johny111

Hello everybody, I am suffering from OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder. I have unwanted, dreadful sometimes blasphemous thoughts. I do not want them, but they are still coming. My typical obsession is that something bad will happen to other people because of my thoughts or to me or that i will do some sin. My compulsion is repeatedly saying phrases or appealing what i have said. The main reason why i write here is because i am looking for help. Today i was in the gym and i met there my friend. We started to work out. We saw a guy who was workouting and he was doing loud noises. It was funny so we started laughing. I felt bad for the guy that we were laughing. I said to myself that i wont laugh any more and if do i will be blind. That was my intrusive thought that i will be blind if i will laugh again. God is watching us and he hear us also what we say and what are our thoughts. It was so funny that my friend kept laughing and i did a bit too. Now i am so afraid and anxious because i kept laughing when i shouldnt. What do you think about this? Can i really be punished like this because what i have done. I know that it is not so big sin to laugh at someone but i told myself that i wont do it and even tho i told it myself i still was laughing. I am afraid that i have failed in front God and that he will punish me like this how i said to myself. Why would he punish me so hard for this small sin? Will God forgive me this sin? I am so afraid that i will be blind. What should i do now? Please help me! Thank you all so much!

Thank you for your opinions on my questions. God bless you!

I will be honest with you. I am suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and i have thoughts that something can happen to me or to other people because of my bad thoughts. For example i had a thought that if i read your response you will die. I said that is just a thought and continue in my work. Than i had a thought that i will break my neck if i write the sentence in certain way. I wrote it in that certain way. What do you think about this? I am visiting psychotherapy so i am working on my sickness.

Sorry i dont understand what have you written here. Can you please say it another way? English is not my main language. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for your response! I have one more question for you. I said myself that so it means also in front of God that i wont watch pornography anymore. That day i was watching movie and there was a sex scene. Does it mean that i can not watch any movie with sex scene anymore? It makes me anxious a lot when i realize that i broke a commitment. How should i deal with this? Can i somehow withdraw what i have said? Thank you so much again!

My one more example from OCD scrupulosity. I refuse myself to watch pornography. Than i saw a movie were was an action, where people were doing sex. This also stressed me out a bit. I dont really know what to do. Is this really OCD scrupulosity and i am anxious unnecessarily or it is normal to be anxious from this. Please help me also with this. Thank you all so much!

Hello everybody, I am suffering from OCD magical thinking. I have intrusive, dreadful thoughts that something bad is going to happen to me or to other people. Also i suffer a bit from OCD scrupulosity. For example in last days i dont feel comfortable after listening to secular music. Today i was listening to some hip hop song and a thought jumped in my head (one of my typical OCD thoughts) that i will break my neck. I started being anxious. My sick way how to neutralize the anxiety is to do the compulsion, behavior or ritual. I said a mental compulsion. It can happen only on certain places and on other certain places it can not happen. And the rest of the world is according to Gods plan. Than I continue listening to music and i clicked on top 50 songs and the first was Gods plan. I started being anxious because i connected it to that situation that i can break neck. Now I am so afraid that this could be my destiny. Why would God do this to me? I have unwanted bad thoughts, but it is because of my medical condition called OCD. So should i by punished so badly? I think that i am good person. Could this be evidence that my destiny is going to be bad. I am so scared, anxious, please help me! Thank you all so much!

Thank you so much for you response! I appreciate it! You really helped me to calm down!

Hello everybody, I really need help. In last forum i am writing that i suffer from OCD. But i dont know if this situation was just an obsession or reality... I was in tram and i noticed one guy. I had an obsession that i can look at him only once or something bad will happen today. Than a thought jumped in my head if i dont look at him more than one time bad thing can happen him for the rest of his life. I have those intrusive thoughts and can not stop them. So i wanted to look at him, but thought that he will die today if i look at him jumped in my head. And it was like from God i dont know. Why would God do this? Isnt this just my sick mind? Than a thought if i dont look at him he will die in a few days, but this one was more like OCD thought. I was so scared that he could die the days after today so thats why i looked at him. But i didnt realized that he will die today. It was a stranger who i have met in tram so i can not prove myself if he is still alive or not. I am so scared that i had someone elses destiny in my own hands and i messed it up. I am so anxious, dont know what to do. Honestly i dont want to live, trying to survive my anxiety. I still have thought in my head: Why would guy tell me to not look at that guy or he will die. Am i out of my mind? Is this just my sickness or reality? Thank you all so much for your help!

