Chris0699

Thank you.

Please pray that He would open my eyes, that would help. Whether I am blinding myself willfully or I am ignorant, the result is the same, alienation from God and continuance in sin, and only He can do something about it. Thank you.

Thank you. I intend to keep reading the Word and praying, insincere as it may be, until something happens.

And I can't give up something that was probably never real to begin with.

I'm here at Worthy because I am afraid that I have gone the way of Esau and I guess I am just whining about it. I realized my actions were causing me to lose the birthright, and I think I am only finding out after the opportunity has gone. Maybe I am hoping against hope that it hasn't, and that maybe someone can help me. But whether I am willing to talk about it or whatever doesn't change the heart condition inside, nor can all my hand wringing. I am the same person you described you were when living in sin, I will just talk about it and talk to others. I need to be brought to the same point you were. God was pleased to do so with you, but so far He isn't with me.

I think I do. Thank you.

I'm comfortable in a life of sin and unbelief in Jesus, and no matter how hard I try to think of the consequences, I will still not change. I know I have to believe in Jesus, and set aside my pride, but I can't get to that place no matter what I do.

Thank you @Revlori for checking on me. I believe I am already hardened. The decisions that led to this place were made a long time ago. This process has just made me aware of said hardness. Still a long way from actually doing something about it. All my efforts to try to do something about it have been fruitless so far.

I need an intervention like this. I just have no assurance that, given the state of my heart, that He would be willing to do it.

This does at least give me some hope, thank you, and best to you as you work through your struggle. Thank you for sharing with me.

I am about as far away from believing and trusting in Christ as can be. Just apathy. I don't know if it's because I am in open rejection or if I am losing hope that He cares and that's the reason for the apathy. I have to be able to call out to God for help, but my "prayers" are but lip service and empty thoughts. I can only hope that somehow He would break in. I may sound like an honest seeker, but I am anything but. I have read the Bible cover to cover at least once (a long time ago) and read at least something daily but so far nothing. The requirements for answered prayer seem daunting, too. Because I have a very bad sin loving heart that is constantly turning away from God. And a self righteous attitude that thinks better of myself than I am.

There's no witchcraft in my lineage. Most of my family is at least professing to be Christian.

I read John 4 and 5 yesterday.

What about?

No, it's not demonic.

The wrong reasons as you previously specified.

Depends. Sometimes NIV, sometimes NLT, sometimes NASB.

I can't hear His voice or detect knocking. The signs do not paint a pretty picture.

I know that it is possible and many people have, but for whatever reason it's not coming together for me.

And the cure, belief and repentance, seems unclear and impossible to obtain.

Whatever it is, I am not in a good place. Everyone says concern over sin and a desire to turn to God are signs you have not committed that sin, but I cannot honestly say I am there. When my crisis first hit, I was terrified - not eating, trying to avoid sin like mad, reading sermons like crazy, spending lots of work time researching, etc. But much of that has faded away, largely, probably due to hopelessness. I am probably closer to @Blood Bought 1953's suggestion of getting my pleasure in while I can, but I can't be content with that because I would be going to hell and possibly taking my family with me. So, whatever the nature of the sin, I am either on the brink of it, am currently commiting it, or have committed it and I am wasting my time being here when I should be living it up.

I don't want to put you through that. I'll go looking around.

No, I'm interested. I've read other testimonies to see if there are people I can relate to.

Well, I'm screwed then.

Please do. I pray and nothing happens. I feel like I'm trying to fish for the right words, but nothing seems to work. I think I am far more wicked than I know. There must be a reason why the Lord isn't answering. Day by day more heartless prayers and no results. Feels like I am trying too little too late.