mikado5001

Hi to all my brothers and sisters! The topic explains what is inside. I cannot live as I am now. My roomate is a depressed person who is on the march to the grave. She's 76. It has been impacting me for the 10 years I have been here. I to am a depressed emotional cripple in many ways. Part of me does not want to change. Most of me does. I do not know what to do. Therapy is, to my mind, no more than paid friends. I live, for now, in New York City. It is not cheap. Even living with roommate(s). And between family growing up, my last, and previous roommates' drama. I DO NOT wish to do it again. Regardless of the issue. I tried to be a lifter upper both before and after my coming to faith in JESUS CHRIST. But I can only go so far. My surroundings and life are beginning to affect who I am. My own issues with life are quite enough. I want to wipe the slate clean and start a new life! Maybe that will be the start of getting the help I need. I don't know. I spend money and eat to keep the pain at bay. I cannot keep on like this. I would not be unhappy to die right now. NO I AM NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE!!!!! But had the good LORD not fixed HIS cannon against self slaughter......... I know this sounds like cry for help. And in ways it is. Especially for a cheap studio in a lower cost of living state. I have had this, I don't know, small town fantasy. Working a decent, honest, joyous, salaried job within a mile of where I live. So I could walk or jog to work. After work, once or twice a week, going into a bar for a beverage, a wine cooler, pina colada, or white Pino(yes, I am a lightweight lol), knowing people by name. And caring enough about the friends I make to want to hear about them. Finding an awesome annointed small Church. Meeting my future wife. A wife, again I must confess, who will know what she is getting into. The last girl I dated ran for the hills. At least she let me know why. That was awesome of her. And for that I bare her no ill will. NOTE TO ALL:See Why did I Get Married w/Janet Jackson. I am the male equivalent of one of the charactors in many ways. You'll know the one, I am sure. -------------One guy in my building asked me how I was. And when I was about to tell him, assuming he was being genuine, he started in about the NY METS!! I wanted to rip his head off. I was, I confess, having a MISERABLE day. And this hypocrite starts dancing for another topic with the skills of a member of RIVERDANCE's Troupe. I was offended beyond belief.----------------- I prayed for him later that night. I am, I think, being naieve about this whole thing. No matter where you go there you are. But I cannot help thinking I need to rescue myself from where I am. I feel like there is no hope for tommorow. And that the no promise of tommorow promise will be a kept promise. What does the FATHER have in store for me? Why do I see no dreams or visions. I just want to lie in bed and cry. I got the lie in bed part. But there are walls surrounding the very things I want to be able to do. Cry it out, I guess. As the Judge said to Pink in The Wall...TEAR DOWN THE WALL!!! That's what I need, I suppose. Tear down the walls. Walls I have built with food and stuff. Most of the stuff I did not need. Rejecting, but at the same time embracing, my lonliness. Afraid to almost anyone. Since I come off so weird. Church "brothers" and "sisters" that I ask to hang out. But they come up with excuse after excuse not to. Some are legit. But others fumble worse than a receiver at a football game. To sum up...though GOD loves me, I believe. I WANT TO DIE AND RISE AGAIN!!!! Put the past behind me. Start anew. I want GOD's go or no go on this. And I don't hear, feel, or see an answer. There are so many people who talk about hearing, seeing, and feeling GOD. I want to too. There was an article in the current issue of PRAY! about this guy who was doing a training session and needed more materials. He said that GOD told him to go into a McDonalds. He met his daughter there and she had the materials he needed. An awesome answer to prayer. But it was frustrating to me to a point. Anyway thanks to those who read this and post to it. I need your wisdom, council, real estate advice, and most of all fellowship. I have a laptop now. So I can fellowship here whenever I am able. Without going to a library or a cafe. THANK YOU JESUS FOR ANSWERING THAT PRAYER!!!!!!

Perhaps it would help to see your perspective . . . . It's like this BlindSeeker. When GOD was giving out directions for so many things in the Old Testament. Those instructions were precise. Build the Ark so high and so wide. Build the Temple, Gates, Tables, The Ark for the Tablets, and the Holy of Holies. The health rituals for all unclean people, animal sacrifices, washing of Priests, and so forth. I read about the stoning instructions after hearing a sermon on Noah and the Ark. In the New Testament Jesus says "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I found it strange that GOD, who gave such precise instructions, would leave out the removal of the hands from the head of the blasphemer. Perhaps HE was telling the Israelites not to stone the blasphemer. Since those who had put hands on the person. They would also be stoned to. An act of forgivness and love, perhaps? Again I confess that I may be wrong. But "Let he who is without sin..." leaped right into my head. This whole theory is mainly based on a wonderfully uplifting passage I read in a Bible in one year plan. "Jesus is on every page of the Old Testament. If you don't see HIM, read the page again." And I remember a Pastor telling me "The Old Testament is the New Testament CONCEALED. And the New Testament is the Old Testament REVEALED."