Thank you so much for your response! It is hard when i have thoughts like if now movie ends something will happen to actors. And it has already happened to me, that the movie really had ended and i had so big fear that something will really happen to that people. I really dont want to hurt other people. I dont want to have those thoughts, but i have them beacuse i am sick. I just really dont know what to do when i have thoughts like that i will disrespect God if i dont do certain behaviors, rituals which my thoughts tell me. I feel really bad after i dont do the behaviors. I visit psychotherapy where they tell me that i have to stop doing those rituals and compulsive behaviors. It is so hard, because I do not want to have negative thoughts about God. I think it is my only hope how to live happy life and that is to believe in God. I am so scared that something will happen to the actors in that movie how i said in sentences above. I dont want to deal than with those thoughts that i could hurt others. I try to disregard those those thoughts but i cant. Most often i just ruminate and cant stop those thoughts. Thank you so much!

Hello everybody, I am going through hard times now. I am suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and i have intrusive thoughts (sometimes think that are not mine and from some supernatural power), that if i dont do ritual or something like that something bad will happen to me or others. My typicall obsession was that i will hurt myself or others. Also that i could go to hell was my dreadful obsession. I made a deal with God (if we can call it like that). I told him, that i will not do compulsion, rituals or more ruminating even tho when the thoughts will be crazy and dreadful. I thought that if there is really some supernatural power it is some good power and not bad. Even if there is bad external power, good like God is much stronger. So i decided to not do the compulsions even tho i was so scared that something bad is gonna happen. I felt really good that afternoon when i believed in God and that he protects me in front of evil. Than i was thinking about that situation that i will go to hell after i stepped bad way on street. I know it sounds really irrational and crazy, but this is my magical thinking OCD. So i did mental compulsion that it wont happen but before that day i made a deal with God that i wont do compulsions anymore because if i do, he wont help me anymore. I dont know if the deal was OCD or reality. Please help me! I really feel like i dont deserve help from God anymore, I need help from God because i suffer from OCD and i think that some external power, evil will destroy if i dont get help from God. Please help me, i dont know what to do. I feel like only hope and that was believing in God is gone, because i destroyed my faith in God because i did mental compulsion which i shouldnt do. It was a deal and i broke it. I am so sad, i dont want to live. I try to be the best person i can and i really dont want to hurt myself or others with my thoughts if i dont do compulsion. My only way out i felt was to believe in God, put i took it away. What should i do? I really need help, i dont want to live, feel like there is no way out from this problem. Thank you so much all for your response! Peace. Thank you so much all for your response!

Hello again, not a long time i didnt write here right? I have another question for you. Is everybody responsible for his own salvation and his relationship with God? I mean if someone can influence his life by his thoughts? You know, that i have OCD. I have to do certain things certain way and if i dont do them i feel anxious. This time i have an obsession that i can not send a photo of our class to my girlfriend. There was one girl not looking to the camera, but the picture was overall nice. The thought was saying that if i send it, she will have some small problem with God because of me. I didnt know what to do, because there was more of obsessions: if i dont send it maybe something worse will happen. So i finally send it, but now i am so anxious that i did something really bad. What do you think about this? Thank you so much!

Thank you so much again for your answer! You are right that I need to think more realistically.Sometimes it is really hard when I have blasphemous thoughts. I am trying to get it under control. Thank you so much! God bless you!

Thank you so much for your answer!!! It really helped me! But still, it is hard to deal with those thoughts which I have.For example, i was reading a book about how to find a way to God. I had to go to school, so I dressed up and went. When I was leaving house i had an obsession that i cannot lock the gate to our house. I didn't lock the gate and i felt extremely guilty that i listen t my false message from my brain and i didn't listen to God. Normally i would close the door. I wanted to apologize to God. But first, before i apologize to him i showed to my dad the book, which i was reading (how to find way to God is the name of the book). So I first showed him the book and read something from it. Than i got extremely big anxiety because i felt guilty that i didn't first apologize to God. I didn't pray first. So thought jumped in my head that if i am going to continue reading this book, God won't forgive me. Also that i will be stupid after i read something from it. Today afternoon i wanted to read the book. I have just looked at the cover of the book and i realized that i have already read something from it. Also just that i have looked at the cover means already that i have read something from it. So now there is no way God could forgive. Please tell me am i out of my mind? I feel like really obsessive-compulsive disorder is playing with me and trying to make me not believing in God, but I really don't want that. What should I do know? I think there is no purpose in life anymore when God didn't forgive me. I have almost anxiety attacks, feel depressed, please help me! Thank you so much for your previous answers, I really appreciate it. You know I am going through really hard time and you helping me so much, but this what has happened today really scared me and make so anxious. Thank you so much! God bless you!

