believeinHim

In the new house I will be more secluded and away from the main part of the house and more away from things and more privacy, etc. The new house will help with this. I am waiting for the sun to come back out while we live here, And the new house will offer me some more privacy back and away in the back part of the house. Kind of feeling like I am living in solitary confinement, But, This world is offering me less and less activities I can involved myself in.

Update; I'm sad. Twice now, I think some women have lied to her. I try and warn her, and twice now I think she has been lied to. I stay away from my female 'friends', and twice now I think she has been lied to. I prefer the men. Lol. Twice now, I think she has been lied to. Or embellished on the truth. It breaks my heart, But twice now I think she has been lied to.

Because neither of us like the new one. I do not like riding it, and neither does she. It's a three wheeler, and we thought we'd be more comfortable on it. It is harder on both of us for us to drive it. She has already bought two in the past, and I used them for errands until they wore out. She does not plan on replacing this new one again. We are trying moving in to a smaller place, and if I want one I need to buy my own this time. I will probably also need to store it myself in the new bigger room, which will make me lose the extra space I am gaining. I thought about getting a bike. I thought about just getting a bike. I already have. Several times. They know already. Yes, they do. Yes, they are. But, Only because of my illness. Nothing else. They do not see it as an immediate need that I can't get to church easily. No, They will not. They think that is fine not to go. We are not of the same religion's and even if we were, They do not think it is that important to go. If they do, Then they just don't go. If they are going to church I can go with them, But they don't go. In the new house if my dad has less yard work and they want to go, They might go. I can't guarantee, though. I do not know what church life will look like. My parents don't have much of one. Since the pandemic, They are convinced that church is a breeding ground for germs. They never went before then, Either. My dad works really really hard, And he watches movies for recreational. My mom watches tv. They do not go to church. They are not much of church people. They run errands on the weekends, and shopping and stuff. I could say that a good portion of my Disability income is invested in the likes of places like Sears, And Macy's and etc. That is the majority of what my Disability income is invested in to. Church has become a non thing since my illness. Now I don't have a car. I am trying to re direct my finances towards natural fibers and have less, As opposed to more. My Disability income is invested in to places like Sears. I don't have a savings, But I don't have any debt, either. I have bills, and rent, That I have a hard time keeping up with. Even if I didn't, the government requires it. I am trying to have less, and have more quality as opposed to quantity. I am trying to save all that I can right now, Since I don't have one. Then maybe I can buy a scooter. There is a church by the new place, but it is up the roads a ways. So, again, it's the same thing. I will need to walk, or have a scooter. I am waiting until if we get in to the new place right now, And I am also waiting until it starts getting lighter out at night for here. I do not like the morning services. It is too much activity for me. When it starts getting brighter out at night, I am going to try and walk up to the church that I keep forgetting about. I already walked up there once to see their service times. I am currently waiting for it to not be so dark out at night while we still live here. That is what I am waiting for. I am waiting for it to start getting brighter out at night again while we still live here. I am trying to save all that I can right now, While invested in to quality, as opposed to quantity, And just resting in prayer and just resting in general, and trying to keep up with chores and stuff around the house and etc. I am waiting for the sun to come back out while we live here. I am Disabled, and on Disability, And the medications are brutal, But while I live here, And while I am on Disability Income, I am trying to invest in to quality, as opposed to quantity, and focus my behavior on savings, and rejecting any advice that does not align with the Bible. It's difficult, Since my mom is more left leaning than me. My mom is more left leaning than in the house. She always has been. She aligns more with libertarian ideals. She is the most libertarian in the house. I am trying to invest in to quality, as opposed to quantity, and focus my behavior on savings, and rejecting any advice that does not align with the Bible, Despite living with them because of disability, and the differences in doctrine and political alignments. That is what I am focusing on. It's all I can do with a Disability. The temptation of the television and the entertainment is high, The temptation of the shopping is high, and I am trying to remain focused and invest in to quality, and not quantity. That is what I am focused on. The temptation is high. But, now that I am ware of it, I am trying to remain focused. The new house will help with it. If we get in to it.