I see both your points. Especially about the blood on the blasphemers head. But I still cannot shake the fact that GOD did not say remove the hands. Am I seeing JESUS where HE is not in the Old Testament?

Does anyone have a thought on this?

Ahoy there fellow believers in the TRUTH! I'm all in favor of inter-racial marriage. If she is a believer in JESUS CHRIST, then it's all good. I am reminded of Disney's Mulan. "It doesn't matter what she wears what she wears, or what she looks like." I do suffer from a bit of ageism. I pray that my wife is within 1-5 years of my age. I'll know her when I see her, I guess. ONE BLOOD, ONE RACE! THE HUMAN RACE! AMEN TO THAT! It's time, I think, to start celebrating the things that bring us together. Like walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there. And you have to make believe you were singing.

I found myself, this past week, haunted by this passage. Specifically the portion I bolded, italicized, and underlined. Here is what has been haunting me. As I go through the Old Testement I see that GOD gives exact instructions on just about EVERYTHING. To quote Tevye "....How to eat, how to sleep, how to work, even how to wear clothes." GOD tells Noah the precise measurements of the Ark, how many to take of each type, and even, as I heard in a sermon this week, to take clean animals for offerings of sacrifice to GOD. And the same for Moses, Aaron, the Ark of the Covenant, Garments, etc. So, when GOD tells Moses to have the people stone the Blasphemer, there is no mention of the removal of the hands that are placed on the Blasphemor. This brought to mind at once JESUS when HE said 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Now I am kind of certain that I am misreading this passage. But is there a reason why GOD does not say to remove the hands prior to stoning? I guess that the Israelites were not completly stupid. And that they were smart enough to say "Hey, if we keep our hands on this guys head. We're gonna get stoned to, right? Bottom line, for me, was GOD saying "Let he who is without sin..." without actually saying that? Like Isaiah 48:12-16. This was a WOAH moment for me. Because GOD has been VERY VERY precise on just about every situation concerning the law, and other issues. So it does seem somewhat unusual that GOD would not mention the removal of the hand before the stoning begins. A Blasphemer Stoned 10 Now the son of an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father went out among the Israelites, and a fight broke out in the camp between him and an Israelite. 11 The son of the Israelite woman blasphemed the Name with a curse; so they brought him to Moses. (His mother's name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri the Danite.) 12 They put him in custody until the will of the LORD should be made clear to them. 13 Then the LORD said to Moses: 14 "Take the blasphemer outside the camp. All those who heard him are to lay their hands on his head, and the entire assembly is to stone him. 15 Say to the Israelites: 'If anyone curses his God, he will be held responsible; 16 anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death.

And do you think I ought to attend. I sense somewhat GOD calling me to Ministry. But short of JESUS appearing to me and saying 'GO!'. I do not want to even think about it. I don't want to screw up HIS message. I also lost my job!

messiah college in grantham, pa.

i got accepted to school. now i only need the money. anyone know of philanthropists, politicians, any of you that would, or could, be willing to donate to my education? i am getting desperate. i even signed up for who wants to be a millionaire auditions. a sister said to me that GOD does not want us in debt. so how else do i get the funds. i need $40,000 per year. this includes tuition minus grants of 22,000, moving money, buy a car money, lab fees, book and some emergency, just in case. that's roughly $80, 000 over two years. thanks!

As far as Toccoa goes. I have not heard anything other than accepted. And Messiah has not gotten back to me period. And with the scholarships I won. Plus the help they have given me. It seems the logical choice thus far. And Oklahoma called me to tell me I was accepted. Not just a letter.

It seems that barring a last minute problem, or word from GOD, that I will be attending Oklahoma Baptist University in the fall of 2007. I want to thank GOD and all of you for your wisdom and counsel. I could not do this without my family in CHRIST! I have two prayers right now. 1: The certainty of Oklahoma being where HE wants me to go 2: The Loan process. I need deferred student loans. I tried my ragular bank and they do not have a program for that beyond the stafford loans. So if I were to go there I would have to begin payback in 30days of receipt. And that would be next to immpossible. So if anyone has any leads, loan or college choice, communicated to them by the HOLY SPIRIT. Please share tham.