Thank you so much! I will try to disregard those thoughts. I will trust in Lord Jesus and I hope it will vanish. One more question. Maybe I have already asked you about this last time, but why did not God punish me after I saw pornography? because I told myself (part of my OCD) that if he exists, he will prove it by not making me able to speak and interact with other people. I felt so bad after I did that sin before this sin, that I needed to promise something to God. I did a big fault. Now it could mean two things: 1) he didn't punish me because he loves me. And also he doesn't have to react to my thoughts, especially when it was my messed up thoughts. 2) he doesn't exist, but I don't think so that this could be real. I think that the first version what has just happen is more trustworthy. But still, it keeps bothering me and can not get away from this. Thank you so much! God bless you!

I understand what you said. I don't know if you went through this: I have thoughts that like f*** you God, its even so hard for me to write it here. and always when I want to buy something for food a thought jumps in my head that if I buy it means that I think bad things about God. I won't even write it here. But it is really horrible when those thoughts jump in your head. What should i do in that situation, when a thought like if i buy this i think bad about god and i don't like him and i have blasphemous thoughts about him what should i do? Should i buy that thing? Because when i dot buy that thing, more thoughts about not buying stuff in shop will appear. Please tell me what should i do when this comes in my head. I want to enjoy my meal, which i have made for dinner. Suddenly thought jumps in my head: if you eat this, that sentence (you are bad God and f*** you God will be real. I dont know what to do in that moment. last time it happened i ate that meal. I am so anxious right now that i did so big sin. What do you think about this? I really need another help. I think that this is part of my OCD. But how to overcome it? Answer on this question you have written in a comment before, so that i know. But please let me know what do you think about these thoughts that i have. Thank you so much!!!

Thank you so much for your answer again! I really appreciate your help, I would be struggling much more if I didn't write here. I admire you that you were able to go through this. I have also thoughts that my parents or I will go to hell if I don't do some kind of behavior. These thoughts are really dreadful and I really would like to not have them. It is hard. But I will pray to God to help me to get out of this problem. I hope these are only my thoughts and God will protect me and my family and other friends of mine. Thank you one more time sharing your opinions and your advice to my problems. I really appreciate it. God bless you, in Jesus' name!

I know I pray to God to forgive me what I did. Do you think that God will forgive me even tho I promised him that I won't do it but I did it? I know promising God something is not a good idea. I did it because I was so anxious that I was doing that sin repeatedly so I wanted to somehow show God that I really won't do it again. I promised him that I won't do it again but I did it. I told myself when I was promising God that I won't do it again that if I do it I won't be able to speak with people. That's how should God punish me. But now I am writing this forum, so does it mean that God had forgiven me or he doesn't exist? Maybe it is my sick way of thinking. But please help me still with this. I feel like there is God above us. But I don't understand why he didn't punish me how I said when I was promising that I won't do it again. Thank you so much for cooperation through this website. I really appreciate that it was created. Than you so much!

I was addicted to pornography i think so. Also last time it happened as a coincidence. Now all i can do is just pray for forgiveness. Jesus Christ died on the cross for all our sins. But still i am not calm... maybe because of my anxiety, i dont know.

Hello again thank you so much for your immediate response. I feel what you said and what you mean. You said that you know what is it like to suffer from big anxiety. I have thoughts that if I don't write this sentence with this type God will not like me. Or I want to enjoy my meal and thought jumps in my head taahat id I enjoy it i will be punished, because i didn't do it. I dont know if this ois just my sick way of thinking these are really orders from God. I dont think so, that those thoughts jumping un my head aren't mine. So that's my problem. I will pray for forgiveness and believe with my whole heart in Jesus Christ and in our Lord. He is our father and his main goal is to help us. Or am i not right? Please help me. I know I have lack of knowledge about this. I am starting reading bible, so i hope i will gain more knowledge. Thank you so much. And i also wanted to ask you, how should i fight with OCD when thought like if i enjoy a meal that something bad will happen? I feel like God is proving me if i am able to do everything what God says to show him that i am 100% devoted to him. I want to show him that i believe in him, but i dont know if this is just OCD or it is something different. Thank you so much for all your answers, i am happy that i can talk with you about this problems and that you can help me. Thank you!

