Hello. My name is Christine and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I’m in recovery for Co-Dependency.
I was born in Long Beach, CA in November of 1974. I lived in Burbank and Riverside till I was about thirteen. My parent’s divorced when I was three years old. This left me feeling quite confused, and often questioned what I had done to cause my parents to divorce. Though I remember hearing multiple times, I had nothing to do with the divorce, I often wanted to call my parents and others around me liars as it was clear to me I had something to do with it. I wasn’t good enough for my parents to love each other and even myself.
I am not sure when my dad moved to Texas, but I do remember I was quite young. When I was about thirteen, problems between my mom and I were difficult. We didn’t get along well, and I knew ultimately I was going to end up running away. As soon as those thoughts started creeping in, I then thought it would be best to live with my dad in Texas. I then told my mom I wanted to move to Texas, and really, I didn’t see that she had much of a choice. My dad came, packed me up, and moved me to Texas.
I began attending a Seventh-Day Adventist church and ultimately was baptized. As a teen, I was extremely active in the church. I was a Junior Deaconess, in the Pathfinders club, helped in the Community Service department, I thought I kept the Sabbath holy, and much more. Doing all these things, I thought I was saved.
When I was about fourteen, my dad married his third wife, Linda. Though I think that Linda tried her best with me, part of me thinks that really, she only wanted her daughter (Barbara) as she was the favorite between the two of us.
Home life was difficult for me to handle. There was quite a bit of physical and emotional abuse from my dad on many levels.
I was always making D’s and F’s in school no matter how hard I tried. Every time report cards came around I would have the same severe “discipline” from my dad. At the end of the school year, I would have the same grades, and I would go through the same punishment. I remember my dad would make comments to me like “Do you have anything from here to here (pointing from ear to ear)? If so use it!” Referring to not having a brain, and that is why I wasn’t making good grades. That always crushed me, more than the beatings I would get from the belt.
Before moving to Texas, I was a liar. For the most part, it was to get attention. After moving to Texas, I didn’t know why I continued, but I later realized it was a way to protect myself. Due to the severe “discipline” I would receive, I thought it would be wise to lie even more. After all, I wouldn’t get in trouble right away. Maybe, I can keep going and my parents wouldn’t know. The lies always caught up with me, and I would get in trouble.
I remember a time when I accidentally broke my parents built in hamper. I looked at my sister and asked “What do I do? I can’t lie about this.” She suggested that I tell dad and to do it now. I thought she was right so I started to go outside where he was to tell him. I was scared to death to do this, as I was sure that I would get in trouble. I started to remember his words though. “If you only told the truth in the beginning the punishment wouldn’t be so hard.” That gave me the courage to tell him. He lied to me. The discipline was worse than what I would get if I had lied. As a result of this punishment, it taught me that my dad could not handle the truth.
Numbers 32:23 says “But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the Lord; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out. Growing up, I didn’t think this applied to me, but I now see how my sins have always found me out then and today.
When I was about 16 on Christmas Day, I got a phone call from my mom. She proceeded to tell me that my grandpa was sick with lung cancer and a brain tumor. She also told me that it was my fault and that he was going to die in about six months. Of course, this was another huge blow to me as grandpa and I were close. When he died, I was given the option to go to the funeral or stay home. I thought it was best to stay home, as I would not be able to handle the funeral. When he died, I died too. My best friend was no longer with me, and I couldn’t share with him how I felt.
I remember a time, when I forged Linda’s name on my detention slips. I thought, no one would find out as I would be done with the detentions before my dad would pick me up from school. I didn’t count on the fact that my principal and my dad were good friends. He found out, and the Sunday morning that my dad was taking me to work, he didn’t react to what I had done well. I was scared beyond belief.
About the age of 17, I was working at McDonalds. There was a time when a co-worker asked me what I would do if he were to rob the place. I thought he was joking. I of course laughed and told him it would not be wise to do so as the punishment was severe. Later that night, we were held up. I remember I was pacing back and forth up front and no one saw me. I also did a little giggle, as I thought it was a joke. At the end of the store being held up, it dawned on me this was no joke.
The next day at school I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was extremely jumpy over anything and everything. I didn’t see my co-worker after that. Looking back, I see God’s hand on me, as the robbers could have shot me if they saw me pacing and giggling.