I smell a possible party!!! YAHOO!!

Why don't you both come to New York City and we'll all have Pastrami.

Wasn't the Last Supper a Seder? So that would hold that HE was not Crucified on Passover, but DURING the holiday.

I have a three day convention in NYC next week.... And I love pastrami. I'm on vacation next week. THE WHOLE WEEK!!! PM ME! Is Mike coming?

PRAISE GOD!!! Oh, how I wish I could take ALL of you out for a Pastrami on Rye! Your solutions and testimony strengthen me beyond measure. I have had an epiphany of sorts about this. These skills I learn from you are preparing me for college. On the path of life we look back on who we met, and the lessons we learned from them. I am overjoyed now. Talk about preparation for the next step. I even realized something yesterday too. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL is a rather enjoyable movie. I used to hate it. Not with a vengeance or anything. I just did not care for it. And some have said that it is a college type movie. So I am going back to college. I will be taunted by French Folk, learn to ride coconuts, and dances that are formidable. HALLELUJAH!!!

If there is one semi-social skill I am lacking, it is the ability to NOT focus on work while I am at play. Work seems to haunt me always. It happens in many ways. EIther I worry about the job itself. The depressing and soul-crushing nature of the job. Here is the question: HOW DO YOU, AND BY VIRTUE I, LEAVE WORK AT WORK? IT IS LITTERALLY KILLING ME. I GO OUT WITH FRIENDS AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS THIS SOUL -CRUSHING, NEARLY GOD FORSAKEN PLACE. HOW DO I LEAVE WORK AT WORK? -Thank you!

YOU ARE ALL GOING TO THINK I AM COMPLETELY CRAZY FOR THIS!! BUT IF IT'S FROM GOD, IT WON'T BE FROM ME!! WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DONATE TO MY CAMPUS VISIT FUND? I NEED $400.00 IN ADDITION TO MY OWN MONEY THAT I CAN PUT TOWARDS THIS ENDEAVOUR! I already have money set aside for visiting Messiah College(not yet accepted to this one) for Saturday the 21st. It is only four hours away from where I live. But I want GOD's will. And not mine. I am scared I will make the wrong choice. Someone suggested that being invited to visit both campuses might be HIS way of saying either one is ok by HIM. I do not recall being invited to Toccoa, yet. I know this is bold. But I have a spending problem. Not a big one. But I am impulsive from time to time. So I really need to make sure that this is of GOD and not me. This would include airfare, hotel, and food. The total cost would be about $550. $325.00 for Airfare(round trip) $120.00 for Hotel(one night) $ 60.00 for carfare(estimate) $ 45.00 for miscellaneous expenses(food and such) -------------- $505.00

I wish I had the money to do just that. I think, on account of that, that this is a leap of faith. Just wondering which College I ought to leap to.

THANK GOD I HAVE A CHRISTIAN FAMILY! Just not a family that is Christian. You are part of my Christian family. Last week I helped bring a re-born Christian into this world. HALLELUJAH!!

I wish it were that easy. My family, such as they are, are unsaved. And those that do know are not happy that I am saved. As for my family in JESUS, that I know personally, no thoughts have yet come out. Sorry if this reads harsh.

GOD, not me, let's be honest, got me into Toccoa Falls College in Georgia. That means I got accepted to 2 schools, out of 3. Tocoa and Oklahoma Baptist. I received acceptance to Toccoa yesterday. And I got Scholarships to Oklahoma through the Endowed Program they have. Which do I attend?? GOD WHICH DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TO? Prayers, advice, and council are appreciated.

I agree with you as far as the quote thing goes. Sometimes there is a quote and no new post afterwards. That is strange. As far as signatures go. I love 'em. Some, like mine I admit, do tend to vere a bit towards the verbose. But they make it interesting around here. Excess verbiage aside of course.

Aww, come on, VelvetVoice, don't spoil my fun. I even had a symbol of the day all picked out. A white dove to symbolize ascending and purity! We could make white chocolate doves to pass out. We can let our resident poets write cards special for the event. That way they can use their God given talents for His good. Someone get this person a job at Hallmark!

I was a near-Goth for about a year. Which is to say I was fringe at best. Then I came to CHRIST! During my Goth period. I was introduced to some of the nicest folks I have ever met. They, for the most part, embraced me as one of their own. It was also a world filled with debauchery. I was not much part of the Vampyre area. But had a couple of friends who were. They to embraced me. It was a fascinating time for me. I have fond memories of some of the time. And it was an essential part of my walk to JESUS!! And knowing HIM as my LORD AND SAVIOR!