Basically, to cut a long story short, I have been very ill for years. I'm having long-term cancer treatment and have had a stoke, and I'm still only in my 30s. I'm in chronic pain, partially sighted from the stroke, can't move my left arm or foot properly, and constantly exhausted and brain foggy. I had to quit my job and university course and go on disability benefits. It was bad enough living like this and seeing all my hopes an dreams go up in smoke, but now with the cost of living crisis I just can't keep up with my expenses. After paying my rent and utilities this week, my overdraft is maxxed out and i don't have anything left for food. All of the places that refer people to food banks are closed for the weekend too.
This is my entire future now. Nothing to look forward to and constant pain and anxiety. The advice I've been given by christians are things like "I'm praying for you," "have faith," "read your bible and pray" "stay Strong" and even a lot of judgment thrown my way because I'm not being strong enough and not having enough faith, and really infuriating things like "god is testing you" "God is trying to humble you." These are all a mixture of virtue signalling and judgment. No moral support, no useful advice about where i can get help, and quite frankly I just don't think I believe any more.
I am at the stage where i am seriously researching and contemplating taking my own life. I have been a christian for years and it has never helped me or improved my life in any way. I am still cold, hungry and desperate and nobody in the church even offers so much as a hug, a genuinely kind word or helps me to find resources that might help my situation. I have been so financially desperate that I've even been stealing food from the supermarket and when I confessed this I was told to confess to the police and pay for what I'd taken (even though I have no money) and accept my punishment or I will go to hell.
It just seems that both god and his followers are so cruel and heartless I am about ready to leave Christianity for good.