Due to the abuse, my sister and I both received at home, it did bring the worst out of both of us growing up. I don’t recall much of the abuse I did to her, but she does recall everything she did to me. I forgave her long time ago, so the things she remembers, I don’t necessarily remember. What I do remember is because of our pain growing up it affected us so badly that we had to cut off ties with each other as we were both toxic to each other when we were young adults.
When I was about 18, I met this wonderful man (well I thought he was wonderful). His name is Jeremy. He and I never really married, but were common-law married. We have two wonderful children who are young adults.
When Jeremy helped me move out of my parent’s home, I decided it was wise hurt my dad emotionally. I told him that if God was anything like him, I wanted nothing to do with God. At the time I meant it. I decided to withdraw my membership from the church. By doing that, it meant I was going to go to hell as I walked away from God. I didn’t care as the church taught that we would be burned up till there is nothing there, so it didn’t matter to me.
While I was pregnant with Natalie (in 1995), I was coming home from the doctor’s appointment, and the car we drove (1978 Ford Fairmont) began breaking down in the mix master from downtown Dallas to I-30 somewhere. During this time, I kept praying please get me home safely God. The car died for the last time on I-30. I remember the car stopping behind a 18-wheeler, and I was screaming. I heard a voice saying “It’s ok. Wind down your window.” So I did. The gentleman said that he knew I was having car problems, and he can take me somewhere to call for help. After he took me to a Goodwill store, he helped me out of his truck. As I turned around to thank him, he and his truck were gone. To this day, I believe that was an angel to help me.
Both of my kids were born prematurely, however, Natalie struggled with her life from the time she was an infant to her toddler years. After I was able to take Natalie home from the hospital, she developed the RSV pneumonia. I had to rush her to Children’s hospital. She ended up having a 2-hour cardiac arrest followed by a 5-minute seizure. I remember the nurse coming into the waiting room, waking me up saying that there was a problem with Natalie. I jumped up and darted for the ICU area. She had to stop me, to tell me what was going on with her. After she told me the details, I told her I needed to see her. She told me to wait a few minutes while she went to see if I could go in. They allowed me in, and my baby girl was white as a ghost and the doctors were doing CPR on her. I remember praying and crying. When I finished praying I told the doctor’s not to give up on her. Thank goodness they didn’t. Today she is a bright young woman.
Jeremy had been extremely abusive. We were together for seven years of course during this time I thought I could change him. I ultimately packed up the kids and moved to Dallas, where there was a program for battered women with small children.
Immediately after mine and Jeremy’s divorce, I became involved with another Mr. Wonderful. His name was David. I met him at a half-way place that also did AA groups. They served some awesome food. Though I was not attending this group, a friend of mine was and she introduced me to him. He was in recovery for drug use and alcohol use. I thought good, I didn’t have to fix anyone. Boy was I wrong. He started using again, and this time I thought I had to fix him.
During my last custody battle, I had lost a lot in that week. The kids were ordered to live with Jeremy and I lost my housing due to breaking some huge rules like having a man inside my apartment. I was now on the street with nowhere to go. I decided to prostitute myself, so I could have a motel room. I never saw the money as the guys paid for the night for me. This lasted for two weeks, as my guilt became overwhelming at this time. I never looked back to this time of my life. David and I broke up sometime later. Looking back this was my rock bottom and didn’t realize it at the time.
Sometime after David, I met another so-called Mr. Wonderful. This time it was a man in Corpus Christi area. His name was Greg. I moved down to Corpus area to be with Mr. Wonderful. I knew that he smoked pot, cigarettes, and drank beer. I had no problems with it. I mean after all I can fix him right. Wrong! He was smoking pot and drinking at least one 6 pack of beer every night. I remember every day when he came home from work, he would have a 6 pack in his hand. He was never physically abusive, but the emotional abuse was there. I ultimately left Greg, and moved to Corpus Christi (just north of Bishop where we lived).
While I was in Corpus, I returned to the Seventh-Day Adventist church, and became active all over again. I really didn’t know why I should return to the church, as my heart was still somewhat cold towards God, but I thought I was obeying. This time, I was the church secretary for two months, then moved back to the metroplex as the kid’s grades were dropping.
