GreyJay

Take "great care" to do what, though... determine the "origin" of everything before we do it? Paul's advice is to actually avoid seeking the "origin" in his discussion of the debate around meat sacrificed to idols... 1 cor 10: 25 Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, 26 for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.” 27 If an unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. 28 But if someone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” then do not eat it, both for the sake of the one who told you and for the sake of conscience. 29 I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? But I do agree that we should take "great care" around others' consciences, and be willing to cheerfully give up our rights for their sake.

For a few months when I was a kid, I lived on a Native reserve in Canada. There was a debate there among the Christians about whether or not drums should be used in church with worship music. For the people there, drums were associated with rituals to communicate with beings in the spirit world. Because of that association, some Christians thought that it was wrong to try to worship with drums, since they're inherently corrupted by their origins and the purposes they served. Others felt as though it was the heart of the person playing or listening to the drums that determined their acceptability to God, not the intentions of others who'd previously used them for other purposes, or even made them, intending them for other purposes. What do you think... is there a universal rule about whether or not the Christians on that reserve should use drums in worship, or should believers simply follow their own conscience on the matter, and not try to force their conscience on other believers? i.e., Romans 14... One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God... I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. I don't know if you can really say what birthdays are or aren't to anyone, or any other day for that matter. I don't know if God particularly cares one way or another what the origin or "intended" purpose of anything is. I don't find it especially convincing that God would see into the heart of his child doing something giving thanks to Him with a clean conscience, and be offended because of what once was in the heart of other people while doing that thing. He knows the heart of all people, we don't. I think it's a hard reach to declare universally that anyone celebrating a birthday or any other day can't possibly giving thanks to God while doing it. People should "be convinced in their own mind" in matters like this, and follow Paul's advice, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." 1 Cor 10:31. Maybe the obvious reaction to birthdays, or any other day, isn't "Well, you have been making that day all about you -- or other people have made it about themselves -- so that means that day is inherently corrupt for everyone forever now, and you need to stop celebrating anything on that day." Maybe the obvious reaction is, "Just stop making that day about you, stop letting its intended purpose and origin determine what's in your heart on that day, and from now on, however you choose to do it, do it to the glory of God."

Who knows what God will use to draw a person to Himself? Maybe your friend's desire to experience communion is something God will use to connect with her in a way that's uniquely meaningful to her. Maybe that tactile experience will somehow be part of forming her understanding of God's redemption that He offers her. Don't worry about people telling you what the "rules" are, man. Sometimes worrying too much about what we think the "rules" are or aren't can blind us to the work that the Spirit is doing right in front of our eyes, so just let God do His thing. Whatever God chooses to use to draw a person to Himself, we have no right to say He can't use that thing. I don't mean that we should be flippant about communion, so please don't take this that way. Ideally, yeah, there would have been a chance there to explain what communion is to your friend, who and what it's for, etc, then let her make up her own mind about it. I guess what I mean is that we don't actually know what's going on in her heart between her and God, and maybe we should be looking for ways the Spirit is working more than looking for ways rules are being broken.

