore. There was a time when I used what happened to me as an excuse for everything, all the bad moods and tempers and failures. Luckily that passed. I have only ever had one boyfriend and he is the only one who knows me inside out. We had been together for 8 years before he broke up with me because I could not commit. (This was before I started my healing journey). Unfortunately I have to admit that while we were together, we sinned. It wasn't something I wanted to do, because I felt, 1) it was to be left unspoiled for marriage and 2) the way I felt afterwards because of what I had gone through as a child was horrible, and made me feel dirty. The last couple of years in our relationship, he barely even tried anything anymore. Though we were church goers at the time, after a while that also faded. I am not blaming him. I too am to blame. When we broke up my job completely consumed my life. I even worked 4 weekends in a month, so I had no time for church anymore. Every ounce of energy I had left would be put into my job. I lived for my job, I still do. The problem began when I started to get too close with one of my colleagues. He was married. He is also a great believer in Jesus Christ and is saved. He was a great shoulder to cry on after my break up and I was a good support to him at work. We got on very well. Things would start to happen and I would keep on telling him that he is married and so forth. I should have done so many things, but I didn't, and eventually I gave in. We never did anything more than sharing a kiss on occasion. I know it doesn't make it better. We spent too much time together and eventually his wife found out about our relationship. I cannot say that I am proud of any of this. I was sad, heart broken and this man made me feel alive inside again. And it's like someone else described, it was all about me. What I wanted. A complete disregard for what God wanted. Even though I knew what I was doing was wrong. But it felt good. I guess that's what sin does. So, eventually, a very twisted relationship was created. My conscience started eating away at me, telling him to make a decision about where he wants to be. (He doesn't want to be with her anymore, she has made it really difficult for him to even try and work it out). If he is not willing to leave his wife, then I can't stay where we were. If he does (which I know is against God's will), then he first has to take that step because he wanted to, and not because I asked him to. Problem is, my ex boyfriend has also come back into my life in an effort for me to try and move on with it. It's not the way it sounds, I actually do love him and want him to be a part of my life, but I still do not think that I will marry him, so I feel like such an idiot, because I have to let him go and I can't. My colleague on the other hand is finding it very difficult for me to be with him, because he too wants to be with me. He knows what I have been telling him about that possibility, but he just chooses not to understand it. I have fallen in love with him too, and now that he is threatening to move away, I also start to back paddle, because I don't want him to either. I have a fear of commitment, yet I cannot let go. He has abusive qualities, and he has physically abused his wife. We have talked about it. I see the patterns of doing it and then how he apologizes. It textbook. I see the signs, yet I cannot let go. I'm having very, very dark days. The thoughts in my head are not pleasing to God. But it's too hard living this life. I am not living at all. I have completely lost trust in family members for other reasons so I don't want to talk to them about it. So my questions are: 1. How do you let go of someone you love so that they can carry on with a happy life? 2. If someone is abusive, and we are Christians, are we not to see the good in these people and help them beat these weaknesses? 3. He wasn't happy in his marriage and started a relationship with me. If he does leave his wife for that reason, will God forgive him? 4. Will God forgive me? 5. How does one stop being afraid of EVERYTHING?

You are lucky to say that you used to fall down on your knees and cry. You absolutely felt that passion. I, sadly, do not know what that feels like. I was raised very conservatively so I keep everything to myself and never felt comfortable reaching out like that. But I can understand how hard it is for you not to get that back. I have to agree with angels4u, in saying that, maybe there is something in your life which is distracting you. I know I have that, and it is very difficult to let go of. I try. So maybe think about what that might be, and if there is something, work on it. Try to figure it out.