Sometime after my relationship with Greg, my sister and I reconnected and began rebuilding our relationship. Praise God, He could reconnect us, and allow us to get past our hurts. It took some work for us to rebuild our relationship, but we were able to do so and have built a strong one. We enjoy our time together when we have our “sister time”
Before I met Pat, I attended a Seventh-day Adventist church in Fort Worth, and was very active. Here I helped in the Pathfinders, and I was a Church Clerk as well. Again, I thought I was saved because I was re-baptized and I was in the “Only True Church”.
A few years later, I met my current husband, Pat. He is truly Mr. Wonderful. He has never done anything to me, nor does he abuse alcohol or drugs. I don’t have to fix him, as he in my eyes is already perfect. Yes, we have our ups and downs, but I love him more and more every day.
It wasn’t till after Pat and I became engaged that I started looking things up on my own on the church. Actually, I was encouraged by Pat to do so. (We had some heated discussions about the Seventh-day Adventist church.) After some research, I decided I needed to leave the church again, but this time I went straight into worshipping at a Baptist Church with Pat. I decided after joining Travis Ave Baptist Church I needed to be baptized as I felt that my baptism in the Seventh-day Adventist church was one into a cult church. Thus, I wasn’t saved, and felt the need to do so in obedience to God. Even though I struggle from time to time with the work based mindset, God is working with me and will probably have to remind me from time to time I’m saved through faith, not by works. Ephesians 2:8 reminds me: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. Now, I can for certain say I know without a shadow of a doubt where I am going when God calls me Home. I will be in heaven where I belong.
Looking back, I don’t see how I actually gave up on God. I just gave up on church at the time as I was let down by people. God had to work hard in my life and is still working. Praise God He has not given up on me and refuses to give up on me!
After some time, I started to get paranoid (somewhat) with my health, so my primary care thought I would benefit from an outpatient program through Hughley Mental Health program. My last day there we were talking about Co-Dependency. This is when I realized there was a good possibility I might have it. After doing much study on this topic, I came to realize I do have Co-Dependency.
I began researching programs for Co-Dependency. A friend of mine told me about Celebrate Recovery, and I thought they only handled drugs and alcohol. After talking to my friend and looking it up, I contacted Mike. He informed me that Celebrate Recovery is for all forms of hurts, habits, and hang-ups. I started going to Celebrate Recovery here at Travis Avenue Baptist Church, and loved it from the beginning. Shortly after starting Celebrate Recovery, I got a sponsor and began working the twelve steps. This is where the real work began for me. Man was it hard, but well worth it.
Working through the steps, have provided me with tools to help me through my hurts, habits, and hang ups. I still have my ups and downs. When I do, I need to remember Jesus Christ’s cross and the meaning of it. His love is so grand because if it only cost Him his life because of me and me only, He would go to the cross to save me.
Since completing the step study, I have become more patient with others and sometimes with myself. I still struggle from time to time with patience. When I find myself struggling, I tend to ask for God to reteach me patience. They say be careful of what you ask, you may not like the results. God always seem to place the most difficult people in my life during a time. Sometimes, I wonder if He enjoys watching me pull my hair out. At the end, I tend to have more patience then I thought I had.
I now am a sponsor. I have a lot to learn but am taking it one day at a time. I try to mimic the love and support I received from my sponsor when I sponsor others. I will from time to time ask for guidance when I believe I have no clue what I am doing or even if I am doing something right and well. I have yet to hear I am not doing something right which makes me feel good about the choices I am making as a sponsor.
I continually do the steps. Especially with the women I work with. I tell them all, please do not think you are the only people doing this. I am doing the steps with them. I even tell them that when it comes to the 4th Step, I am doing them but with my sponsor. When I do the steps myself, I learn about myself more and more. More importantly, I learn more and more how to be the woman of God I strive to be.
I also lead the women’s small group and loving it. I have big shoes to fill from the last person who led the group. I am constantly looking for ways to improve and make it enjoyable. The ladies in my group are all wonderful in their own way. I have found myself touched more than I think I touch them.
When things go south for me, I don’t always freak out. There are times, when I do. However, looking back, I am by far not the person I was when I first came to the group.
Philippians 1:3-6 says I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. He has shown to me that He has begun His work in me and is still working in my life.