Thank you for your answers :). Yeah i am suffering from OCD. There is normal, that people have high anxiety. I kow it is not goood to make promises to God, but i was so ashamed and the anxiety was so high after i did that sin before i did it now. So i promised God that i wont do it anymore. But than that day happened, that i did that sin again. We could say it was accident, because i didnt open that webpage for mine own good. I was interesting, where could tatoos be on human body. So i waas listing throught types of tatoos on body and than suddenly i saw article about tatoos on genitals. I wasnt really expecting that something like nude picture could jump on the screen of my computer. I am so anxious now and regret that oi did this mistake. But is this really my fault? I really didnt want to see nude picture thats the point it jumped there and i wasnt expecting that. Also if i am right we can not predestinate what our future punishment will be. I said to myself, that if i do thios sin one more time i will live terrible life. Biut i think that we dont decide about uor destiny i meaan when we do sin. It is in Gods hands. I really regret what i did, will God forgive me? And also why would God make my loife terrible just from this one small sin, which wasnt even consciously made. Or i mean i counsciously searched for the tatoos on genitals but i wasnt really excepting that pictures would suddenly jump on the screen off my computer. Thank you one more time so muc for your answers! I think i am not able to find solutuion on this problem by my own. So thats why i turned for your help. I believe that God will forgive me and that i will undestand that it wasnt really my fault or if it was i really regret it doing it,, so God will forgive me. With your help i hope that i will find the right answer on what keeps bothering me. Thank you so much everyone who shared his opinion on my forum. I am grateful. Thank you!

Hello everybody, I am happy that community like this was created so we can share our problems between each others. I am now suffering from big anxiety because of what i did. I confess that i am addicted to pornography. I know it is sin to masturbate in front of pornography. I was praying for forgiveness. Than i promised God that i wont do it again. I had a really hard time to resist because the lust for it was so big. When i promised God that i wont do it again i said to myself that if i do it one more time God will punish me by making my life terrible. I did it. Or i am not sure really. Because i accidently saw naked picture of a girl. I got anxiety attack. I dont know what to do now, will God punish me for this. Does it mean that i will live terrible life from now. I am so anxious right now. Please help me! Alright everybody, i have just summarized what makes me so anxious and does not allow to live normal life. I will really appreciate any answer from you, thank you so much!!!

Thank you so much for yours answers. It helped me. But I still don't know why I get irrational thoughts, that if i don't do this and this, than God will punish me or will not like me. For example I want to do my homework, and a thought jumps in my head: you can't do this homework or if you do, you will go to hell. I try to convince myself, that it is just part of my disorder. But than I can not still decide whether will I continue doing my homework or I will stop. I already did that I did I some think which I shouldn't. But all those actions where actually not sins, or I don't know. What should I do in those moments, when thought like this jumps in my head? Thank you again so much for the answers from you! Have a nice day!

Hello everybody, I am trying to find purpose of life in past weeks. I have been quite sad from it. Also i am suffering from OCD. I wanted to send a photo to my girlfriend of my brother, but than a thought jumped in my head. If send the picture my family will be struggling. It is part of my OCD. I have lot of obsession about this. I told myself, that i believe that God will help us and he will protect us. I started to being still anxious what if I send the picture. So I finally decide not to send the picture. Now I feel really anxious, because I have also told myself, that if i don't send the picture, God will punish me because If I didn't believe that he will safe us from struggling if I send the picture. So I didn't send the picture and I deleted. So know I can not send it. I am now so anxious, that God will punish me. What do you think about this? Please help me with this. I will be really grateful for any answer. Thank you so much! Also how should I pray? Like I mean what kind of prayers should I say? Thank you so much!

Hello everybody, I am suffering from OCD ( obsessive compulsive disoarder ). People, who are well educated in OCD, told me that I have also symptoms of OCD scrupolosity. I have fear from not doing some behaviours, that after I don't do it I feel like God should punish me or some external power will punish me. For example I feel like some external power or God is saying to me, that i have to put this certain sock on this foot and the other sock on the other leg. I feel so anxious, when I don't do it exactly like someone said it to me. I didn't do it this time and I am really anxious and don't know what to do or how to think about this event. So thats why I am searching for help here. Also i have one more question, i heard, that those people who were baptized, that God will forgive them more than those so weren't.