cutiepie1497

The thoughts are always going to be there until I get comfortable with my body. Haven't conquered that just yet. It's horrible, like comparing myself to other girls and just stuff like that. But I did buy my very first bikini a few months ago in July looked pretty good in it. Everyone liked it and said how good I looked in it....made my day more than they could ever know. But at 4 foot 10 and 90.5 pounds and soon to be 16 December 3rd I feel so short and fat. My body fat percetnage is 25% its supposed to be 23% and I'm supposed to be 88.....I go back to be re-evaluated and will have hopefully reduced body fat. This is at the YMCA gym, Meggin plans on watching me like a hawk....they don't mess around, which is good. I would love to go down to 18%-20%....that would make me so happy. I am in a 1 in juniors jeans now....kind of disappointed but I can still fit in 12 kids with some brands. The lady who checked me out was like "A 1?! Girl your tiny....your so short too and cute. You look great, you make me sick." lol....it was nice....but I'm not worried too much about the thoughts, as long as they stay that....just thoughts. I just feel so lonely and I don't know its like nothing makes me happy I just feel blah, you know? Anyways.... I am hopefully going to church tonight! I love my church and youth group. It's awesome. God really moves on Wednesday night since my youth pastor redid the set up of the evening. We used to know him like a book (2 songs, pray, 1 song, pray, message, small groups, leave) Now we go in there find a prayer partner, someone we have never prayed with before and pray with them then we go to small groups and then we worship...last time everyone was crying and had their hands raised....including myself. It was so beautiful....I lost it completely fell to my knees praying as did many others. I just hope the same thing happens tonight. I love going to church, especially when things like that happens, and you know God is there.

Thanks so much for your advice Pipit, and everyone. Pipit what do you mean by "Hopefully you can find someone here on Worthyboards."?

I cannot talk to them about this. They would think that I was being self-centered or jealous or something. Plus talking to someone is so incredibly embarrassing and even writing a letter is that much worse. Pipit, the only music I listen to is christian lol thats all you will find on my computer, out of my cds, and thats what my radio is turned to so thats not going to be a problem. I will start reading the bible this week though. So I should start in Psalms?

Ugh Pipit! You are right. I'm over here cring now....that is so true of myself I think, unfortunately. Well when this accountability from my youth pastors wife started is at youth camp 2 summers ago and I have develped anorexia and bulimia. She was awesome....helped me through it, suggested counseling and I wnet. Very helpful lady to have around. Now I'm not so bad...haven't had bulimia or rather I will always have it but havent thrown up in months. The thoughts are still deadly and non stop which kill me and have had wear and tear on me. But now its not so much that. Now I don't know I have fallen away from God, I don't read my bible anymore except on Sunday morning. I guess I'm what I call a Sunday Christian. But its not like I'm completely opposite from school/ church. I am the same person....always, I don't change and I hold my morals high. I just feel so empty, so worthless, and like if I were to talk with my yout pastors wife I would be too much of a burden on her, and I don't want to be a burden. I don't know.....I'm so confused....

Okay, I

I'm hoping she catches on and asks me about it, cause i hate talking to her about something first now....i used to not mind but now im completely embarressed to

okay that confused me....do you mean that we may not have had a friendship in the first place or what? Because we did.....sorry I'm confused at that statement

I just wish she would come to me about it, ya know?

I would be so embarressed to talk to her about this, ya know? I mean we havent had a heart to heart in almost a year. And what am I going to say? "Im jealous of the other teens and your relationship with them." ugh that would be horrible.

Okay so me and my youth pastors wife were really close this last summer. Well it seems like now it is completely gone. Everytime I think about it I cry my heart out. I adore her so much and I don't know what happened. Any advice for me on this would really be appreciated. Because it feels like now that she has a few of the youth that she is really really close with and I'm feeling jealous, bitter, angry, hurt, disappointed......plz offer suggestions on how to rekindle our friendship....(she will be 28 soon and I will be 16 soon if that matters).... Also I just wrote this poem about it..... Friends No More Where did our friendship go? I thought you enjoyed my company, Or at least you acted like it, To bad you were just faking. I really thought we were friends, That I could tell you everything, But apparently there was a misunderstanding. I miss the days when we laughed together, Or when I poured my heart out to you, But those days are no more. I am saddened to see it go, But maybe there is a deeper reason behind it. I see you with your chosen few, And wonder why I

I've never heard of her lol.

Can anyone recommend good female christian artist CD's that have recently been released? Thanks for your help...