I while ago, I listened to a sermon by Shane Willard (called "Bowl or Birthright," currently on YouTube if you want to check it out) that gave me a different perspective on the Jacob and Esau story. I'd like to share this with you now, because I've found what I learned to be very important in re-ordering my life, which was thrown into turmoil a number of months ago. The sermon is pretty dense as sermons generally go, but it's about how we as Christians can keep our eyes on the big picture, which is focusing on the sacred things God gave to us in our lives, instead of giving into our human nature in moments of temptation, thus jeopardizing the sacred things we should have been protecting. When Esau traded his birthright for the bowl of food, I used to just assume that he was trading the possessions he would one day inherit for food in a moment of hunger. Really, though, birthright is a much bigger concept. Esau would have inherited the right to be the head of his extended family, taking on the responsibility of making decisions to care for and protect the people who meant the most to him in his life. By treating this sacred thing as something that was common and without value, Esau despised his birthright, trading it for something that filled a temporary impulse. Willard says, "Iniquity is any time your attention gets hooked to something that isn't what God intended for your life. It goes against the birthright and despises it. It convinces us that the holy, sacred thing in our life is something very normal and very un-sacred, and so we treat something that is sacred as if it is common, thus we profane our birthright." So our "bowl," is where our urges catch us, the thing that causes us to act like the sacred things in our lives don't even matter at all. As some of you may have read in the post where I introduced myself, you know that my own profanity of the most sacred thing in my life led to disaster of my own design. I let depression dominate my life, and I let it become so inflated that it became my iniquity, my "bowl," the thing that hooked me and took my attention off the life God intended for me, and because of that, my wife decided to end our relationship. I did not take the time to remind myself the value of the sacred thing in my life, or take steps to make sure I was protecting that thing. I was just living from urge, to urge, to urge, and not protecting or valuing my "birthright," the honor and responsibility of making sure my wife felt loved and valued in our relationship. So how do we protect the sacred things in our life? So the way we fight iniquity is not by "fighting" iniquity, but by focusing on the sacred thing, and making the sacred thing larger will shrink the pull of the iniquity. I made the mistake of trying to fight selfishness in the form of hopelessness, self loathing, regret, shame, guilt, and utterly failing, instead of focusing on the things that God has made sacred: grace, forgiveness, acceptance, vitality, life in abundance. If I had, I also would have protected my marriage. We need to know what's important, know why those things are important, and be intentional about focusing on them and protecting them, and that helps us to shrink the pull of our temporary impulses that will draw us away from the sacred things in our life. Even though my wife may never choose to return to our covenant, I am determined to recognize and protect the sacred things in my life. For me now, that means my family, the church, a life of richness and vitality, and prioritizing the needs of others. I despised all these for many years, and now it's time for me to recognize their value, and the gift from God they are. The thing is, it's working. I'm not going to say depression is gone forever, but I have freedom from its impact on my life now, and it shrinks more and more as I learn to trust God that the things He made sacred actually are sacred, worth focusing on, and worth protecting. Depression is not gone, but its chains on my life are broken. "Your life will either be a summation of you living for your birthright, or you living from urge, to urge, to urge." - Willard So how about you? Let's be vulnerable with one another, and come to each other for support in the things that matter most. What's your "bowl"? What's the thing that hooks you, and threatens to keep you from what God intends for your life? How do you shrink that thing in your life? And what's your "birthright," the sacred things God has gifted in your life, the things that lead to life thriving in richness and vitality, the things worth protecting? How do you remind yourself of the value of those things, and remind yourself why they're worth denying your urges that would draw you away from them?

I left the church for similar reasons in my 20's. I've come back to it in my 30's because I've come to understand the importance of being the church instead of going to church. I have to connect with a church now because I just need the support of Christians at this point in my life. We all have different gifts, we're meant to live life as a unit. We need each other. I'm not saying that every church is worth going to. I'm sure some are toxic and absolutely destructive to one another. I look for different things now than I used to, and I interact with the church now differently than I used to. A few points: - First of all, what even is "the church?" That's kind of a big topic, but at this point in my life, if I said I was "leaving the Church," what that would mean is that I don't want any Christians to be part of my life anymore. I do attend a church on Sunday mornings now, and there are songs sung and sermons heard. There are people I like and don't like there, people I agree with and disagree with. But the people I regard as "my church" is a smaller group of people who get together during the week to just do life together in various ways. - Hot tip from a Church leaver: look for Churches in low socio-economic areas. I made myself part of a salvation army church in a poor area for a few years. It was refreshing to serve alongside Christians who, really, just kept themselves too busy loving people in need to worry about squabbles with one another or the minutia of theology. They kept it simple, because they didn't have time for anything complicated, and it changed the way I thought about what "the church" is. - God is in the business of reconciliation, the end of hostility among us, and unity of spirit and purpose between us. One of our main goals as Christians is to be His hands and feet in THAT purpose. I know, you tried that and failed. The example of Christ and our covenant with Him, though, is that He is faithful even when we are not. Believe me, I know that's a hard example to follow. But the rewards are freedom from hostility, forgiveness, a lifting of those burdens of rejection and resentment that weigh so heavily. In all you've posted, the greatest sense I get is pain, which is coming from a genuine desire to be connected to a group of truly loving Christians. Don't give up. That's out there for you, and it's worth pursuing. It's worth it. Peace.