Thanks for sharing. Yeah, the only thing I have ventured off in to is looking in to the Orthodox faith. That is Eastern, I think. It's not Roman Catholic, but I think it is Eastern. I know Christians and Jewish people are closely interlinked in American religion. This worries me due to the Zionism, as well as duck duck going who is in power of everything in the big mighty government of places. I am not Jewish, At least as far as I know of my family history, In which case I have never known my grandfather of my father's side, etc, But, I was told he is German, white, basically. Not sure how I feel about this, either, tbf. To be frank.

That's hard to explain. It is incredibly rare. I am below the minority in this sense. It's Bipolar 1 with Psychotic Features and Anxiety. Mania can mimic ADHD, but they never confused mine because of the psychosis. I will stop sleeping as soon as I stop taking meds. Still. To this day. Where are the wrong places you looked? Should I not be against Zionism? When I say I am against Zionism, I mean the invasion of Palestinian territory, and vice versa. Should I not be so? I don't want Palestine to invade Israel, and I don't want Israel to invade Palestine. I want neither of those things. I am fine with Nationalism for all. Should I not be?

Ah, Yes, I see, But I have a Serious Mental Illness, So the nature of confusion is natural to me.

I updated my signature to describe who I am. I haven't gotten it all figured out. Which religions I align with. I think I typed it something like this; I am a Christian. I reject Zionism. I believe in Jesus Christ. I reject Islam. I am not a Romanist. I am not a Atheist. tobelieveinHim. Does anyone else know exactly what religion they are? I have so many questions, and so many answers. I feel like I am finding myself, which is really not necessary, but you know they say curiosity killed the cat. I reject Islam, so please don't kill me. *Run for the hills*. *The hills have eyes*.

I am a Nationalist, I can definitely tell you that. I do not know if i am Orthodox, but I am definitely a Nationalist. I do not believe in keeping my enemies close, and leaving the nation. It's also not what a 'good girl's would do. I am not an Evangelist. I am a Nationalist, and I believe in my own.

I don't smoke, nor chew, And I would never go with a brother, so this is not a problem.

I was unaware that the West associates ourselves with them? The government certainly doesn't. I know that the government does not view Palestine as an ally. People on the internet, and on true free speech platforms might talk with each other, and post things, But our government does not see Palestine as an ally. Whether this is a good thing or not, I am unaware. I have not been to Palestine. I am afraid to go to any other country. Not sure it is in my calling as a being the Christian I am, as well as to my gender and what that has to say about it and me traveling to other countries. Not certain what all of that has to say about it. Or the other gender, for that matter. I don't know what the Bible truly teaches about nation hopping and nation traveling. For either gender. Or did I misunderstand that? It is worded confusingly to me. Did I get that backwards from what you said? It is worded confusingly to me.

The title about says it. For years, I have blamed everything on the illness, except the illness. With the rise of conspiracy theories on the internet being so readily available to read online places, It only fuels this narrative and this thought pattern. I know mental illness has always been there. I read a book from night in times past, with lunatic and the verse about lunatic in the Bible. I know it exists. When I try and explain it away, I can't. And get confused. Type things I don't mean, or don't know what I am saying. Sigh. Which came first, the mental illness, or the cause of the illness? Does food really affect the body to the degree that people says it does. And is there another way to treat smi, and what causes it if it is all genetics. I want to blame everything about the illness, on everything except the illness.

