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Marrissa

Nonbeliever
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  1. Here's the other issue I have....I'm very misogynistic. Despite me myself being female, I'm misogynistic. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. My misogyny is so extreme that I would rather a man sexually harass and abuse a female than a female do it to a man. I don't know, it's just that I despise women so much that I wish nothing but harm onto them. I hate women.
  2. Like, what is it like to be able to speak at least two languages?
  3. How many languages do you speak and how is the experience for you?
  4. What if this issue is too difficult for me to accept? I have contemplated wanting to vanish from existence because of this. It's simply too much to handle......
  5. I just had to get this out of my system. It has bothered me so much that I've taken multiple personal days off from work, I can't focus, I cry a lot and I can't stand to look at men or women. About seeking love from God, I'm not sure......I feel so down, I'm not sure what I want anymore...…. And you said no one truly loves misery. What do you mean by that?
  6. My main issue is the very notion of a man, seemingly completely innocent and wanting to live a normal life, gets sexually abused by a woman, have her accuse him of the crime she herself committed against him, he is dragged to the execution chamber crying and begging for mercy, pitifully attempting to prove his innocence to no avail, subsequently getting mercilessly and wrongfully executed. The really depressing thing is, he didn't put his faith in Jesus Christ, and goes to Hell for all eternity. The woman then repents of her sin and then goes to Heaven after she dies. I dwell on the very notion day in and day out, shifting back and forth between self-pleasuring to the very notion to collapsing into these intense, strong emotional outburst of rage and sorrow. This is why I wish I was never born. I wish God never created me or unfortunate people like him. I hate myself. Are people like him and me just garbage? Are we worthless trash? Is that why people like him suffer such a fate? Because some women are superior to men?
  7. I'm often called juvenile, childish, unforgiving, bloodthirsty, immature, etc. But I need to find a way to deal with that. I need to find a way to cope with being looked down upon for my views and stick with my views without getting angry or lashing out like a child. Because the mature, non-vengeful and forgiving people win in the end. And since I refuse to "mature", I'm just gonna have to accept that and stick with the belief that the most unbelievably wicked men and women amongst us should be punished severely instead of having a chance at being reintegrated back into society. I choose not to heal. I choose not to forgive because I don't want to. Because I love being miserable and I'm a self-described sadomasochist. I also need to curb my cravings for attention as well. I need to deaden my senses, deaden my feelings and numb myself physically. That way, I don't care if so-called mature people oppose my views on revenge or not. I choose Hell because although I know what it means to spend eternity separated from God, I don't like His laws. I don't even like how the laws here are opposed to vengeance and making the perpetrator suffer as their victim suffered. Yes, I know I'm a sinner but since I'm immature, I'm just gonna have to get used to it. I love revenge. It will eat away at me in the long run, but I'll get used to it. It will eventually come to a point where I won't be able to feel anything at all. And that's, no pun intended, my saving grace. I really want to just be emotionally dull. You all can continue to pray for me, that's fine, but I don't expect it.
  8. I have chosen not to forgive. PLEASE do not quote any scripture warning me to choose otherwise, because I have already accepted my fate and I'm making arrangements to dull my feelings to where I don't care if I end up in Hell anymore.
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