I am new to this page. I need prayers. I am the mother of two special needs boys and a husband who's struggles with addiction to many different things. He has over the years become emotionally abusive and has moments of rage where he will swear a lot and have tantrums over anything.We have been married for 6 years this December 18th, but I almost left him in 2015 because of this. We both had counseling where I realized where I was going wrong.
The Lord revealed to me that I had grown up with an emotionally abusive mother and an emotionally distant father who worked a lot. My parents divorced when i was 7, gave me no counseling and left me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I felt like I could never reveal my heart or feelings to them because my dad didn't care and my mom would top what I say with something "much worse" going on in her life. So in 2015 when I had this epiphany from the Lord I was in denial and didn't know what to do. I felt crazy, like only the Lord loved me. And I had enough when my husband tried to hurt him self in front of me but wrapping a towel around his throat and pulling because I was talking to him about Jesus.
I left and went to my moms, thinking she would help, she did but used manipulation and through bible verses that she had twisted to get me to agree with her. It was a huge mistake and I stayed at my dads but he still didn't care so I went back to my husband who got emotional and said he was sorry. I believed he was so I stayed. I detached the umbilical cord from my mom on December 12th last year when she cornered me in the car and said I was selfish for not divorcing my husband like she wanted me to, I let her scream at me for two hours in the car and then I told her that I wouldn't tolerate her treating me like that anymore. And I got out of the car and took the 20 min walk home in the snow.
My mom called me that night and I answered thinking she would be sorry, but she called me a liar and said I should have listed to her cause shes right and I'm wrong. I told her that I needed time away from her to heal. 4 months later, I let her back in, have not told her much but have healthy boundaries that she now respects. But I can't tell her about anything I am struggling with because she will go right back to emotional abuse. My husband was fine and seeming to get better for the four months I was away from my mom. But went back to the emotional abuse when I let my mom back into my life. I don't know what to do... I am struggling with anxiety, codependency and emotional overload. My only friend, the only person I have to talk to on a deep level is Jesus. No one in my life sees me like Jesus does, which I love but it gets so lonely some times. I trust the Lord will provide in His time for this hurt and pain that I have inside. Any advice will help.
