Chrysala1891

I'm not really a Christian......

I'm not promoting or encouraging anybody in this behavior in anyway, but I have no qualms about engaging in homosexuality. I wish I could keep doing it until the day I die and then no consequences for it.

We know giving into inclinations can be harmful to others, but are they harmful to us? Is it about nobility when it comes to resisting temptation? Because I don't see giving into temptation being harmful to ourselves. I see giving into lesbian inclinations being offensive to a lot of people, including God, but not the person who practices it. I think the real loss is that of others. In our choice to prize out own pleasure above the greater good, OTHERS suffer and the person/people engaged in the act are the only ones unaffected by it.

I pulled a knife out on my brother last year. I didn't intend on actually hurting him but I was so angry that I pulled it out on him to take me seriously. Some time later, my parents found out about it and needless to say, I was shocked by their reaction. They treated me like I was a danger and threatened to call the police on me and told me, and I quote "get the f*** out of here". I felt like they were overreacting and only my brother knew I wasn't serious in hurting him. I was so angry at my parents that I have posted numerous questions about this topic on Yahoo Answers, recently contemplating on killing and destroying them, making them pay. Then, I came to a much less violent alternative--falsify a police report about a murder I committed. So I could go to jail forever. I wanted to deliberately ruin my own life, for what I did, for who/what I am, and because I could. I still want to destroy my life, especially since I went to a orientation today on a Seasonal Job offer I got.

And what's wrong with that? What's wrong with no self-control and responsibility? How does it hurt me? It can't hurt me or any other perpetrator THAT much, 'cause if it did, we wouldn't do it. I think the real victims are those who are affected by my actions, even though I don't intend to hurt people. And no, I don't just want no self-control or responsibility--I want to be blameless--to be a victim--to be innocent. Why would anybody want to be guilty?

I know this may sound strange, but I hate the idea of accountability because I don't like the idea of being guilty or responsible for anything. When my urges, genetic predispositions or impulses are blamed, it wipes my slate clean, it makes me innocent and blameless. Taking responsibility does not alleviate one's guilt--it solidifies it. And I don't want that....... I just don't see accountability as helpful to me at all. I see it as accusatory, relentless, judgmental and unapologetic. It's more of an insult to me...... I'm honestly at a loss as to why people agree otherwise.....

Society and authority are my enemies since they refuse to accept urges, genetic predispositions and impulses as excuses for criminal activities. They and everybody else who agrees with them should perish. I want to see them dead for it. Rot in Hell. I hate them all.

Now most people would agree that the standard of being in Heaven is to live right; to live the best life you can without deliberately breaking any laws, be it moral or legal, divine or worldly. Given that we as humans have free will, we can easily choose not to commit crimes or to sin. I think it's all just a matter of how much regard you have for morality and ethicality. But according to a number of Christians, Jeffrey Dahmer aka "The Milwaukee Killer", for example, repented wholehearted for his sins before he died in prison and is therefore going to Heaven: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/september/34.125.html ................................after committing a myriad of atrocities such as killing, necrophiliac relations and Cannibalism: https://www.thoughtco.com/profile-of-serial-killer-jeffrey-dahmer-973116 David Berkowitz aka, the "Son of Sam", another notorious murderer who is apparently going to Heaven: https://www.biography.com/people/david-berkowitz-9209372 And last but certainly not least, Westley Allan Dodd, who is the child pedophile and killer of many young boys: http://www.epm.org/resources/1993/Feb/1/westley-allen-dodds-eternity/ I'm sorry, but the whole prospect of murderers spending eternity in Heaven with their victims is sickening to me. I can see victims deserving of Heaven, but not murderers. Murderers deserve Hell for their deeds. Christians agree that they're deserving of Hell and if they were shown NO mercy whatsoever, it would be perfectly just and no wrong done on God's part. But somehow, they're all going to Heaven. If people end up in Heaven, they must deserve it and they must be good enough to get into Heaven. Is there something about repentance that makes one all of a sudden righteous that it outshines one's previous iniquities? Does it make one a truly good person by taking responsibility and repenting and being in Heaven? Aren't Christians known for living a crimeless life? Isn't the requirement for Heaven to live a crimeless life?

Like the title says.

What will Hell be like?

What does He want from me, anyway? Why does He want anything to do with me, anyway? What business is my life of His?

But I'm not passionate enough about God. In fact, I don't have any intentions whatsoever of living for Him or anybody else. You're supposed to want God for Him and because He's loving, not so you can escape Hell. All I really want out of this life is to live my own life as an Illustrator, Animator and possibly as a Fashion photographer and/or Child caretaker. I don't really want God for Him.

Like the title says.