tLostandFoundt

Just want to say thank you again for the amazing responses. Thank you John and thank you Alice and thank you Rusty and thank you Willa and thank you everybody. There is so much wisdom that has been shared and I am very grateful.

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you to everybody for your wisdom and encouragement. I have made a new commitment that I hope will be eternal. I have greatly benefited from not just your words but your generosity and understanding.

Thank you all for the responses. So what I have gleaned is the fact that I still have a sinful heart isn't really a surprise. It's what I do about it, IE; confess it and ask forgiveness. So it is not an indicator that I am just fooling myself about being saved. That doesn't mean I'm off the hook or that being sinful is okay. It is going to be a struggle and I'm not alone because it is a struggle for everybody. It probably wouldn't hurt to find a church. I was attending an EFCA church which I think was a very good church but there was a conflict amongst some of the membership. I stopped going and just haven't gotten around to finding another, busy life, you know how that goes.

Hi, as a matter of full disclosure I have also posted these thoughts at Christian Forums. I am somewhat ignorant regarding the Christian blogosphere and thought I would try two places to see how it goes. I have a few thoughts/questions... How does one actually give themselves over to Christ? I say the words. God's words cause things jump into reality. They have power and are The Truth. When I speak I can be wrong, insincere, lying, misleading, nuanced, etc. It would be nice if salvation was like joining the military. Sign on the dotted line and you have an unbreakable contract. For some reason God is an active participant in my life. I cannot explain this. I do not deserve it. I wander aimlessly through life only to look back and realize there was a cleverly constructed path not of my own making and by it I see God and His love, mercy and generosity. It is a one way street. God gives and I am grateful but I must be a continual disappointment to Him and He deserves so much better from me. In addition He puts up fences. Barriers He knows I won't cross. I would quickly run away if not for those fences. I read the post on how to become saved. There is one glaring problem with it. How does one actually walk away from sin? I am a profoundly broken person. Anything is possible with God but for some reason He allows me to continue in this state. He doesn't take out His God screw driver and change the mechanics of my mind, freeing me. I am not blaming God. It is just that it is beyond my power to fix myself. While we can only be saved by grace, never works, I feel that a contract with Jesus still requires a concrete action on my part. If this action is dependent on departing sin I have already lost. I cannot blame the devil. I am totally capable of sinning all on my own and I believe my sinfulness comes from inside me, not from without. External forces may affect my state of sinfulness but it doesn't create it. It is already there, an inseparable part of my being. I have at times taken comfort in the thought that if I perish, for whatever it is worth, at least I will still be a testimony to the goodness of God. As broken as I am I know the good things in my life have been an undeserved gift. I am both profoundly broken and profoundly grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this.