cherubim

I don't understand what you mean? "It also removes the damnation you harbor for trusting them in the first place..." Do you mean anger at myself for trusting them? And "trust and faith go hand in hand...and mistrust in your heart." I have been working on keeping anger out of my soul - it's a struggle. I'm aware of it and work on it. I do all I can. It's not an issue I ignore. I would say I am mistrustful of others now that I've been badly burned. It hasn't stopped me from still trying to make connections. I think if I was totally mistrustful I wouldn't be here. It has made me avoid the "churchy" atmosphere of phonies who jockey for positions of leadership in churches - although now I can't attend anyway. The church today is a mess - anyone who can't see that or own up to it is not being truthful. One thing about me: I am truthful. I see that I hold to the truth when many do not. And many times people don't like it. "Men hate the truth...they love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil..." I've seen where family members and some others have tried to shut me up, attack me, all because I spoke the truth that they did not want to face. I have one person I trust, who is godly and truthful. I spoke with a college safety organization before my daughter left for college. His sister had been murdered on a college campus. I said: "I guess you have less of an issue with Christian colleges hiding data about crime on their campus." He said: "Actually Christian colleges are worse because they don't want to admit there's a problem." That made me sick. It's a rebuke on the state of Christians today - they are too like the world.

Here is an issue that I question. Maybe it can motivate other believers to take action. In spite of my own harsh issues, I've been speaking with a disabled doctor. What she told me alarmed me. I hope those who are healthy can get involved with the foster care system and the atrocities being committed against children. Here is what she said: I have spoken with and observed Foster Parents who made trouble for the biological parent(s) with lies to keep the teen with them so they could continue getting money. I've also seen psychologists lie so they could stay employed "working to help the kid". I'm constantly astounded how greedy and self serving too many people can be. I was with a bf with a son the State decided to try Foster care while the Dad changed his work hours to be home more (the 2 sons' Mom died of cancer many years before). The younger son had less memories .. Anyway, that Foster Mom told me on the phone she had no intentions of letting the 16 yo son return to his dad because she wanted the $1,700 per month -- that was in 1998 in MN. The dad was not abusive. He was too lenient.

I would say that I have anger that I'm trying to get rid of. It's hard when someone betrays you so badly. The one who points out the problem, isn't the problem. But I struggle to keep anger out of my soul.

Your response is well-thought-out. I have a very difficult time believing that God sits back and permits bad things to happen because this is a sinful world. I know the verse: "In the world you will have tribulation, but fear not because I have overcome the world." and "All who will love godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." and "A servant is not above his master, if they persecuted me they will persecute you." I am a living example of these verses - yet I hold to: "Therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace to find grace and help in time of need." (My favorite verse) But I go to the throne again and again and again - yet my prayers don't avail. Since I was damaged in a medical procedure, my husband has turned from God. We have been put under unbearable pressure, as he goes to work and comes home half-days to care for me. He just left to ride his motorcycle - which I've asked him not to do because someone we know was just killed on one. He still goes. I have bone-chilling fears. If anything happened to him I'd be alone and unable to care for myself. My children don't care all that much - they're busy. I've heard from others that this entire generation is a mess. I think we must have made mistakes raising them. They're all decent people, but don't reach out to me to help. My husband is weary caring for me. I will never go into a nursing home - those places are despicable. My mother-in-law was in one and it reeked of urine. I would rather be dead. I watched them not medicate her and had to watch her gasp for every breath. I got the nurse and told them to medicate her. She smiled as if I'd asked for a cup of tea - and told me the medication would be in that night. I don't think God approves of that. Some Christians don't believe in Right-to-die laws, but I'm a firm believer in them. I am appalled that Focus on the Family declares the laws ungodly, as if they are God's spokesperson. I had to sit and hold my mother as she turned progressively darker from cancer, and died a horrible death. We attended a church I hated - but went because my husband liked the people who ran it. I'd heard bad things about the family. They were ungodly realtors who rented my son and his friends a home that turned out to be uninspected. My son attempted to open a window that had been painted shut, and his hand went through the glass, severing a tendon in his wrist. The realtor insisted he would pay everything and to not sue. I erroneously believed the verse "do not take another believer before the ungodly" - and my husband, completely hoodwinked by them, refused to go with me or insist our son see a lawyer. As soon as the 2-year statute-of-limitation was up, the realtor dropped every bit of help for medical care - and would not pay a cent for care for my son's wrist. He had no insurance. I got a lawyer and we attempted to file suit, but I learned just how corrupt some courts are. The "Christian" realtor hired a lawyer who went after my throat because I took over the legal case. The ugliest things ensued. I refused to back down and fought back, but we lost. Now I can't stand to look at my son's wrist. I have such a difficult time with my husband for believing those ungodly 'Christians' over me. I did eventually see God's judgement on them. They were publicly humiliated in the "Kiddie Kollege" scam and lost their business. But it is galling that they still continue to hoodwink people in their busy "church" which some believe is a front for making money. There are multiple things such as the above. I've known good Christians as well. I have been praying over and over for my daughter to meet a godly man. She is a highly beautiful woman, intelligent, educated - yet is divorced with no family. It hasn't happened. Every day I wake I am burdened by her being alone. She's dated but said all the good men are taken. Then, I see evil people married and reproducing - populating this world with evil children who follow their evil parents. It boggles my mind. The other churches we've attended have been okay - but most are fake. Those who are the "popular" people in church get attention and adulation. I've never sought that - it disgusts me. I try to always be real.. I've watched certain people in the church praised by the pastor to stroke their ego, asked to put money into a collection "so children in the church can attend Christian school" yet we were never offered money to help pay for our children to attend. We were asked to contribute to a bible teacher's "retirement gift" yet my husband and I have struggled with my medical bills, and not once were we offered a dime. When I finally did make it to church one Sunday, a woman spoke publicly in church and thanked everyone for the cards they sent when she had a cyst in her neck removed. Yet I have had serious surgery and did not receive one card. Churches are no different from the world. They remind me of the junior high popularity contests. It reminds me of God's judgement on the churches in Revelations. I never delved into a study of Revelations, so I may interpret them inaccurately. So I have been on a precipice of facing God, praying for Him to heal me or take me. I've grown weary of the world, the problems, the church -that is more like the world than the church based on truth. I am trying to see what God is doing. I've been forced into living a "virtual life" now and am trying to see what God wants from me. I like to look at each situation as happening for a reason - not "because we live in a sinful world." But the days and hours and moments are long, the struggles hard.

Yes - I keep saying, as in Psalms: "How long, O Lord..." But within me, I know that God knows what He is doing, just at times I grow weary. I have prayed so very long.

Thank you - I need those verses as one needs water. I have been separated from other Believers due to being homebound - so I need this for "iron to sharpen iron."

Unsure what you mean, but I have sought God diligently. I need to implement regular bible study, which is difficult due to pain issues. I am dealing with multiple issues and sometimes see God act. Today I had a very bad day due to severe pain - I was damaged in a medical procedure. The country has politicized pain medications and I'm incidental damage - being left in high levels of pain. Not judged on what *I* do but on what a subset of people who abuse drugs ostensibly did. This is happening to people just like me all over the US. I take multiple healing supplements, pray, and do all I can, but sometimes it doesn't avail or cut it. It's not lack of faith or lack of trying. I'm still searching for many answers - this pain is one of them.

I have been dealing with things weighing me down - prayers left unanswered, and I wonder where God is and if He is sane at times. I've had some bad things happen to my family and I - including being harmed by so-called "Christians." My experiences can't be unique. How do others handle this?