I would actually love this. I am living on a special lectin free diet, and it is expensive and above my means. I am doing so now finally with the help of my mom, we are now both doing it. I complain a lot, but as soon as my mom gets on board with something I have been researching, It's like everything comes in to better perspective. She is really smart. A bit too smart and extraverted in comparison to me, but very, very smart! We are now both the trying this special lectin free diet. She has gerd, and acid reflux, and I had to have an upper endoscopy for a narrowed esophagus, ew this sounds and embarrassing typing it, But, that's what happened to me last year, or a year or two ago now, and I don't want it to happen again. They found a lot of acid in my stomach,a nd I have not had any problems since then, but I know I do still eat a lot of bad foods, and acidic foods, and I have just had enough. I am also on Disability income, and I have a chronic Serious Mental Illness, and am on several medications, as well. I don't like eating in front of people, and one of the main things I have when I like someone, is not wanting to eat in front of them. But, I would love it if a friend, or a romantic interest would come shopping with me at the end to the beginning of the month when my finances are running low, not only would it bring me such relief for loneliness aspect, But, it would also aid in financial help, as well. I would be forever in debted, happily, and gratefully. <3. <3. I also have this weird thing where it is embarrassing for me to push the carts, so that would also be a relief to me! My relationship with my mom is good. She does not align herself with the baptist religion. I am not a baptist. She is not, either. I hold a lot of longing, and moonlighting with the fundamentalist, and orthodox leaning churches. This is not who my immediate family is. It saddens me,a nd frustrates me, that part about it, But, my relationship with my mom is good. If I want to live the fundamentalist life, it is up to me on my own to figure out a way to get there, and without having transportation, and moving somewhere smaller potentially, It is just basically still up to me on my own if that is what i want to do. With my illness, and the medications, and the timing involved in that, it makes it so much more difficult to accomplish by myself, without my own transportation. But, it's still up to me regardless. Aside from the differing I'm doctrine, my relationship with my mom is good. We just have a differing in the type of church we would want to go to, and my mom keeps up with politics every day now, And that is mostly because of me. She keeps up with tv, and politics, mostly because of me. She does enjoy it, and my dad is busy with work, But, she started getting really involved with it because of me. And my illness. She keeps up with it because of me. So, overall, I have it good here. When I am in an episode, or having some bad days out of the months, I have a hard time remembering this, and I am just caught up in the moment of my episode, and my feelings, and my crying, and whatever is going on on my social media, and etc, Worthy, and etc, And it just explodes in to an uncontrollable post fest where I am not even explaining things clearly, or think that I am, and people get confused, and I get confused, and the post gets taken down, and everyone is miscommunicating and etc, and now we are all confused. But, my relationship with my mom is good. I would just love it if someone else other than my parents would come shopping with me, Either with groceries, or fun stuff, or whatever. I love to shop, and it is lonely just me and my parents sometimes. I won't accept just anyone, and I already have a few others in mind. Which only gets me in to more trouble online.

My parents want to go to a church of Calvary. I want to go a Fundamentalist church, Or an Orthodox Church. They are not particularly concerned with helping me have an easy time of getting there.

Let me try and make a short story, short. My parents do not align with the Biblical ideals of a smaller church. They are not super motivated, nor concerned with helping have an easy way of getting there. They think that this is ok, and they think that this is ok with God. Since COVID, my parents have really even are now definitely have not intentions of ever returning to a smaller, more traditional church, ever again. They want to go to the biggest church they can find, and sit in the back and not talk to anyone and not meet anyone. Because they do not believe in the ideals that smaller churches typically align with, they are not super concerned with helping me have an easy time of getting there. They think that this is what God would want, and that this is what He is Ok with. They are not Baptist, nor Fundamentalists. And they have no plans on ever talking to, or meeting anyone at church again. Especially now that that are convinced that they are breeding grounds for germs. We are moving in to somewhere that is only 4 SQ ft smaller, but it is smaller, and everything is reachable. It's a good thing, the house, but there is still the thing of church. They do not see it as an immediate problem, nor an immediate concern. They believe this is ok with God. My parents want to go to church and hear a lesson and then leave. They do not want to be involved with the church, and They want to skip the fellowship part of the church. They prefer and have already met all of their friends through other ways. They don't see it as an immediate concern that this is where I would prefer to meet people, and this is my preferred way of socializing with people. They don't care about that part. They already have each other, as well. COVID has made them even less sociable in regards to church. The experience they describe with the attending and leaving, would all be fine with an Orthodox Christian Church. We are nowhere near those. There are not many left in America. I still lean a little more Fundamentalist. The experience of attending and leaving, I believe aligns more with an Orthodox Christian Church. There are not many of those left in America.