Though I cannot rebuild my relationships with my abusers including my parents. I have forgiven them and wish them well in life. I recently had decided to write a forgiveness letter to my dad. Though he is not ready to receive it, I read it to my sponsor and feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from me.
After much hard work and diligence of searching for the job God wants me at, He provided me with the job I love. It provides with excellent benefits and encourages me to grow in the company. I love Pier 1 Imports! They are indeed my extended family.
Thank you for allowing me to share.
One Sunday afternoon a father was trying to take a nap, but his little boy kept bugging him with "Daddy, I'm bored." So, trying to occupy him with a game, the dad found a picture of the world in the newspaper. He cut it up in about fifty pieces and said, "Son, see if you can put this puzzle back together." The dad lay back down to finish his nap, thinking the map would keep his son busy for at least an hour or so. But in about fifteen minutes the little guy woke him up: "Daddy, I've got it finished. It's all together." "Your kidding." He knew his son didn't know all the positions of the nations, so he asked him, "How did you do it?" "It was easy. There was a picture of the person on the back of the map, so when I got my person put together, the world looked just fine." How is your "person" doing? Are you all put together? The fact is that many of us are a mess. We're scattered all over the living-room floor with no one to put us together and no idea where to begin the process of healing. Each of our lives is tangled up with hurts that haunt our hearts, hang-ups that cause us pain, and habits that mess up our lives. Hurts, hang-ups, and habits. There's not a person in the world who doesn't deal with at least one of these on some level-and many of us struggle with all three. The truth is, life is tough. We live in an imperfect world. We've been hurt by other people, we've hurt ourselves, and we've hurt other people. The Bible says it plainly: "All have sinned." That means none of us is perfect: we've all blown it: we've all made mistakes. We hurt, and we hurt others. It's amazing how much better the world looks when our person is put together. And that's what we're going to do in this book. With God's help in making eight healing choices, you are going to be able to put the pieces of your world back together. We'll start with a promise straight from God. There are five ways He promises to help us find freedom from our hurts, hang-ups, and habits. "I have seen how they acted, but I will heal them. I will lead them and help them, and I will comfort those who mourn. I offer peace to all, both near and far! I will heal my people." Notice the five promises God extends: 1. If you are hurt, God says, "I will heal you." 2. If you're confused, God says, "I will lead you." 3. If you feel helpless, God says, "I will help you." 4. If you feel alone, God says, "I will comfort you." 5. If you feel anxious and afraid, God says, "I will offer peace to you." Trusting in His promises, we find hope for a better future-a life of freedom, peace, and happiness. HAPPINESS IS POSSIBLE-BUT YOU'VE GOT TO CHOOSE IT Since the beginning of time, men and women have searched for happiness-usually in all the wrong places, trying all the wrong things. But there's only one place where we can find tested-and-proven, absolutely-gonna-work principles that will lead to healing and happiness. These principles come in the form of eight statements from the truest of all books-the Bible-and from the most revered Teacher of all time-Jesus Christ. Jesus laid out these principles for happiness in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 5. Today we call them "the Beatitudes." Happiness, Jesus says, can be ours, but the pathway to happiness may not be exactly what we're expecting. From a conventional viewpoint, most of the following eight statements don't make sense. At first they even sound like contradictions. But when you fully understand what Jesus is saying, you'll realize these eight statements are God's pathway to wholeness, growth, and spiritual maturity. "Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." "Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." "Happy are the meek." "Happy are the pure in heart." "Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires." "Happy are those who are merciful." "Happy are those who work for peace." "Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires." MY OWN PERSONAL CHOICE I know that the eight healing choices work. Why? Because they worked in my life. I have not always been a pastor. Prior to being called into the ministry, I was a successful businessman. I was also a "functional alcoholic." I struggled with my sin addiction to alcohol for nineteen years. Eventually I cam to a point where I was losing everything. I cried out to God for help, and He led me to Alcoholics Anonymous. Even then I knew that my higher power had a name-Jesus Christ!-and I started attending Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. After a year of sobriety, I answered God's call to start a Christ-centered recovery program called Celebrate Recovery. Since 1991, hundreds of thousands of courageous individuals have found the same freedom from their life's hurts, hand-ups, and habits that I did. If these eight choices worked for someone like me. I promise they can work for you too!
