Katie01

Thank you so much, You have made me feel understood. Which is such a blessing right now. I know this is not going to be easy and have no idea what to do. But I am trusting God to lead me through this. He is giving me peace at times I would normally want to fall apart. This whole journey has brought me closer to God. I actually think that is part of the problem. I have found self worth and now live for God’s standard rather then my husbands. I don’t think he likes that new strength. I think he preferred me weak. I was easy to dominate, manipulate and control. Thank you

Thank you so much for your response. I feel like someone understood me which means a lot. Though it does not fix the problem. After so long of being told It is all me it is such a blessing to be understood. Thank you so much. I am just asking God to give me wisdom. I asked God to help me to love my husband just as God loved me even when I was not loving and focusing on God. If that made any sense. Anyways thank you.

I understand it is stressful to be a farmer. I have always tried to be very supportive of him, maybe to much. We have six kids I am a stay at home mom. We rarely spend much time together. Not because I don’t want to, he is just always busy. I actually think his friend is a nice guy from what I know of him. But I think that daily texting him is a bit much. I feel like a boundary has been crossed when 2 times in the last year he has told me he is doing what he wants and does not care what I think in dealings with him. When I have asked to communicate about it he has told me no. I started feeling very anxious every time I would hear his phone ding after he refused to talk to me. I told him that it was making me feel anxious and hurting me. He stopped texting me and kept texting his friend. Stopped eating at home for a few days and was barely home. It feels like a mess to me.

He has friends who occasionally text him. I have never cared about that. But this friend is texting him everyday. There are days his phone dings before he leaves. Could be as early as before 7 am., when he comes home for lunch, when he comes home at night. It is not that extreme everyday. But it is a lot of communication for a guy who barely communicates with me or his 6 kids anymore. He leaves in the morning comes home at lunch most days not always and when he does come home for the night usually spends the whole night on his phone watching YouTube. I know I can’t control him, but I just don’t know how it came to this.

I am a Christian, I actually love to read the Bible. My husband says he is, but shows little interest in God or the Bible. He got us started to going to church 13 years ago, it did not last a year before he was done. I continued going for awhile but it seemed like it was causing problems so I stopped. Ever since then I have tried to read something daily. Not always perfectly but if I get off track, I have gotten back on. He took us to another church a few times at the suggestion of a friend of his 11 years ago. Then this friend suggested his baptist church and we went there on and off for a few months. Then again he seemed done. We have had struggles with it, I don’t know what you would call them. I have gotten worked up a few times mainly because he acted cold and like my feeling did not matter or just would not communicate. He has been unwilling to communicate with it the whole time, he has never made a attempt to that I can tell. He will bring his friend up in conversation, I just listen. I don’t start a fight. Mainly just farm talk. But will not talk about what happened, and how we can resolve it. He has just sent me the verse about loving your neighbor as yourself. And let me know that I am not his neighbor.

I really wish I could do that. I have tried. I will admit I have not had a steady path of control over this. When it originally happened I asked if we could just talk about it. But I did get angry, when he said no. I was trying to get over it. But it just felt like we were on a roller coaster of close then distant. Then it upset me to see how much they were texting each other. I asked him again if we could talk about it, I was told no again. Just yesterday I found out he watched the friends steer for a week, while his friend went on vacation with his family. He never told me he was doing this. Then yesterday morning my husband calls me and asks me if I want port a pit chicken. It seemed weird, so I asked him why. He told me it was for watching the friends steer. I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said because it was not important, that I never know where he is anyways. I did not understand why it was important to ask me about having chicken when he did not think it was important to ask me if it was ok to take time away from our family to watch the friends farm. It just does not make sense. I asked him again this morning if I could get someone to watch the kids so we could talk about things and again he told me no. I don’t know what to do. I tried to stay as emotionally controlled as possible, it is very hard though when you thought you were supposed to be partners and he is unwilling to communicate.

I did go to the suggested website. I appreciate the help. It said the first session is free after that they charge 45.00. But thank you.

My husband has a friendship that developed in the last year. He is a farmer and was considering buying land with him. I told him I did not want to do that. He told me that he would do what he wanted. But then did not buy the land. A short while later, he was going to go to our local fair and buy the friends steer that his daughter was showing. He was not ready for a new steer at the time. I asked him what was going on and tried to talk to him about it. He told me hewould do what he wanted and left. It has been almost a year since that happened, they text each other almost everyday. I am very uncomfortable with the friendship. I have tried to talk to himabout it but he will not. Am I wrong to be bothered by this? It feels like it is really hurting our marriage and that he would rather have his friend then care about any effect it has on me. Am I justover sensitive, or would you be botheredif you were in my shoes. Help, please.