It is not against the Bible to own a servant. It is against the Bible and the law to mistreat them. It is also not against the Constitution to own a servant. It is against the Constitution to mistreat them.

My parents do not find church a priority, And they do not identify with traditional, Smaller churches. They live off of mainstream news outlets, And mainstream modern entertainment. They isolate, And shop and run 'errands', And only run errands on the weekends, and once a week during the week. Since Covid, they have no plans to ever attend a smaller church again. They think it is a breeding ground for germs. I have no transportation of my own to get to church. I can not put it in their house if I had the money for it, either. It is not a priority for them to go to church. They think this is all OK with God. I need help. They don't want to meet anyone at church. They do not want to meet people at church. I need help. And prayers. I can not meet people in person at a traditional church. It is too hard for me to get there.

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Well, Now she is selling the scooter. She had to buy a new one because the other two of them worn out. She is now selling this one because neither of us can drive it very well. We are in the process of moving in to a smaller place, That is further away from everything, But there is a church up the street a ways. It's a more old fashioned church, But it is a ways a ways again. When I asked her how I am supposed to get to church, She very non chalantly and casually said, "Don't Go,?", As if this is just an acceptable answer. She repeatedly tells me she is not a Baptist when it comes up. And repeatedly leans very far towards big churches, Where no one talks to you and you don't meet anyone. If I do get a new scooter, I have to buy it myself and store it myself. I can not store it in the garage, or anywhere else in the new house. It will have to go in my new room that is bigger, So then I just lost all of my new extra space. When I asked her how I am supposed to get to church in the new smaller house, She very matter of factly and very just said, "Don't Go,?", As if this is just an acceptable answer. They are honoring mainstream entertainment, and mainstream news outlets. That is what they are honoring. My parents are not honoring God in the way of mainstream, or I don't know. I feel like Ham, from the Canaanites, By telling on them, in a way. I don't know that what they are doing is wrong, But I feel like Ham, from the Canaanites, by telling on them, in a way. I can not meet a man of God, at a traditional church, Being under their roof, Without some difficulty in getting there. I do not have the finances for a car, and even if I did I am not allowed to park it in front of their house. My mom spends all of her time helping me in the system with this Mental Illness, And keeping disability, Because the system is not set up for people with Serious Mental Illness. We are discriminated against. She is not putting it together that the same people she watches every day, And pays for to bring in to this home on a daily basis, Are apart of the problem. She is not understanding that. I have no transportation to church, and I do not have a mobility scooter anymore, either. If I want to buy my own, I now lose all of the extra space I am gaining, To the scooter. And her passive, "Don't Go,?", Is that she does not find it a priority in a Christian's life. I had an episode, In where I raged to get them to buy me a car, Because she was going to stop letting me take her car to volunteer for the worship team at church. She was not going to let me take her car to church anymore for volunteer for the worship team, And I had to walk and ride a bike to work every day, as well. And she was going to stop letting me take her car to volunteer for the worship team when I was in Junior High youth group at church. It was one of my first episodes. I know that parents just don't buy their kids cars, and the reason was because I wanted it to take it to church. And that's what I did with it. I have no transportation to church, And I do not have a mobility scooter anymore, either. I can not meet anyone at the Baptist church in person, If I can not get to the Baptist church. She said, 'Don't Go', To church, Meaning, Don't Go? to church, very passively like it is no big deal. I do not understand, I do understand that I have an illness and that she keeps up with this stuff because of the illness, But, at the same time there are all of these conspiracy theories floating around out there, like better medications, And alternative Doctors, and etc. There are also those about don't trust anything in mainstream news. So, I don't know. They are not baptists. They don't like the smaller churches.

I already tried a women's study and I liked it, Remember I said I went with my mom? She refused to go back again unless we went all of the time. For her she wanted to go all of the time, or not at all. I am trying to meet people, and get married, I need a husband and my own family someday. I am struggling with finding a man to marry, and to help take care of me when my parents are no longer here. Someone to be here for me when my parents are no longer here is my ultimate priority. For survival reasons. Jesus is my spiritual priority. For survival reasons, In this system with my Disability, It is vital that I have someone who can be around me when my parents are no longer here. I am trying to meet people and go in person on purpose. Other than that, I keep up with the deacon band. And some of the stuff they recommend.

Yeah, But I wanted to just get up and walk there just then, It was the easiest thing for me to do, The computer is hard on your eyes, All computers are, blue light is not our friend. I am at it more often than not these days, and that is not like me. It was good to just get out and just walk up there and look at the sign. Btw, That band member singlehandedly helped repair my reputation just by becoming an Orthodox Deacon, Which is not the same thing as a Catholic deacon. He singlehandedly helped repair some of my reputation. <3.

Ok, I'm going to nip this in the bud before it starts. Please stay on topic.

I always forget about this other poor church near here. They have a Sunday morning service, and they have a Wednesday night service. It is within walking distance. I just walked up there just now. Other than that, because I was volunteering with worship, I keep up with a band who's became a deacon. A member of this band became a deacon at an Orthodox church. That is about as far from the church branch that I fall. I keep up with a band who's member became a deacon at an Orthodox church. That is about as far from the church branch that I fall. I'm a good girl. :) :) Regardless of what people think about them, He is a Deacon at a church. I to take that pretty seriously. That is as far from the church branch that I fall.

Sorry, Let me split this up a bit more. It seems kind of really chaotic at the church on Sunday mornings. Like, really chaotic on Sunday mornings. I forgot that there is this other church that has two morning services on Sundays, that I can walk to on Sunday mornings. I literally always forget about this poor church. I am about to walk up there myself, and see what their sign says on their service times. Believe it or not, a Fundamentalist Baptist church feels like an overwhelming, intense, and insane party goer event, On Sunday mornings! I would rather go at night.!

I will have to think about it. It is getting darker earlier still. My preference is to go to the evening service. I do not want to be riding a scooter or walking by myself, as a woman, in the dark. I do not even believe this church would want that from me, or any female for that matter. That's my preference is to go the evening service. I will see what I can do. Waking up after medication is near impossible. But, I will see what I can do. A part of the reason why I picked this church, is because they are courteous to the sexes. They do not discriminate, nor do they neglect. They are definitely not neglectful in protecting their women. One of the reasons why I picked it. I might still be around here when it starts getting brighter out later, as well. I might still be around here. I might also be around here still, with it being brighter out later in to the evening. I am kind of waiting for that right now. Other than that, I keep up with an orthodox band, a band who has become orthodox. That is what I do in my spare time while not attending church in person. I keep up with an orthodox band, and come on to Christian Forums and Worthy Christian Forums. It should be staying lighter out in the next couple of months. I am kind of waiting for that. There is also one more church that is within walking distance, that I actually might walk up to right now to see their service times. I might walk up to this one right now to check out their service times. Thanks. I will see what I can do. Side note; I am not really taken, but I am not really single, either. Going to this church in the morning seems off to me. I am not really single, but I am also not really taken. This is a side note, mind you; It's off topic. I flee from anywhere where I feel like I might be pursued, because I am not taken, But, my heart already is. I am about to walk up to this church and see their service times, i always forget about this other church near here. I am going to go check out another one near here, that is walkable on Sunday mornings. It seems kind of chaotic at the Baptist church on Sunday mornings. It seems like it's really chaotic at the Baptist church on Sunday mornings. I am looking for a more low key environment. The Baptist church seems like it may be a little bit too chaotic on Sunday mornings. And this is Fundamental, mind you,. But, it seems like it may be too chaotic on Sunday mornings. There is another one near here, that I always forget about. I'm gonna take a walk up there, right now.

Oy vey! Yes, I get along quite well with the Silencers. Yes, I get along quite well with the Silencers. And did you have to describe her that way?!?!